by abekast
Needs more details if its supposed to be erotica. Airport romance novels have more detailed action. Your writing form is good just need to spice it up a little.
And I liked it. Since I read for MY entertainment, thank you for writing.
all the teasing was a turn off and ruined the story right at the beginning.
However it was nicely done and the absence of over sized equipment was a nice subtraction.
the story "FOREPLAY" was so-so the girl was to much of a bitch why would any guy even spend time around someone like that a normal guy would avoid all contact with such a bitch makes the whole story so unrealistic
If they had to get drunk to di "IT" that is not nearly as exciting as two people gradually becoming intimate.
This was one of the best stories on lit. I hope you will write many more storeis just like this.
fuck or not? Gotta feed the imagination too, making it work too hard to visualize ruins it.
It had me sitting on the edge of my seat. Even though I knew the next paragraph I couldn't wait to (hear?)Read the next.
They are complaining about the 'lack of detail'! They gotta be kids, too used to very graphic film/writing. Sometimes what you don't 'see' is better than what you do....the mind is great at imagination.
Well Done
As the title was "foreplay", description of the sex really wasn't necessary. I found it to be quite stimulating, and a welcome change from the usual 'just get down to telling about fucking' stories. Great job!
The idea was great, and the writing and dialog was good as well, but it felt like a tease when you skipped right over the sex!
Ah well..
um..it was ok...but where's all the detail?...where's the description of the sex?