Forgive Us Our Tresspasses

"Well, I don't think that's much to worry about, Abi. Amice is a good girl. Almost as good as you." The sudden compliment made Abigail's heart pound faster. "I'm sure she won't get into too much trouble."

"But what if-"

"What if one of the men takes advantage of her?" Abigail was sure Prioress Mary could read minds. "I'll admit. She may be a bit shy, but there's a strong foundation in her. She can take care of herself."

There was a lull in the conversation. The silence went on for a full minute before Abigail realized that it could be her turn to speak. She just really liked hearing Prioress Mary talk. Her voice was nice.

Everything about this was nice. Well, besides the sin happening around them. But everything inside the room was great. Sitting here, talking to Prioress Mary, almost on an equal level. Being held by her and comforted by her. Everything was nice.

"Abigail." The tone in Mary's voice almost ruined the nice feeling, setting off alarms in Abigail's mind. She used the tone of a mother doubting her child.

"Y-yes?"

"Are you sure you didn't do anything else that you personally need to confess to?"

Abigail pulled away from the embrace to look Mary in the eye. What had she done wrong? Besides the outings at night, she'd been perfect. She'd done everything to Mary's specification. She prayed, ate, cleaned, and even slept correctly. What had she done to make her mentor doubt her?

"...Yes?" Abigail prayed to god she wasn't lying.

Mary's response surprised her.

"Why not?" The question hung in the air.

"Because... because I didn't want to disappoint you?" This was God's honest truth, yet the strangeness of the line of questioning had her doubting her own thoughts.

Mary's smile grew, slightly. "So you didn't want to disappoint me, huh?" She chuckled. "Are you more worried about what I think of you than what God thinks?"

Panic welled up inside of Abigail. The sheer suggestion that she could have broken the first commandment sent a shiver down her spine. Guilt closely followed as she thought about how true her claim might be...

"I'm joking. Abi. But I am glad you keep me in such high regard. Truly, it makes me happy." The warmth coming from Mary's gaze caused Abigail's face to grow even redder. Her cheeks had to be feeling the same burn as hellfire.

"Abigail..."

"Yes?"

"I think you should do something that requires forgiveness."

"What!?" How could Mary suggest that she go out there and-

"Calm down. I'm not saying you have to go lay with some random man. Just something small."

"Why?"

"God loves you, as he loves us all, Abi. You have shown the utmost devotion to him. I'm sure he'll forgive you for one small infraction, especially if it's in the name of helping your sisters."

"How would me sinning help them?"

"Think about it, Abi. Tomorrow I'm going to have to kick the men out and scold everyone for their actions. Followed by repentance. It would be strange for you to be the only one not asking for forgiveness. At worst, they may start to resent you. After all, it was your idea to go out in the evenings. On the other hand, it would make them feel better if you all were to get in trouble. Equally."

The sheer thought of purposefully committing a sin threw Abigail for a loop. In her confusion, she grabbed onto the last word. "Equally?"

"Yes. Equally. Of course, all will confess their sins to me and God. But in public, no details will be shared. A blanket blame and shared responsibility. I reckon it would bring you girls closer together." Abigail admitted there was some truth to her words. And if God truly would forgive her for doing a small sin for a greater good, why shouldn't she?

"But what would I do?"

"Why not drink some wine? That seems to be the most widespread sin amongst your sisters."

"Okay." That seemed to be as good (or bad) a sin as any. Abigail trusted Mary's judgement wholeheartedly.

Mary excused herself from the room for several minutes. Abigail sat with her hands folded, the sounds getting louder when the door opened.

Mary came back with a bottle of wine and two glasses. They both sat at a small table, the wine between them. Each of them with a full glass.

"You're drinking too?" Abigail eyed Mary's cup in wonder.

"Figured they might like it even better if I asked for forgiveness with you girls." The two of them sipped their cups for a few minutes before Mary prodded her.

"Okay. Confession continues now. What about the others?"

Abigail swallowed her mouthful of wine, hard, but continued. "Jocosa said that one of them looked like he could use some cheering up."

The chapel

"-and then Amice started crying even harder!" Jocosa paused her story to have a fit of laughter. Aghosha merely nervously laughed along. "I swear, Abigail and Prioress Mary baby her way too much."

Having completed her story, Jocosa waited impatiently for a response. Any response. I mean, come on. That story was gold. It should have brought anyone to tears of laughter. Instead, the man before her had minimal reactions and it annoyed her to no end.

Just open up, for Christ's sake. Jocosa loved getting to know people. She liked learning things about them, small things that maybe only they think or like. Small things that added up to what made them an individual. Aghosha seemed hell bent on denying her the satisfaction.

She had marked him the moment they came across the men in the forest. The others seemed to be fine enough, but they were already sure of themselves. Many of them had begun chatting up some of her sisters on the walk back. Or in the case of Amice and Anzan, sharing quick glances. They were so adorable together. Everyone seemed to be in high spirits. All but one: Aghosha.

While the other men thanked them for their help or engaged in casual conversation, he stood off to the side. While the two groups mingled as they ate and drank, he sat alone, watching the festivities happen around him, yet not joining in. She wasn't going to let someone not enjoy themselves.

And so she sat next to him, and talked with him while he finished his food. More like at him. Even with her super interesting questions and widely applicable topics, she couldn't get more than three words at a time from the man. She just wanted someone to joke around with, why couldn't he just play along?

The others were of no help to her. If anything, they were a detriment. After her nth failed attempt at drawing him into a conversation, she recognized a drop in volume in the room. One quick scan revealed why.

Everyone else in the hall, of those still even in it, were gazing into the eyes of another and/or making out and/or had one or more hands at play beneath the tables. Jocosa could physically see Aghosha clamming up even further, somehow, when he too recognized the general atmosphere of the room.

To salvage whatever was left of her social project, she decided to relocate him. Unfortunately, heading into the echoing hallways only did more damage as the sounds of what others were doing assailed their ears. Drastic times called for drastic measures, so she took him to the one place no one would dare sully with their transient pleasures.

And cut to them now, sitting in the front row of the chapel, a courtyard away from the howling halls of the dormitory, having made no progress since the dining hall. After going through all this trouble, she was entitled to be a little mad, wasn't she?

After the laughter died down, they shared a moment. Or she tried to at least. A long, long moment with no one saying anything.

She tried her best to show so many signs of interest that even a brick wall couldn't mistake her intentions. While he sat unnecessarily stiff, back straight and body facing towards the podium, she was much more relaxed. She had one knee tucked under her with her whole body turned towards him. An elbow sat on the back of the pew and her chin rested in her hand.

Jocosa stared into his eyes, when he was looking at her, with a simple, honest smile on her face. On the other hand, Aghosha was a wreck getting worse by the second. His eyes tried to look anywhere but at her, only occasionally meeting her own. His face was a practice sort of "nonchalant" that announced her social anxiety. She had to admit, it wasn't the worst feeling to have a boy at his wit's end simply by existing in his proximity, but she much preferred active participation from others.

She waited until the next time his nervous eyes met hers. "Why are you so anxious?" She figured if any of her tricks wouldn't work the best course of action was being direct.

"Huh?"

Her attack had the desired effect, even if only for a second. For the first time that night, their eyes met for longer than one second before he looked away. "I-I don't kn-what do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean. You won't look me in the eyes." To prove her point, after their obligatory second of eye contact, he looked away. She was not expecting his reaction.

Aghosha deflated. His shoulders slumped and his eyes stopped their erratic movement, instead focusing on a point on the ground in front of them.

"I'm sorry." Not good enough.

"I don't care."

He looked up at her, so lost in his confusion and self pity that he managed to maintain eye contact.

"Wha-"

"I don't want you to be sorry. I want..." She paused to gather her thoughts, "Well, I want a lot of things. But right now, I want you to look at me when we talk to one another."

He was more cooperative than she expected, which both surprised and saddened her. A few moments passed. He did as he was told and they looked into each other's eyes.

It may have pissed her off more but she'd honestly rather have the high strung awkward Aghosha than whatever this was. His eyes were just sad. And even if he didn't say it out loud, she could see the apologies coming from them. And then she felt bad for making him feel this way. She just wanted to talk to him.

Her hidden pleasure was the look in other people's eyes when they spoke about things they liked. When they felt free enough to expose parts of themselves that most others did not know. She liked to make them feel special. Not that this was an entirely selfless act.

She prided herself on being able to free others from social constraints. She liked her natural ability to make them feel at ease. And it was also fun to feel like you knew something about someone that only you knew. A more than fair give and take, in her opinion.

But there was neither give nor take here. He looked downtrodden and she hadn't learned a single thing about him besides he had lacking social skills. Time to fix that.

"Good. Now, Aghosha, you didn't answer my question. Why were you so anxious?"

"Why wouldn't I be? Not only have you girls helped us and taken us in, many of my friends have taken advantage of that hospitality."

"I wouldn't exactly call my sisters unwilling in the acts. I'd say you boys aren't taking advantage of anything. Or maybe you guys and us gals are taking advantage of each other. Whatever the case, what the others do doesn't explain why you were so antsy."

"I just didn't want you to think I was like the others." Terrible excuse.

"Like the others, how?"

"You know... lustful and arrogant."

"Pretty negative words to use about your friends." At her comment, he gained some life. A hint of indignation, the return of some flustering. Interesting.

"I didn't mean it li-" She didn't give him a chance to backpedal.

"Let's go down the list. First up, why would you call your friends 'lustful'?"

"Did you not hear all the... noises? The reason we came here?"

"Yeah, I heard them. The sounds of sex. Now, that is technically lustful, but would you apply that same term to my sisters? To me?" She raised an eyebrow.

"No! No, you guys are different."

"Are we? From what we heard, I could pick out at least three of my sisters' voices. How can that not count as 'lustful'."

"Well-"

She cut to the point.

"You got a girl waiting for you back home, Aghosha?" Judging from his swallow, she already knew the answer.

"No."

"Ever have one?"

"No." She could guess why.

"Really? I figured a cute one like you would have had at least one girl crying over him." She flashed a quick smile. He blushed at her compliment. The air took on a hint of levity before she brought back the topic at hand. "So, and this is a shot in the dark, could you possibly be upset that your friends are laying with some cute girls right now and you aren't?"

She could see the cogs turning in his head. He wanted to deny it. But he knew that she knew that it would be a lie. Not that she was pressuring him to answer in any particular way. Her face stayed completely neutral. She had just figured out how to get him to come out of that shell, but it would require two things. The first being his own decision to come out. The second being cracking the shell with verbal blunt force trauma.

He let out a sigh as he answered. "Yes." A step in the right direction. She decided to skip a few steps.

"And let me guess. You called them arrogant because they seem to brag about seemingly trivial things they are good at and from what you see, the girls like that?" He sunk further into his depression.

"Yes."

"One final question. Do you hate your friends?" A bit of life back in his eyes. Indignation.

"No." The firmest answer she'd gotten all night.

"Well, I think that's enough about them. Let's focus on you." She shifted a bit, trying to regain some of her relaxation from before. "My sisters aren't here, your friends aren't here. We..." she trailed off and listened for a moment, "for the most part, can't hear them. It's just me, you, and Jesus." She tilted her head towards the large cross with a ripped man hanging from it. She started over and picked up a casual conversation, for a whole two minutes before she was annoyed again.

"Why are you still so nervous?" He had once again begun dodging eye contact and stiffening up.

"I'm sorry, it's just, I'm doing what you said, thinking about just the two of us. And then I started thinking about how pretty you are and how much I don't want to mess this up." Jocosa was not ready for full frontal honesty.

She reached over and lightly slapped his shoulder. "Flattery will get you nowhere, Aghosha." The large smile on her face suggested otherwise. It took a few moments for her to finish basking in the compliment before she even caught the second part of that sentence. Her smile took on a more mischievous nature. "What was that last part?"

This time, she enjoyed his stammering. "I-I said that you're pretty?"

"No, the other part?"

"That I don't want to mess this up?"

"Yeah, that part." She scooted closer to Aghosha, taking pleasure in his increasing uncomfortableness, until she could feel his body heat but they weren't touching. 'What did you mean by that?"

"I-I just meant that you're here with me and I didn't want you to regret that decision." A passable defense. Not good enough.

She lowered her voice, unnecessarily whispering."Are you sure? You made it sound like a big chance. A chance at what? Are you hoping to score with me, Aghosha? Hoping that this pretty nun would let you lay with her? Maybe you were the lustful one all along."

She let him implode for a while. His brain short circuited on how to respond while his body might as well have been a stone block. She loved it.

"Anyway, now that you're being honest, tell me about yourself." She transitioned from having her hand prop her head up to crossing both arms over the pew and resting her head in them, looking up at him.

"There's not much to say really."

"Lying in church is a sin. There can't just be nothing to say. You've lived a life, you've got a story to tell. For example, what is your favorite thing to do?"

"I don't know it's kinda bor-"

"That's up to me to decide. If you like doing it, it can't be that boring, now can it?"

There was a long moment of hesitation. He looked down at her to see if she was being serious, and she smiled up at him to let him know she was. "Well... I like to write."

"You can write!?" All thoughts of teasing him further disintegrated at this new revelation. She immediately sat straight up, her excitement obvious and barely contained. Her change in attitude startled her companion.

"Uh... yeah." Jocosa shot off of the pew and went to a backroom of the chapel. She rummaged around the storage room until she found what she was looking for. She returned to Aghosha with a quill, ink, parchment and a bible. She thrusted them into his hands and then sat down next to him, this time her closeness not as deliberate.

"Write something!" As she watched him take in the things she'd just given him, her body reverted to being on its best behavior. Besides being very close to him, she sat straight up with her hands folded in her lap. As she did when she wanted praise from Prioress Mary.

She ignored his visible confusion and continued talking while he started to write something. "I always wanted to learn to write but they kept telling me that writing would get me nowhere in life or that it was only for men on high. But Prioress Mary knows how to write! She's been promising Abigail and I that she would teach us for months but she's 'too busy.' I wouldn't be surprised if she taught Abigail before me. She always pays so much attention to her. More than the rest of u-oh!"

Her excited rambling was interrupted by Aghosha handing her the parchment. She grabbed it hurriedly, yet gingerly. Her eyes scanned the page several times over. Though she could not understand what was on it, her eyes traced each symbol with excitement. First her eyes went to some long line that curved off to the left near the bottom and wore a little hat on top. Next was a circle. Next was a sort of half circle thing, sort of like the moon sometimes. Followed by another circle, a squiggle and some sort of modified circle.

Jocosa

She turned her eyes upward, from the paper to him. "What does it say?"

"Your name." Her excitement was halted by a heavy throb from her heart.

"What?"

"I didn't really know what to write on such short notice, so I just wrote your name. Here look." He seemed to be outside of himself somewhat, or at least too involved in showing off his skill to mind that he'd closed the distance and was right up against her. But she sure as hell noticed. His finger reached out and traced the lines. "This one is a J. And then there's an O, C, another O, a S and an A. At least, I think that's how you spell your name."

As he showed her what the symbols were and what they meant, she couldn't stop taking it in as a whole. Writing was like, super important right? Usually big, important people wrote big, important things. Like bibles or laws or something. Why did he decide to waste that skill on her? Something else in her body began to mimic her heart's throbs.

"You want me to show you how?" The question ripped her from the contemplation and back to the moment. She looked at Aghosha's face.

She had to look up, slightly, but still up. Was he always taller than me? His body felt nice against hers. Relaxed. His face seemed to be an entirely different person. He smiled at her. Not a forced one, but a genuine one. He looked almost proud. And the real kicker was his eyes. They were finally how she'd wanted to see them. With a distinct lack of self-consciousness. He wasn't overthinking the moment, he wasn't thinking about anyone else. He was just there, sharing something about himself he liked with a pretty (his words) girl. Was he always this hot?