All Comments on 'Forsaken Pt. 04: The Fallen'

Please don't let Michelle hurt her family.

Not a bad story premise, but there should have been more work put into the story as a whole. I liked Eric falling in love with Alana, but there wasnt much chemistry written between the two of them. With something like this, its almost impossible to have a good "vampire love" story with out more back story of the characters. There was not a lot of identifying how much time had passed between stories and quite honestly, I was a bit confused at certain parts about how old Michelle is. At the end, all we got was Michelle sending her mother away. Thats not really an ending. Its more of a lead in to another series involving the characters (Which you might be doing and I just dont know it).

All of these stories were written for a magazine that had a strict word count requirement. They were going to publish them in consecutive issues, but at the last minute decided not to go with them.

I did what I could with that word count limit (Part One: Alana is just barely under their limit), but short stories are just that, short.

I appreciate the input, however, as that only makes writing the next set that much easier :)

@LupisDominus unfortunately that next set never came. Again another very good story without an proper ending on Literotica...