by eroscriber
Was amy really restrained if they came off during the last moments or did she do a houdini, weren't the keys gone? Oh well, could enjoy a follow-up of the hard action only hinted at. But your game is to tease is it not?
Great story! The reader only needs a to use a little imagination to know what happened next.
Sorry I could only give you a 75% but your proof reading needs a little extra care to weed out the typos. However this is my only minor gripe with what is otherwise a well constructed tale. I particularly liked the element of the moral dilemma, which I felt an extra level of tension to this story.
For me it ended at the right moment leaving plenty of room for a sequel or two.
In conclusion then, a very worthy first submission just a little more care needed with the editing. Well done!
The whole story was obvious by the time we got through the
second page. I wonder if Kate will demand a similar birthday present and I was surprised that the chief ranger did not get into the action.
if this would have been my surprise for my 40th birthday, first there would be a big lawcase against the rangers. then I would have a real nasty divorce from the slut I would have been married to. cause first I would have a completly wasted holiday worrying a lot and in the end finding out she whored behind my back. so lets see the whole situation. and erotic point here ? no not at all, unconfortable, a lot of stress and betraying. stupid as it gets.
didn't work for me at all, not belivable, not erotic and not something I would like.
Once again a wife decides she is free to dictate the terms of the marriage. He ssems to think they share and talk about everything. She keeps secrets. She hooks up with women. She puts him in torture situations. If it had been me it would be lucky if someone wasn't killed as I got away from the crazy rangers. Give me a break. None of the ranger's requests we reasonable and no sane person would have meekly complied. If wife wanted a broader definition of marriage she should have talked with husband about it and gotten his approval. Then she should have suggested that they might play some kinky games at times. Then if he was put into this situation he would have had fair warning. Give the wife the boot and sue the other bitches for kidnapping, assault and battery and whatever else you can think of. Who needs this kind of crap.
To long and predictable. Still it was OK until you had to put in the "punishment" garbage.
yet with inconsistencies. The destination was obvious, but the journey vividly described with great skill. - - His concerns expressed during the truckride, about extramarital activities, show him thoughtful, caring and honest. This sets a course that sways a little, later in the story when he decides that 'helping a girl in her time of need' is just. - - The sex/eating analogy does not exactly fit, as you never vow only to eat in wedlock. - - The cause for bondage would have been ok as part of the fantasy but is not believable happening in real life. Who is still a minor at twenty? Why take away the keys and radio from a fellow officer? - - And finally, when did Kate taste these 'two healthy tasty snacks'? How do they know each other? - - Well, all this said I hope the hike isn't over yet. I enjoyed reading and I would enjoy reading more. And maybe he's entitled for a little retribution.
Story line was bocoming pretty obvious starting with the protracted Q & A in the truck. Although the dash of D/S helped, it was pretty boring after the first few incidents. Didn't help agonizing over his commitment to an otherwise cheating slut, and the ending was pretty much a let down. Was tempted to shut the story down by the second page, but you show some potential, so I finished it to submit a qualified remark. Keep trying.
I would have rated it better if not for the ending. Finding out that his wife set him up was bad. He really didn't know her did he. If she was allowing this to happen to him, what has she been up too. The indirect questions were asked and the answer should now be clear. I'd sue for every dime i could get. I'd divorce the bitch. Then I'd fuck those two other women just for good measure.
OUT OF THEM.. AFTER I GOT THE VIDEO KATE TOOK
If a man did what these stupid BITCHES did he'd be had for rape. As for the lesbo author no wonder you write these fantasies because no-one would know what a sick cunt you really are!!!
Was a wife that wasn't crazy. Get away from these women as quickly as possible.
Bitches Be Crazy.
At first I wasn't sure where this was going but it had me reading further and further. I started to think about all the different endings and then figured that the wife being in on the whole thing, would be the sexiest way to end this story. This story was so well written that a reader would almost have to believe that it is in fact a true story. This has to be one of the best stories that I have read. I would love to see more from you and anyone else that may have assisted you.
Birthday surprise... His lawyer is working in it now....
You seriously had to stop there. two more paragraphs for the end, and everything else just left to the imagination. Come on.