Fortune Favors the Bold

To an outside observer, the campus of the University of Arizona can appear desolate at times even though almost forty-five thousand students attend. On those days the heat of the afternoon sun drives everyone indoors. Those of us born in Arizona have either accepted it grudgingly or moved elsewhere.

With my grades in high school, there was no problem being accepted to the half dozen or so universities to which I applied. Academically they were all pretty much the same so my decision came down to other factors. Having grown up in Phoenix, I couldn't imagine dealing with snow-covered roads or sub-freezing temperatures. And although I wanted to enjoy the college experience, I had no interest in traveling too far from my parents. The University of Arizona in Tucson was the logical choice. It was a little over a hundred miles away so it wouldn't be difficult to convince my parents that I'd need to live on campus. Last but not least, it didn't hurt that UA is a bit of a party school, although that fact was never mentioned when I told my parents of my decision. Unlike some of my friends, I didn't have to get a job to afford it. My parents aren't rich but they agreed to pay for my education as long as I maintained a B average.

Adjusting to college life took some effort. In college, you either grow up fast or you won't make it past the first year. No one is going to call home if you miss class or don't do an assignment. In addition, since there are no one-bedroom apartments for students on campus, sharing a two, three or four bedroom apartment with other students takes a bit getting used to. I learned quickly that those apartments were a great place to socialize but not so great to study.

When I'm not in one of the school's libraries, you'll find me reading under one of the trees near the college bookstore. That shady spot also became my oasis when I needed to escape. There was a time I really enjoyed being at this school. Now I can't wait for graduation so I can leave. Everything reminds me of Rachel.

I met Rachel in the second half of my freshman year. It was impossible not to notice her. She was gorgeous. By a stroke of luck, we were taking two of the same classes. In both, I purposefully sat in the back of the room so I could watch her and still pay attention to the professor, never thinking she'd be anything other than a fantasy but fate had other plans. In the statistics class we shared, the professor paired us with two other students to complete a project. The four of us, Rachel, Sandy, Kenny and I met twice a week after class at the campus coffee shop to discuss the assignment. I have no idea how the professor chose each group. We definitely were a strange mix of people. Since it was a statistics class, I could imagine him rolling some dice or throwing a dart at a class roster.

Sandy was the only member of our group who came from another state. Born in Santa Fe, New Mexico she was also the only one of us who had been awarded a scholarship. Given her height it didn't surprise me she was a member of the university volleyball team.

Rachel actually lived a few blocks from the campus so she was still living with her parents. She'd been editor of her high school newspaper and planned to major in journalism. Beauty and brains, definitely out of my league.

Kenny was a different story entirely. A little older than the rest of us, he didn't come to UA straight out of high school. He worked for three years before deciding to continue his education. His father is a Superior Court Judge in Tucson and his mother an accountant at Raytheon, the world's largest manufacturer of guided missiles. Courtesy of his parents, Kenny was living in his own house near the university.

In the beginning, I did more staring than talking in our study sessions but within a few weeks the four of us became friends and somehow, I found the nerve to ask Rachel out on a date.

"I wondered how long it would take for you to ask me out."

"My feelings were that obvious?"

"By the way you looked at me, I could tell you were imagining me without any clothes on."

"Guilty, your honor but in my defense the woman is exceptionally beautiful." Then in my best British accent I said, "In truth m'lady, until now I lacked the courage."

"Cyrano, to win the fair Roxanne, you'll need to remember something my parents told me ... fortune favors the bold."

With that in mind, I started meeting Rachel after class much more frequently and by the end of our sophomore year, our relationship had blossomed to the point that we were making plans for a future together. Our opportunities to fully express our feelings for each other were limited due to our living arrangements but we agreed that would change when we were married.

On Valentine's Day in our junior year we took another step to make that a reality. We filled out the paperwork and got a marriage license, planning to announce our engagement and get married that June but by the end of the month something had changed. Rachel said she was having second thoughts and shortly thereafter she left me, saying she needed more excitement than I was providing. At least she had the decency to tell me in person, not with a phone call or text but it hurt nonetheless. It turned out that she did get married in June, just not to me. She married our friend Kenny and moved into his house off-campus.

When I heard the news of their wedding, something inside me snapped but instead of withdrawing into a shell, I went on a revenge fuck tour, having sex with as many women as I could. I did see Kenny and Rachel a few times, even waving to them while I walked to class with two women next to me. Sometimes I even thought I noticed a frown on Rachel's face. I hoped it was because she was thinking about what she'd thrown away. In any event, I kept my distance, not knowing what I would say if I did speak to her.

After the completion of my junior year, I returned home, hoping that being near my family and childhood friends would put me in a better frame of mind. To be honest, I was a royal pain for the first two weeks before my friends decided they'd had enough. Brian, my closest friend, was the one designated by the group to get some answers.

Brian and I were finally old enough to drink legally so we walked into our local sports bar and found an empty table. His excuse to go there was to see a summer league basketball game between the Phoenix Suns and Utah Jazz on a big screen but it wasn't long after we arrived that he revealed the real reason for inviting me.

"Since you got home you've been acting like you've got a stick up your ass. This is an intervention to remove it. So, how many drinks is it going to take before you tell me what the hell is wrong?"

"I don't know."

"Don't know what''s wrong or don''t know how many drinks it'll take?"

"I definitely know what's wrong. Unfortunately, it can't be fixed."

Brian motioned for a waitress to come to our table.

"What can I get you?"

"A Heineken for me and ... what do you want, Ethan?"

"Rum and Coke."

"No offense boys, but I'll need to see some ID first."

We each took out our wallet and verified we were over the age of twenty-one.

"Thanks, would you like anything to eat with those drinks?"

"Maybe later."

With our drinks delivered, Brian waited patiently for me to say something as we cheered for the Phoenix Suns. It took a second drink but by halftime, I was ready to talk. "Do you want the long version or the short one?"

"Start with the short one."

"Last month the woman I love, married someone else."

"You've had other girlfriends and it never affected you like this when it ended."

"This was different."

"That serious, huh?"

I filled Brian in on my three years with Rachel along with my confusion at the very end when she dumped me and married Kenny.

"If I'm honest with myself, I didn't fight to keep her. I just accepted her decision. At the very start of our relationship Rachel told me I had to be more assertive and at the most important time in my life, I failed to do that."

"Did you ever think that maybe she had to marry him?"

I balled my hand into a fist and raised it before thinking better of it and relaxing my fingers. "You're the only person who could say something like that to me without being put in the hospital but you could be right. Whatever the reason, I feel lost without her."

We left the bar before the game was over. That wasn't really why we were there anyway. Word traveled fast and once all my friends found out why I was acting so strangely, the rest of the summer was spent trying to find me a replacement for Rachel. They didn't succeed but I appreciated the effort.

I can't be sure who leaked that information to my parents but it led to a tense conversation with my mom.

"How long are you going to grieve over her, Ethan?"

"I don't know. Whoever said 'It's better to have loved and lost' didn't know shit."

"I see college hasn't improved your vocabulary!"

"Well, sometimes life sucks. Have you gotten over losing Uncle Corey?"

Shocked by the mention of her younger brother killed in a car accident, my mother's tone changed dramatically. In a quiet voice she said, "I hope life is kinder to you than it's been to me. Dinner will be ready at 6:30." With that, my mom wiped her eyes as she left the room.

I felt like shit as I watched her walk away. My breakup with Rachel wasn't her fault and I had no reason to make her feel as bad as I did. I won't go over the details but I did apologize during dinner. One thing was certain, as difficult as it might be, I had to get my head screwed on straight and concentrate on my studies instead of Rachel or I might not make it through my final year at UA.

The fall semester of my senior year brought new friends but I was in a constant battle to keep my mind off my failed love life. Even my instructors seemed to be conspiring against me. The book in my hands is the perfect example. It's assigned reading in my Literature class ... Don Quixote. I knew the basic story before I started reading it but from now on I'll always remember it for one line, "Faint heart never won fair maiden."

Absorbed in that book while sitting under my usual tree on campus, I didn't notice the person now standing next to me until I heard the words, "Hello, Ethan."

Taking a deep breath and closing the book I stood up and spoke to Rachel for the first time in months. "You hurt me deeply, you know?"

"I know but, if possible, I'd like us to remain friends."

"I'm not the same man I was."

"I know. You've become the self-confident person I always wanted you to be."

"Well, I have you to thank for that. Our breakup changed me. After fucking God-knows-how-many-women to get out my anger, I've slowly started to come to terms with the fact you married someone else."

"Enough to grant me a favor?"

"You're asking a lot, but maybe. No promises. The wound is still deep."

"Understood."

We found a quiet corner in the coffee shop I had avoided since our breakup. Too many memories. Rachel was staring at her cup when she started speaking.

"I fucked up. I should have married you."

"What happened? One minute we were going to get married and the next, we weren't."

"Kenny took me to a frat party and I had too much to drink."

I shook my head and clenched my teeth, imagining what happened even before she said it.

"Things got out of hand and I had more sex that night than I had in the last three years. Kenny offered me that lifestyle if I married him instead of you and in my hormone-induced state I agreed. It was only after we married that I really found out what a life with Kenny would be like and it was nothing I was prepared for. In the beginning everything was perfect. His parents accepted me into the family with open arms and money was never a problem. Neither was jealousy, anger, alcohol, drugs, or other women. Perfect, right?" Rachel took a deep breath and a sip of her coffee before continuing in a quiet voice, "It's just ... our sex life isn't what I expected. He likes to watch more than participate. After a while I realized ours wasn't a marriage, it was a porn show."

I noticed many of the other students start to glance our way as Rachel started crying and although I wanted to comfort her, I wasn't ready to do that. For the last few months, to keep my sanity, I've tried to bury my feelings for her.

"You said you wanted a favor?"

Rachell took one of the paper napkins on the table and wiped her eyes, "It's a big favor and it's crazy so if you refuse, I'll understand but I hope you won't." After a pause, she continued, "Ever since I found out what Kenny was really like, I started having dreams about being married to you instead. I told that to Kenny and surprisingly he wasn't upset. In fact, this Halloween, Kenny wants to throw a costume party where you and I would come dressed as a bride and groom. During the party, we would have a wedding ceremony performed by Kenny dressed as a priest and after, we would enjoy our 'wedding night' while he watches us from another room on a TV connected to cameras placed in our bedroom."

When the shock of that statement wore off, I responded.

"You're kidding, right?"

Meekly she answered, "No."

"Even if I agreed, you wouldn't know what it was like to be married to me, just like you didn't know what Kenny was like after that frat party."

"I know but I'll take what I can get."

It took a week before I was able to give Rachel my answer. In the end, I agreed because I still had issues to work through. The invitation was handed to me by Kenny a week later. In black letters on an orange background it said, "You have been invited to a costume Halloween Party October 31st. The party will include a 'wedding ceremony' involving two of the attendees." Underneath those words were written the time and the address.

I only had one question. "Why?"

"I'm sure Rachel told you about my particular sexual fetish."

"So, you're good with this?"

"You have no idea how much this excites me."

"Just had to be sure."

"Rent a tux. Let's do this right."

The night of the party, everyone except Rachel and I wore the usual costumes you see on Halloween. The living room of Kenny's house had been set up for the ceremony, complete with a canopy where Rachel and I would be "married" and folding chairs for the other guests. Kenny had thought of everything, including plastic rings for each of us to put on.

The ceremony went without a hitch although after the instruction "You may now kiss the bride" our kiss lasted longer than I planned as memories flooded back from a happier time. Playing their part, all of the guests congratulated us as confetti was thrown in the air. I doubt many people can say they were congratulated at their wedding by Snow White and Frankenstein.

The party ended around midnight. Everyone had either classes or a job to go to the next day and when the last guest had gone home, Rachel took my hand and led me upstairs to the master bedroom which had been decorated as a honeymoon suite complete with chocolates and a champagne bucket by the bed.

"Rachel, are you sure about this?"

"Very sure."

"I still haven't gotten over that you left me. When I was fucking those other women all I could think about was treating you in the same rough way."

Rachel closed the bedroom door and turned to face me. "Do it."

Without any hesitation I ripped off her wedding dress, followed by her bra and panties until she stood before me naked. Then I pushed her onto the bed before taking off my clothes and fucking her as hard as I could. There was no love in what I did. It was just raw sex and after I came inside her I just rolled off, faced away from her and started to cry uncontrollably. I felt Rachel crawl beside me and reach around to hold me.

"It's okay, Ethan."

"No, it's not. That's not the way I wanted it to be. I can't help it. I still love you and you're married to someone else."

"Turn around and hold me. Then show me how you really wanted our wedding night to be."

The rest of the night was much more tender and sensual as we indulged in as many fantasies as I could remember. I had one night to experience what her husband would never appreciate. One thing was certain, whatever happened that night would have to be enough or I'd never be able to move on.

The next morning, Rachel and I came downstairs to see Kenny already at the breakfast table.

Kenny looked at us and smiled, "Good morning."

I responded, "I don't really understand what you got out of it, but I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did."

"You have no idea. You two put on quite a show."

"Last night I got a glimpse of what coming home to her every day would have been like but I'm not the one married to her."

"You are if you want to be."

"I don't understand."

"In this state, marriage licenses are good for a year and I never told Rachel but I'm a licensed officiant in the state of Arizona."

Rachel and I screamed "WHAT?" at the same time.

"Originally, it was just a way to earn a little extra money but last night I used my authority for a different purpose. If I file the paperwork, last night you were legally married in front of more than a dozen witnesses. Rachel loves you, not me and the party was a way for me to make everything right."

I protested, "But, the two of you are already married. That can't be legal."

"I guess Rachel didn't tell you but she and I filed for divorce last month when we realized the marriage was a mistake. What she doesn't know is that the divorce became final two weeks ago. Usually these things take much longer but my dad, being a judge, made a few phone calls after I told him my plans for Halloween and the paperwork was expedited."

My mind was having difficulty processing what Kenny was saying.

"Kenny, if this is some sort of Halloween prank, it's not funny."

"I had a feeling you might not believe me, so my credentials and the final divorce decree are in the folder on the table. Read them for yourself."

As Rachel and I inspected the documents we realized this was no joke. Last night we went through a real wedding ceremony. It took a minute for the shock to wear off but when it did, I held my new wife and kissed her deeply. Given this second chance, I was going to make my intentions very clear. Watching the emotional reunion, Kenny who must have been a fan of the old TV show "The A-Team", recited a line often used by one of the characters, "I love it when a plan comes together."

Hopefully the university will have an available apartment on campus we can call home during our senior year while we figure out this crazy situation. I have no idea how I'm going to explain any of this to my parents.