All Comments on 'Four Times Squared'

I suppose you were trying for a nice, neat wrap up. Don't think you made it. First, the "Afterlife" is hooey. Once you're dead you are dead. Dust to dust type of thing. Secondly, I think you ASSUME that she would have bad feelings after he died. You show a lack of understanding of some people who wouldn't think twice about him no matter how he died. And this ending was very convoluted and messy. The new leg and new woman just seemed too contrived. Her explanation in the end seemed forced and unrealistic. It may be just a story, but it STILL didn't end well.

The fact that you actually believe that there is an astonishing amount of evidence supporting an afterlife tells me that you are a delusional fucking nutcase.

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Even worse it tells Me that you don't understand what evidence and data actually is and what it is not..

For you to make such an extreme spacious ridiculous claim Simply reveals to everybody that you have no critical thinking skills of any kind be kind.

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You're a decent writer but when it comes to understanding the nature of reality you're a fucking lunatic and it's stunning ignoramus

Pissed that you had to write an ending. Satire on all the LW endings. Spoils the drama and angst of the original story

A pathetic wimp husband…whom the pathietic wimp writer puts in a wheelchair…a pisspoor retribution on a man who continued stabbing him for years…and all’s well in The end!! Great shit Cooking with cum!!

Good story. Not sure which ending I prefer. I'm surprised Steve didn't sue him for libel or defamation of character. Steve moving to California would mean he's have to take the California bar exam at the very least to be able to practice law, or maybe he'll become a paralegal. Of course if anyone did a background check and discovered his background at least the reputable firms wouldn't touch him. As for Ashley, not sure which ending is best. She should have guilt for the rest of her life, and any boyfriends should know the truth about her - that at the very least she is a narcissistic cheating bitch. She's good as a cum dump, and that is about it. I wonder how Ashley's parents will deal with her, and how Destiny will deal with her, especially when Destiny has kids. Ashley will be 1000 miles away, and Emily will be "Mom". I'm sure there is an afterlife, but no idea what is there. In this story, Steve and Ashley deserve a trip to Eternal Damnation, because what they did was evil.

I really hate Disney stories. Bullshit fsntasy where the put upon good boy gets everything while the evil, cheating wife gets shit on by the universe.

They’re all the same. And the shot about reading her mind while ina coma….might as well have had God Almighty show up in a burning bush and give this idiot a stone tablet with 10 commandments on it.

The only thing missing from this story was more wailing and remorse from Ashley. She should have been falling on her knees and begging Dean for forgiveness every day afterward. Other than that, I really enjoyed the writing. You're a very good author. Needless to say, I'm following you.

Four times was pretty great, even with the weird ghost ending, this, this is something else. It's like you wanted to reach make and ruin the first story. And of course, you had to drop current politics into it which, 5 or 10 years down the road will just make this age poorly. Nobody here really cares about that. I don't know, maybe you were punishing the people who liked the first part? Mission accomplished.

Good stuff, Mr. Author. Thank you very much.

with esecually the same story over and over nothing really changed

I was so happy when I saw this continued and that Dean lived and would get revenge. But other than embarrassing Steve, what really happened? Sure he lost his job and status. But then he just moved to another state and will probably be fine. Dean meanwhile was critically injured, lost his marriage and never even got to tell Steve off. And to have made Ashley and Steve have a 20 year affair? The ultimate slap in Dean's face. Come on. I was hoping she would be apologetic for the 4 times, see Steve for the rat he is and work on rebuilding her marriage. I keep reading this author's story hoping to be satisfied and just never am. The adulterers are never truly punished or even fully remorseful and the victims never get true satisfaction. I know that's closer to real life, but it's not what many read loving wives stories for.

Good conclusion to the first part!

4

I loved them both ... this was a great ending!

You really shouldn’t write stories when you’re on hallucinogenics. Secondly, just write the story you see in your head, but do it sober. Don’t worry about what the commenters think. Most of them are higher than you!

For injecting politics into an otherwise decent story.

Well written story about very unlikeable characters. To me Dean made a good point....why didn't Ashley tell Dean she always wanted more sex and want an alpha male as a companion. Ashley certainly is someone who to dislike and Steve is an arsehole of the first order and definitely needs some justice served upon him.

To say this but I liked the first version better but I think he shouldn't have been a weiney and confronted them and him sooner like in the middle of the damn story. You are a good writer I hope you continue to hone your skills.

This was a train wreck right from the beginning. Also this sequel didn't do anything good.

You're right, the first installment was enough. This was a good read, but unnecessary. You're an excellent writer and storyteller, just resolve from now on to write for yourself and to hell with the commentariat. Max marks.

Steve still got off too easy in this ending.

The first part was much better, you were right.

To learn the betrayal, the duplicity of 2 close people for 20 years, must be really terrible to the soul.

It’s not a matter of” these days it would be impossible to prove that an afterlife doesn’t exist”. As there is ABSOLUTELY no proof of any kind that any form of afterlife exists ( and proof is exactly that, not some dodgy cobbled together video or unverifiable’miracles’) I call bullshit on that claim.

A very good story. But use the word "no" instead of "know".

Ashley WAS a narcissistic bitch. I pointed that out in my original comment. Steve was worse. That's why your "burn" never made sense even though you believe otherwise.

Real life isn't like what you describe in the forward. Ashley and Steve's guilt would have been fleeting. In a very short time they would convince themselves that their actions were honorable because they are in love. They would regret that Dean died but ultimately decide "maybe it was for the best." This happens every day with adulterous spouses of terminally ill people who succumb to their disease. I have seen it personally, up close, and in color. It's sick, gross, callous and human.

My only real comment about this one is Ashley's characterization is a bit in conflict with the first. While I do accept "aha" moments can rip the blinders of willfull ignorance off. Others would have observed how miserable Ashley was in her life. No one fakes it every day for 20 years, not when you are that unhappy. That level of torture always harms intimacy and presents itself even if the reasons are undisclosed.

Worthless garbage. None of it interesting, no real revenge. Omg the bad guy lost his job and had to move for another lucrative job in California. Wife got no retribution. Then the Biden comment. Thanks I won't read your crap again.

In case you haven't figured it out, low scores mean more than they didn't like the way it ended, or not. Stop whining. If it sucked, and the score indicates that it did, let it die, if it's good the scores will show it. A 50/50 score is not a triumph by the way. Trying to resurrect this mess was a bad idea on your part.

"I'm astonished considering the abundance of paranormal investigators and hard evidence," - "Hard evidence?" What hard evidence? Yeah, there's an abundance of paranormal investigators, and they're charlatans. There's also an abundance of alien encounter investigators, and they're largely laughed at, and there's more evidence of alien visitation than for the afterlife.

From your first entry in June of this year until now every story you've submitted has been in the LW category. Not one has come close to reaching a 4.5 rating. Call me an old fuddy duddy and out of touch with the narrative of the day, namely cuckoldry, but the numbers don't lie. It's time to face facts, cucky stories never score well. Perhaps this doesn't matter to you, but then why publish the stories if you don't want positive feedback? I didn't read the first story or this one, the whiny "oh woe is me" intro sent me to the end of the story. Because I didn't read it I didn't score it, it deserves an automatic 1, but I'll leave that to others. A word of advice, find a new hobby.

Better.

much better ending.

The moron figures out his wife was cheating for all those years and his revenge is waiting to confront her while she fucks around even more, then puts an add in the paper? Why are all the husbands in these stories spineless and he goes out of his way to be fair and not hurt her feelings. Steve got away easy. I don't know, it's not the soft response you'd expect from a guy who found that years of his life were a sham.

No need for anyone else to try an alternate ending, you nailed this one. You also explained early on why the original needed something better at the back end. Over time, Ashley would have gotten over her guilt and lived an unencumbered life. 5*

@cookingwithgas,

I gave this a 4-star.

Because I like you NOT the story.

True I agree your first story doesn't need a sequel or epilogue as Dean was dead and I commented that to continue the story Dean has to come back to life. Shucks you made him. And personally no need. You just dragged the whole sequel story trying to clear up what Ashley's character truly is when all the while it's as clear as daylight -- she is a self-centered LYING bitch who doesn't love her husband. And that was so in the end After that last conversation with Ash and Dean I hated Ash even more and had hoped Dean would burn her to ashes pun intended. I know you'll do a better one next time. But thanks for the effort here.

Going to write my first comment before I even read this story, based entirely on you introduction.

It was not that you wanted to write an afterlife story. It was the way you went about it. I personally do not like death of the hero stories unless that is the reason for the story.

Your beginning tip-toed into where you were going, the loss of peripheral vision and loss of reality etc. You should have set that apart in a prologue. Making it clear that something was going on. Like he is standing in a dense fog as he repeats his litany. Then turning as he hears a voice that he knew could not be there as she had died. Then clearly begin to tell the story where you did. If you had done that the setup, the rest of the story would have made much more sense.

Appreciate the conclusion. Good job.

Lot of confusion in the story line. Ultimately not satisfying because all the story pieces are force-fitted.

.... more like "Cooking with CUCK"!

Another good read. The reason you don't get better scores is because in this genre they want the cheating wife TORCHED!

I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Please keep submitting stories, your a good writer.

It was a pretty good story until you added your politics to it. A couple of sentences and a 4 or 5-star story turns into 2. So I guess if you can't resist sticking politics in, it's Ok for me to ding your story for doing it. Have a wonderful political free day.

Gave you 5 stars for this one. Well done, clear story told the way you wanted to tell it.

Good story, but when did Trump marry Jill Biden?

A twenty year affair isn't something that's ever possible to forgive.

This should've ended with the husband taking on a new hobby... destroying Steve and Ashley's lives for the next twenty years.

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Every time Ashley started a meaningful relationship, have a quiet word with the new partner about what she did. Any decent guy would immediately run for the hills.

Same with Steve and his career. No law firm would want to take him on with that kind of notoriety, especially not in the post #metoo era.

Ashley should have ended up depressed, bitter, and alone, while Steve went bankrupt and homeless.

Twenty years of betrayal should've been repaid with twenty years of misery... it's what they both deserved.

"That saddens me a bit, and I'm astonished considering the abundance of paranormal investigators and hard evidence, but it's not any of my business. These days, it would be almost impossible to prove that something 'after life' doesn't exist."

WHAT?! who the hell is reading and following this delusional idiot?

Cuckooing with gas

i know what the writer means,when he talks about first ladies.one was a nuke model and the hubby was a lying crook.

I didn't comment on the original, because I found the ending so off-putting. QuickMagazine finds narrations by dead people unconvincing. It's improbable that the afterlife would be just a continuation of this one, same identity, same concerns. Anyway, I get what CWG is trying to do here, which is keep the original's ideas intact while pleasing the readership more. It did remind me of the original's strengths, and so I'm giving this a QM 4. Couldn't love it, because I still found the ending here a bit limp. Not sure what ending would be better, though maybe actually having children with Emily2, including a son, might have been a good use of the gift Emily1 "spoke" to him about.

Bring politics into the story and you get a zero and make the rest of the story suspect of a disturbed mind.

Well…..THAT was very good, but…..

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#1: Asshole Steve needed a LOT more punishment. Lost Ashley? He didn’t give a fuck. Lost Haley? Same. Lost his job? Some firm with zero ethics in, of course. CA, picked him up. Dean really needed to make him pay more.

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#2: Ashley turned out to be a sociopathic bitch 🥳. My biggest unanswered question: why didn’t Emily know? OK…another question: why did Emily stay with asshole Steve? Was Emily THAT dense?

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#3: Dean never did really wake up. Sure, a new Emily (really? You gave the replacement the same name?) shows up and gives him a marriage he should have had. But he’s still a real navel gazer….

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I gave the original story 3 *** because of the incoherent pledge being used to anchor tne action, and because of the silly ending. In this alternative ending, my first complaint is addressed by the revelation that Ashley and Steve were fucking all along, and that they cynically used that “pledge” to try to get wimpy Dean to go along with their fucking. You addressed my second complaint by letting Dean live and allowing him to get back at the 2 assholes ( although not enough!) and acquiring a new true wife (Emily? Really?)

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So….thanks and good job!

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4 ****

I have read both stories and both endings make sense altjough as you stated at the beginning of this, it was written as a way to please the fifty percent that were reading for a more vengeful BTB which you somewhat provided in this edition THANKS

What to say? First, I will have to apologize for wanting a different ending- get my wish and I like the first one better. This one was a very compelling read, a very interesting story, but it seemed to make a mockery of the first tale. Ashley could NOT have been so faithless and so shallow. And this story was so filled with hidden clues, foreshadowing, and allusions that it got kind of frustrating. It all came together at the end, but still.....

An ok try but the original was better. Emily 1 and Emily 2 were the only characters that created good emotion.

Really good read, right up until the lie about Jill Biden. I suppose all good authors have to indulge in a bit of a fantasy to produce such good work, though.

Another great story. I will choose to separate the two stories as well as combine the stories for another tale altogether. This is your story and I honor your effort and, from my point of view, you succeeded beautifully. Look forward to future stories.

Too much hate. Didn't care for the political jab either. This is a country of 1/3rds. 33%Rep, 33%Dem, 33%Ind. Proclaim to be one of the 33% and you may piss off the other 66%.

FWIW I think you should have stopped with your original ending -- Ashley suffered far more in that one and Steve was never going to get close to her again because of the overwhelming guilt she felt. This one required you to fundamentally change Ashley's character from what she had been before, so she felt like a new character, but without the depth (and therefore emotional impact) of the original. Having responded to comments myself, I think you're much better off ignoring the well-intentioned requests for more/different resolution and simply writing the stories you want to write.

Good follow up. I had thought that you would leave Dean dead. And write about the effect it had on Ashley and Steve

What a chaotic mess. l'm not sure what the point was or what these people were thinking of, but I'm sure it wouldn't be worth the effort to figure it out. Just rate it 2* and let it go

Enjoyed the story, your stories are always well written. If this is to be a comparison, I liked the original better. That primarily was because the ending was so unexpected and it gave me a “wow, that was different “ feel. I appreciate your work, thanks.

4 stars - well that was certainly a much better ending than your previous attempt.

What I'll never understand about people, is how can they continue having a sexual or even loving relationship with a cheating spouse, after they have clear evidence of the adultery?

I could never do that - no matter how much I had previously loved that person.

Much better story. 5/5

Great Story!! Loved It!!

I agree with Powersworder's comment.

This ending was much better and stayed more true to the original characters. Thank you for your work on this.

No need to read! just skip to the comments, see that Gamblnluck and AileyInn loved it, and you know it must another bucket full of shit made to feed the deranged aged loonies.

This was very well written, as to be expected, but completely unnecessary. The first story's ending was innovative and complete - don't worry what commenters might think. You don't need to cater to anyone but yourself.

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But yeah, there's no actual *evidence* of an afterlife. Made for an interesting ending, though.

Well written and well told, except for one thing. Never ever put politics into a story. This would have been a 5 star story without a doubt. For the one or two lines about Biden, you get a 1.

Thank you, CookingWG! 5 stars.

Unlike most, I like your first ending better - probably because that was the way you intended to deliver the story.

Either way, I really appreciate your stories. Thanks!

A little tidbit for the crazies. Worldwide, there are 100's of thousands of documented, unexplainable spirit encounters. BTW, that's pretty much standard every year for quite some time now. Worldwide, there are also 10's of millions of undocumented, yet still unexplained spirit encounters. Not even one commenter here posing as an after life denier, would last more than five minutes in a stage debate with a parapsychologist. My late aunt had her PhD in the study, and traveled the country investigating spirit manifestations. When I say something in a foreword or a post script, I'm very intentional not to 'make it up.' The bit about Biden wasn't satire either. That's exactly what happened. I'm sure he's gotten Google and WiKi to change the story, but the fact remains. Use a different browser and see for yourself. I actually use the incident in my upcoming book, "18~2~83" to illustrate how the powerful and wealthy get to write their own history. Besides, I was alive when it happened, unlike most of you. It was a pretty big deal, until Jill's former husband was either paid off or threatened, after which he suddenly changed his tune. I'm sure some of you love the guy, but he's a criminal, and I prove that in the book too. Wasn't very hard to do. He's already been convicted in Ukraine, as has his son.

Nice swipe at Biden. I’m glad he’s the only soulless president we’ve had lately.

Better, but…

Thank you for the part two.

Superb writing. Your plot twists and character arcs in this story are top-notch. You write the mental side of relationship, interaction and understanding better than the vast majority. Moreover, you can burn 'em without using the hyperbole and gimmicks! Annnnd, your take on lawyers--ALL of 'em-- confirms the old saying: "99.9% of lawyers give the good 1% a bad name!" Excellent story!!! 5++++++/5

RE: @JustOneMan'sOpinion complains about the political jab, but I'm sure that the numerous ones the other direction are met with his stony silence. Prove me wrong.

4 Stars. The story wasn't what I expected it to be, that didn't mean it was bad, but I quickly got drawn into their lives and had to finish it to find out how it was going to end. Good job, you are a talented writer.

Its where you finish that counts. You took all that criticism, extracted the energy and the different points of view, and crafted something better. I mean you even allowed the unwashed anonymous to tell you what they thought, what you might and could have done better, and instead of responding to the pain or the insults, you picked up their treasure and left their trash laying where it belonged. And you did it without the anointment of the Literotica priesthood. No, they won't excommunicate you, you're too talented. They have no shame or embarrassment in hoisting you up. Of course you'll be expected to do the same for their mediocre drivel. So what aspect of your character will you channel, his temerity or his eventual gumption? Man who kiss ass of friends has shitty taste. I hope to read about your decision in your future work. Thanks for the effort.

a stupid story written by a trump fan boy clapped enthusiastically by other trump fan boys. what elso to say?

I'm one who asked for a different ending, but looking at the new story, I'll admit that I don't like this one either. In your first story I find the suicide completely wrong (although there can be such situations). For me, suicide is a way out that would turn everything that defines me upside down. For me it is a cowardly way out of a dilemma. And since I believe in a "Creator", it is unthinkable for me to throw away the gift of life. But I appreciate your attempt to please the other half of the commenters now.

Tell a story but leave the politics out! If you cannot, at least mention the Orange balding, fat Narcissist with the bad comb over that engineered billions to his cronies.

Not a bad tale at all.

Ignore the omg political posts. It’s your story.

5*

This is Literotica, not a political soapbox. Distracted from the story, as it was fairly obvious you were pushing an agenda.

Complicated, but still just another cuck story.

0-2. Not the place for politics either. Your idea of revenge or payback is way, way off. The guy was a cuck who got royally screwed over while the cheating slut of a wife got everything she wanted, she just regretted wanting what she got but not what she did to get what she wanted or who she hurt, She NEVER regretted that. And he never made her.

Sorry man, this life's the only one we get, despite your "hard evidence". We need to make the most of it.

If this is a reimagining, you should have been clearer about that, because it's nonsensical as a sequel. Nothing in the original indicates that Ashley was cheating their entire marriage, and even his out of body... whatever didn't reveal that, but he suddenly knows it now?

Also, her cheating makes even less sense. The sex is better with her husband, so what was the point of the bi-yearly trysts with Steve? She just wanted to be bossed around for a weekend? Man, this was pretty lackluster, I have to say.

Nice, but Ashley doesn’t score good-person points for wishing him well. Their daughter’s wedding is absolutely the wrong place and time, to come clean. She started with how her coming clean, should give him closure. Dean never contacted her, and remarried, and she thinks he needs closure?

Ended up a good story I love it when the nice guy actually has a win and the bitch ends up with NIL Definately a better story than part one (jaybee186)

Just awful, no likable characters

An okay plot, plagued by mediocre writing. As an aside it always puzzles me when authors feel the need to twist fact and credibility to introduce political lies into fictionalworks.

To the anonymous poster that commented on my post about this story. Read my post for Comeupance and you will see my comment about Bill Clinton. When political comments are gratuitous and do nothing to advance or add to a story, I call it political. What Bill did was not right, and I would never want my daughter to work for him. What Stark did was worse. What was consensual sex was made worse because of politics. It would have remained between the two of them and would have left Monica's reputation untarnished. Ask her what she thinks of her friend that couldn't wait to tell the world about it so she could get Bill. I always thought this sight was to entertain, not convert or denigrate. Hate, either political, racial or gender is not good. Everyone can make up their own minds on that. Rant over.

Still a shit story written by a moron!

This was the wrong ending in my opinion. See my comments on the first story.

This Ashley was not true to the Ashley of the first story. The original Ashley was loving, innocent, trusting, and naïve. This Ashley was a narcissistic bitch that was far from loving and certainly wasn’t innocent, trusting, and naïve. That is unfortunate. I do understand that the author felt like he needed to provide a BTB ending for the assholes of lit but it wasn’t necessary. This story qualifies for a happy ending instead of the 2 we got.

Steve ended the first story as an ass and just became worse in this one. That wasn’t a surprise. We knew he took advantage of a drunk Ashley during the bachelor party and one could have believed that she didn’t know in the first story but this one made it clear she did. I think she would have made the right decision to not tell Dean. She was drunk, taken advantage of and nothing good would have come from telling Dean. The only thing she could have done is tell Emily about the ass she was getting ready to marry and cut Steve out of their lives. Maybe that would have been the right decision. Too many details unknown.

I think the author was brilliant in how he managed to bring Dean back to life but a full recovery would have been better IMHO with a reconciliation with Ashley after she groveled enough and came to the correct conclusion. Her dedication to Dean and his full recovery would have been enough to show her love. Here going out with Steve just wasn’t the Ashley from the first story.

I think the author should give us another ending that is a reconciliation ending. He is talented enough to pull it off and then he wouldn’t be succumbing to the incessant demands of always having a BTB. The is a lot of power and forgiveness in love. The true Ashley didn’t hurt Dean intentionally. If she had a BTB would have been truly justified.

Steve, on the other hand, got off way to lightly for my tastes. He was an ass in the first story, and ass in this story, and deserved a lot of retribution.

Some very mixed up people. Having been a husband of a cheater I find it difficult even to this day why women cheat. I look at my ex who divorced some 40 year ago and I finally see she was a very shallow person and the divorce was a very selfish act. How was the divorce a selfish act? She was only interested in her own happiness. She had no thought of or understanding and remorseness of the pain and emotional distress she was causing others. She had no idea and even today the pain she caused the family that became victims of her uncaring actions. Good story but still unsatisfying when it comes to revenge on the wife and even Steve, he just had to leave town. People need to be punished for their crimes be them criminal or emotional.

⭐⭐⭐ Better ending than the first version, barely.

As convoluted as this story seems …. That’s how real life mostly tuns out. 👍

Not much of a story,notable only for all the grammatical errors.

I made the mistake of reading this first and much of it was cloudy. It would have been appreciated if the reader was referred to the earlier story.

Didn’t think this ending was appropriate. It didn’t match the personality of Ashley as portrayed in part 1.

Time to move on.

This chapter is not consistent with the first one. The personality of the characters are all wrong and there are too many inconsistencies. For example, the 5 times comment. More importantly, why need the pledge at all? Just get divorce.

Afterlife? What a bunch of hogwash. I suppose some people will believe anything. Scientifically speaking you're so far out in left field that you can't see home plate. And why wouldn't he just get a divorce and move on with his life?

Memorable for the poor plot construction, incoherent use of almost-sentences,and absence of any spark of feeling. Another half-hour I'll never get back.

A shit story. Bringing in the supernatural sucked. How you thought this would be palatable to others is beyond me and wildly delusional on your part. Shouldn't have read this shit.