tagHumor & SatireFreddie Retires From Sex Ch. 03

Freddie Retires From Sex Ch. 03


For the first time in my life, I'm retired from sex and women. I'm done with sex. I've had it. I'm finished with women.

Much like the one day at a time alcoholic with alcohol, who is on the wagon for seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years, too often he or she falls off and reverts right back to binge drinking. Although alcoholism is not contagious, it is contagious in a manner of speaking when you continually frequent bars and taverns and constantly hang around with those who enjoy drinking. In some cases, it's an inherited disease. Nonetheless, alcoholism is a horrible disease.

Much like a drug addict with drugs, it takes several times before he or she is clean. Drugs are a dirty, illegal business that has ruined this country. As I'm saying no to sex and to women, just say no to drugs.

Much like a gambler who cannot stop him or herself from gambling, I'm pulling the plug on sex and women. I dare say that my addiction to sex and women are equal to that of those who must bet on the horses or on sports teams. There is little difference from those hoping to win the jackpot by inserting a coin over and again in a slot machine and my desire hoping to hit the jackpot by bedding a beautiful, sexy woman and inserting my stiff cock in a consentual pussy over and again. We are both addicted.

We all know how hard it is to stop smoking. Right? We've all read the tobacco reports that prove that nicotine is just, as if not more, addictive than alcohol and drugs. How many times have you tried and failed before you either said, "Fuck it! Give me the Camels unfiltered" or finally beat it?

How about all those people trying to lose weight? It's easier to gain ten pounds than it is to lose one pound. We've all been there. Weight loss is a big business and, unfortunately, the only losers are those who pay their hard earned money for the quick silver of a secret weight loss pill that doesn't exist. If it took you a year to gain the weight, it will take you a year to remove it. Eating less, exercising, and changing your lifestyle is still the safest and effectively proven way to lose weight.

I have the shakes. Look! My hands are shaking and it's only been a few minutes since I've held a pair of perfect tits. It's only been a few minutes since I've retired from sex and women. At this rate, I'll never make it. At this rate, I'll be booking a plane ticket to Bangkok and paying my ten dollars to have ten women fulfill my every wanton wish and depraved desire.

My cross to bear was never alcohol. I'm a social drinker. I love a good glass of red wine, usually French or Italian, something dry and of a good vintage such as 1985, whenever I'm having linguine and meatball with a beautiful woman. I love scotch, single malted, Glen Levit 18-years-old is my favorite for any fans compelled to buy me a gift. Thank you very much in advance. E-mail me and I'll give you the P. O. Box address where to mail it.

Although, I've been with women who have been as high as the moon and the stars, I never took a drug. Luckily, grass, pills or cocaine never appealed to me. I grew up around drugs. All my friends tried to push them off on me, but I wasn't interested. I had women to keep me high on life and my libido to maintain my steel rod like erection. I didn't need any intoxicants to remove my focus from women and from sex and to deflate my libido and weaken my member. Much the same as drugs, I never smoked.

My mother was a chain smoker. She smoked every waking minute. I started boxing at 13-years-old, so smoking was not part of my exercise regimen. Same thing goes for dieting. I never had to diet. I've exercised all my life. Lifting weights makes muscle mass. I have a metabolism like a runaway Kansas City freight train. I can't gain weight if I tried. I'm sure that if I stopped pumping iron and ate as much as I exercised, I'd blow up like a balloon.

"Did you see Freddie? He got so fat. He looks like Jerry Lewis when he was having those health issues. What happened to him?"

"He stopped lifting weights."

"Why on Earth would he stop lifting weights after all those years? He looked so good."

"For the first time, he retired from sex and from women. No longer did he have to impress women with his manly, macho, muscular physique and modest self."

Okay, I tend to exaggerated, but you get my meaning.

Sex is my weakness. Sex is my thing. I've had an erection ever since I can remember. I have one now and I'm trying to quit thinking about sex. It's not easy trying to forget women.

Only, I had an epiphany. I figure that if I stopped thinking about sex and women, I could think about other things, more important things, and things to help mankind and womankind. See, there I go again thinking about women. Okay, I don't know what I'll be thinking about yet, I'm still thinking about women, but I'm trying not to think about women, women in lingerie, and naked women.

"Focus, Freddie, focus."

To be continued...

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