tagHumor & SatireFreddie Retires From Sex Ch. 04

Freddie Retires From Sex Ch. 04


For the first time in my life, I'm retired from sex and women. I'm done with sex. I've had it. I'm finished with women.

Yet, for me to not only finally admit for the very first time that I have a problem with sex but also that I'm retired from sex is a big deal. Only, I know that I'm weak. I'm a man after all. Men are the weaker sex. Gees, there I go again writing the s-e-x word. You don't believe me that men are the weaker sex? Stay right here and don't say anything. I'll prove it to you. I'll be right back.

"Christine, come here for a minute, please."

"What is it, Freddie?"

"Do with me what you will. Use me, abuse me, fuck me, and blow me. Take advantage of me. Strip me naked. Beat me, slap me, pinch me, and kick me, so long as you do it lustfully. I'm yours to have slow sex, hot sex, and crazy sex wild with abandon."

"I have better things to do, Freddie."

See? Did you notice the strength of control that Christine demonstrated just now by not ravishing my sexy body and having her way with me, even though she wanted me and still wants me? She, as a woman, is so strong. She, as a woman, possesses superior will power. I, as a man, can't hold a candle to her.

Now, if Christine asked me to do with her what I will, use her, abuse her, fuck her, eat her, take advantage of her, strip her naked, beat, slap, pinch, and kick her, so long as I did it lustfully, I'd be all over her bodacious body in a minute for a minute until I exploded my cum and fell asleep. I'd have no control over my wanton desires for her and/or her mouth, even after retiring from sex. If that doesn't prove that men are the weaker sex, then I don't know what does.

We are mere pawns in the hands of women. We are nothing more than their sexual slaves. Have we no pride? Women know this about us and have used that to their advantage. They have taken advantage of us. Well, I'm done. I'm finished with them and I'm done with sex.

Yes, I freely admit that I'm a man who loves women, short women, tall women, thin women, fat women, average women, all women. If you are a woman, I love you and/or want to make love to you. Okay, I have my limits. There are some women who do not do it for me.

The ex-Secretary of State Madeline Albright and Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg are two women who I would not be attracted to unless they were naked and it was dark, very dark and I was lonely, very lonely. I still wouldn't have sex with them unless I was going to die soon anyway of a fatal disease and I was certain that no one would find out that I did them. What the Hell, I'm a man. Men are weak. Men would fuck phlegm if they could.

Women can make men do anything. I'm such a sucker for a good looking, sexy woman, which is why I freely admit that this first attempt in retiring from sex and from women will not be my last attempt and only time from retiring from sex and women. Yet, it's a big deal for me that this is my first time to publicly declare that I'm retiring from sex and from women. Seriously, I'm serious. I'm done. It's over.

This is the first time that I admit that I have a problem with sex. Okay, I admit it. I'm a sex fiend. It doesn't take much to get me going, a naked woman, a woman in her underwear, an upskirt view of her panty, a downblouse view of her bra, a fully dressed woman wearing a slinky dress, a woman wearing a goose down winter coat with a hood, hat, gloves, and boots that I swear that I can see her nipples making an appearance through the heavy goose down material of her coat. There! Did you see that? Yeah! And I don't think she's cold wearing a heavy goose down coat with a hood, hat, gloves, and boots. I think she wants me. I really think she wants me.

Realistically, what chance do I have of retiring from sex? I can't read a newspaper because of the sexual ads. I can't read a magazine because of the sexual ads. I can't listen to the radio because of, yeah, you guessed it, the sexual ads. I can't watch television. TV is loaded with sex. Commercials are all about sex.

Sex is everywhere. When stylists styled products from cars to furniture, it's with sex in mind. Every personal grooming item from hair care to tooth care is sexually shaped. Think about it.

Only, what the Hell do I do now? I'm bored already. The first time I retired from sex and from women and I don't have a backup plan. What else am I going to do with my free time? I have nothing to think about. My mind is empty without images of sex and women. Until this moment, I had no idea how involved I was with sex. Moreover, I had no idea how hard it would be to retire from sex. I'm doomed.

I mean, everything is sex. I ate, drank, and slept sex. Whatever will I dream about if not naked women? I can't go anywhere or do anything without tripping over sex, sex, and more sex. They say that sex sells. Well, to me, sex sucks. I'm done with sex. I'm done with women. I swear!

Pardon me for a second.

"What's that, Honey? You're sorry we quarreled? It was your fault? I love you, too, Sweetie Pie."

I gotta go. Makeup sex is the best sex. Shit, I have to get my stuff off E-Bay.


The End

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