Free Fall Ch. 02

"Peanut butter will be fine for Lena," I said. "I'll get it."

"Do you want to ask Nico if he'd like a turkey sandwich? There's pasta salad, too."

"Anything will be fine, Gran." I'd never known Nico to turn down food put in front of him, and he certainly wouldn't turn down something my grandmother offered him. "I didn't mean to come home for you to feed us."

"You know I don't mind."

I put Lena's sandwich on a plate, poured her a second glass of water, and took them to her at the big table where she was waiting. Her hair was a mess and her legs swinging beneath her were dirty, but she looked more awake than she had in the living room.

"Don't forget to thank my grandma," I whispered to her as I put the plate down.

I found Nico and my grandfather deep in conversation about engines. He was a little confused when I told him to come in and eat, but didn't protest when my grandmother put a plate in front of him.

The five of us sat at the big table while we ate. Once Lena had finished, she climbed into my lap and sat, watching the grownups while we talked. Conversation focused on Nico's house and stayed light and relaxed. My stomach had relaxed, too, but I was still on edge. Every time my grandmother asked Nico something, I dissected the question, looking for the real meaning inside the words she used, trying to figure out how she felt about the situation.

My grandmother returned to the kitchen at one point and brought back a small plate of cookies. She slid the plate in front of Lena, who looked up at her hopefully. My grandmother gave her a smile, and I saw Lena smile back. Definite progress.

"What do you say?" I prompted. Lena's thank you was soft, but audible, and I could tell it pleased my grandmother to no end.

"You're welcome."

They stayed another half hour, during which Lena finished her cookies and then leaned against me, completely relaxed. She still didn't say anything, but I thought that had more to do with tiredness than shyness by that point.

I thought the conversation became more natural and relaxed, and when I dared sneak a peek at Nico—I felt like my grandmother was watching me like a hawk—he seemed at ease. His smiles were those gorgeous, easy, gracious smiles that made you want to smile back. I knew he was winning my grandparents over just by being himself.

Just before they left, as Nico was thanking my grandparents for the meal, Lena remembered what I'd told her earlier and flew to my grandmother, arms out. "Thank you for the cookies and sandwich," she said. It was one of those rare perfect moments you hope for, but can never count on happening.

My grandmother was surprised and delighted and leaned down to give Lena a hug. "You're welcome, sweetheart. You can come back and see me any time."

"For more cookies?"

"Yes, more cookies," she laughed. "Do you like chocolate?" Lena's nod was enthusiastic. "Well, maybe next time you can help me bake some chocolate chip cookies. How does that sound?"

"That sounds fun!"

"Maybe you and your daddy can come back some time and have dinner again. We can eat out on the pretty patio he made for us."

Lena nodded and ran back to Nico, who automatically bent to pick her up. My grandfather said goodnight and wandered back to the living room. I told Lena I'd see her in the morning and thanked Nico for inviting me. It was all very polite and friendly, but I was longing for a kiss goodbye, or just to feel him put his arms around me.

My grandmother held the door and Nico backed out onto the porch. "Thanks again for dinner, Mrs. O'Reilly," he said as he turned to go.

My grandmother smiled. "Don't you think you'd better start calling me Helen?"

I didn't see his reaction, and he didn't respond, but I knew that comment would make him feel a lot less nervous about winning her approval. I guessed she knew that, too, and not for the first time in the last six months, I recognized what a great ally I had in my grandmother. I made a mental note to do something really nice for her soon.

//

I washed the dishes while she dried, neither of us talking, though I had so many questions I wanted to ask.

"I like Nico," she said finally, once she'd put away the last plate and I'd finished wiping down the counters. "He's a good man." I wanted to agree with enthusiasm, but when I looked at her, I could see there was more coming. Her serious face made me nervous.

"Do you want my advice?"

I did. I nodded, but my stomach tightened.

"I would advise you to remember two things. First, remember that you're in a vulnerable place right now, in your life. You just went through a very difficult depression and made some tough decisions. Now you're feeling better, more like yourself." She raised her eyebrows, looking for confirmation of this last fact. I nodded. "I've never known you to be anything but practical, but love does funny things to logical minds." She smiled and tucked a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. "You have to make a choice this spring, and you need to be sure about your reasoning. Just promise me you'll really think it through before you make any big decisions, OK?"

"I will," I said. "I am."

"The other thing I would encourage you to remember is that anything you do, and any decisions you do make will affect not only you and Nico, but that sweet little girl as well. You need to be sure—absolutely sure—whatever decisions you make, you keep her in mind." She looked at me for a second, her eyes focused on mine, then hugged me tight. I hugged her back, and the relief I felt made me realize how tense I'd been. "Take your time, Zoe. Enjoy yourself. He's an absolute dear, and obviously very fond of you. Just be smart about this," she said, then added, "I know you will."

"Thank you, Gran," I said. "I will, I promise."

She held me at arm's length and smiled. "Go on upstairs and get a shower. And put some aloe on your shoulders, they're almost as pink as your face."

//

I was happy to be back at Rose's on Monday morning. Summer was almost over, and school was starting in a few weeks. I was sad to know my schedule would change and I'd see less of the kids. Rose would get them on the bus and I'd be there to meet them when they got home. I'd only have a couple of hours with the boys after school before their dad got home, but Lena's Kindergarten was only a half-day, so I'd get to spend two extra hours with her before her cousins got home. I was grateful for any time I got to spend with them, and knew once the weather got really cold and Nico's work slowed down, I wouldn't really be needed as much. I was trying not to feel too sad about the changes, but I'd grown attached to the kids and had really come to love our days together.

I took the kids to the library around 9:30. It was only a ten minute walk, but felt a lot longer on the way back with a big bag full of picture books. The heat and humidity didn't help matters. We were half a block away when I saw the red pick-up truck pulling into the driveway. My heart skipped a beat.

I tried not to worry something was wrong, but couldn't think why Nico would be home in the middle of the morning—the most productive work hours during the summer. When Lena saw him, she ran to him and jumped into his outstretched arms. A few seconds later, we met each other on the sidewalk. He set her down and took the tote bag of books from me.

"Hey, Foxy," he said, making me laugh. I wondered if that nickname would stick around, and found I didn't mind if it did; it was the only nickname my red hair had earned me I actually liked.

"Everything alright?" I asked. "Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd stop by."

"Really." I gave him a doubtful look. "In the neighborhood?"

"Well, I was in a neighborhood. One across town, but it looked a lot like this one. It had houses, anyway." He smiled, bent, and kissed my cheek. "I have to be somewhere in twenty minutes, but I really wanted to see you."

The kids ran ahead and to the yard. Their sandals were already off and they were dragging some of the lawn toys out of the toy bin next to the deck by the time Nico and I got there. I reminded them to stay in the yard and Nico and I went inside.

"Did that go well last night?"

"At my grandparents' house? Yeah. I think it did." I poured myself a drink of water and dropped some ice cubes into the glass. "Want a drink?"

He shook his head, and watched me take a sip. I could tell by his expression he wasn't convinced.

"I think it went great, actually. I mean, they already like you. And now they know your charming daughter. What's not to approve of? My grandmother said you're a 'good man'."

"Hmm. That's not code for 'too old for my granddaughter' is it?"

"I don't think she cares how old you are, Nico. She doesn't have a single complaint about you. If she's worried, it's about me. She's worried I'm being impulsive."

"Are you? Being impulsive?" He looked genuinely concerned.

"I have impulses," I admitted. I put my glass on the counter and moved to stand in front of him. We were exactly where we'd been on Friday night when I'd put my shoes on to leave, right before everything had changed. I ran my hands up his arms and linked them behind his neck. I had to stand on tip toe to reach him. "And urges. But I've done a lot of thinking, too."

He slid his hands to my waist and steadied me, pulling me closer so our bodies touched.

"Sounds serious. Tell me about these urges."

"You only have twenty minutes." I put pressure on the back of his neck, pulling him down, and he responded, bringing his mouth to mine. "I need more time than that." As soon as our lips touched, I felt the delicious sensation of heat and pressure pooling in my belly and pulling all my nerves a little tighter. We kissed for a few seconds, but the sound of the screen door opening brought us back to reality.

He dropped his hands and I stepped back.

It was Jack, and he was hungry.

"I'll make a snack," I told him. "Give me a minute, OK? I'll bring it outside, we can eat on the picnic table."

I moved back toward Nico once the screen door had banged shut and he took me in his arms immediately. We kissed, softly then passionately. My body responded, aching like fatigue inside me. I pressed my body against him, and moaned as I remembered how he'd lifted me off the counter and carried me to his bedroom just a few nights before. It felt like ages ago, but at the same time I could remember just how it had felt.

We parted reluctantly and Nico got the kids to wash their hands and set the table while I put three plates of carrot sticks, sliced apples, cheese, and crackers together. Normally, I might have given them options, but today I was pure efficiency—they needed food and I needed to make the most of the time Nico had left at the house.

I turned to find him leaning on the deck railing, arms crossed over his chest, watching me with a curious look on his face. When I joined him he asked in a slightly lowered voice, "Should that turn me on?"

"What?"

"You. When you're all...domestic. Does it make me a male chauvinist if I find that sexy?"

"I don't know. Maybe. If that's all you think I'm good for." He shook his head. He was only half kidding, I realized. His expression told me he was really thinking about it. "Does it turn you on?"

"It makes me...it makes me want you. I think that's different, but I'm not sure how. It's..."

I thought about how it made me feel when I saw him with Lena. It felt like arousal, but something else, too.

"Complicated?" I offered as a finish to his sentence.

"Hmm. Yeah. Complicated."

He pulled his phone from his pocket and checked the time. "So, Friday? Are you free?"

"I'm free. All day Saturday, too. And Saturday night, come to think of it. My grandparents will be in Manhattan until Sunday night."

He laughed softly and looked down, away from my eyes. When he got shy, it made his face even more attractive to me. I couldn't say why, but it made my heart race. He hesitated as he spoke. "I—I can take Lena to my mother-in-law's Friday afternoon. She's been asking for a sleep-over for a while, and my sister-in-law's daughter will be there, too, so Lena won't miss me for a second. We could go out for dinner. And...stay somewhere...if you want?" He looked back up, his eyebrows raised. He looked uncertain. Hopeful, but he wasn't sure I'd say yes.

"I definitely want," I said simply. It made him laugh again, relief this time. "What time? And what do I wear?"

"I don't know yet. Let me figure it out, I'll let you know." He made an apologetic face. "I have to go."

"I know. It's OK. It was a treat to see you." I stepped forward and kissed his lips once, just a quick peck, nothing to attract the kids' attention. "I'll see you Wednesday night at dinner."

He kissed each kid on the head, told them to be extra good for me, and left. Wednesday suddenly seemed like a long time away.

//

If my wait from Monday to Wednesday felt long, it was nothing compared to my wait from Wednesday to Friday. I was happy to get to see him at dinner on Wednesday, but because he still wanted to keep our attraction a secret from his sister, we had to pretend nothing had changed from the previous Wednesday. It was so hard. My eyes automatically sought him out, and once they were on him, it was difficult to pull them away. When I passed him in the kitchen, or after dinner, outside in the yard, I wanted some reason to make physical contact with him. Really, I wanted him to take me in his arms and kiss me, but I would have settled for one intentional touch of his hand.

There was only one point where our eyes locked and neither of us looked away. It felt like it lasted a long time, though it was probably only a few seconds. If anyone had noticed, if they'd been looking carefully, it would have been obvious there was sexual attraction on both sides. I was a turned-on mess by the end of the evening. I'd hoped somehow he'd be able to get away when it was time for me to leave, that we could exchange a kiss in the dark of the side yard, but Rose followed me out instead, thanking me for helping with dinner, and telling me she'd see me in the morning. I drove away, unkissed and aching, but not entirely unhappy.

I helped my grandparents load up their car the following morning before I left for Rose's. They were stopping at a friend's on the way into the city, and then spending the weekend with their son Gary, my dad's twin brother. My parents were joining them on Saturday for dinner.

"You sure you don't want to come out tomorrow? Or tonight, after work? There's plenty of room at your uncle's."

"No thanks, Grampa. I'll be in Manhattan in a couple of weeks for my birthday, I'll see Uncle Gary then. Be sure and give him and Aunt Lisa a hug for me, though. And mom and dad, too."

My grandmother gave me an extra long hug goodbye. When she drew back she looked at me carefully, her blue eyes keen and searching. "We'll see you on Sunday night," she said. I hadn't told her Nico and I had plans for the following night, but she had to have assumed we would be seeing each other while they were gone.. "Be safe, and have a nice time. And if you go out, don't forget to turn on the alarm." I read the unspoken message in her eyes: Enjoy yourself, and don't do anything stupid.

"See you Sunday. Have fun, you guys." I hoped she read the thank you in my eyes before she looked away. "Love you."

//

Nico knocked on my grandparents' back door at 5:30 on the dot. I was just re-sorting my overnight bag, making sure I had everything I might need when I heard the knock at the door. My heart jumped. I was a little on edge, and extremely excited. I let Nico in and he stepped through, looking more attractive than ever.

He'd gotten a haircut. Just a trim—shorter around the ears and neck—but it made him look so different. Not that I minded his messy curls—I loved them, but he looked—in what I suspected was a new shirt and new pants—like a man on a date. And that was a very exciting thing indeed.

"I meant to get flowers," he said in greeting. "I should have. I'm—I"m really out of practice with this whole dating thing."

"How long has it been?"

"Oh God." He ran a hand through his neat hair, messing it up a little. "It's been 14—no,15 years? Since my last real date. Since I showed up at a girl's house like this, anyway. Nervous."

"You're nervous?"

"Yes," he said without hesitation. "You keep forgetting I'm a coward."

I laughed. "Oh please."

"You look so..." He put his hand on his chest, over his heart and just grinned at me for a few seconds. "Beautiful. I can't believe you're my date for the night. People are going to see me with you. How am I this lucky?"

I blushed and ran my hands down the skirt of my dress self consciously.

"That dress is beautiful, too. It's perfect on you, with your hair and your freckles. You're so gorgeous, Zoe."

I'd spent a great deal of time preparing for the date. The last time I'd gone shopping with my mom in New York, I bought a lace turquoise sheath dress at Bloomingdale's. It was a simple design with a scoop neckline and cap sleeves. The fabric hugged my body enough to show off my modest curves, but loose enough it didn't look trashy—perfect for a summer date night. I chose a pair of sandals with a heel, hoping that would get me a little closer to Nico's mouth when we kissed. I'd spent even more time on my hair, trying to find the right look. I settled on a low, loose bun. Judging by that awestruck look on Nico's face, I had done a good job.

"You've only ever seen me when I'm a mess," I said. It was something I'd realized when I was getting ready. I'd always been sweaty and tired at Wednesday night dinners, and although I'd showed up at Rose's last Friday freshly showered, I was sweating from the heat even before I stood up to leave.

He shook his head. "You're never a mess, sweetheart."

I didn't argue. I was too drawn in by the look on his face to do anything but stare. He moved toward me, then stopped.

"I forget. Am I allowed to kiss you before the date? Or, is that strictly an after-the-date thing?"

"I think a kiss is allowed before. Maybe just one, though." I moved in his direction and stopped right in front of him.

"I'd better make it a good one then."

He bent, lifted one hand to my chin, and tilted my face up to his. It seemed to take a long time for his mouth to reach mine. His fingers were so hot against my skin and that heat traveled straight down my body like a roaming hand. He kissed me without passion, but his mouth was soft and he pressed it to mine so gently and for so long it made my knees wobbly. I caught the familiar seductive scent of his body and was brought back to that night in his bed. A shiver passed through me and just as he lifted his mouth from mine, I felt the barest touch of his tongue on my bottom lip.

"Oh my," I said once I regained the ability to breathe again. "That was a good one alright," He grinned then his eyes lit on my overnight bag on the table next to my purse.

"Everything packed? Sun block and ski boots, just in case?"

"Yup. All the essentials."

He picked up the bag and handed me my purse. "Shall we go?"

I turned on the house alarm and locked the door behind me, thrilled beyond words to think of what the night held in store.

//

The restaurant he'd chosen was an little tapas bar in town. I'd read an article about it in the paper and had thought it sounded interesting, but would never have expected Nico to pick it. I realized he'd probably picked it with me in mind, not because he was necessarily interested in it himself. I hoped it wouldn't end up being too fancy or too expensive for him. If he'd taken me to a pizza place with fluorescent lighting and rowdy college kids, I would have been just as happy.