Freeuse 07: BEHIND THEIR BACKS

And here we go again.....

Of course there is some reluctance and doubt in my mind about this. There always is, but only at first.

I've heard the message over and over again; "good girls don't do this kind of thing", or rather, they don't let guys do this kind of thing to them.

I consider myself a "good girl" - I don't think anyone would consider me a slut, and yet here we go again.

I happen to glance out the window to my right. Snow is coming down, heavy now. The light in the room is soft and dim. Early morning light.

Snowfall always inspires my nesting instinct, and I'm burrowed in deep. I lay on my tummy and the thick flannel sheets tickle my nipples and cheeks and feel soft and comforting on my legs and ass. I gently move my naked body around and focus on the sensations. Ummmm - I treat myself to a sensual stretch and then run my hands all over my body embracing my full curves and soft skin.

The snow and warmth and flannel snd early morning light have me feeling natural and earthy.

Of course I'm makeup free, and my hair is a messy explosion, but that only adds to my mood of blissful natural nudity. Don't get me wrong, I clean up really nice and am a head turner when I'm dolled up, but I always feel most sexy when I'm all natural. And I feel sexy and all natural now.

I don't think he really cares how I look or feel one way or another by the way. But I do.

Junie is not here.

It's Thursday and so she's already left for her work/study apprenticeship in Cambridge. But I'm not alone. I know her boyfriend Mick is stirring now in her bed on the other side of the waist-high dressers we use in an attempt to separate our dorm room into two mini-rooms.

June, or Junie as everyone calls her, is soooo innocent.

I remember the day Junie breathlessly told me about her "big day", as she refers to it.

"It happened!"

She giggled through the hand covering her mouth because she was so excited but also a little embarrassed. She attacked me with the news just as I came back to campus after a weekend at home. I had hardly made it through the door when she broke right into her story.

"We finally did it!" Her pretty face beamed with excitement.

I play along. "No way!" I didn't have to ask what had happened, I knew. "Tell me more......"

"Well I thought it was gonna happen Friday night, but Mick was a little drunk and his....um...thingy wasn't really working right and so um....we kinda fell asleep together, but then you weren't here...um well....you knew that already...so anyhow we woke up Sunday and he was DEFINITELY ready then, and then we did it!"

"Wow Joon - was it awesome? Did you just love it?"

It was my turn to giggle from nervousness now.

"Well, it hurt a little at first..." she blushed, her rosy cheeks even rosier than usual. "I don't have anything to compare with, but it, um I mean he......I mean his thingy felt a little big and I,... um...I had a hard time....um....oh, God...um...fitting him in me? I mean is that normal?" She looks at me with some confusion in her eyes.

That was back in September, not long after they discovered each other on the bus on a school "fun day" trip to Providence and immediately began spending a lot of time together.

I'm not that much more experienced sexually than Junie, or I should say I wasn't until she started her Thursday lab gig in October, which is also when Mick started sleeping over on Wednesday nights,

My only experience until then had been with Dave.

Oh Dave, poor Dave. Such a sweet guy. My boyfriend since high school. The first guy I ever let feel up my tits, although a lot of other guys had tried to. The first dick I ever held in my hand. The first guy I ever made love to, in that awkward unsatisfying high school way, in my families' closed up lake camp on a warm autumn day in October a year ago, three days after my eighteenth birthday. We continued having nervous awkward sex together when we could, which wasn't very often, until we both started our freshman years, me here at B.U. and Dave far off at Loyola.

College so far has changed both of us, but not in the same way. I've become more mature and worldly, exploring Boston, embracing new ideas and getting to dress and act the way I want to, not the way my parents expect me too. Dave on the other hand went backwards, retreating into video games and pizza, and hardly ever leaving his dorm room other than for classes.

I've moved on from that relationship. I just can't take the needy, hopeful texts and phone calls. I want more from a guy now. I just haven't had the heart to break the news to him.

So although I'm in a relationship, I'm really not. Unfortunately, Dave doesn't know that yet.

Mick is not innocent. He's older than Junie and I, not only because he's a sophomore, but also because he's lived life in a way we haven't. He was kind of a high school fuck-up, more interested in his band and his partying until he graduated and realized he didn't want to end up like his burn-out friends. He ended up having to take a year off and work in a factory while he lined up SATs and college. During the factory year he was also playing one-off gigs around rural Maine.

The factory and the gigs - and the older women he met there - transformed him into a guy who looks like every other hot college guy but who is a lot more than that. Just as smart and handsome, but without the stupid middle school mentality,

He's also six feet tall with an athletic build, a cute face and an intelligent and funny demeanor. Maybe that's why I don't resist.

I hear Mick moving around the dressers and coming over to my side. I feel his presence. I can't pick up his sexy guy smell yet but I know I will soon. I remain face down motionless in my flannel cocoon, waiting.

It always starts this way. Wordlessly, without even an acknowledgment, a good morning, or even eye contact.

I feel my messy curls being moved to the side to expose the back of my neck. He doesn't ask first. He doesn't get consent like the college tells us we need to do. He doesn't even try to. That fact alone fires up the sexy feeling in my core. I'm a feminist for sure, but I'm also a sensual woman who apparently loves men too.

I remember how shocked I initially was the first time this happened. I wasn't in a cocoon then. It was an unusually hot Indian summer morning, the window open and the noise of Boston early morning traffic and the world outside filtering in. My sweaty body in a pair of Dave's boxers and one of Dave's t-shirts. I liked sleeping in Dave's stuff back then because I hadn't realized yet that I'd grown past him.

Depending on how you look at it, the timing was either really good or really bad because I was just coming out of a dream, a sexy dream that left me feeling sensual and maybe even a bit horny.

I remember that it was so hot that my hair was sweat-stuck to the back of my neck.

Suddenly my roommate's boyfriend was hovering over me in my bed before my eyes were even open yet. My roommates hot sexy boyfriend, unfortunately. If it would have been anyone else, there'd have been no confusion - the attempt would've been a no-go and probably would have resulted in a call to the campus police.

I remember anxiously trying to sort out what I should do in a panic, what the right thing to do would be. Do I scream? Do I shove him off me?

Instead, I just did nothing. I still don't know if it was fear or lust, apathy or horniness. Does it matter? Maybe it just felt inevitable to me.

Then his lips on my sweaty neck, something Dave would never ever do. Isn't he grossed out? I guess not, because he just kept doing it more and more. Does he actually like my sweaty, salty taste? Is this what is sexy to a guy like Mick? He just kept going and I just let him keep going.

Then things changed dramatically for me. I had given Dave my virginity, but I was about to give Mick a whole lot more of myself.

And then Mick, without realizing it, cuckolded Dave. Or I guess I should say that Mick and I cuckolded Dave together.

He never asked if i had a boyfriend and probably wouldn't have cared anyways.

He pulled Dave's t-shirt over my head and tossed it aside. I momentarily felt bad about that. Mick didn't know it, but sleeping in that t-shirt had been a way for me to stay connected to Dave while we were apart and now it was carelessly discarded to the floor like garbage.

There was no bra for him to contend with so he moved right on to my beautiful breasts. He casually grabbed two big handfuls of tit from behind me and began squeezing and groping. Until then, only Dave had ever had access to my body, and yet here was Mick just taking that part of me and I didn't even try to stop him.

Again, he obviously didn't feel the need to bother with consent.

Then he did something Dave would never do in a million years because Dave is just too nice and would never want to hurt me.

He twisted my nipples hard. Both of them at the same time. He rolled them around with his fingers and thumbs - hard.

Dave's nipples? My nipples? Now, apparently his nipples.

I winced and my head fell back. I gasped but when he released them and the pain ebbed, I suddenly noticed and loved loved loved the dull ache and the new sensitivity they had. When he then soothed them with his mouth I discovered something new about my body, how there's a direct link between my nipples and my pussy. it's something that I will never forget and will always crave now.

But he was not done with the unintentional cuckolding yet; lots of girls get their tits squeezed and even their nipples sucked, most earlier in life than me. What came next was bigger than that.

The final phase of Mick's unintentional cuckolding of Dave began when I felt his fingers take hold of Dave's boxers, one hand on either hip, and start tugging down. Daves boxers - my weak attempt at a psychological chastity belt.

That's when my brain exploded in chaos.

If I were to let him continue, there was no doubt where this would all end up.

Was I really selfish and callous enough to do that to poor innocent Dave and poor innocent Junie? But I had already begun, for the first time, the intellectual and spiritual thrill ride of a college freshman girl - free at last from home and expectations and all of that, and it seemed like this was just a continuation.

With still no words having been exchanged between us - after all what would there be to say?, I felt the downward tugging of Daves boxers by Mick....

I knew there was still a pair of panties under them to physically separate my innocence from Mick's intentions, but the real mental barrier was those boxers - Dave's boxers after all, my boyfriends favorite boxers that I "stole" from him with his apporoval, a symbol of our relationship that I now felt sliding down my thighs and being stripped from my body. I didn't resist.

Soon the boxers, and with them, Dave himself were cast aside, to join the T shirt on the floor so that Mick could get his way. The panties were not far behind. I remember being glad that I had just trimmed my pubic hair....

I wasn't even really surprised when I next felt Mick's cock slide into me and fill my wet cunt to the brim, or I should say when I wordlessly let him do that.

He didn't ask first and hadn't even checked to see if i was wet or ready before plunging into me. I guess somehow he just knew i would be willing and ready.

Quite frankly, Dave's cuckolding had already been completed before I even felt Mick's cock at the entrance to my hole. The moment I let Mick strip me of the T shirt and boxers, I expressed my intentions and willingness and I suppose I also granted the consent he didn't really care about anyways.

That's when Mick stole me from Dave.

It was a done deal. I casually cast aside Dave and our relationship without reluctance and welcomed this illicit invasion of me, of my body, of my world, of my roommates trust, by my roommates boyfriend.

Of course I recklessly let him fuck me as he wished, without a condom, something I had never let Dave do. Of course I also let him enjoy cumming deep inside me without asking about birth control. Of course I sighed in dreamy contentment afterwards, his cum leaking from my soiled cunt as he wordlessly dressed and left the room.

Of course I didn't try to pretend it was something it wasn't and of course I didn't try to get him to stay and cuddle afterwards. I knew then instinctively what it had all been about, and quite frankly I welcomed that.

I never again wore the t shirt or boxers.

My body now remembers that day too, and knows what"s about to happen soon and can't wait for it to begin.

Still, I can't help myself from thinking, tossing around those old obsolete thoughts.

"This is wrong, I should stop this now. It's gone way too far..." I think all that to myself, but as always, I hang in the purgatory of maybe I should stop this for a moment or two, but know I ultimately won't.

Warm lips on my neck. Soft full lips. Did I mention he has the softest most sensual lips? Not like Dave's clinical pecking and sucking.

Dave. He's why I should stop this. One reason anyway. Everyone knows you should break up with one boy before you start something with another. I owe it to Dave to do that. I should at least tell him. But this isn't like that.

Mick's scratchy stubble on my shoulder. Sexy scratchy, not ouchey scratchy.

Again the intrusive thoughts. "Mick is Junie's boyfriend, after all. I shouldn't...."

But I'm not trying to steal him from her - I don't want another boyfriend. I'm boyfriended out, after all this time with Dave. I also don't want a standard issue fuck-buddy or a FWB. Those things seem so contrived, and even though there's supposedly no commitment, there kind of actually always is, or at least that's what I've heard.

I tell myself that what this is, is ok, that this is different, this is just what it is, whatever that is.

Which is another reason I don't resist Mick.

His gentle caresses cause me to purr a little in contentment. It always starts slow and sexy with Mick. I wonder if this is how Mick fucks Junie, slow at first? Maybe I'll ask her what their fucking is like. I'll bet he treats her nicer because she's his girlfriend and I'm his.....well, i don't really know what i am.

A nibble on my exposed left ear.

I feel an invasion of cool air into my cocoon as the sheets and blankets are lifted enough to allow him in.

I feel our shared body warmth, our mutual comfort, more kissing on my neck, tingles and tingles and tingles.

Mick learned how to do this somewhere. While Junie and I were goofing around trying to flirt with cute guys at the beach or fending them off at high school parties, Mick was spending nights and lazy afternoons with older experienced women from his gigs and his factory. I'm sure they loved to play sexy games with the cute young guy. I'm sure they made sure to teach him what a woman's body is all about.

You can't unlearn that, and he brought it here with him to BU, and here to my bed.

He gently rolls me off my tummy and onto my side. I let him. His hand moves up and down my arm and my bare side and my hip. He's feeling the softness and the structure of my body, He likes the way I feel and the transition from my skinny waist to my full hips. Like any guy he wants to rush ahead and grab and squeeze my tits and finger-fuck me, and I want him to, but I'm so glad he isn't.....yet.

I hear my phone ding. I know what it is without looking. Another desperate text from Dave that I won't respond to immediately because I can't say what I need to say. Me not responding fast will make him even more insecure and desperate, making the whole situation even worse. Poor Dave.

Dave doesn't know or even suspect about any of this. Poor innocent Dave.

And Junie.

Junie is so innocent, so overwhelmed by her new, first physical relationship - she hasn't yet figured out that love and fucking are two different things. She can't imagine Mick wanting more than the amazing new thing they have, when she is so overwhelmed by their intimacy, for her, a new and exciting physical and emotional bond.

She's the other reason I shouldn't be doing this.

Junie, my best friend since fourth grade. The first person I told when I first discovered blood between my legs, even before I told my mother. Junie and me in middle school awkwardly standing in front of a mirror and comparing our bodies as they transformed from gawky and coltish to curvy and smooth. Junie accompanying me to the family planning clinic to get inspected and prescribed my anti-baby pills and then me accompanying her. She was the one I excitedly told after my first time with Dave.

I definitely shouldn't do this to Junie.

But like with Dave, I've matured in a way she hasn't. I'm only two months older than her, but in reality I'm closer to Mick maturity-wise than I am to her or Dave. At least I like to think so. And besides, she'll learn these lessons, the real facts of life, eventually. Everyone does at some point.

I feel his warmth and the tickle of his body hair on my back. The cocoon is warming up, now that there are two of us in here. I bask in the feeling of alternating warm lips and nibbles on my neck and ear, a comforting hand gently caressing my bare tummy from behind me, all of it a precursor to the next phase.

I'm tempted to tell myself "awww...he's taking his time and nuzzling and caressing me. I think he really likes me - maybe he.....loves me?"

But nope. I know better.

He's not being slow and gentle out of affection although I do think he really does like me as a person, as his girlfriend's roommate. After all, I'm cute and smart and funny and well, as I've discovered here at BU, most guys are eager to hang with me, you know, "just in case". The difference is that while most guys would wait around hopefully, Mick - well he's not gonna wait around.

He knows how to play my body and my mind.

Those other more experienced women taught him, whether intentionally or not, that if he spends a little more time and energy now, his "sweetness" will be rewarded with a soaking wet and warm pussy to slide his cock into, and he'll get the thrill of seeing a pretty and sweet girl cross the whore line, and he knows from experience that she will then be unwilling or unable to say no.

I feel myself approaching the whore line.

My body plays along. It thinks we are going to make a baby, to pass along our genes, to fulfill my destiny a female of the species; creating and delivering a clone of myself, as nature mandates. And my body knows instinctively what to do to accomplish that. It begins to shut down my brain, my reasoning, my ability to knock it off course with thoughts. It also begins the deeper breathing and of course the lubrication of my vaginal tunnel, to facilitate the entry of a man's penis and my eventual acceptance of his sperm, the deeper within my womb, the better.

Because of countless years of evolution, biology always overrules reason and as a result, I'm crossing the whore line, whether I want to or not.

That's a fancy way of saying my body wanting to fuck will always overrule my mind wanting to not hurt people. It's why even though I could say no to Mick now, and he would stop, I won't. Still I bask in the "he loves me" fantasy for just a moment more. I guess I want to hang onto that little last shred of innocence before my more urgent needs take over.

You see, I don't want to think of this in terms of what my dual majors, biology and human sexuality, are teaching me. What I urgently want to do now is fuck.

His hand slides over my ass and up between my legs from behind. My legs are together so he doesn't have full access, but that doesn't bother him. He doesn't need to force them open like Dave would to get to my pussy. He knows they will open on their own soon enough.