Friends with Benefits Pt. 03

"Dyl I..." He looked at me. I shut up. I just didn't know what to say. Maybe he really didn't want me tonight. He sighed and put his phone down, pulling me into a hug.

"Doesn't feel so good does it?" He said. "Me being apathetic to you?" I hugged him back tightly.

"Oh Dylan that's not what I meant- " He kissed my forehead.

"I'm not thick, I know what you mean. But I want to hear that you want it." I looked at him.

"Of course I want it." He raised his eyebrows.

"So tell me."

"Dude." I folded my arms. "If you want me to beg you know I..." He shut me up with a deep sigh.

"I don't need you to fucking beg , Gus." He looked at me and I tried really hard to read his mind, because I was totally fucking lost. "I just... Jesus fucking Christ. I just, wish you'd fucking actually tell me what you want. Its just fucking mind games with you."

"No it's not!" Dylan put down his phone and glared at me.

"So do you want me to fuck you tonight? Or do you want to fuck me? Or do you want to give me the best fucking blow job of my life?" I blushed and mumbled into his chest.

"I want you to fuck me." I admitted. Dylan grinned.

"Good." He jumped up and started to get me naked. He placed me on all fours and I sighed with pleasure as he felt my abs and chest... running his hands over my arms which I obligingly flexed for him. "Now you can beg for it." He growled. I grinned to myself. That I could do happily. For some reason begging sat better than asking.

"Please fuck me Dylan. Please, I need that big fucking dick in my arse. I'm so empty. I'm so horny. I'm so fucking hot for you."

"Fuck yes baby. You want my big fucking dick?"

"Fuck yes Dyl." He slapped my arse hard.

"This ass." He moaned. "Fuck you should do porn." I laughed- and moaned as he spread my cheeks. "Hold yourself open." He growled. I knelt up and acquiesced. "Oh Gus." He moaned, his big hands caressing me and squeezing me. He pressed his head to my neck. "Let me eat you out." He whispered.

"No. Fuck me." Dylan sighed and started to wrap my hair slowly around his fist. I grunted as he jerked my head back and looked me in the eye. "I said let me eat you out." He growled. I closed my eyes and moaned. I hadn't showered, and I could never enjoy it unless I knew I was clean.

"I can't last." I moaned. He didn't loosen his grip.

"I don't care." He muttered. "You can cum twice, it's not a fucking sin." My mouth twitched as I looked at him.

"I mean... I think almost everything we do is almost the definition of sin..." He laughed and his grip on my head loosened a little.

"Gus."

"Hmmm." He pressed his fingers to my lips and I sucked on them hungrily.

"Oh you look so good baby. Good boy." I closed my eyes and continued to suck on his fingers- taking them like his cock- wrapping my tongue around him. He sighed and I knew I'd broken him. His spare hand found my crack and he gently pushed one finger in, dry. I groaned at the intrusion. "Oh damn." He whined. "God I'm not joking Gus I want to sell your ass online." I laughed.

"Go on then Zilv." He laughed and pulled away for a second, reaching for the lube.

"Oh, yeah." He murmured as he took his time. He spread me slowly, really stretching my hole, watching me moan and shake underneath him and grunting as my hole twitched around him. "You ready boy?"

"Yessss." I sighed as I felt his dick at my entrance.

"You like me teasing you?"

"Noooo..." I whined.

"Hmmm." I could feel him pressing his dick, slippery with lube between my cheeks and I clenched them together for him. "But it's not about what you like." He teased. "It's whatever I want, yeah?" I moaned as he used my own words against me.

"Bastard." He squeezed my ass.

"Yeah." He said. "Total fucking bastard."

He pressed the tip of his fat cock against me and I sighed, relaxing below him.

"Alright baby." He grunted. "Relax." I grunted as he entered me, slipping off my hands and onto my forearms. He pulled me back up and held me there. "Go on." He growled. "You want my dick? Work for it." I moaned and started fucking myself slowly. Dylan thrust back a little, but basically forced me to do all the work, chuckling as I fell apart, working myself into a sweat as I fucked myself on his cock. Eventually as my legs began to shake and I could barely prop myself up he pulled me off him and turned me over. He pushed my legs apart. "Hold yourself spread for me baby." I moaned and obeyed. He teased my hole with his cock, looking down and me. "God fucking damn Gus, you are one hot piece of ass." He stroked my abs. I whined.

"Dylan!"

"What is it baby boy?"

"Fuck me!" I demanded. My voice was pretty weak though, I sounded whiny and pathetic. He laughed and impaled me again- stretching my hole out and filling me up. We moaned and I rutted against him, trying to keep my legs where he wanted them- but I lost control and my legs fell out of my grip, wrapping around him. That seemed to work for him though- he loved intimacy. He moaned my name and wrapped his hand around my dick as he started to lose it. He came a second before me and as usual he triggered me- the sound of a man moaning my name as his dick throbs in my ass has to be the hottest sound in the world. He collapsed on top of me and I wrapped my legs tighter around him.

We lay together until I felt myself falling asleep. Dylan slowly withdrew from me and I laughed as I felt his cum dripping down my arse. He grimaced.

"Sorry." I shook my head and cuddled up next to him.

"Don't be. So hot." I mumbled as I fell asleep.

--

I didn't deserve Dylan. He was a tall, blonde bombshell who was working full time while studying- and I was a high school dropout who over compensated at the gym. He adored me, and I adored him- but I was punching way, way above my weight. Besides which, I still felt a twinge of anxiety when people I knew saw Dylan and I out together. More often than not they were unsurprised when I managed to choke out the 'boyfriend' word which kind of made me wonder exactly how fucking obvious I'd been my whole life. I could see Dylan felt it every time. The slight hesitation. The way my hand tensed in his. It's not that I was... embarrassed, or ashamed... But I spent my whole life in the closet. I had never hung out with other gay men. I never went to Pride... there was a whole part of me that I kind of knew was missing. But I'm not sure I wanted to know that part.

Sometimes I'd clam up when Dyl invited me to things: nights at Ivy, the only real gay club in Wellington, his friends plays and performances...

"Ah, maybe it's not your thing." He said, when I asked what he was doing Friday. I shrugged.

"You took me to the speedway last week, it's definitely my turn to be bored shitless." I protested. I'd always liked drag racing. By which I mean, like actual drag racing. Motor sports. And actually Dylan hadn't been bored shitless at all. We went with the guys from my old Brandon street site- Mikey, and Leon, and Robin- and Tama and Chris ended up coming as well. After we all had a few drinks in us everyone was having a great time- Dylan was screaming and spilling his drinks with at least as much gusto as the rest of us.

He bit his lip.

"Uh. Spoken word poetry is pretty lame even for me." He admitted. "But I really have to go. Let's just meet up after." I shrugged. I didn't really know about spoken word poetry but I've always liked the sound of Sam Hunt's voice.

"You forget that I read, Dyl." I said. "I can do poetry." He shrugged.

"O-kay..." He said dubiously.

He had to tell me off because apparently you don't clap at these things, you snap. And when I got up to grab another beer everyone tutted loudly at me. There were cheers at random intervals from the crowd so when I heard some lines about Auntie Helen i gave a half hearted 'Wooo...' ... only apparently it was anti Auntie Helen and anti Jacinda and definitely not pro Judith Collins but I didn't really get the point- I sipped on my beer and at an interval I leant into Dylan.

"This is shit poetry." I muttered. Dylan gritted his teeth.

"You didn't have to come." He said.

"I wasn't expecting e. e. cummings but I thought we might get Hera Lindsay Bird or Freya Sadgrove." Dylan sighed.

"Just go fucking smoke for the rest of it." He muttered. "And I'll try not to say I told you so," I smiled at him as I stood up but he wasn't smiling at me. He wasn't even looking at me.

So I guess it wasn't surprising when he put his coffee cup down with a sigh a few days later and looked at me across his bedroom. He was studying and I was reading his comics. He had super weird taste, mostly nothing superheroe-y. Just like, cool stories and stuff.

"We need to talk." He said. My stomach dropped. I glanced up at him and slowly closed Scalped.

"Ok." I said quietly. Ok. He met someone else. Things were moving too fast. I wasn't attentive enough. He'd read my mind and knew I had been awkward to introduce him to the guys on site. I steeled myself for whatever it was. Dylan could read me like a fucking book.

"Woah. Not a bad talk ok?" He picked up his mug again and came to sit next to me. "I was thinking about last night." I grinned at him.

"Wanna go again?" He sighed and stroked my hand.

"No..." He said quietly. I bit my lip. Oh no. I thought last night was great. He'd got me a new toy...

"I just thought... since you're so sensitive here..." His hand had grazed my nipples and I moaned against his touch. I was spread eagle across his bed- he really liked it when I was tied up for him, completely exposed. "You want them on?"

"Oh, yeah. Yes please." I whimpered. He chuckled as he attached them... he'd said nipple clamps but... "Oh fuck." I looked down at myself. Dyl had gone one step further, these were attached to a fucking collar which he'd quickly fixed around my neck.

It wasn't like I'd never worn a collar before- I lived with Eric for like 4 years, it wasn't new... It was just seeing myself tied up with a collar and clamps on gave me an insane rush of humiliation. I moaned. Dylan gently pulled on the clamps and I whined.

"That is really hot." He whispered. "Little... fucking... slut." He punctuated his words with a soft tug on my nipples and a squeeze of my dick. I fell apart immediately. He pressed his lips to my abs and started to kiss his way down my body, softly touching my muscles. I tensed up as he licked up my shaft and collected the precum.

"You taste so good." He murmured.

"I feel even better." I sighed. "Please fuck me."

"You don't want a blow job?"

"I'll cum early."

"So?"

"So I like cumming with you..." Dylan sighed.

"You wanna be a fucking fleshlight? Fine." He grunted

Every little touch was so fucking good. I came without touching my dick which I'd never done with him before. He thought it was the sexiest thing in the world that I could come without touching myself.

"Wish you would always come from your ass." He moaned. "Make that tiny cock of yours totally useless." I could have almost creamed myself again. He'd done some googling. He was getting better at humiliating me over my dick- although I could tell it confused him. Especially because he didn't think I was that small, even when I compared our dicks.

"You're bigger soft than I am hard." I showed him. He shrugged.

"I'm a shower."

"Sure."

Dylan sighed as he looked at me over coffee.

"I want to be with you for a really long time Gus." I could sense the 'but'. I waited. "But..." there it was. "This... sub thing... we... we really need to talk about it ok?" I glanced at him. Well. I knew I would fuck this up somehow. I nodded, even though I didn't actually have a clue what he was talking about.

"Ok." I said slowly, thinking of everything I'd ever done to fuck it up with him. "Dyl. Whatever you need, please. I'll do it." He groaned and sat back.

"No you dumb fucking jock..." I loved it when he called me a dumb jock. I knew he wasn't really mad if he could tease me, so I leaned into him and he stroked my hair as he spoke. "I need you to tell me what you want, not just do what I want ok?" I looked up at him. Actually we'd had versions of this talk before. I was pretty good at nodding and saying I understood, not that I did. I tried to tell him what he wanted was what I wanted, but he didn't get that. "I...I feel like I can't touch you properly- because- if you have limits you'd never say so. I have no idea what you like, how to make you feel good- you just do whatever you know I like, every fucking time and honestly... I feel like you're faking it sometimes." How dare he! I was built for pleasure. I would never fake it! Well. Unless I thought he wanted me to like something I didn't ... or when I thought he might enjoy seeing me writhe and moan... Hmm. I felt myself blushing.

"Um." I didn't want to admit he might be right. "Wait so... you want me to be... more ... like, into it?" Dylan groaned.

"Oh my god. It's like talking to a brick wall."

"Hey. Brick walls can't misinterpret things half as well as I can." He grinned and clasped my hand, looking me in the eye and speaking slowly.

"I want to eat your ass. I want to suck your dick. One day I want to sit with you, watching a movie, and give you a handjob just because I like seeing you cum, and I want to fall asleep next to you without you even trying to reciprocate because you get that turning you on turns me on." I blinked.

"We can do that."

"You're missing the point. I want to do it because I want you to feel good, ok?"

"You... want me ... to want you to eat my ass?" Dylan sighed with relief.

"Yeah that's it."

"Ok." I was still confused. He could eat my ass. I wouldn't stop him if he wanted to. I heard a frustrated moan beside me. Dylan was shaking his head.

"Your ex really did a number on you." He muttered and stood up. "More coffee?" I shrugged.

"Yes please. You don't want me to make it? You can get back to your study." Dylan looked at me and shook his head slowly. I wondered what he meant about Eric, but I turned back to the comic.

He returned and gently took the comic out of my hands, replacing it with coffee.

"Talks not over."' I sighed and looked at him. "You and your ex... you guys were like ... dom/sub... like all the time right?" I shrugged.

"... A bit." He touched my leg.

"I'm not though. I'm your boyfriend and I don't want to be... I don't want that." I nodded slowly.

"Ok. I don't mind being in charge sometimes. We do that sometimes don't we?" Dylan sighed as I spoke and rubbed his temples.

"You...oh god. You... defer to me Gus. Always. In and out of the bedroom. And to be honest I find it kinda gross." He said and I stiffened a bit. Defer to him? What was he on about? I looked at him and he clasped my chin."You do it all. The. Time. You open doors for me. You pull out my chair at restaurants. You don't make decisions. You don't eat until I start. You want to be the one making food and drinks, and cleaning, while I just fucking sit there... You try to pick up the bill. And then when we get to bed you refuse anything meant just for you. You always do the same thing- get me hot with a blow job, turn me down when I try to reciprocate and beg me to fuck you. You're trying to be my sub Gus. If you can't sort it out.. well..." He trailed off. I was looking away from him, my heart beating fast. How was I doing all that without even noticing?

"No, no way. That's not... I'm not, I'm really not doing that on purpose, I promise." I said. He shook his head.

"It doesn't matter. You do it. I don't like it. So can we change that or...?" He trailed off as he looked at me. I must have been so red, I could practically feel my skin throbbing with the embarrassment. Who was I? I always thought I was my own person... but shit, I couldn't even order a drink without asking what I should have... "Are you ok?" Dylan said.

"Yeah of course." I smiled up at him, trying to shake it off... But that was EXACTLY what he'd just asked me not to do... My face fell. "No. Dyl... no I'm not ok... I ... " I mumbled. I hung my head. I felt Dylan's arms around me and I leant into him. "Dylan... I'm sorry." He stroked my hair.

"Don't be sorry. Just... just... be you ok? Be you with me."

"Yeah." I grunted.

"Can you do that?"

"I can try." He grinned and stroked my hair, pulling me out of his chest.

"That's a good start." He raised his eyebrows. "So you gonna let me give you a blowjob?" I felt my whole body tense, and I could see Dylan felt it too. His face fell. I leant up and kissed him. I swallowed, avoiding his eyes. There was nothing in the world I wanted less than a blowjob right now. Except for maybe hearing that tired, disappointed little sigh ever again. So...

Ok, I could pretend to be into this... I know. I was there for that conversation we just had. I know I should have said, not right now, I need to process this. I should have laughed and said I'd never been softer in my life, maybe we could start with kissing...

... But I wanted Dylan to feel good. I nodded.

"Ah... ok..."

He rested with one hand between my legs as he kissed me. He started to rub my crotch gently and I pressed myself against him as my dick got hard. He undid my trousers and lifted my shirt a little. He licked softly at my pubic hair and nibbled gently around the sensitive skin between my thighs. I was hard, but I was uncomfortable. His tongue felt so good as it wrapped around my leaking shaft and I tried to relax and lie back. I thought about sexy stuff- I'd always had a good imagination... I liked to pretend I was a shy servant and the prince was experimenting with me...

It felt good, it really did, but I wasn't used to cumming this way, and half my mind was on worrying about breaking up. I knew it was taking too long and I started panicking. At least I wasn't going soft... but I knew I would if we prolonged this... Ok. I had to fake an orgasm. Trickier when your dick is in someone's mouth, but never impossible. I started making little noises and he responded with the sexiest growl from the back of his throat. I wanted more of that. I bucked my hips and started gasping. Dylan looked up and slowly slid off me. I blinked at him and he bit his lip.

"Why did you stop?" I whispered. Dylan rolled his eyes.

"I think I need some space, stud." He said quietly.

"What?" I blinked.

"I just asked you not to fake it with me."

"Dylan- I..."

"If you're about to lie to me Gus then that's it. You were faking, literally a minute after I tried to tell you how much I hate that." My words fell silent as I looked at him- my chest tightening. He sat up and turned away. "I'll call you ok? Just give me some space." I reached out for him but he shook his head. "Gus, I really need you to leave." He looked like he was about to cry and I wanted to stay and cradle him in my arms- but he was shrinking away from me. I gathered my stuff and left.

--

I didn't hear from him for a few days and I was beside myself. I wrote and deleted a hundred texts to him. Everyone noticed I was feeling very sorry for myself but I couldn't exactly tell them why- my boyfriend's mad because I can't relax and enjoy a blow job isn't exactly good on site banter. I told anyone who asked that I'd fucked up and let them make whatever assumptions they wanted to.

Chris growled at me after a couple of days of me slinking grumpily around the flat.

"What the hell did you do?"

"Nothing! It was just a ... communication issue." Chris rolled his eyes.

"Let me guess. A communication issue where Dylan didn't realise you still fuck your ex?" I looked up at him angrily.

"I don't! It wasn't about that at all!" Well. Not much. "We just... had a talk about something and... I guess it went bad."

"Well you better apologise. I like Dylan. And I can't stand it when you mope."