From Darker Places than I Want to Feel Ch. 04

Ryan suddenly remembered the comment that his sister made when they were at his grandmother's house.

"I'm really sorry about what my sister said. She can be so insensitive sometimes."

"I'm used to it. People so easily condemn what they don't understand, which is a nice way of saying that people can be insensitive assholes sometimes. Sorry."

They were quiet for a moment watching the wind tease the day lilies that lined the waterfront.

Ryan glanced over and looked into her eyes. There was a sadness there that wasn't there before. It made him feel bad that she was feeling melancholy. "Do you have any questions for me?"

Sarah smiled and shook her head. She slipped her arm around his and rested her head on his shoulders. "Can we stay like this for a while?"

"Yes, I'd like that too."

=TWO=

Ryan sat in his home office trying to unearth the clutter that filled his desk. He pulled out a brochure from the museum trip he took Sarah to earlier. He smiled thinking about her impish curiosity; like a sponge she seemed to soak up everything. He wondered if things had been different, what would she have become. A scholar? A lawyer? It was hard to imagine, yet she is so smart she probably could have been anything. Maybe she still can. His cellphone began to vibrate.

"Hello?"

"Hi Ryan, it's me."

"Hi me, what's up?"

"It's Michael's birthday today; Anna wants to know if you would like to join us? We're going to Shakey's Pizza to celebrate."

"Yeah, that sounds great. I have a few more papers to grade but I can put that off until later. What time are you going?"

"In an hour, is that okay?"

"Sure, I'll meet you there; it's the one on Oak Street, right?"

"Yup, see you in a few."

An hour later, Ryan walked into the Shakey's Pizza Palace on Oak Street. He spotted Sarah, her sister Anna, and Sarah's nephews in a booth along the far wall.

"Hey Ryan, it's my birthday!"

"Happy Birthday Michael, look I even found you something." Ryan handed a small box to Michael wrapped up with a bow.

Anna glanced at Sarah and she shrugged.

"Cool, what is it?"

"That's for you to find out. Open it."

Michael tore into the box and moments later a baseball emerged. "Cool, look Bobby. Hey, there's writing all over it."

"It's a very special baseball Michael, I got all the players from the team we watched a couple of weeks ago to sign it for you."

Sarah was shocked and Anna shook her head in wonder as a waitress showed up at their table with an extra large pizza, paper plates, and napkins.

Ryan grinned as he watched Michael and Bobby's eyes grew extra large when the pizza was placed in the center of their table. The ball was quickly stuffed back into the box and forgotten as the boys dug into the pizza with glee.

Shortly after the pizza arrived two girls walk into the place dressed a bit on the trashy side of provocative. Sarah looked up and recognized them. They turned and waved to her. She glanced back to her sister then to Ryan. "Excuse me a minute, some people I know just walked in."

Sarah walked over to talk to them as Ryan looked at Anna. She was clearly enraged. She started to get up when Ryan reached across the table, shaking his head no.

She looked like she was boiling inside, barely able to contain herself. "I just want to shake her."

"I know, but she's a big girl, she can decide her life for herself."

"But what if she decides to go back? Are you willing to just let her go?"

Ryan looked away and frowned. He didn't want her to go back. But he also believed that you could never force anyone to do something that they truly didn't want to do. If she went back, it would be because she wanted or needed to go back. At the same time, he knew he wasn't going to let her go without a struggle. "Not without a fight."

Anna nodded and relaxed a bit, but she still kept an eye on her sister, just in case.

Eventually, Sarah came back to the table and sat quietly for a minute. She looked at their worried faces and smiled sheepishly.

"They wanted me to come back to a party with them." She looked carefully at Anna and Ryan and shook her head. "I told them no, I don't want to live that kind of life anymore. They tried to convince me that it was okay but I told them that I hoped they had a good time but that it wasn't for me. I've moved on with my life. I wished them well. I'll probably never see them again."

"Good," Anna muttered under her breath and Ryan nodded. He reached over and touched her hand gently offering her a reassuring smile.

Both boys acted as if they were oblivious to what was going on but Ryan could tell by the expressions on their faces that they knew more than they let on.

After Anna and the boys drove off, Ryan stood next to his car with his arms wrapped around Sarah's waist. "I've got two tickets to see a play Saturday night. Want to go?"

"Where?"

"At the university. The drama department is putting it on."

"Sure, how should I dress?"

"Casual is fine.

She wore a mischievous smile. "Like when you're taking me out for dinner?"

"Okay, then I'll take you out for dinner, too."

"Great, dinner and a show, it's a date. See, you do surprise me all the time." She played with his shirt collar then leaned in to kiss him on his cheek.

"What do you mean?"

"Remember when I asked you to surprise me for our three month anniversary? Well, you just did. I haven't been to a play since grade school." She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him.

"We gotta go, Anna needs me to watch the boys tonight. She's got a date."

"Really?"

"Yup, I haven't met him yet but hopefully he's better than the last jerk she dated. Saturday sounds like fun, I can't wait."

"I'll pick you up at six, okay?"

She smiled and kissed him gently on the lips. "Okay, happy anniversary." She walked around his car and slipped into the passenger seat.

=THREE=

Ryan drove into the parking lot near the theatre building on campus. They had just finished dinner at a Guatemalan restaurant that opened up recently downtown and were coming to campus to see the play. The performance was part of what Ryan promised Sarah for his anniversary gift of 'dinner and a show'. She'd only seen one play in her life before this and that was in grade school and she was anxious to see what it was like.

"So, how's the job going at the law firm?"

"Great. I can't believe it's been two weeks since I met Bryan at the ballpark. We've been so busy I've hardly had time to catch my breath."

Ryan got out of his car and leaned across the roof. "I guess I'm a little jealous of Bryan, he gets to see you more than me." He grinned as he locked his car with the remote.

Smiling demurely, Sarah walked around his car. "Oh pooh, you see me way more than he does. I spend all my time buried in research looking for obscure legal references." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I haven't seen Bryan once since the day he hired me." Then she took his arm as they walked towards the theatre building.

"At the same time, I am feeling a little sad to have lost such a valuable organizer. My office is a total mess already."

She hugged his arm and kissed him on the cheek. "My office job is only part-time for now, I promise to come by once a week to make sure your not trapped beneath a pile of essays."

"Thanks. Do you like the legal stuff?"

"Yeah, surprisingly, I do. At first it was a bit overwhelming but now I think I'm getting the hang of it."

Ryan opened the main lobby doors to the fine arts center on campus and they walked into the lobby. "Would you like to take some classes and work towards paralegal status?"

"Let me think about it, I think I'll need more time to adjust to the job before I'll know for certain."

Ryan glanced up and saw Bill Reynolds standing in the lobby with his date, Trina Collins. "We're meeting Bill Reynolds and Trina Collins tonight.

"Like a double date?"

"Sort of, I found out about the play from Bill who's an old friend and in the drama department. He invited us to join them. Trina is a graduate student he's been dating for a couple of months. She's working on her PhD in the philosophy department. They met when she was working on a thesis project and needed some guidance in ancient drama, which is one of Bill's specialties."

"You're still full of surprises."

Ryan blushed a bit as they walked through the lobby doors and spotted Bill and Trina near the box office. "Hi Bill, Trina, this is my friend Sarah, she's been helping me out with some of my research lately."

Trina reached her hand out to Sarah with a warm smile. "Hi Sarah, it's nice to meet a fellow traveler in academia."

Sarah shook her hand shyly. She was always apprehensive about meeting genetic girls; it often resulted in an awkward recognition, followed by a certain amount of difficulty. "Well, maybe more of a tourist than a fellow traveler. Although Ryan just told me about some paralegal courses that might be interesting, so who knows?"

Trina leaned forward conspiratorially. "Call me if you want the latest dirt on whose classes not to take. There are some old farts still teaching here. The only reason that they're still vertical is because of the bullshit they wrap around themselves daily."

Bill cleared his throat. "Trina, you really shouldn't talk about my colleagues that way." Then he whispered to Ryan with a wink. "Even if it is true."

As they turned to go inside they met Miss Cavanaugh walking into the lobby with one of her "lap-dogs" trailing behind her, hanging on her every word. She pointed to the box office and sent her lap-dog over to retrieve her ticket.

Her boy-toy returned, nearly panting with excitement, and she turned to go into the theatre. But not before smiling at Bill and Ryan then offering a sneer of disdain for Trina and Sarah.

Trina's mouth fell open. "That little snotty bitch, Cavanaugh, who does she think she is?"

Ryan smirked and shook his head. "I can't believe that she's getting a degree in guidance and social work."

Bill laughed and clapped Ryan on the back. "Isn't she one of your students?"

"Nope, she would have flunked out a long time ago. She belongs to Dr. Wesley, the department chair. That's probably why she got that assistants job in the office."

Bill snorted. "That old fart should have retired ages ago."

Ryan smirked then he glanced into the theatre. "Come on; let's go in before they dim the lights."

After they found their seats, Sarah sat down and opened her playbill. She looked around at the theatre. It was sort of plain with rows and rows of seats, sort of like a movie theatre, only the seats fanned out a little more.

There wasn't any curtain covering the stage opening like she had seen when she researched theatre performance on the Internet. The setting was of a small apartment with a couch and a chair in front and a dinning room table and chairs higher up on some sort of platform, supposedly so that the audience could see better.

On one side a dilapidated old fire escape was placed looking like it could fall apart at any moment. An alley lined with old brick buildings closed off her view behind the fire escape, it was even lined with clothes hanging on clothes lines strung across the alley. Just like it might have been in real life. On the other side a small staircase led up to what looked like the front to the apartment.

She looked down at her playbill again. The title of the play was The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams. She read through the playbill carefully. There were director's notes and some historical background on the play as well.

The lights slowly dimmed and the room was dark then a single spotlight shown down on an actor dressed in an old navy peacoat and stocking cap. He was standing on the stage near the fire escape.

He looked out into the audience and smiled bleakly then sighed. "I have tricks in my pocket. But I'm the opposite of the stage magician. Let me take you back to a time when I lived with my sister in a tiny apartment in East Saint Louis..."

Sarah became mesmerized by the performance. It seemed to move seamlessly from moment to moment; from the present to the past, and back again as the actors became their characters and the play unfolded. In no time it seemed the first half was over and the lights came up in the audience area.

Sarah was transfixed. She had never seen anything like this. Sure she'd seen movies before, but the actors weren't real, just flickering images on the screen. Here they were so close she felt like she could reach out and touch them.

After a trip to the restroom during intermission, Ryan and Bill joined the girls in the lobby near the theatre entrance. A moment later Miss Cavanaugh walked by again, her lap-dog was still in tow and still hanging on her every word. She managed to ignore them all, although Ryan did notice her glance sideways at Sarah with a grimace.

Sarah was anxious to learn what was going to happen so they walked back into the theatre for the second half. At the end of the performance she watched the character of Tom, Laura's older brother stand under the fire escape in his ragged navy peacoat and stocking cap. Laura stood in the living room area with a small candelabra held in front of her face, her mother, Amanda stood behind her crying.

"Blow out your candles Laura," he said. Laura began to blow them out one by one and slowly the image of her and her mother began to fade. Then Tom finally said when he was all alone on the stage and standing in a single spotlight. "And so, good bye." The stage went dark and the audience erupted in applause.

After the show finished they paused a moment in the lobby to say goodbye. "Thanks for telling us about this Bill, they did a great job, the actors were really believable."

"Thanks Ryan, I'm glad that you and Sarah could join us. Let's do it again sometime."

Trina took Sarah's hand and squeezed it gently. "I enjoyed meeting you Sarah, let's get together for coffee sometime, we can look at the class schedule if you're interested."

Sarah smiled sweetly and nodded. "I'd like that."

Sarah took Ryan's arm as they walked out the lobby doors into the cool night air. She snuggled closer to him and smiled shyly. "That was simply marvelous, I really loved it!"

"I'm glad you liked it."

"I can't believe all the places you've taken me since we first met. The museum, the ball game, and now the theatre, it's been incredible."

Ryan smiled. "You're welcome; hopefully we'll go to lots more in the future."

She let go of his arm and took his hand. "I don't want this night to end so quickly. Can we go to your place for coffee?"

They walked towards Ryan's car and he unlocked it with his remote. "Sure." He glanced at her then he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "I'm glad you liked the play."

"I've never seen a play like that before." They both got into his car. "It was neat how it wove back and forth between the past and the present, yet it was never confusing as to where we were in the story."

Ryan started his car and drove out of the parking lot. "What did you think about Laura's mother, Amanda?"

"Kind of sad. In a way she was the most tragic of all the characters. She was so brittle, so unwilling to see how the world was changing and leaving her behind."

"And Tom, Laura's brother?"

"I felt sorry for him, in a way. His life was filled with so much regret for abandoning his sister to their mother. The memory of his sister standing there after the gentleman caller left must be haunting him like this play, replayed in his mind countless times. I'm not sure I could have handled it if it were me."

As Ryan drove down the street towards his apartment both of them sat silently lost in thought. She followed him into his apartment as he flicked on the lights. "It's funny but I kind of feel like Laura, the girl in the play."

Ryan walked into his kitchen and pulled out the stuff to make coffee. "Why is that?"

"Because she has an affliction that keeps her apart from others. She tries to live a normal life but it's constantly on her mind, how different she is from others I mean."

Ryan leaned across the island counter and took Sarah's hands in his. "I know you'll find this hard to believe sweetheart, but we all have the same affliction, real or imaginary, in large or small doses. We're all insecure about who we are and what others feel or think about us. Our minds never grow tired of conjuring up elaborate schemes of self-doubt."

"So there's a little bit of Laura in all of us?"

"Just a little, it manifests in different ways but it's always there. I guess it's all part of human nature. Maybe you're more conscious of it than the rest of us but we all suffer from it nonetheless."

Sarah moved around the counter and hugged Ryan tightly. "Thank you for tonight. It was wonderful." She hugged him again and her hug became a kiss, then the kiss became more passionate as her fingers ran through his hair and her tongue explored his mouth. They parted lips and she caught her breath as she looked into his sparkling eyes. She paused a moment then she whispered in his ear. "Would you make love to me?"

He nodded shyly and kissed her lips gently.

She took his hand and led him down the hallway to his bedroom.

Just a week ago they were sorting laundry on his bed. She had wanted desperately to take him then, but she felt like the timing wasn't right. Tonight she decided to follow her heart. She knew she couldn't wait any longer.

Ryan stood amazed at her beauty. He watched as she undid her bra and released her beautiful breasts. Her clothing had hinted to him that they were large but now, unmasked by blouse and underwear, he could really admire their beauty. They were full with a pouty up turn, each crested with a lovely aureole and a stiff plump nipple. He wanted to touch them, to caress them, to suckle from them. She smiled coyly as she took a big breath and filled her lungs to tease him, her breasts arched upwards, defying gravity.

She lowered her panties and her cock quickly stood rigid against her flat stomach. It was beautiful. It was longer than his, but almost the same thickness. She was cut and the soft pink head throbbed with the rhythm of her heartbeat. He never thought he would ever think that another person's penis was beautiful, but hers was...beautiful. There was no other word to describe it.

"My God, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever met."

She walked over to him seductively and began to unbutton his shirt. "Thank you sweetheart, you are lovely too."

She undid his belt and let his trousers crumple to the floor. She knelt down in front of him and gently pulled his underpants down revealing his throbbing cock shrouded in a bush of grey hair.

He was hard, harder than he could ever remember being. He ached to be enveloped by her, to feel her touch, her caress. She leaned forward and kissed the head of his penis, then she licked the under side as she cupped his balls.

He moaned softly as she moved up to the tip and slowly took him into her mouth. She looked up to see him gaze down at her as she moved up and down his shaft slowly. His eyes were filled with passion. The feelings she was offering him were incredible.

He reached down and gently pulled her up to meet his lips with hers. She wrapped her arms his neck and they fell into the bed giggling. "You are so amazing Sarah Daniels, I..."

"Shush, sweetheart, make love to me."

He rolled over and reached for a condom in the drawer in the night table next to his bed. She held his arm. "You don't have to, I'm clean down there."

"Really?"

"Yes, since the third time we met I've been preparing myself each time, just in case."