From the Ashes

I paused...just paused. She was the first of my students I'd lost in such a gruesome way. God...it was really fucking with me. I closed my eyes and inhaled the stale air in my small office...I just needed...I don't know what I needed. I needed...to get out of my head for a little while. I needed a distraction.

I opened my eyes, took another deep breath, and then left my office.

I settled behind the wheel and slammed the door of my 12-year-old Toyota and...took another deep breath. Maybe I would get drunk tonight. That would help me sleep, right?

I slid the key into the ignition and was about to start my car when someone knocked on the window and scared the living shit out of me. My heart was galloping a mile a minute. Jesus! I rolled down the window, squinting to make out who had tapped on the glass...Cap. What the hell was she doing here?

"Uh...hi. Everything okay?" I asked.

She smirked...it was cute on her less than cute face. "Wanna get a drink?"

It took my brain a moment to process that question...was she asking me out? Like...on a date?

"Just thought you might want to talk," she filled in.

Oh, so not a date. She was just thinking I needed to process it. But...it had been two weeks. Why now? And what was she doing in Jersey at my school anyway?

"Uh...sure." I sputtered. I said I'd wanted a distraction, right?

She nodded, "Rainbow Room? In twenty?"

It was one of the three small restaurants in the town. The nicest of the three actually. I nodded and watched her walk over to her ginormous black truck. Something that looked like it could haul a trailer...or lug the crap needed to build your own log cabin. What black woman drove a monster pick-up truck anyway? Odd.

I didn't wait for her, I knew my way to the restaurant. So, I drove the speed limit, making sure to slow down for the yellow lights, not speed through them (I'd finished my second defensive driving course about a month ago, so I was still a little paranoid), and pulled into the restaurant about twenty minutes later. She was already standing out front, smoking a...cigar? Who smoked cigars in this day and age? Again, odd.

I put the car in park, glanced in the rearview mirror, but then decided fuck it. It'd been a long day and I'm sure whatever I looked like reflected that I was tired and not sleeping well. Probably the reason she asked if I wanted to get a drink. When I stepped from the car, I realized it was finally getting brisk, the beginning of October. I loved this time of year...the nip in the air, the leaves changing colors...Halloween, my favorite holiday, on the horizon. Yup, one of my favorite times of year. I didn't hurry to her, giving her an extra few seconds to enjoy her cigar since I knew she would have to put it out. But when I made it to her side, and she opened the heavy glass door for me, she hadn't put it out.

"They don't allow smoking," I offered helpfully.

She didn't respond.

The hostess glanced at her, her pink little face going a little white, and then she grabbed two menus and led us to a table in a secluded corner, not near the kitchen, not near the bathrooms...and not really near any other tables. The hostess held out a chair for me, the one with my back to the rest of the diners, and then waited for Cap to sit. She handed us menus and cleared her throat before wishing us a good meal and hurrying off.

Cap was still smoking her cigar.

I raised a brow, glancing over at a sign on the wall that clearly read 'no smoking.' I mean, who smoked in a public place nowadays? But even after glancing at the sign, and then slowly turning back to her, she just smirked and puffed on the cigar.

Odd.

"So...you just break the law and no one cares?" I asked, a little rudely.

"Jenna, may I call you that?"

I nodded.

"A friend of mine owns this place. It's all good."

I glanced around to see if any of the other patrons were complaining...they were not. In fact, no one was even looking our way, much less complaining. That was odd. There weren't a lot of black people in this small town. Two, sitting at a table together in the nicest restaurant in town, one smoking a cigar? It should have garnered a look or two. But after a moment, I decided I didn't care and picked up the menu. After glancing at the limited selection, I put the menu down and took in the woman sitting across from me.

She would not fit into any category of 'attractive,' but there was something about her. Tall, close to six feet for sure, broad...dressed in another black tee and black jeans. There was a vibration humming beneath her skin...I wasn't sure how to describe it. It was like an athlete's energy. With that thick, muscular neck and her impressively large arms, she might even be one. Maybe one of those mixed-martial arts people? Or a boxer? Her upper body was a little larger and more developed than her muscular thighs, so maybe? And her face was unique, thick, dark eyebrows, a flat, crooked nose, full lips...and her eyes were so dark, they looked almost black. Unlike my eyes which were a much lighter brown. I watched her for another moment as she studied the menu until she set those eyes on me...and I ignored the shudder that spread down my spine. Not at all unpleasant...but I planned to ignore it just the same.

"So...nightmares?"

I raised a brow, "how'd you know?"

She shrugged, "it's normal. After seeing something like that. You taking something to help you sleep?"

I shook my head, "I'm trying not to. I don't like depending on meds."

She nodded. The waitress approached and asked for our drink orders. I ordered a vodka, up, and she ordered something called Courvoisier.

"What is that?" I asked once the waitress left.

"Cognac."

I nodded...not so sure where to take the conversation next.

"So, how's Ari doing?"

My heart skipped a beat as she smiled, genuinely. God, there really was something about her...

"She's really good. Her grades are not where I'd like them to be, mostly because she's stubborn and a bit obnoxious, but she's good otherwise."

"Well, given what she's been through...and she's still young."

And that seemed to open the door to easy, interesting conversation for the rest of the evening. I had the blackened chicken, a really poor commentary on Caribbean food, and she had a steak, which she tried to eat the majority of. I'd forgotten how easy it was to talk to her, how interesting and charming she could be. She had a cryptic way of viewing the world that was both fascinating and a little paranoid, but entertaining. And she made me laugh, which I hadn't done in weeks. It was a nice evening.

I lived about 15 minutes outside of town and she insisted on following me home. She also insisted on walking me to the front door of the small, starter house I rented. I'd had some wine (not too much since I was driving) and I felt really good...so I didn't object when she kissed me goodnight. I mean...why would I? And...and...how would I know she could kiss like that? In a way that just... god... it warmed me... from my core... made my entire body come alive. I mean...why would I even think anyone could kiss like that?

So, it wasn't until later, much, much later... after she kissed me until I couldn't think anymore... after our clothes left a trail to my bedroom... after we feasted on one another... devouring each another...it wasn't until after she fucked me with her strap-on until I was deliciously raw... until I had several orgasms...it wasn't until after we slept for a while, woke up, and ravished each other again... and then again... yeah, it wasn't until after all of that, and my alarm went off at 6am... and she was gone, that I realized I'd probably made a mistake. So much for a distraction.

***

"Officer Rua, please come in."

This wasn't my first background interview. Several of my students had gone on to apply for the police academy. Some made it, some didn't. I didn't feel it was a reflection on me necessarily, so I wasn't nervous.

We went through the standard questions and then the more challenging ones about my perception of my former student, Michael, who had graduated three years ago. I checked the notes in my file a few times...but I knew it was a lost cause. Michael's family had a long criminal history. It wasn't his fault, but I doubt they would choose him for the academy.

Thirty-five minutes later, I was shaking the officer's hand and walking him to my office door. Once it was closed, I leaned against it and sighed. It had been well over a week, and I didn't usually let myself wallow in it...but for some reason, today, I was in a mood. And so, I let myself remember the feel of her hands on my skin...the weight of her on me, against me...her smell...those amazing muscles all over her body...I liked the way she tasted...and how she was with me...attentive... in the moment ... seemingly enthralled.

She didn't let me waste time thinking about those young strippers, comparing myself to them...not even in my own head. She made me feel...alive...attractive...desired...

I sighed...but that was 12 days ago. And I'd had to give in to the idea that I was a one-night stand. My first. Definitely my last. I couldn't believe I'd waited until I was almost 40 to have a freakin' one-night stand. And...I didn't like it. I didn't like this feeling of...I don't know. Feeling cheap. Like I didn't matter. Like I didn't measure up. Like...I don't know. God, I was so stupid.

I felt like shit. I mean...how do you share something like that and then...that's it? That night had been a pretty great night...but only for me, evidently.

Okay, nope. Didn't have time for this. I had notes to type up, students to track down. No time for feeling sorry for myself. At least not right now.

*

"Why'd she meet with a cop?"

I glanced at the photo of her and that night came back to me... the feel of her in my arms... soft... soft like warm butter... so responsive to my touch, to my every suggestion... fuck. It had been good. Very good. That was probably the reason I hadn't gone back. I didn't need that type of complication in my life. I blinked, focusing on the picture of the cop leaving her office.

"You have someone on her?" I asked, my voice heavy with annoyance.

Gabe raised a brow, ignoring my tone and waiting for an answer.

"No clue."

"So, you're no longer vouching for her?"

I looked at her picture again...remembered the feel of her soft skin...the smell of her perfume...

"I'm on it."

"You sure?"

I nodded.

"Last chance. Then I'm on it."

I nodded again, closing the office door behind me.

*

It was Friday evening. After I'd showered the day away, a tee and sweatpants were in order, as was crappy television and a glass of wine. I wasn't a huge fan of drinking wine considering it almost always gave me a headache the next morning, but I was still in a mood. I'd already caught up on my recordings of The Daily Show (I loved Trevor Noah) and was looking through the other shows I'd recorded for the week when someone knocked on my door. I glanced at the clock...kind of late for someone to just drop by. Still, with my students, it wasn't unheard of.

I stood and made my way to the door, glancing through the small, decorative window in the center...and my heart tripped over itself. Really? Seventeen days later? Although, I thought I had stopped counting...

I glanced down at my casual attire...finished the wine in my glass, thought 'fuck it'...and opened the door.

But I didn't move to let her in. I just stared at her.

"Hey," she finally offered.

I continued to stare. I mean...we'd made no promises. I shouldn't be annoyed, right? And yet...

"Hey," I finally responded.

She raised a brow and had the nerve to smirk...as if she just realized how annoyed I was with her.

"You gonna let me in?"

"You here to pump and dump again?"

A genuine smile this time...and I felt myself melting...damnit.

"Nope. Just need to talk to you for a sec."

I hesitated, knew I was making a mistake, but let her in anyway.

*

I sat at my small breakfast table the next morning...wondering just how stupid I really was. I'm thinking...pretty damn stupid. I'd invited her to sit, offered her a drink...I refilled my wine glass and she smirked when I brought her a glass of Courvoisier VSOP (don't ask, I'd bought it days ago, okay? And that shit was expensive too)... she asked me about Officer Rua, of all things...and then the next thing I knew, she's slowing dragging my sweatpants down my legs and bending her head to feast on me as if she was starved.

And it didn't stop there. Hours later, after we'd finally made it to my bedroom, after she licked, sucked and fucked me like a mad woman, after I was barely conscious from so many orgasms, she'd pulled me against her and we slept, her arm wrapped securely around my middle and her body flush against mine...like I mattered...like she'd never let me go...well, not until she teased me awake some time later and we did it all over again.

I shivered...I could still smell her... feel her against me...on top of me...inside me. Jesus... that woman knew what she was doing. And she had no problem telling me what she wanted...how she wanted it...how long she wanted it...Jesus.

But she'd been gone, again, when I finally woke up.

And while I was pleased I'd no longer had a one-night stand...I wasn't much happier with a two-night stand.

And I was back to feeling sorry for myself.

*

"Interview for one of her students applying to the police academy."

I watched as Gabe nodded, but her shoulders didn't relax.

"I don't want anyone on her," I told her. "I've got it."

She turned from her computer screen to face me, those dark eyes watching me closely.

"Cap, don't make me do something I'll regret later. Fucking watch this bitch for another few weeks, then I'll let it go."

I nodded.

She nodded, dismissing me. But I noticed her shoulders hadn't relaxed before I left the room. Not a good sign.

***

It was day four after the two-night stand. I was feeling a little less crappy about it because I noticed, when I went to order pizza the next night, Cap had added her phone number to my cell. It had made me smile...and feel a little less cheap. Now I was at work and typing up notes from a session I'd just had when someone knocked on my office door before entering.

"Hey Jenna."

"Barb, what's up?"

Barb worked in the main office. She and I had lunch sometimes, but it was much too early for lunch.

"Someone dropped this off for you. Thought I'd bring it by and see if you wanted to get lunch later?"

I took the padded envelope from her. It was heavy and had 'Ms. Graham' scribbled across the front. No return address or anything.

"Sure. 12:30?"

"That'll work. See ya."

I didn't want to lose the flow of typing up my notes, so I set the envelope aside and got back to it.

*

I was leaving for the day when I noticed the envelope again. I was tired and my head hurt, so I decided to bring it home with a few other files I needed to review before tomorrow. Tomorrow I had to call social services to report what a teacher and I believed was an abuse case. This kid simply had too many unexplained bruises in odd places...like around his neck...and on the back of his thighs... the bottom of his feet. Bruises that could not be explained away by a fall. It wasn't the first time the teacher had reported the bruises to me either. So, tomorrow was sure to be a shitty day.

As I was turning into my driveway, I noticed a huge, black pick-up truck parked at the curb. I could feel my heart skip a beat. It couldn't be. I hadn't heard from her. No texts, no phone calls...was she just going to drop by randomly for sex now? Was that worse than a one-night stand? I was now a damn booty call?

Sure enough, she was standing on my porch, smoking another cigar, as I stepped from the car. I grabbed my purse, the files and the envelope I'd brought home, prepared to have it out with her...although if I was honest, I could feel my heartbeat increase and my body grow heavy and slick at just the sight of her. She came forward to take the files from me, which I thought was sweet, watching as I opened the front door. I dropped my purse and keys on the small, decorative table near the front door, she dropped the files and envelope on the coffee table...and then, before I could say a word, her hand was at the nape of my neck, pulling me close, and she was pressing those thick, full, lips against mine. Every word I was prepared to say was erased from my brain as I warmed up to the kiss, warmed up to the feeling of being pressed against her...my lips parted when her tongue inquired, and our tongues met, danced...practically fucked. Her hands were at my waist, my arms wrapped around her neck, and I could feel her moving me backwards, toward the bedroom. My brain finally caught up, but I didn't say what I'd planned.

"I need a shower," I panted.

"Fuck that. Been thinking about you for days."

And that was that. The next time my brain processed a thought, I was lying back on the bed, my hips on the edge, she was kneeling in front of me, my legs on her shoulders, and she was gorging. She nibbled, she licked, she sucked, she bit...it was sloppy...I was soaking wet... it was amazing. I could feel my thighs trembling, looking forward to my brain shutting down as my first orgasm approached...

She let me shower about an hour later, joined me, in fact, and insisted on shaving my pubic hair...then, back to bed. She let me have some fun, nibbling, licking, sucking, biting at her, until she grabbed a handful of my hair, grinding herself against my mouth as she came. She flipped me over, slid into me from behind, ordered me to put a vibrator against my clit, and fucked me hard...brutally...it was fantastic. I must have come four times before a vibrator pressed against her mound set her off, her grunts like music to my ears.

Then she pulled me against her, her arm wrapped tightly around my center once again, her front flush against my back, and we slept.

*

I did not expect her to be there when I woke the next morning. My alarm went off at 6am, I reached to shut it off, and a heavy, muscular arm pulled me back against warm flesh when I moved to get up. I was startled for a moment, needing a moment to process that she was still there and it was morning.

"You stayed," I whispered.

She didn't respond, one hand removing the tee I'd slipped into the night before, the other settling in between my thighs, waking me up in the most wonderful way.

"You're going to make me late," I warned.

She ignored me, fisting a handful of my dark curls and turning my head so she could kiss me...

I was 30 minutes late to work for the first time ever, completely unprepared for the meetings with my students, practically starving since I hadn't eaten the night before and didn't have a chance to grab anything this morning...and the smile on my face clearly reflected that I didn't give a shit.

*

She was there again when I got home. This time, she had bags of Chinese food with her. Thank God because I didn't think I could survive another sex marathon without sustenance. I smiled at the thought.

"Hi," I greeted as I made my way towards the front door. She smirked, not responding.

I opened the door to let us in and switched on the lights. I tossed my purse and keys on the table near the door, removing my jacket as she made her way into my small living room. She started removing cartons of food from the bag she carried, so I made my way to the kitchen and grabbed plates and utensils. Moments later I had piles of food heaped on my plate and we were watching old episodes of Seinfeld.