From the Mouth of Babes Pt. 03

As I walked down the hall looking for the offices of the best psychologist I could find in the area, I thought back to our last joint session with my grand daughter's counselor. During that session I learned a lot more about my daughter's affair with her boss and the active role she played in planning and executing her adultery. I also saw the extreme hatred my grand daughter held towards her own mother for the destruction of her father and their family. It was painfully obvious in the shear look of glee on her face as she enumerated each individual bit of bad karma which befell the adulterous couple over the last week. Of course a large part of that was caused by the fact that my grand daughter truly loved both her father and her grandfather with all her heart. She was the ultimate 'daddy's girl'.

Sadly, I was certain that there was no possibility, and absolutely no hope, for my daughter's marriage to ever recover from the devastation her affair had heaped upon it. There was simply no scenario I could envision that ended with my son-in-law forgiving the pair for the horrible levels of humiliation exhibited towards him throughout their affair, topped off with cuckolding him in their own home and in his own marriage bed. No man could ever be expected to put up with that level of shit from someone who supposedly loved them.

After my grand daughter finished her confrontation with her mother, she turned to me with the same level of hatred and asked "And as for you grandma, what's taking you so long to acknowledge your adultery against my grandpa?"

I told her that after her revelations I have stopped any further cheating. I tried to tell her that I needed time to prepare myself mentally and emotionally before I could face my husband to tell him that I had been cuckolding him for years, but she was having none of it. What I couldn't tell her was that I was waiting for the results of DNA testing to prove the parentage of our daughter (her mother) and I also needed time to consult with a divorce attorney to determine my options.Yes, I was still heavily into CYA mode.

"You've got two weeks." she replied "If you haven't started something by them, I'll tell grandpa everything I know. If I have to force you and my mother to help grandpa begin healing, you better believe I'll do it." And I was sure she would do just that.

So, here I am now seeking the assistance of a professional psychologist to determine why I cheat and to prepare for my impending confrontation with my husband. Thank God the DNA test results came back quickly and proved my husband is our daughter's bio-dad.

I won't go into the specifics of my one-on-one sessions with my counselor as they are simply too embarrassing. Suffice it to say that I was raised to believe I was special and 'entitled' to do whatever I wanted regardless of how that impacted those around me. Finally, after four days of intense preparation and counseling, we came to the point where it was necessary to include my husband in our sessions, so my dreaded confrontation was at hand. The last direction she offered was "Whatever you do, DO NOT begin with the phrase 'Honey, we need to talk'. It's amazing how that one little intro can cause so much pain and heartache to the male psyche. Now, good luck and, remember, you've taken the first big step by admitting you have a problem. We can only hope your husband will realize how big a step that was for you to take and that he still loves you enough to want to save your relationship and participate in your recovery."

I replied "If not for my grand daughter I don't think I ever would have made taken that first step on my own. I'm scared to death he'll want a divorce. My only hope is that I haven't hurt him so badly that reconciliation is not a option. I pray that he still loves me enough that he's open to joint counseling sessions to address both of our needs."

We hugged and I left for my meeting with my husband. As I walked to my car, I felt as I imagined a death row convict must have felt on the walk from his/her cell to the gas chamber. Kind of like the 'dead man walking' scene from the movie "The Green Mile".

Confrontation

When I drove into our garage, my husband's car was parked in his usual spot. I had to wait a good 5 minutes to compose myself and prepare for the terrible confrontation that was sure to come. Finally, when I could stall no longer, I squared my shoulders, took a deep breath and entered our home for probably the last time.

I found my husband sitting in his favorite recliner in the living room reading the evening paper. I cleared my throat and asked "Honey, can I speak with you for a few minutes? I've got something to get off my chest that I fear might hurt you and our marriage."

He looked up at me with sad eyes, folded his paper and calmly asked "What? Have you wrecked the car, maxed out your credit cards, or finally picked out my replacement?"

I was a little shocked at his last response, but with a nervous smile on my face I replied.

"No. None of the above. Hopefully, with professional help, I'm coming out of a very long period of selfish and destructive behavior that I feel sure that you're partially aware of judging by your last remark." I held back my tears and sighed.

"Anyway, as a side effect of the counseling sessions with our grand daughter, I became acutely aware of my terrible behavior and the pain and suffering it has caused our families. Subsequently, I began seeing a psychologist to determine why I have so boldly cheated on you over the years and what steps I, no we, need to take to hopefully repair the damage my reprehensible trysts have caused our family and you in particular. I don't know if you've noticed, but I've stopped my affairs. We have reached the point in my therapy where I must 'confess my sins' to you, beg your forgiveness, and ask you to accompany me to any further therapy sessions with the hope to preserve our marriage. Before you answer I must admit to you that I have cheated a long time and am ashamed that I began before our daughter was conceived."

I couldn't bare to see the hurt look on my husband face and turned away to get the DNA results from my purse while I continued talking "But I have test results that.."

My husband interrupted me by sadly stating "I could have saved you that expense because when I realized what you were doing I began preparing for our divorce. Then you became pregnant so I had to postpone legal separation papers and had DNA testing done shortly after she was born to verify I was the father. Of course, once I held our daughter in my arms I knew I'd never let her go."

To say I was shocked is an understatement. I could see and hear the pain he'd been suffering for years in every word he spoke and it was killing me that I had caused it all with my entitled attitude.

He continued with "I also contacted a lawyer and she advised me of the many bad effects a divorce would have on our family. She also recommended that, with the way the court system screwed the husbands in no fault divorce states like ours, I should 'do nothing' and wait to see if you would 'self correct' your behavior. She seemed to feel your apparent 'need to cheat' may be the result of postpartum depression. I doubted that, especially since your cheating affairs began before you became pregnant, but I took her recommendation into consideration.

But the deciding piece of advice I got came from an unlikely source, our priest. He reminded me of the wedding vows we took before God and family. Not the 'forsaking all others' part which you were obviously breaking, but the 'in sickness and in health' and the 'through good times and bad times' parts. Vows I must say that meant a lot. Well, to me at least."

By this time I was crying so hard I could barely talk. "But you never said anything and stayed with me long after our daughter married and started her own family. Why?"

"The simple answer is because I loved you and I still do. So, yes I will go to counseling with you. But I've got to say, 'It's about damn time' you got your stuff together."

The end