All Comments on 'Frozen in a Kiss Pt. 01'

Wonderful story, however I get thrown off by everyone being perfectly capable of holding full conversations and doing tasks in the middle of sex. Theres a lot to be said for losing yourself in the moment of the experience and I dont see how all these first times for these women would be so nonchalant.

And I certainly appreciate the whimsical direction you took! The only problem with that style is its hard to fully flesh out characters and situations in a way that keeps readers interested from installment to installment. Balancing this writing style with, say, developing a meaningful antagonistic force going forward might be a challenge. Good luck! :)

I enjoyed your concept for the story line and enjoyed the casual attitudes of the characters. you do need to however tighten up the dialog and descriptions, some times it was disjointed and a bit hard to follow. Never the less I enjoyed it an look forward to more.

Hi Mary if this is your first go good job. I have read the other comments. They all have some good points and will help your ongoing story. I think this story has a few option choices on direction it will take. I think you will need to develop the two main characters this will give the story some back bone and will help direction and momentum. Looking forward to the next chapter. R