Frustration

All that week it was like nothing had ever happened. Dave went to work and came home at the same time he always had. There were no mysterious phone calls or texts. I checked. I was a little tense on Wednesday the 31st, but there was no sign of him packing or making plans to leave. At work, I asked Carl how he was travelling and he said everything was normal at his end.

Things were so good on Friday night that, in bed, I decided to formalise things a bit. We had just finished making love.

"So, you've decided to stay I see. What was it changed your mind? The thought of grandchildren or the thought of losing an A grade piece off ass like me?"

"No Sue, there were some visa problems, they've promised it for Tuesday next week though."

"What! But I thought you were going to stay?"

"Why? You never asked me to stay."

"Bu...bu....but you've been acting so normal. We've made love every night since last Saturday."

"Well, as you said yourself Sue, I'd be a fool to turn down an A grade piece of ass like you. I don't know what the situation is in Vietnam. It may be a while for me."

I was stumped. I couldn't have been more shocked if you'd hit me with 100,000 volts. Speechless.

"The extra time will come in handy though. My friend says that I should tell Carl's wife what you've been up to. That makes sense. If the situation were reversed, I would want her to tell me. I'll go over there tomorrow. Goodnight."

All my relaxation of the last week was irretrievably blown away. I was back in panic mode again. Incapable of thinking logically. That is perhaps why I said,

"But Dave, if you do that it will destroy his marriage. If his wife finds out he will lose everything. His wife, his kids.....just everything."

Dave sleepily reached out and turned the bedside light off. Then from the darkness said,

"Then why did he fuck you?"

Seeing my destiny slipping out of my own hands I instinctively reached out for help. I jumped out of bed, went downstairs and rang Carl's cell. He was mortified of course. He told me to meet him at work and we would decide on a strategy. I went upstairs and got dressed, then left for the 20 minute drive to work. Dave was gently snoring away. Once at work, Carl pumped me for everything he wanted to know about Dave. Morals, values, weak points and physical characteristics. I warned him that in a fair fight, Dave would bury him.

Once he was satisfied, Carl drove us home. We talked some more on the way. Once there, I had to grope for the front door as the sensor light wasn't working. I went upstairs to rouse a grumpy Dave, while Carl waited in the lounge. When we came down, Carl was obviously as nervous as a butchers thumb and stood well away from the brick shithouse that was my husband. He begged and pleaded with Dave. Using my information about Dave's soft spots to appeal to his conscience. I think it was the idea of ruining the lives of Carl's children that finally got through to Dave. That's when he softened and promised not to tell Carl's wife. Carl was obviously, joyfully relieved. For the first time he approached Dave to shake on the deal. I felt oddly disappointed.

The handshake went on for far longer than usual. I looked down at the joined hands and saw Carl's hand was going white. Not as white as his face when I looked at it. Finally he gave out a low whimper which broke the contact. He vigorously rubbed his fist. I told Dave that I would get a lift back to my car and led Carl out the door. Dave walked towards the kitchen but asked me over his shoulder,

"Sue, can I have a word with you alone please?"

"Sure Dave."

I told Carl to wait for me in the car then returned to the kitchen. Dave was hauling on a rope which led through the open window. About five seconds later there was a slap sound outside then an oath.

"Sounds like Carl has tripped over."

This bizarre sequence of events triggered about a million questions but Dave got in first.

"Sue, I want you to imagine you are in a bar and a guy comes up to you and offers you $2M to sleep with you. What would you say?"

I knew I wasn't in the right frame of mind to think logically, so I tried to avoid the question.

"Really Dave, do we have to play games now?"

"Just humour me Sue."

"Well, for $2M I'd say yes. Think about it Dave. $2M means a flash car, a flasher house, country club membership, status and a family with no money worries."

"Okay Sue. Thank you for your honesty. Now if the same guy asked you for a blowjob for $20, what would you say?"

"I would tell him to fuck off and ask him if he thought I was a hooker. Look what's this all about, tell me?"

"Do you know what he would say Sue?"

I sighed. "No, I have no idea Dave."

"He would say, 'We both know what you are, now we're just haggling the price'. Good night again Sue. If you come back, try not to wake me up."

"I'll be home in less than an hour Dave. We really need to talk."

As I walked down the darkened driveway I wondered what that had all meant. It sounded like a complicated way for Dave to call me a hooker. Dave didn't do complicated. I was surprised to see Carl sitting in the passenger seat of his own car with some tissues pressed against his knuckles. He told me he'd tripped on the path and cut his hand. If I drove, he could staunch the bleeding by the time we got back to work. I got us there and made a point of kissing Carl goodnight.

In the twenty minutes I had to think before getting home I pondered my disappointment that Dave had agreed to keep his mouth shut. I also cursed myself for burning those photographs.

Without them I would have to think of another way of tipping off Carl's wife. I knew now that my marriage was over. No man calls his wife a prostitute, however subtly, if he intends staying with her. If I could destroy Carl's marriage then I should be able to guilt him into letting me trade up with him. Sure, he would be poorer after the divorce and wasn't much of a catch physically but he would still be loaded. There was still a way of snatching something from this whole fiasco and I was going to give it my best shot. That and lawyers on Monday were my only plans. I prayed it wasn't too late to get an injunction to freeze Dave's bank accounts.

I saw the flashing lights of a police car well before I reached the house. It was parked in our driveway. Along with another strange car and a van. As I walked towards the door a man in a white boiler suit was walking out with what looked like an axe handle in a clear plastic bag with a label on it. Inside, a uniformed officer asked my name then asked me to sit in the downstairs bedroom until a detective could speak to me.

That was when I saw Karen from across the road speaking to a man in a suit. From the bedroom I could just hear what she was saying to him. She was describing that she'd seen me leaving in my car at about 10PM. Shortly after that, her friend Dave had rung her and told her that he was half expecting some angry visitors. He'd asked her to keep an eye on his house. If the visitors left and he hadn't rung her within five minutes to call the police. She then gave a good description of Carl's car, saying she had a good view of it under the streetlight. She then went on to give a description of Carl as the man she had seen walking with me to the house. After about three quarters of an hour, we'd both left. Rather than just ring the police she'd come over and found the door open. Taking the brave step of coming in the house, she'd seen Dave unconscious and bleeding lying next to the bloodied axe handle. Following her first aid training she'd called an ambulance then put Dave in the recovery position and staunched his bleeding until it arrived.

After finishing her statement she expressed an opinion that it was careless of me and whoever the guy was to leave so many clues. The detective said that it was quite common in crimes of passion. Having been released, Karen rushed off to the hospital.

I knew it was my turn next and that it wouldn't make much difference what I said. Whoever Dave's new friend was, they were obviously one devious son of a bitch.

I was arrested of course. An hour after I arrived at the station, Carl was put in the holding cell across from me. He was wearing what promised to be an impressive black eye by the morning. He commented, "My wife", to my unspoken question. Turns out his wife was waiting for him when he got home from my place and laid straight into him. She'd been told weeks ago by Dave what her husband was up to. She had weeks of frustration to vent. He begged her to forgive him and not file for divorce. She'd said she had no intention of divorcing him for about 12 months. She predicted a two to five year abandonment was about to happen.

An hour later a doctor arrived to dress his injured hands. Not until a police evidence photographer had finished though. All of a sudden the memory of Dave hauling on a rope made perfect sense. A rope stretching across a darkened path was sure to trip someone and had a good chance of damaging their hands.

My plan B was irretrievably smashed by the last words I heard Carl speak, almost to himself.

"I lost everything, fucking everything and for what. Some lousy, second rate sex."

It was three days before I could find someone who would post bail for me. I mean, not even my own mother. When I left, Carl was still there. Seems neither of our spouses were feeling forgiving. When I walked in the door, Dave was there sitting next to a bunch of suitcases. He had a big bandage on one side of his face, the rest of it was black and blue. Ever the gentleman he stood as I went to sit down at the table. He winced a bit like his ribs were hurting.

"I see your visa finally came through."

"What?"

I looked at the suitcases. He followed my glance.

"Oh those. No they're yours."

"Why do I have to leave if you're going to Vietnam in a few days? Can't I stay here, I have nowhere to go. I certainly won't be able to afford anywhere else, my job is toast for sure."

Dave just looked at me with an expression almost of pity.

"I was never going to Vietnam Sue. That was just to put the pressure on you and back you into a corner."

While I digested what that meant, Dave was absently rubbing the side of his face.

"Fuck that woman can swing an axe handle."

"Who, Karen?"

"No, Carl's wife. She's only a slip of a thing but boy can she hit. I reckon she used to play baseball."

"She is your 'friend', I presume Dave?"

"No, there was no friend Sue."

"Then who..........."

A deadly surety hit me and stopped that sentence dead in its tracks.

"I told you right from the start Sue. Growing up a ward of the state taught me to hide my emotions, my feelings and most of all, my intelligence. Kids showing any of those just got eaten. By the time I'd grown up, it was just second nature. Then I found that by appearing dumb, people constantly underestimated me, and it gave me an advantage. I thought you saw through all that though Sue, but I reckon even you got simple and stupid confused. 'Statchoot of limitations' indeed."

I looked up and saw the grin on his face as his words from last week registered on my memory. This was amongst the longest speeches that I'd ever heard come out of his mouth. I recognised the truth in what he was saying. I realised that I'd been totally outclassed by someone who was far from unintelligent.

"No there never was a friend Sue. I knew you were so sure that I was incapable of doing any of this myself that I invented one. Funny, it was imaginary friends that got me through my childhood as well."

Who was this guy?

"Also for the record dear, there never was a lawyer, smart people don't use lawyers in divorces. They feed on conflict. The more conflict there is, the fatter they get. So they create conflict. They get fat, everyone else gets fucked."

He gave me the courtesy of letting me absorb all this. It took a while.

"So who told you I was, er, stepping out?"

"There you go again. No one told me Sue, I worked it out all by myself. I think it is the Chinese that have the proverb, 'A fool chatters, while a wise man listens'. I just listened and watched Sue. Shit, you were so convinced that I was a clueless fool that you didn't even hide it that well. Really Sue, going from not working after hours, to working every Monday night for six weeks. Oh and two Saturdays as well. Coming home from 'work' freshly showered then not letting me near you. The respect you had for me was awesome wasn't it? "

"And the photos?"

"Little old me again I'm afraid. You know, you really should check the curtains are closed when you're misbehaving in motel rooms."

I couldn't help thinking of one of the junior managers at work. He made sure to always spout out the latest management catch phrases. His latest one was, 'paradigm shift'. I realised that was what I was struggling with now. Getting my brain to go from believing I'd married a slow thinking, non-complex man, completely free of guile to what? Someone who had outmaneuvered me at every turn. That took a while as well.

"But you never gave us a chance Dave. I was the only one fighting for our marriage. You never even considered forgiving me did you?"

"Of course not Sue. We discussed it so many times didn't we? What did you call it? Our one strike and you're out policy."

"But you never even gave me a chance to explain. You never listened to one word I said. Just came out with, 'Then why did you fuck your boss', till I wanted to strangle you."

"Yes, I know Sue, infuriating wasn't it? But it bought me the time I needed to get everything in place and to back you into a mindset of getting Carl here for the showdown. And I did listen to you Sue, every word you said. In bed that first night, in front of the TV. Every word. I kept walking away when I couldn't stand your lies. They just killed me"

I dropped my eyes in absolute shame at all the memories.

"In all your speeches, the ones you gave me and I'm guessing the ones you rehearsed in your head, there were two things missing Sue. The truth and any sign of remorse."

Could I feel any lower?

"The only time I think I heard the truth was when I eavesdropped on your conversation with your mother. That was enlightening."

I couldn't take any more, I got up and walked towards my suitcases. Dave got up to help me but I told him to rest his ribs.

"You know Dave, you really had me going when you made love to me that whole week. I really thought we were okay."

"Hey, what can I say, I'm a guy remember? Plus you have to admit, it distracted you from going to the lawyers didn't it. Just on that point, if you ever feel like a cuddle, you know where I live. If I'm not in a relationship I'm sure we can work something out."

I picked up my bags and walked outside to my fate. Turning just once to look back at my simple husband.

The end