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would spread my legs in an instant to feel that cock deep in me - but does need more to this story!
Don't worry too much about spelling and grammar, worry about story and content" Thomas Jefferson said You should never trust a man who has only one way to spell a word.". So if you follow the commentators comments on grimmer and spelling we would toss all of Jefferson works because of all the spelling and grammar mistakes. (yes the Declaration of independence has spelling errors). After Jefferson died, his grandson Thomas Jefferson Randolph published his works but not until after editing and correcting what were mostly correction in spelling and grammar. It is ideas concepts and and story that you must focus on. If they are good others will edit and republish it after you die. If they are not, who cares. I suspect the commentator is a frustrated teacher....obviously in Jefferson's world, not worthy of trust. :).
Horrible writing. Grammar, punctuation and spelling all suck. "Cuming"—what kind of word is that?
Stop sending stuff until you can write clearly.
I thought the part where he screams out im ejaculating was kinda silly no guy I have ever fucked has said that...
I'm interested in reading more, but you need to work on your punctuation and proof-reading a bit.
Your quotations should go like this:
"What do you mean?" she asked. The punctuation always goes before the quotation mark at the end of the sentence.
You also need to watch your word/spelling choices; I've copied and pasted part of a sentence to show you what I mean:
'As is the case in most colleges, the students were up and out the door; all accept James' ... that should have been except James. The way you've worded it sounds like he's taking something at that moment or was given something. Like an acceptance letter to school.
Other than that, it's a good story so far.