All Comments on 'Gabby's Homecoming'

stick to your day job...

I liked the originality of it- the references to Grandma, the way it moved into the hook, and the consistency of it. I'm not sure the Franglaise worked- some how it broke the rhythm. I also noted how you sought to use every word in your vocabulary to describe anatomical features and I cringed when you used the word "manhood". Prong wasn't a great deal better- some how the word choices removed the feeling of sincerity from the plot. I was surprised too with how little emotional response she had- it seemed very clinical in parts as though the story had been edited over and over and to get the language "right" you lost the emotional things. In saying this I don't mean it was bad, like my work, there is room for improvement and as the writer it's always difficult to know where. I thought the plot was wonderfully, interestingly original and with that every thing else isn't so significant. Thank you for a most interesting read. Please retain the imagination.

Thanks to a bunch of you guys who e-mailed me with positive comments. And even the criticism is helpful. Much appreciated.

... wasn't

Totally unbelievable - no suspense, no story line ....

Hee! Cute!