All Comments on 'Game Over'

Would like a part 2 where we find out who did the email and why? It was probably the boss screwing her but why he would post that for all to see is crazy. And of course this guy has to get proof if it is his kid or not.

But if there is a part 2, please don't do the she was blackmailed thing. I mean she had to screw him to get the promotion and then he just wouldn't let it end. That has been done way to often.

Is there more to this story?.

Great story, but have a DNA test done on junior.

I would enjoy a follow up to this one. First picture of little boss...

Well....didn’t do it for me, could have been good if the ending hadn’t been so weird. No explanation, no elaboration...since she was fucking around, could be anybody’s kid. Nahhh...

And then you die...

So...... was it his kid or not?

If the baby is in fact his he needs to support it and be a good dad. Doesn't mean he has to forgive his cheating ex nor have any contact with her other than to deal with his son. Again if the DNA proves it's his.

Kind of hope there’s more to this, but understand if it’s one and done.

That's a burn that will leave scars... Nice ending. It would have been a bit clearer if you had mentioned getting remarried to a new wife, but the point came through.

I only have two things to say. Get a dna test if this goes somewhere and maybe a part 2 about the truth of the matter but no reconciliation.

Ouch. That hurt.

Now what does he do. I demand a second chapter to finish the story.

LOL

RSKY

This was unfinished. After 3 plus months and NO communication, she wants him to believe it's his kid? How unlikely is that? And how sad is it that she never tries to talk to him? They must not have had much of a marriage if all he took was one suitcase with him when he left. And what kind of special idiot moves back to his former wife's home town? That's the very definition of insanity. Time to move on. Props for working The World Of Warcraft into the story. I've played forever. Thanks for the effort. Maybe a second chapter?

I loved the story until the last two sentences.

Now there will need to be a part two to show the baby is not marks.

An the pain that goes with that.

The end is a little vague as to the baby's father. The way the ending reads, she is saying that her ex-husband is her number one love and the baby is the second. There was nothing in the lead-up to indicate that they were trying for a baby together. If You author had made it clear that the baby belongs to the ex-husband, then this would be a decent, if typical, set up for a second chapter. As it stands, it is muddled.

The dates don't match up for it being his baby if the divorce has already gone through!

I read this three times-Who the fuck is Mark?

The only name in the story was John Jones her Boss

???

I guess I'll wait to see if there's more?

Good pace for a short but not nearly enough for the plot with the ending.

Needed at least three or four pages to work this out.

Too “matter of fact”. Lack of any confrontation or interaction with wife, especially after the fact.

And the ending was lame. Especially since fetus could have been someone else’s.

2**

Damm when i hear these hoes start singing that baby is yours tune. I think of Kanye's song Gold Digger. Especially the part where he says 18 yrs 18 yrs. First and second love of her life while she is taking another dude's dick WTF.

As it stands this is a ok story more like a introduction to a long story. It's been left open too much to get anything more that a 2 or 3 star. If it gets a continuation I'd happily bump it up to a 4 but as it stands it's just an unfinished tale.

Wrong category. Should be in the non erotic. one *

Written by someone that interfaces with people primarily through a keyboard and probably spends more time with computers than with other humans. It might work as a fantasy game but not as a story.

Decent story, but the ending left a lot to be desired. 3 months and no communication - Either she, the lawyers, or her parents would have tried to contact him. At this point he should insist on a DNA test. He may have to pay child support, and I'm sure his parents would want to meet and know their grandchild but there is no chance of reconciliation in this tale. If she had been drugged/raped she would have been doing everything possible to contact him and filing criminal charges against her boss. In this case she is just a rich slut that now has to grow up and be a single mother because she wasn't mature enough to be in a marriage. I hope her dear old Daddy lowers the boom on her, and makes her see how tough life can be.

Liked the story.

Mark's name comes into the story about 5 lines to the end.

And I only read it once!!!

Interesting quickie.

The ending entails a prolonged “Hmmmmmmmm”.

Well okay. Here is the deal, sonogram after 3 months is fine. Second, this day and age they do DNA testing early, so if it was Mark jr. she would know from the fluid. I don't think he would care anyway since he would be jail bate because his deliberate action of posting a link like that is by definition revenge porn. A felony and since he worked at an IT firm I doubt any of his actions were not keylogged. I am curious who sent him the feed?

My last line would be Mark Junior, DNA test confirmed, a child he will never know. To bed for him.

Ok, lets add some reality to this. First he is called Mark by the person who knows him. Second, he can't sue his employer because his marriage falls apart, that is your problem. I don't know of a single state where that would not either be tossed or actually have a sanction for frivolous lawsuit penalty being assessed. As far as posting the link, it is still illegal, you can not third party post anything like that without being reamed out civilly and criminally. Sorry that is just the way it is. Finally, the father is who she puts on the birth-certificate until he proves he is not, and is on the hook for child support until he proves he is not AND the court accepts it. The standard is "best interest of the child" and that means the court can say "tag you are it". There are several cases where fathers proved they were not the parent and still had to pay until 18 and in in some states 21. I know of one case in Nebraska where the woman had 3 kids from 3 different men and the courts assessed support for each man for his child AND the husband for ALL three children until 18

she name a stranger baby after her x husband , fuck up.

Well, problem with the story, a divorce in Texas can not be final if the wife is pregnant. Been there.

If the MC is ‘big’ Mark, it needed to be clearer. I enjoyed it until the last sentence. Or is it the boss’s baby and he’s her first love? That uncertainty had the ending not working for me.

weak

Needs to be finished. Good start, but the end wasn’t an ending.

Rather empty. Nothing indicates it could be his kid, obviously it seems he wasnt spending time with his wife so we can just assume it could/would be Johns kid. So the end really did absolutely nothing for me, the first love of my life line was hollow, the baby....none of it came together in any meaningful way.

@anonymous with high reading speed and low comprehension:

Mark is the main character. The husband.

A few lines above the part that gave you trouble, his secretary comes into his office and calls him, "Mark".

lololol @anon "who the fuck is mark?" Look up 3 sentences when Kelsi asked him if he saw the ex's post... ADD at it best (worst?).

Too f***ing bad for her

YUCK. a baby is born and has a *part-time* father, now not living in the same city. I wonder *if* you will update as a sequel?

I reiterate anon's question. Was Mark the narrator?

Sort of all over the place with that ending

Either this is only the start of a story, or it sucks.

If this is the end, then it ruined what was a good story. 2* Let's wait and see.

Ignore my comment about Mark, I noticed the one mention just as I submitted my comment. However there’s still the ambiguity of whether the MC is really the father. Unless there’s a second part, that last bit unfinished the ending. It had a great pace up to that point. I still really liked it overall - but could’ve loved it

Not mine without a dna test.

and just whose baby is it his or some other guy likely the latter

Well, that complicates things just a little. Wait for the DNA test, if it's his he can take care of it. He doesn't have to bother with the cheating ex who obviously loves only him.

Well, He Said He Had A Chunk Of Money Now

Guess he will be spending some on child support.

It is funny that mentioning the pending birth of a child is the first confirmation that any of these people are human. Up to that point it was all about computers and software and how to use them to maximize the destruction of his wife, her lover(s), and anyone else within legal or emotional reach. Guess this marriage was a little weak on the communication aspect. But despite ghosting each other for months, she claims she's having his child, and loves him more than anyone else in the world, including their son. Is that what is known as a glitch in the system?

And what happens next with their relationship will be the most interesting part of the story, that is being left out. We don't even know if she was being coerced or having her dream fuck, and neither does the husband.

Well, he's really really good with computers. Probably the closest he ever comes to a hard drive. Guess she was looking for some more reliable and effective inputs.

Thanks for the effort.

another of trying to blame the baby on him.....DNA dumbaassssssssssssss

She'll have to prove it first.

Not bad, but, ….

If he’s divorced, why would Kelsi ask if he saw his ‘wife’s post’? Wouldn’t she have asked if he saw his ex’s post?

And, as was said before, it’s pretty unclear who the father is. Given that the divorce went through, it’s likely the kid isn’t his, which means that ex saying the father is the first love of her life is probably just a dig at the narrator. But, it should be clear which it is, especially if it’s meant to be a surprise ending.

***This story should be in an IT Manual. Fun read. Thanks for sharing.

The story was going great guns until the end, when such a revelation is more a "game on" than "game over", because now the becomes a completely new ball game and, if the baby is his, then some sort of new relationship has to be negotiated, which has entertaining possibilities..

OK, there are still issues with the finished story and possibilities that all is not as it seems:

1. If her father owns the company, why is ExWife (I’ll call her that in the absence of a name) sleeping with her fat boss for a promotion?

2. The bitly link is described as a live stream, which is why everyone who cares for ExWife calls Mark except for ExWife herself, who is clearly otherwise engaged. Mark says he never had the presence of mind to actually record the video for his divorce, it was ExWife's ex-wife that recorded and posted the video to a porn site, so who was it that instigated the recording, posted it on a presumably private site and sent the URL link to Mark?

3. Why has ExWife waited until the divorce is finalised and all the compensation claims paid up before posting the sonogram? The average uncontested divorce from claim to decree absolute is 8 months, where there is any dispute in the process, that rises to 11 months. Quicker divorces in the US can be obtained if resident in one of the "quickie" states, but even that usually takes 2-3 months for non-contested divorces and Mark clearly posted for reasons of adultery. In the UK and quick divorce takes 4-6 months. It is clear from the preamble that the couple haven’t had sex for at least half a week and probably longer.

4. We don’t really know whether this FB posting with picture is a hoax from the ExWife to play with Mark's heart and mind. Sample sonograms can be found online and misused. An amniocentesis can be taken between the 15-20 weeks of a pregnancy and ExWife could have forced FatBoss to provide a DNA swab to eliminate him as the father but that still leaves the door open for Mark to question if any other partners were involved.

5. Flash stories are usually one-offs, that is to squeeze the maximum finished story into a minimum space (here 750, other places 480, 100 or to fill a tweet). This could have been settled with adding "proven by amniocentesis", alluding to ExWife and Mark's DNA results on Ancestry for example and reason for delay of posting put down to the testing timeframe.

So, I for one would like to see a Chapter 2 because 99% of "Chapter 1" was right on the BTB button and the cliffhanger at the end has such irresistible possibilities....

And who's daddy that might be, eh cheating wife?

4 star.

My previous comment was who's the daddy?

Oh I get it now.

I read the last few paragraphs again and the baby was Little Mark. The main character who burn the whore-wife is named MARK. Good ending. I'd be ok if this is one and done.

But another question: could there possibly be TWO guys she had sex named MARK?

?is this part 1?

Would have given 4 stars, except for the ending. Lowered it to a 3. This doesn't feel finished.

"First picture of little Mark. The second love of my life. His daddy is the first."

She sure has a funny way of showing it...smh

I have to assume this will be at least a two part series. I'm giving it 4* for now as the overall plot was solid and initial character development was decent. What was lacking was "who" the wife was, the wife's reaction to getting caught, and the standard "why". It left me feeling a little "empty" at the end. I also thought the "lawsuit" against his company for making him work too hard was dumb - those don't exist. You could have taken the lawsuit in the direction of salary employees working beyond 40 hours. I look forward to the next part but I hope you take it to a better/new level of detail.

Good until a really stupid end.

Good start, but really needs a part 2 to finish it all up. Like who sent him the link why did they send it I can only give 3/5

Is this the ending? Very confusing... how come she did not say anything to him before she put it on faceboock?

I do not believe I would ever step foot back in that state. Adultery is like gun control. It seems that the law protects the perpetrators and not the victims. Then if a victim defends themselves the powers that be are liable to slap the perpetrator on the wrist. Like the saying goes, "When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns." Then the people killing most of the people are protected because of the color of their skin or their gender. And all the "Do Gooders" use the law to prosecute the real victim. Not many people involved in situations like this are granted fair trials.

The baby is def his, he should forgive her and let her be with other men

-26thNC Approved

The last line confuses me-was she pregnant before she was cheating? How would he know? If it's three months or so later, first ultrasounds are usually done at 6-8 weeks. Of course the more detailed, picture you take home kind are 18-22 weeks so that would fit the time frame. I just dont think you were clear, or finished the story.

...csak tőmondatokban közli a tényeket,és nincs végkifejlet,valójában egy mondattal zárja le,mint leendő apa,amit nehéz elhinni!

I did not see Ch. 1 in the title.

Great quick rant but the rush to get it over limits understanding

Awesome AND hilarious. DNA time.

Comment to this post:

"You should let your lover know about becoming a daddy. But why did you name it after your ex-husband and not his daddy? If you wanted to hint at Mark being your first love, well, the whole world has seen that love means nothing to you and I'm sorry for the little boy by now."

Needs a chapter two. Mark needs to respond. Is he REALLY the dad? Curious minds want to know.

I’m hoping that you will do a chapter 2 because this is a a great piece of writing. You started off great the story just kind of pulled me in . You kept on going which is really good for a writer especially to keep the readers “ hooked “ . But what gets me is that you were doing a fantastic job especially when you left that tip bit at the end of the story. That just makes the story more juicy like you now want more. It’s like you’ve tasted the product and now we want more . That is how a story should be written when the readers get hooked into the story and want more you should be proud. Now get writing a part 2 you’ve got a talent now prove to us you can write more stories like this ok .

For anyone interested in this. I've finished the first draft of the follow up to this story. It has become two stories (one carries on Mark's journey as part of it, one went from a scene intended to bookend the two stories into a whole story of its own).

If you can't tell from my story posts, I'm slow at getting things out but will do my best to get these stories to you as soon as I can. Hopefully you won't be disappointed.

Too many he mentions without knowing who he was.

Excellent story, look forward to reading more. Well done 5 stars

3 stars because it is not finished.

You have to admit that her one and only response to their divorce is a sonogram of a baby and her statement that it is his - yeah right. DNA test coming for sure. As for her claim of love for Mark - she has a horrid way of showing it in the porn movie with her lover. What a pathetic sub-human she turned out to be.

Left too many details out

I liked it. Needs a part 2 were the baby really is his. what will he do?

And is the kid his?

This was going very well until the sonogram.

I'm English and used to publish on Literotica, so had to smile at the comments. Ignore them. This was a neat story; almost perfect.

Most Americans seem to have no imagination. (No offence if you're one!). They jump on the bandwagon with their pitiful litany of "But what happened?" Christ, there's even a writer called Finish The Damn Story. In the end I got tired of it and gave up.

You have to do a sequel. You have to explain everything (like I said - no imagination). Me? I don't give shit if it's his son, or if he ever contacted his ex. The story is done - the way you wanted it. I give it 5* and hope you continue.

But if you want to appease the trolls, stick in a Mustang, some DDs, a bedroom door slightly ajar, and for God's sake waste two pages on how you met at college. Then they'll be happy!

I liked it.

And agree with much of last anons comments.

But not about the child.

It matters.

So does what kind of a marriage it was, that was ended.

If someone told you his car was stolen,

you'd want to know if it was some old crap

or a brand new Benz.

4 out of 5 from me.

Liked the ending.

But definitely DNA test

Time frame for divorce etc until sonogram.

I thought it was a good little (short) story, but hoped it would have a part 2.

Needs a sequel, otherwise this is just half a story.

A selfish vile human being like her don't no what love is

Part 2?????????

Just another unfinished story from a lazy pseudo writer that can't be bothered..

This needed a follow up.

You really need to learn how to finish your stories rather than just stopping.

5 stars - I do not understand the significance of the last sentence - other than the ex-SLUT might be announcing the birth of the baby she made with the ASSHOLE that destroyed her marriage with Mark. But we will never know for sure because this writer usually leaves you hanging without an ending.

Do these writers have brain freeze and forget to finish their stories.

Dumb ass writer!!

Did the MC get emotional over the sonagram!! Skank was fucking around so get a DNA test!!

But best if he keeps on movng forward without the bitch - ONCE A CHEAT ALWATS A CHEAT

If he’s got any sense get dna

get dna for sure child support is ok dont ever take the bitch back

There should be a rule that states "if you are so enamored with Naturalistic Ending, learn how to write one". Just another unfinished story with more potential but no finishing power.