Gamer Grrrl

Monday, Jan 14

This evening I just showed up at my big brother Tony's door with a duffle bag/ As I knew he would, he invited me in.

"How's everything going, Beth," he says.

"Peachy," I say, "just figured I'd stop by for a visit."

"Can see that, he says looking at my bag. "Well don't just stand there come on in."

It is a small one-bedroom apartment in Frenchtown near his shop. I walk through the tiny galley kitchen. This place must have been built before there were fire codes. That door is the only way in or out of the apartment. I drop my bag on the coffee table and look around. Good I think, the paused game system was set up in its single player mode. I had been hoping that he was alone tonight. Mom said that his on-again-off-again girlfriend Becky had moved out again. I thought that Tony could do so much better in life than her.

"Does mom know you're here?" He asked.

"Nope."

"Call her," he said, handing me his cell phone.

"Look... I was hoping I could stay here for a few days. We got into another fight about school."

"Of course you can stay," he says. "But first call her so that she knows that you're okay."

"So," I say, looking at the television after calling mom and telling her that I was alive and only three miles away. "What are you playing?"

"B-O-B..."

"Can I play?"

"Sure," he says.

He saved the game he was playing, then switched to dual mode and handed me the wired controller. I made a sad face and he traded, giving me the nicer wireless controller with the fancy button extensions. Damn, that was too easy, I thought. Tony is such a nice guy, Becky is a fool.

"You are Flight Leader?" I say trying to reciprocate his generosity.

"You know it, wingman."

We have played video games together since we were little. His current favorite is "Battle of Britain," where you fly Spitfires and try to shoot down Heinkels and Messerschmitts. Years ago I used to sit on his lap when we played. But, while comforting, that really wouldn't be appropriate now however. Growing up was a double-edged sword, today it had really sucked.

"So," said Tony, five minutes into our first mission of the evening, "what's up?"

"I thought come over and cheer you up," I said.

"Thanks, it's working," he said. Then a minute later after we jumped and downed a He-111, "I meant with you."

In time I said, "I had a fight with mom and dad."

A minute or so later he said, "duh."

Our conversation continued at this pace, with a minute or two and plenty of digital activity separating each question and each response.

"I want to quit school," I said.

"Why?"

"I've taken all the classes that I'm interested in..." I said.

"I'm doing an unpaid internship at the Foundry...

"They put me in charge of people they are paying salaries to...

"I'm a schmuck working for free. If I wasn't in school I could get ahead faster..."

"You only have a semester left," he said.

"A lifetime..."

"You're seventeen," he said.

"Wow," you've forgotten, I feigned hurt. "How could you. I'll be eighteen--"

"On Friday, I know," he said immediately. "Is that why it's a crisis now?"

"Pretty much," I said, " I don't need their permission to quit next week."

"That's short-sighted..."

"Why?"

"Sheesh, Beth, you've done twelve and a half-years..." He said.

"Why break-out before your parole hearing...

"Stick it out...

"Get the stupid piece of paper. Then...

"Go and do your own thing."

We played until we were really hungry. Just like we used to when Tony lived at home. I have actually played here a few times over here. When Becky was being a worse bitch than usual and trying to push or pull Tony this way or that. But Becky didn't like my coming over. Tony had always said to just come anyway. But, I didn't want to add to the excess of drama, so I didn't.

We had a nice dinner, Tony boiled some frozen Tortellinis, and served them in a pesto sauce and I made a salad. After dinner he moved the coffee table, pulled out the sofa bed and put a set of clean sheets on it. We played another short video game before he said goodnight and retreated to his bedroom.

Wednesday, Jan 16

I wake up this morning to the smell of fresh coffee and the sounds of Tony in the shower. I look at my cell phone and then the clock on the wall thinking that I had slept through my alarm, I haven't. Tony just got up earlier than yesterday and much earlier than I thought he would.

"Hey there sleepy head," he says as he exits the bathroom and walks to his bedroom.

I am standing in the kitchen pouring myself a cup of coffee when he emerges in his work clothes.

"Would you like some breakfast," I say, offering to make it.

Laughing a tiny bit under his breath, he says, "I've already had some, but thanks. Make yourself anything you want before going to school."

"Yeah, you know, about that..."

"Look, Beth, you have at least four more days counting today," he says. "Please go to school today. We can talk about it tonight if you want."

"Okay," I say. "Why are you up so early?"

"I have a build that I want to get caught up on. Morning is the perfect time to actually get some work done, nobody bothers you."

Tony builds, rebuilds and does custom mechanical work on motorcycles. Just twenty-one, he is already a partner in a small shop with a sterling reputation for high-quality work.

I go to school. Well, because Tony wants me to, and for no other reason.

I would love to get into an art school somewhere. But that isn't happening. Whether I graduate or not, I'm probably going to be doing the same thing a year from now. The only difference being how much crap I put up with between now and then. Tony never "tells" me to do something like mom and dad do; our dynamic is completely different. I freely admit that mom and dad also want the best for me, but we always butt heads when they "tell" me what to do. When my brother "asks" me, it makes me want to comply and please him.

I go over to Tony's shop after school, Leroy, his partner, knows me and lets me into the back workshop. I have a key to Tony's apartment, but it's fun to see what he does at work. Today he has all the parts coming off of a really old V-twin laid out on a workbench and the case which is being stripped is on an engine stand nearby. I pull up a metal stool and sit down.

"How's it going?" I asked.

"Leroy is interested in selling his share of the shop." Tony said after a minute.

We seem to have a lot of these conversations, slow deliberate talks while we are both doing something else. Other folks don't get it, or they think that we are being rude. They think we can't be paying attention if we aren't kowtowing or looking them straight in the eye after dropping every-single- fucking-thing because talking to them was just-so-God- damned-important.

I used to sit in the back of Mr. Zucker's math class and do other homework. He tried to embarrass me a few times by asking me to come up and solve problems, "Beth, since you are not paying attention, why don't you solve for 'x'," he would say. That plan royally backfired, 3z+3x-4y-z=2z pretty much solves exactly the same whether or not I watched my classmates solve the last three problems.

"Oh..." I say a minute later as Tony pulls another part off the case.

"I'll have to break in a new partner."

"Can you buy him out?"

"That would be a great idea but I'm just too leveraged right now."

"Leveraged?"

"I borrowed the money to buy the half I own, so, I can't afford to buy his half right now."

"Tell me how that worked," I say, as he unlocks the arm of the engine stand and turns the case upside down.

"I took my money from grandma and grandpa, and used it...

"Well, it was not quite enough, mom and dad contributed some too...

"And I used it to get a loan to buy half."

"Your inheritance money?" I asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"I get mine on Monday."

"Yeah, that's your money," he says. "Lending it to me would not be a good idea. I need to be able to make the loan payments too. If I owned the place I'd have to pay another person a salary, it's complicated and worse than that cost-prohibitive."

"I love you Tony." I say. He looks at me.

"But I don't recall offering to lend you any money."

"Sorry, no, you didn't."

"I was actually thinking about..." I say, as he scrutinizes a stripped stud.

"Investing in a motorcycle shop."

"Investing?"

"I got a third just as you did," I say, "and it's earned a couple of bucks while sitting around those extra three years. If I could do the same thing you did, then I could buy the other half of the shop."

"Do you draw a salary?"

"What's with the game of 'twenty questions,'" he says. "Yes I do, it helps out with the niceties of life, like groceries, rent and making loan payments."

"So on paper it should work," I say.

"Look," he says. "I'll discuss all the finances in detail later if you are really interested. But meanwhile, think this part over. Doing this I am really cash-poor. The main fight, pretty much the only fight, that I had with Becky was over our lack of cash. Depending on business sometimes even doing something as simple as having a night out. You saw my social life last night, "Battle of Britain."

We discussed how bored I was at school and how inept and clueless one particular English teacher we both had was. At 5:30 the shop closed and I waited outside while Tony bought a six-pack of Pabst at the corner store and we went to his apartment and made ourselves tacos.

Friday, Jan 18

I wake up to Tony giving me a two ounce chocolate cupcake iced with four ounces of pink frosting and nineteen blazing candles. It has to be the goofiest and the sweetest birthday cake ever created. I enjoy it with a mug of "birthday coffee" and a plate of "birthday eggs over easy on birthday toast." Then Tony goes to work and I go to school.

My friend Brie caught up to me at lunchtime. "Dennis thinks you are hot," she said.

"What?"

"Dennis Bauer... He told Samantha that he thinks you are hot and now I'm telling you."

"Okay," I said, "thanks... I think."

"Connie says he is hung."

"Huh?"

"Connie... She says he has a big dick. You know, 'hung like a horse...'"

"Thanks..." I said. "I'll keep that irrelevant fact on file, somewhere."

"Let me show you something," Brie said, pulling out her cellphone.

The title read "Anal Encounters."

"Should we be looking at this?" I asked.

"You're legal," she said, "as of last midnight, just watch and learn."

"My God," I exclaimed, "it's huge."

"Yeah," said Brie smiling, "watch what he does with it."

I'm always trying to figure out why things happen and why they happen when they do. How both of those fit into some grand scheme of things. I am thinking about a lot of things when I get to Tony's shop after school. We had been planning on going to mom and dad's house to celebrate my birthday after the shop closed at 5:30. But, not for the first time, something came up with dad's work and mom called to push the party to Saturday morning instead. And she assigned Tony the job of informing me.

"Here hold the tool like this," Tony says, demonstrating half an hour later. "It compresses the new piston rings so I can slip the jug, the cylinder, down over the piston."

He is showing me how to put an engine back together. My initial upset over my birthday being rescheduled fades as my wonderful big brother and hopefully soon-to-be business partner gleefully teaches me about his work. I realize that it is because I'm the happiest doing something, really anything, with Tony. Since we haven't planned on making dinner tonight, we stop and get Chinese take-out on the way home, Mu-shu pork and Kung-pao beef.

After dinner Tony asks me if I'd like to go out, maybe to a movie or something, but I tell him that I am actually kind of happy that I am here alone with him celebrating my birthday. That the last week has been great, that I love the way that he talks to me and not at me. I tell him that I want to play B-O-B or something with him and just chill tonight. He brings me a beer and my birthday present. I hug him and ask if it would be okay if I open it tomorrow at mom and dads. He says sure.

Shortly after scrambling from a beautiful green grass field to intercept a flight of Dorniers headed for London, I ask him if he remembers how, when I was little, I used to sit in his lap and play "Tetris," and "Space Invaders" with him in the family room.

"Sure, you always have been kind of cool, I mean for a girl," he says jokingly.

"Can I sit in your lap tonight, for old-times-sake?" I say a minute later, as we fall in behind and above the German bombers.

"You know," he says, as he is opening fire with eight .303s. "That might not be the very best idea."

"Why not?" I ask, after downing a bomber who broke right evading my Flight leader's guns.

"I'm a guy who just got dumped," he said, turning into another bomber. "You are a beautiful woman."

"I'm... A beautiful... You think that I'm beau--"

"Switch," Tony called out as his Spitfire ran out of ammo in the game.

As I took the lead position and opened fire on the straggler, I said, "You think I'm beautiful?"

"Sure," he said immediately.

In spite of his maneuvering I was able to down the digital menace and caused damage to another pixelated foe before I too ran out of virtual ammo. After landing I pause the game and retrieve two more beers from the fridge, then I grab my bag and go to the closet then the bathroom.

I returned wearing my long red flannel nightgown.

"Hey," he says, not certain what is going on.

"I decided that I want you as my birthday present," I say answering the unspoken question.

He drained his beer, "Beth..."

"I want to feel you inside me." I said, lifting the hemline as I sit bare bottomed on his lap.

"That might... Damn... Beth..."

"You said I was beautiful."

"You are, and you're my little-sister, Beth."

"I know, you are my loving big-brother. So, I can trust you to make my first time special."

"Beth..."

"You don't want to?" I say as I squirm around in his lap.

"Damn it, I... I do. I just don't think it's a smart thing to do."

"Why?"

"Let's start with: I probably shouldn't get you pregnant."

"No worries," I say, handing him my cocoa butter lip balm.

"What's this for?"

"Becky says it's a good lube. Put some on your penis. Put some in my butt. Then 'insert tab 'A' slot 'B',' you know..."

"Butt?" He says, confusion and arousal mixed in his voice. It was official, I was blowing his mind.

"That way we don't need a condom, and I get to feel you and not a piece of plastic."

"Unless you don't want to." I know he wants to, I can feel his erection through his pants.

"Beth... I love you, and--"

"See, here you are proving to me that you are perfect," I say, "you never once said you don't want to. You are hesitating because you love me."

I am doing a slow grind on his lap.

"I do and--" He says as his hands finally move to my hips.

I increase the intensity of his lap dance.

He is nice and hard now.

I crawl out of Tony's lap on all fours and show him my naked backside and pussy as I pull my nightgown out of the way.

"Take me, Tony, I'm yours."

His reluctance gone, he stands, unbuckles his belt, drops his pants and grabs the lip balm.

I position myself precariously on the sofa and Tony starts to rub the lip-balm on my sphincter, getting it nice and greasy. His fingers feel so nice on my body, then he goes inside just a little bit spreading the lube around. I am really getting turned on by all of this and we hadn't even started yet. He squirts more on a finger and slides his finger into me. Tony is in my asshole.

I moan softly.

"Okay?" He asks.

"That feels good," I say.

He climbs up on the sofa and positions himself. Gently but persistently trying to work the tip of his penis into my butt hole. It wasn't going easy because I am so tight.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"My understanding is that the first time always hurts," I say.

"What?"

"It's okay if you hurt me a little bit, I won't break."

Tony has a tight hold on me, his penis is trying to work its way in while his hands on my hips are trying to pull my butt onto his phallus.

"Push," I say.

His head is finally inside of me. He has a very tight hold on me and is slowly pushing and pulling us together into one.

I whimper and he slows to a halt.

"Don't stop... Ever..." I say.

He doesn't.

I get tense, I'm cramping, but I say "Keep going. Fuck this ass."

He is in deep and it hurts some but I want even more of him. I am moaning and trying to adjust my body, to accomodate my "visitor," and to balance myself on his pole.

"Please, don't stop." I say.

After a moment, all of the sharp pain has subsided. I touch myself in front and that helps a lot.

Tony is moving around. I whimper as he slowly, gently, fucks my ass. I want every bit of his penis up deep nside of me.

"Just... Don't stop." I say.

My body is twitching and I'm moaning. Maybe my ass is trying to push the invader out. But that is not what I want. I want to feel his penis tickling my tonsils, from my ass.

"Keep going." I say.

He is buried in my ass.

His fingers find my swollen clitoris and move over to play with my greasy lips. At that point all my pain fades into pleasure. Slowly at first but as he continues to fuck my ass all of my groans turn to little squeels of pure exuberant joy.

My body has accepted Tony's presence. It is no longer trying to expel him.

Tony is rubbing my clit as he is fucking my ass, very powerfully and very slowly. I can smell it as my cunt is dripping juice all over the sofa.

.

It really feels nice deep down inside me. The more Tony moves, the more stimulated I become.

As his tempo increases Tony stops playing with my pussy and grabs my hips with both hands. I reach for my clit but I can't stimulate it because I need both of my hands to keep from falling off. I realize my fingers aren't needed, Tony's penis in my ass is stimulating my clitoris from the inside.

"I... Belong... To... You... Now... Tony..." I say, right before I come.

"Did you--"

"Don't stop... Please, don't ever stop."

He is getting close too. I can feel it.

"It is soooo good," I say.

"Yeah, I'm--" Tony says, but he already has.

"Fuck, I love you," I say.

"Yeah, I love you, too." Tony says falling out of me.

I reach up to my cunt and play with my clit for a minute, Jilling myself to a second orgasm.

A little semen leaks from within me and drips down my leg as I fall face first, exhausted on the sofa.

Tony lays face down beside me, squishing me between himself and the back cushion. He turns me towards him and hugs me so very deeply.