All Comments on 'Gamer Grrrl'

Should definitely be a warning that there’s anal, not everyone is into that and can ruin the story for someone.

This had the potential to be a really good story and possibly a series. It's really well written and the story line is really good. However, it was somewhat spoiled for me by the sudden jump from the slow buildup to anal sex, it felt a bit like running into a brick wall with how sudden Beth jumped to wanting anal sex with Tony.

The siblings obviously have a deeper emotional connection which could have been exploited by the story. It felt like sex without the foreplay, enjoyable but not as good as it could have been.

Would love to see a sequel to this one!

Well written, very hot. Ignore naysayers, you don't need to flag for every tiny little thing unless it's extreme. Scat, water sports, weird shit. Dude comes here to read about fucking your family member and complains about some tastefully done butt stuff.

I’m a yaysayer...well done! More, please.

You built your characters well enough for me to get interested in them and what happens to them. Suddenly Beth wants her brother's cock up her ass and they fuck.

I'm sorry, but I want to know more about them, like, does she invest in his shop? Does she move in with him? What happens to them?

Your writing is fine, your story idea is original and believable, but I feel you left your story half finished. You left me wanting more. I gave you four stars because what is there is well done. Thank you.

If you are telling a story that supposedly happened, use the past tense of verbs, not the present tense. For instance, you told about when you showed up to his door with a duffle bag. Then you went to the present tense by saying things like "he says" instead of he said. This may sound like nit picking but if you want to be a writer, at least use grammar that you were taught in school. Some people use poor grammar because they don't know the difference. If you are going to be an author, you should make it a point to speak properly. The wrong words may turn some people off but the right words never will.

The ending feels abrupt somehow, like there should be more. Solid effort.

I wish she would have tease him more.... built some sort of sexual tension... get them to the point they cant think straight and then have anal sex. Its hard to go from playing game to anal...imagine sibling... and a first time on top of that.

Great start, then it just felt incredibly rushed. No build up, sexual tension, worrying about boundaries. Pretty disappointed after a promising intro.

She said she had all the guys she was interested in and later she wants her first time to be with her brother.

Her first anal .... it’s called reading "comprehension”