Gaming the System

Barb seemed friendly enough, "Hey, Kev."

"Hey, Barb!" I thought, and realized I had to tell her something. "I had a plan to have a party at my house tonight but time got away from me and insufficient planning, and then I was studying last night. I had thought of getting together to do the same thing tonight, but... too short notice, for you, I'm sure. Sorry about last week."

The concept of studying had changed to usually mean reading a textbook or novel, since WidgetCo VR's handled a lot of the memorization aspects.

She asked, smiling with one raised eyebrow like this was a euphemism for something else, "Studying?"

I laughed and said, "Uh, something like that. Still. I'm not prepared to throw a party, anyway, and since I'd invited, I came over to apologize."

Jillian, another runner sitting on the grass next to her bag stretching, was grinning her ass off listening to this, and cut in with, "Well, just so you know, Kevin, I couldn't have come, either, since my boyfriend's Bugatti is in the shop and he just Simply Cannot drive his Beemer on YOUR side of town."

There were titters of laughter.

I nodded, accepting this as if it was the truth. In the opposite of being smartass, I dropped into an honest-assessment tone of voice, and shrugged with an accepting-reality head-tilt. "Understandable, Jillian, Barb. You two outclass me by a lot anyway."

Dropping into the banter we did sometimes, I decided to throw some words around. "The social order of the school would flip sideways if 9-level girls were seen in propinquity to my plebeian proletariat domicile."

"OoooOOOooooo!!!!" The girls listening in on this laughed.

Jillian grabbed her phone and looked up, then announced the definition of propinquity (proximity).

Barb was just looking at me a moment, then said, "Keep throwing around compliments and using words like that, Cooper, and I'll have to extricate your bonnie-assed body from that downtrodden domicile, then confine it to my basement where I can use you for my own nefarious needs."

"OOooooOOOOooo!!!" This was turning into a conversation, I could tell.

"You have a dark, dangerous, dastardly dungeon you'd like to oppress my civil rights in?"

"More like, put you to work in our laundry room, a sheen of sweat dripping from your swollen oiled muscles, manhandling bundles of clothes in a never-ending battle... You know, satisfying my mother's interminable definition of almost-clean."

We all laughed, "I'm familiar with that battle. We have it at my house, too."

Barb was packed up, so we walked off from the group.

Just as we got away from the group, but within earshot, she said, "I'm not a nine, Kev. I don't know what number I am, but I'm not a nine. Nines are stuck up bitches."

I looked over at her and did an assessment, just narrating as my eyes covered her. "Hmm... Face, definite 9. Eyes, 9 or 10, deep and draw-you-in, glue-like, hard to look away. Hair, dunno, looks good, I'm no judge on that. Complete lack of extra limbs or second earlobes, yeah, that's at least good for an extra point or two. Kickin' body, muscular and fit for anything, check... Legs that reach All The Way to the ground, good. Very nice ankles, not a hint of gout..."

She laughed and waited, enjoying the compliments, but also possibly waiting for me to stick my foot in my mouth. It had happened before.

"...Feminine in every way that counts, powerful of limb and mind... quick-witted and observant..."

Her look at me just was more and more confused, but I had to keep going. I turned more logical and truthful, because that's what she wanted (by the look on her face).

"...You're the kind of person, kind of _woman_, even, that I'll probably think about in five years, and kick myself for not asking you to marry me right here, right now. I can't, of course - I've only gotten glimpses of the real you - and I'm no great find, I leave my socks on the floor by the bed until there's a pile. Still. A guy can dream, and make stupid speeches. Hell, I bet I could even cry openly around you and not worry. You're that kind of person. So, yeah. Sorry to make you ... uncomfortable. It can't be easy."

I hadn't meant to say all that. Still, it kind of came out. I wasn't even really looking at her as I said it, we were just walking over to an area by the tennis courts where there were fewer people.

We walked in silence for a minute, getting to the taller fence around the courts. She leaned against them with her shoulder, facing me. I did the same, and saw she was crying.

"Barb, really. I'm sorry. I don't mean to upset you."

"When did you decide you wanted to marry me?"

I thought about it, and felt her eyes on my face. I couldn't lie about this. "Honestly? It's embarrassing."

She didn't respond, so I just answered as best I knew. "My D-and-D group had to rescue a damsel in distress as a quest. To do this, we had to recruit some powerful amazon Super-Women, non-player characters, to go on the quest with us disguised as our harem-wives."

She didn't react to the harem-wife thing, I could tell she'd heard of DND before.

"Of course, we had to name them, and roll-up attributes for each one. I rolled one with a high intelligence and lots of hit points - she was tough - so I named her Barb. No one in my DND group knew I was thinking about you, so it was safe. I had others in the group, of course, I had like 7 harem-wives, and the DM, dungeon-master, he kept throwing in disputes between the harem-members and all that, it was super-funny."

"Through it all, I had like three women I'd rolled up, and even when bad stuff would happen, I knew that if anything ever happened in real life that was anything like this quest? If the real people I was thinking about were with me - you being one - I could have Supreme Confidence. I knew you'd power through whatever it was, guide the group, be a ROCK thru anything. I know Reality and DND are different, but in my mind, from remembering seeing you around and talking and stuff? You were pretty close. So, yeah, I pictured marrying you, in that quest, and since, watching and stuff. In the quest, the real you? OR, the real you, against monsters? You'd be honest and beautiful and smart... and, vitally, you'd tell me the right things to do, because you're smarter than I am, and that's a Good Thing."

She was half-smiling, being taken out of her inner-self a moment by this description. "How'd the group handle their harems?"

"Oh, badly, of course. That was the DM's goal. He wanted to make us suffer, but it didn't work for me. I just kept being upbeat about it, knowing for sure it'd work. Even after you had seven kids and the other girls had five or eight or whatever apiece, and we finished the quest, I knew, like, envisioning what would have happened in real life AFTER the quest, that it'd be Amazing to be with you, and raise the butt-muchers you'd born out. And, that I'd love them and you and my other harem-wives, and it'd all be great." I laughed big, remembering my mood. "Of course, SUPER-Fantastically unrealistic, perhaps, I knew no real relationships are that easy, but even so, I could picture moments with you and them, calm and hugs and listening hearts and Living Life with gusto, that'd solve a lot of the problems. I figured, at least, it was fun. Fantasy, but fun."

"That's seriously messed up, Kevin."

I laughed, "It was a DND quest, Barb! Of course it was!!!" I laughed. "I was going into battle with Wives and Kids in the background, protecting them, but still. Reality? There's no way I'm putting anyone in danger, Ever. I couldn't... yeah, obviously. I've babysat, I know kids do stupid shit, that's fine, hug and encourage, but there's ZERO chance I'd put a kid in danger by letting them be anywhere nearby a fight. Or... anyone I loved."

"You ... love me?"

I made a face like I was not being serious, when I was. "I'm talking about a DND character, Barb."

"No you're not."

"Okay, fine. I gotta warn you, though, my life has gotten Very Very Weird in the last few weeks, and even if I do love you, I have no idea if you love me back, or even like me, or if I'm just one of those people that's on the outside edges of your life with no chance at a destiny near yours."

She half-smiled, "Sometimes, you talk like an old guy."

"Oh, yeah. I'm taking the WidgetCo training course for 'old guy', all five semesters condensed into a two-week cram-wrangle."

"Sounds... painful?"

"Oh, sure." I laughed and decided to throw in some truth, "Cram-wrangles are great. I have to sleep 9 hours a day, and there _are_ side effects. Like, I have to make screaming-orgasms love with groups of college women, five at a time, to burn-through the last of my dude-bro-ness. I think I'll get my old-man wisdom pretty soon... I hope? Or, run out of... you know... Mojo."

"What's a cram-wrangle again?"

"My term, not theirs. Condensed learning. WidgetCo offers it, super expensive, it's fun to make fun of. Like, getting a whole semester of A.P. Bio in a couple of days. I've heard. I thought I might know how to get some, but I don't know if I want it. They have some cheaper courses that go that fast. Would you want to, even?"

Her eyebrows flashed up, giving away her tears were still there. "As if. I have to work for it. It would be great! I love math, I just want to eat it up and keep going, there's so much to know."

Chuckling, I said, "If I got you a college degree, a bachelor's in math, in a week, would you marry me?"

"What is this thing you have with marrying me? We're in high school for God's sake. Oy!"

"Just for the sake of a bet. Would it be a fair exchange? You could divorce me later."

She laughed but there was a serious undertone to it. "I don't operate like that."

I waited. She hadn't answered the question, she'd dodged it.

"Oh, you want me to answer that question? Are you made of money?"

I kept my mouth shut and waited.

She stepped forward, searching my eyes, getting her face very close to mine. "You know, the whole girls team is watching us right now."

"I can't see anything but your soul. Or, your pupils. One of the three."

"Huh?"

"Two pupils, One Soul. Really, plus two sets of futures. One where there's a massive lifelong hole where you should be, and the other where it's you and me and our seven kids, living in Toronto."

She burst out laughing. "Toronto? What's with Toronto?"

I was being funny. "It's a far-off perfect foreign land where they have women's rights, no littering, great kindergartens, and free healthcare. I thought you knew."

Her laugh lit up my heart.

"Gotta warn you, though. This version of reality has a harem in it. On the plus side, we'd have more hands to help with the childcare."

"How many in this Harem?"

I thought about it. "Six, plus me. I'm a reverse-harem of one, for you."

She laughed again, and I laughed with her.

"Kev, a reverse-harem of one is just... a normal marriage."

I held out my hand and she took it, then we hugged, and I said quietly, "I'm a multi-faceted guy. I mean, look at these multi-facets, dripping off me. Studly-dudly MF'er, that's Multi-Facets Man. I play music, I sing music, I run, I do linear algebra, I change diapers, I kiss Exceptionally Well, and I listen when people tell me things."

"I'm not telling you things."

"Yes you are."

"What?"

I leaned in and kissed her cheek, slowly, gently, my hand on the side of her face. I held it a minute, feeling her cool soft skin on mine and the light cool wind flowing and buffeting us.

Pulling away slightly, I caught her eye and said, "You are telling me things. Every part of you is singing in my soul right now."

Her eyebrows screwed up. "That is such a line."

I was confused, "I don't think I borrowed it from anywhere. Sorry if I did."

"Okay, Mister Singer, Meyn Chazzan, vas is das, what music am I singing?"

I put my arm down to hug her around the waist, like she was hugging me around the shoulder and waist. "Changes by the moment. Sometimes it's 'Water Flowing Underground' by the Talking Heads, or... sometimes it's an Abbott and Costello back-and-forth? Or... maybe when you're running or stretching or chatting with someone and laughing, I see you, and it's a boy's choir doing something lofty. Visions of things that Might Happen? Sorta?"

She dipped an eye, "You're lucky you're so very pretty, and that I'm into cheese."

I laughed, and giggled, and she giggled with me, but her kiss on my cheek was genuine, and it moved towards the center, and we kissed.

Of the kisses in my life that I've wanted, her kiss scored several orders of magnitude better than the kisses I'd had overnight in my dorm adventure. With them, it'd been physical, and fun, and full of verve and energy, sure, but I didn't feel the DEPTH from knowing them like I knew Barb.

I'd told her the truth about the DND quest. I really did roll her up.

We just stood there a while, kissing, hugging, losing ourselves in it. I wasn't in a hurry. She wasn't either.

Eventually, we looked over and a lot of the meet had broken up. I'd placed 4th in the varsity group, and sometimes coach handed out medals, but if she did, we'd missed them.

Walking back towards the group and picking up our gym bags, we had to decide what was going to happen.

Barb got in her car and drove off with some long looks at me, and I had to bike it home.

It was a long ride.

I had to decide some things.

I wasn't going to hurt Barb. I'd had some incredible luck with women at that point, all of a sudden, and I didn't know what was up with that, but one thing was for sure: I was going to do some real looking around in my WidgetCo setup.

Coming in the house, Mom was in the kitchen making some kind of big pot of chili, cornbread muffins, and french-onion soup. She did that some weeks, and froze it, so I could have a reheat a bowl-sized small freezer-bag of it and have a nutritious meal.

I came in and gave her a hug, and she gave me a strong hug back, smiling like she knew something. "I heard you had a night last night."

"You heard that from me."

"True. Soooooo? What's her name?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

One eyebrow went up, "Oh, too good to be true, hey? Or, is it a guy?"

She loved to do that to me. She knew I wasn't gay, but she did that when I wasn't giving enough details, to goad me into spilling more.

"No, not a guy. Two girls."

She coughed in a way that turned into a chortle. "Bwahhh! Wow. Uh... yeah." She blinked a few times, and turned back to stirring the soup and chili pots. "Did you arrange this, or was it one of those fever dreams that happened when you fell out of a tree?"

"Neither. Well, almost. I knew these two girls from Aardmore chorus, and they invited me over, and we just ended up... sort-of falling into bed? It was amazing. I don't know why I'm telling you this. It's so odd. But... so good, too?"

"Did you ... were you... uh, respectful?"

I laughed. "They weren't looking for that."

Mom laughed back with me, but she had a serious side. "Were you safe about it?"

That was a good question. Moms are worth something. "Uh, ... no, I didn't... No. I wasn't. We didn't, I mean, I didn't ask, and they didn't say." I thought about it, and remembered, "Though, when I think about it, there was one of those circular pill dispenser things on her mirror-cabinet."

Mom nodded. "Being 18 is fun, and wow, I didn't...! Uh, I didn't expect, but if you're up to this, thing, you might want to wear protection, if you don't know them too well. You have some? Should I buy you some? It's hard to go to a drugstore and buy condoms, I know, it's ... embarrassing."

I chuckled, "Not embarrassing, mom. Badge of honor. Means I'm probably using them, so yeah, I guess it's not embarrassing? You might be right, but..."

"You haven't bought any yet, have you."

"No?"

"Okay, then. I'll pick some up soon." She looked at me. "Will you need them tonight?"

I got confused and said, "Uh, no, not.. Not tonight. I'm staying in tonight."

She nodded and I excused myself to go shower.

Thinking about it, as soon as I was done and out, I texted Alice and Jan and said, "Gotta cancel 2nite. Instead brunch tomorrow am? Or, mass at St. Alban's 9:30?"

I got a quick "Okay. CU at m-ass-sssss" from Alice, and from Jan, I got, "Mass good. Miss you."

Turning to Barb's number, I texted her and said, "Chili for dinner, here?"

She texted back quickly. "Bring Chili here 6 pm?"

"U really love math or just kidding?"

"Really. Yes."

"Address?"

She texted that and I replied 'cu then'.

I had work to do.

Breaking out the list I'd downloaded of WidgetCo courseware, I brought it up alongside the U Illinois Champaign bachelor's in math course list, making a separate list.

Alongside that, I saw there was another major listed for a bachelor's in statistics, and another in Actuarial Analysis, though then they started with the master's programs in stuff like Quantitative Financial Analysis and Mathematical Physics and Computational Biology.

Those looked fun.

But, what about her other priorities?

What about MY priorities?

I knew one thing For Sure. I liked being at the center of a group of girls. The problem was them liking each other, and coping with the fact that I had divided attention.

Logging into WidgetCo, I found Barb's records and working on getting her list put in, prioritized, and set to rapid-mode, but not started. She'd have to key it off, to start each course. It would make her tired, probably, and she'd want to pace herself (not like I did!).

Seeing what she'd already taken was an eye opener. She had Biblical Hebrew, Yiddish, German, and French, though only to the level she could take them for free through the high school, plus her Synagogue was shown as group-owner of the Hebrew and Yiddish, so she didn't have to pay for those.

As an admin, I could add all the courses for free.

It occurred to me that speaking Hebrew might be kind of fun, so I added that to the front of my own queue. I had selected out a bunch of courseware by looking at descriptions and picking from their number-coded course names, and I was still submerged in those - though I'd missed the previous night because I was making love all night! OMG! The echoes of that!

There was enough time to shower and change, and I went down to find Mom was just walking in from the garage, she'd been out. She handed me a plastic pharmacy bag. "Don't make me a grandmother before next year, please."

I laughed, "Why next year?"

"I'm turning 40, I don't need grandkids at 40."

"What if I _want_ grandkids? I mean, kids?"

She looked at me with one of her OMG you're-kidding looks and said, "Said the boy who babysat for ten weeks and had enough of diapers."

I was confused. "I didn't have a problem with the diapers, mom. Mrs. Garcia moved back to Guatemala to be with her family."

Mom was confused, "I thought you quit because you didn't like the poo."

I laughed, "The kids were great! Sure, it was a bit smelly, but, no, they just moved. I was super-sad to see them go." A memory dawned, "I bet I said something about the Unger's diaper pail. She had one of these garbage cans and it didn't hold smell very well. Mrs. Garcia, she had one where you put it in and twisted the top and it sealed it. Super nice."

"Ah."

"Thanks for the condoms, though."

"And, lube."

"Okay?"

"In case."

"I don't know how I'm going to bring this over to Barb's house... for a first date."

Mom burst out laughing, then said, teasing me, "You never know, son...!"

We both laughed, but she added, "Drop some in your pocket anyway. I'm happy to take the blame."

I was hesitating, but she came over, got out a box, opened it, pulled out a row of six, and pointedly went over and put them in my jacket's outer breast pocket.