[This story is based on real life, with artistic licence over some of the details. The events were recounted to me by the woman concerned. Eleven years later, she experiences a mixture of revulsion, hatred and pride in what happened to her.]
Alicia's important "event" happened on an evening in November when she was at a girlfriend's flat-warming party on a Friday night, in a comfortable district of South West London. She was just 18 and had finished with her boyfriend about six months before.
She admitted to herself afterwards that she was definitely looking for another boyfriend or else a lot of sexual experiences if they came her way. Maybe she have made it too obvious on that night. Looking back now, she can see that her skirt was too short and tight and her shirt was too open. She had on thigh-high laced-up shiny boots with high heels. Somebody said she looked tarty but she thought that was just jealousy.
A nice young man started talking to her and she was flattered - he was really good looking and seemed interested in her. They got a bit personal and asked each other if they were virgins.
They both said "No," and he said "That's good."
She didn't know what that meant and he wandered off before she could ask him why it was good. She didn't see him again after that so she doesn't know if he was part of the plan to get her with his friends. But she thinks now he must have been.
At the party, they all drank and she was sick at about 11.00. She got to the bathroom in time. Everyone thought that was a sign of great success to throw up and then come back to the party. They patted her on the back and a couple of girls cuddled her to show their approval. Silly isn't it? She had another couple of drinks and got confused and then sleepy so she fell asleep on her friend's bed. She was surrounded by everyone's coats and scarves and things but she didn't notice. At one point she remember being lifted to one side so that some coats could be taken and then left to sleep some more. Then she was lifted completely off the bed and remembers thinking how strong this man was. He carried her like a baby with her head on his shoulder. She was not really aware of what was happening and found herself lying on a different bed in a very warm room and she thought one of the girls was taking her boots off. She thought "How kind, to make me comfortable," and then fell back asleep. The bed and the room were nice and warm and she thought about getting completely undressed. She reached down to her skirt and started to move the zip at the side. A pair of hands helped her and somehow it came off without her having to do anything. Her eyes were closed all this time and she was feeling warm and comfortable. Under the skirt she had on a really tight pair of black Lycra pants and she remembers wondering what the girl would think about them.
Some time later, she was aware of more hands on her. On her skin, so she knew that she had no clothes on and was still thinking how kind these girls were to make her comfortable. She wondered how they got her tight pants off her because she struggled to put them on. But the sleep took over again and she drifted away, but was aware of moving around on the bed and being held and someone kissing her face.
A gentle American voice whispered to her "Can I make love to you?"
She said "Yes."
Then he asked the same question in an even quieter whisper and she said "Yes" again. He asked her again and it kept happening until she lost track of the number of times she said "Yes" to him. Then she fell properly asleep again.
The next time she woke up a little, she was lying on her front on top of a man and her arms and legs were being held out; wide apart. She didn't understand what was happening so she snuggled her head onto his shoulder and relaxed. Someone must have lubricated her because the next thing she knew he was inside her and moving slowly and she was spread-eagled on top of him with his friends holding her in place. The thought that came to her was "I'm spread out like a frog." He was holding her buttocks and pushing slowly into her deeper and deeper, so he must have just started. She tried to lift her head and say "No" but a hand pushed her head back down and held her face against the shoulder where it had been. She couldn't move at all then, and he was moving more quickly. After a minute he made a soft sound like "Aaah" and stopped moving and she knew that he had come inside her. He was very gentle and kept stroking her back and waist and hips. He said she was beautiful and that she would give a lot pleasure and she should be relaxed.
During the rest of the night this man kept being gentle with her and protected her on some occasions, she felt. She still thinks of him as the nice man although he was the first to take her. He spoke with the soft American accent and he was quiet and gentle. She nestled herself down onto his chest and let her legs drape across his, wide open.
He spoke to someone else, "She feels good. Nice and tight. We'll loosen her up some, I guess."
Before she could do or say anything she was lifted off him by her arms and legs and another boy slid in under her and the same thing happened, except this man was not so gentle and went at her a bit roughly.
By now she was waking up and thinking "This can't be happening to me -- it's a bad dream."
There was lots of lubrication on her and someone kept renewing it so there was no discomfort or strain.
She thought, "This is too easy. What's wrong with me? Why aren't I shouting and crying? I'm being gang raped."
She couldn't answer herself and the men kept on moving her around. She was placed on her back and someone did a missionary on her -- very simple push and pull until he finished. Her eyes were still closed tight and she thought at the time "That wasn't very sexy -- why did you bother?" When she told this to the counsellor later, he wrote a note that said "Client not distressed by experience."
She was getting more awake by this time and suddenly realized something so she said "Please don't make me pregnant."
There was a short silence and someone laughed softly. One of them came to her and said in her ear like a whisper "Trust us -- you've nothing to worry about."
Then she got scared because she thought he meant they didn't care about her. She thought again that she was being raped but the nice man came to her as she was beginning to cry.
He said softly, "We'll be good to you, so just relax."
She said "I don't want this. I never asked for this."
He said "Yes you did. You agreed to anything. Don't you remember?"
She said "No. I don't remember."
He said "Well you did. And you said Yes to every one of us. And they are all here now so you may as well enjoy and relax. I'll take care of you. OK?"
She just nodded because she realized then that the whisper voices had not all been the same man but a number of different men.
Then the less gentle man came to her and put her doggy style and was a little rough. He bent her into a tight little ball with her head down and pulled her arms backwards with his full weight. Her head began to go underneath her chest and she was worried in case he injured her spine - she was bent over so much. He was so strong and pulling her arms almost out of her shoulders. He was banging into her so hard his pubic bone was hurting the bottom of her spine.
The nice man said to him "Go easy. She's only young. Be careful with her."
The rough man spoke in bad English.
He said "She like. I know from her."
She was dripping with lubrication but the discomfort was real and she was glad when he finished and let her drop forward. He got her more times later and every time it was rough for her but she didn't try to stop him. She was so surprised at herself because she found she could accept his roughness as just part of the evening.
She started to look around and saw that there were eight of them and four of them had taken her at that stage. They were all white boys except the rough man looked and sounded foreign. She saw it was a strange room but not a hotel room. The bed was covered with a waterproof sheet - like her parents used to have under her grandma in her old age. And there were warm sheets to one side and fluffy pillows so someone had gone to a lot of trouble over the bed, she thought.
Two of the boys were athletic types. Tall and broad shoulders and they had not touched her up to then. The nice man seemed to be in charge and he called them by name, so they came to the bed. She could tell something special was going to happen because the others gathered round. She was scared that they would do something violent to her and she looked at the nice guy.
"Help me," she said.
"Just relax and let it happen," he said.
He brought a little blue glass jar of something from a table and she thought it was lubricant but he took the top off it and held it under her nose. It smelt like coal tar soap and disinfectant - a mixture of the two. As she breathed it in, her shoulders seemed to droop -- that is what she remembers. Then she went sort of woozy and couldn't hold herself sitting up. She just flopped and the nice man held her. She was still perfectly awake just not in control and very relaxed.
She actually said to herself in her head "Do as he says - relax - don't fight -- it can't go on for ever -- just see it through -- and he seems to be looking after me."
Two big boys came to her and she was very floppy. Someone others lifted her so she was face down on one of the big men like she had been at the start. He got into her and started moving. She was so relaxed and just collapsed onto him. No one needed to hold her legs and arms because she was just lying there wide opened up. Then someone -- it must have been the other big man -- started adding lubricant between her legs and she thought again how thoughtful that was. Then he kneeled across them both and slowly pushed something into her bottom. It was beginning to hurt so she grunted and raised her head. He pushed a little bit more and stopped when something went into her with a plop. She realized it was the head of his penis. The pain stopped and she found herself relaxing again onto the man under her. Then they both started moving and she was expecting it to start hurting again but it didn't. She couldn't believe that she was being double penetrated and it didn't hurt her but she knew they could injure her if they were too rough. But they were slow and gentle and didn't push hard into her. The man in her bottom began to push slowly further into her until she could feel his balls and hair against her bottom so she knew he was into her his full length. They both moved and the man behind came first with a little grunt noise and then the man at the front came and he didn't make any noise at all. He just tensed himself up at the last moment and raised them all off the bed with his strength. She was worried about the contents her bowel and what would happen when the man came out of her. When he did, he had a cloth ready and wiped himself and then her quickly. Then he went off to the bathroom to have a proper wash she supposed.
She knew that she had just been double shagged and couldn't believe it had happened.
In her head she was thinking "None of her friends have ever done this. Am I a sex pervert because I can do it? How was it so easy?"
Later the two big men said she had done a banana sandwich with them but that was the first time she heard that. She had such little experience of any of this and it was a surprise to her. It was more of a surprise than a shock. She heard later that no girl could be forced into a banana sandwich so she must have consented or else she was drugged with the stuff in the blue jar.
They sat her on the edge of the bed and she could feel her intestine cramping so she said she had to go to the toilet. The nice man helped her into the bathroom and sat her down and her bowel just emptied -- the whole content of her colon. And she peed as if she was full of hot water. She was so relieved and it felt so good to be empty instead of full. Then he started the shower and helped her to stand there and gave her the gel and a cloth and she washed. He washed a lot of her as well and then helped her out and brought her some nice warm towels.
She thought "That is it. It's over now and they'll let her go."
But she was wrong. He led her back to the bed and made her lie down. The room and the bed were still nice and warm and she started to slip off into sleep again. His presence was all she needed to feel more relaxed and comfortable. He gave her the jar again to breathe in, and she took some big sniffs in case they were going to do more with her that might hurt.
Then it started all over again but with new things they did to her. On her back with her head over the edge of the bed so one came into her mouth and another lay on her and pushed up into her. The man in her throat seemed to know what he was doing but she was so scared. She thought he would choke her and she started to gag as he got a bit further.
He pulled out and bent down and said in her ear "Stretch your head a long way back -- it'll be easier," and he was right.
She found that she could take anything right into her throat so long as she kept her neck stretched back as far as she could make it. It was as if the stretch took away some of the sensation. Anyway these two finished on her and the man in her throat finished by filling her mouth. She hadn't tasted it before and she didn't like the idea so she spit it out onto the bed.
The man leaned over her and said "Next time you can swallow, OK?" She nodded because she didn't want to make a fuss but she was thinking of ways not to swallow if it happened again. Later she learned that they called that doing Spit Roast but she had not heard that before either.
After that she passed out again -- it must have been the jar she breathed. Maybe an hour went by with men getting into her without her doing or saying anything. Only when the rough man got her did she feel worried or any discomfort but still aware and excited. The nice man laid her on her back and pulled her legs up and towards her shoulders her knees were touching her shoulders and then he kneeled over her and filled her when she was bent like that. It was new feelings and she was worried in case he bent her too far but the drug was good at relaxing her. When he came she could feel it that time as he went hard at the end and she was all bent up inside. She liked the feeling he gave her and she imagined she could feel his sperm pushing into her and running down inside her. He let her legs down slowly. Then the rough man came straight away on top of her and put her in the same position but he leaned forward so that he had his full weight on her legs that he made to touch the bed behind her shoulders. It was hurting her hips and she got cramps in her thighs and her back was being bent round again. He didn't care. He was rough with her and she was screwing up her eyes with the discomfort. But she was dripping again and could feel her juices running down her thighs and onto her stomach in that position. When he came he jumped off her and let her legs spring back and that hurt as her muscles ached. The nice man came to her and massaged her thighs and her hips for a few moments.
She breathed again from the jar and more of them moved her around. She lost track of what was happening to her except she woke up from time to time and got cleaned up with a face cloth and towel. On one occasion, she woke up and had emptied her bladder again in the middle of it all, all over the bed. The rough man shouted at her but then he cleaned her up and wiped her. The nice man was at the centre of everything all this every time and she felt reassured somehow even though she knew he was getting her just like the others. In her mind she didn't think of it as rape. She began to look forward to the nice man coming to her and to feeling his arms around her. When he was with me, she wrapped her arms around him and she think he could tell how she relied on him. Later the counsellor said, "Client seemed very willing."
Whenever she was offered the jar to breathe again she did it just to be able to accept all that was happening to her. She breathed very deeply four or five times and just faded away into a kind of daydream. She knew what was happening but didn't care or mind. They bent her around and kept on coming in her and her mouth got full with sperm and fluids but none of it seemed to matter to her. Just so long as the nice man was there and she felt that they wouldn't hurt her. Even her fear of pregnancy went away. It got to the stage where she wrapped her arms round anyone who treated her well even if they were doing shameful things to her. She was uncomfortable sometimes and her body was bent and twisted round but none of it seemed to matter to her.
Later the nice man said to her "You're amazing -- you're so flexible - you've given us more than any girl ever did."
She didn't know what he meant but her leg and back muscles felt stretched and were very sore and stayed like that for a week. They must have bent her round into all sorts of contortions but she doesn't remember any of it.
She has one particular memory of waking up and being on her knees with someone up her from behind and someone in her mouth. But also her breasts were hanging down into two mouths and these two were sucking her whole breasts into their throats. She thought she could feel the backs of their throats. Her arms were held behind her back until somebody let them go and she put them down to support herself.
She thought, "Why aren't I waving my arms about and hitting someone? I should be using my arms to get out of this."
But she just stayed there on her all fours being done by four at once. It was the first time her breasts were sexually sensitive and she came to a feeling very like an orgasm. Her breasts were sore for days after that night. Everybody seemed to have a go at sucking or squeezing them.
Towards the end at about 5.00 in the morning, two things happened which she had a problem to describe later because she was so confused and under the effect of the sniffing jar. First they put her right hand into a rubber glove and lubricated it. They made her lie on a towel on the floor with her arm straight up in the air. Then one of the men came to her backwards and slowly forced himself down onto her hand. Two others held her arm straight and gradually her hand went inside his bottom and she was told to move it around. He pushed up and down on her arm and she could feel his entire intestine inside. After doing this for a few minutes, he began to sit down on her arm and she disappeared into him up to her elbow. She couldn't believe what she was doing or how he could live and move with her arm inside him. Anyway he did and then suddenly he came and shot his sperm out away from her but she could see it between his legs. They helped him off her and a load of slime came down on her. Two of them started to clean her up. At that point she thought she was going to be sick but her bladder gave up again instead and she peed a flood on the floor. They cleaned her up and helped her back to the bed. She collapsed and just wanted the jar again to breathe in. She pointed to it and someone brought it to her. She breathed deeply again just in case.
A few minutes later came the second thing. The nice man said "Finale, guys," and they gathered round her. She doesn't know how it happened and how long it took but she was next aware of her head bent back and two men in her mouth, two doing the banana sandwich in her with her on her back, two working themselves in her hands. The remaining two were penetrating the bottoms of the two men in her mouth. There were eight of them round her at once. She thought her lips and cheeks were going to split right open but they didn't come very deep in her throat. She couldn't move and could hardly breathe. When she opened her eyes all she could see was bodies and arms and testicles. She thought she must look like a mass of male bodies with just her feet sticking up. She was being jiggled around and squashed between them and choked a little. But the man on top facing her and moving in her vagina was the nice man and somehow it seemed all right. She just looked up into his face whenever she could past the two sets of balls and he smiled. Then they began to come and she was being filled up and covered with sperm and lubricant - and pee she thought as well - maybe her own.