Garage Sale

Larry B. Bastian; Dewayne Blackwell: "Oh, they're sortin' through what's left of you and me, paying yard sale prices for each golden memory."

= = = =

Although the garage sale wasn't until Friday, and Saturday if you overpriced your crap, I had help getting ready Wednesday evening. Together with Cathy, my mom, and Beth, my older sister, we worked late into the evening and then put in a full day on Thursday. We had boxes of stuff priced and ready to offer up at 8 Am on Friday.

My heart felt heavy as I fondled things that once meant so much to us. Now some stranger would walk off with it. Perhaps a neighbor or two would purchase a memento of our time in this house. Room after room became eerily quiet as things were removed. Echoes returned after years in hiding.

The master bedroom was the toughest. The skirt I bought for her in Maui, sell it. The matching sandals we wore that vacation, don't want or need them anymore. Her blouses, slacks, skirts, and all of those shoes. I really wonder if we'll even come close to selling all of those. Mom said to start at ten dollars a pair for the shoes even though I'm pretty sure every pair cost a whole hell of a lot more than that. She did know how to work a credit card.

Almost everything I picked up brought back fond memories. Several times I had to turn my head to wipe a tear away. Maybe my memories would fade in time but that hasn't happened yet.

Seemed like every drawer I opened pulled at my heart. Mom would occasionally banish me to the kitchen to get some snacks and take a breather. She and Beth were on a mission and my broken heart wasn't going to slow them down. Sitting in the kitchen didn't help. My new apartment was small and I wouldn't need all of these pots pans and dishes.

By the time we decided we were ready, the garage was stacked floor to ceiling with boxes. The plan was to have Hank, my Dad, and his buddies dress in official looking law enforcement garb. It was all bought at the Halloween store. All had permits to carry and they planned on doing just that. Rumor has it that those looking for a five-finger discount decide to try their luck elsewhere when people packing are around. Mom said she'd run the cash out line.

I was outside before dawn on Friday setting up the tables and tents. Thankfully the forecast was for minimal winds and no moisture. Even that early in the morning potential buyers were driving by asking if we were open. There's always early birds looking to find things foolishly underpriced. Beth showed up around 7 Am with donuts. Mom and Dad showed up shortly after that. While the women fussed, the men starting pulling furniture out of the house. With each piece we brought out of the house the crowd was growing in size. So much for having a starting time. Mom loved handling the money and I was glad that we'd bought the package of bags for the buyers to stash their purchases. Beth loved working the crowd and she was making up shit every time someone asked a question. She'd tell them whatever they wanted to hear.

One of Dad's buddies was handling the locked display case with all of the jewelry and antiques in it. Even some of my duplicate tools were under lock and key. Don't really know if he knows squat about jewelry but the little old ladies were eating it up.

The street wasn't going to be big enough for the traffic as two nearby neighbors were also setting up. We exchanged pleasantries. Darci, Deanne's closest friend in the neighborhood, made her way over just before 8 Am.

"Chad, what's going on?"

"Morning Darci, it's called a 'garage sale'!"

"I know that asshole. Deanne said you guys were just selling a few things."

"Yep, that's what we're doing. Look, it's not even 8 Am and we've already sold a few things."

"She didn't say anything about furniture."

"Guess she didn't want you to know. Love to waste time chatting with you Darci but I've got work to do. Good luck shopping."

Darci looked pissed that I'd dismissed her. She and Deanne love to think that they control all decisions. I wasn't surprised when my phone buzzed a few minutes later.

"Hey Deanne, can't talk long. Pretty busy with the garage sale you know. We're doing just fine without you."

"Chad, Darci said you've got the whole front yard and driveway stuffed with clothing and furniture."

"Gotta get up early to sneak one past Darci. Yeah, things are moving quickly. Nice chatting with you."

"DON'T YOU DA" as I ended the call.

Well the first call anyways. I let the next one go to messages, and the next, and then the next. You get the picture. Pictures! I went through the house and pulled them off the wall. Shit the frames were worth ten times my asking prices.

Mom said Deanne had called but she ignored it. She handed me an envelope with five hundred in it, and it was only eight fifteen. Looking around it really didn't seem like the shoppers had made a dent. Every time table space became available Beth would empty another box.

It was a zoo out on the road. Somebody was trying to back their pickup truck next to our driveway so they could load a dresser. Another five hundred envelope from Mom. Some lady was trying out shoes like an addict. Looked like she was going to take a couple hundred dollars' worth. And I was worried about them selling!

Deanne called and I figured it was time to tweak her cheeks again "Hello?"

"Don't give me that 'hello' crap. Darci says you're selling my clothes, and SHOES!"

"She is very observant."

"You weren't supposed to touch my stuff."

"My bad. I swear you said to get rid of the ugly things, so that's what I'm doing. Yep, you even wrote it down."

"I was talking about your sweaters. The ones that you think are cute but are just juvenile."

"Guess you should have been more specific. It reads 'get rid of ugly clothes'. Your wedding dress sold. You do know it made you look pregnant."

"DAMN YOU Chad! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Just following your instructions. Most of your jeans are gone. You always thought they made your ass look fat. Personally I don't think the jeans had anything to do with it, but they won't bother you any longer."

"Why are you treating me like this?"

"That's rhetorical, right? Ooo, gotta go. The lady buying your shoes is ready to check out. Later!" as I tapped the red button.

+ + + +

Wednesday morning, earlier that week:

"Enough already. I've been here at all of our garage sales!" I calmly replied.

"You might have been here Chad, but I did all the planning. I'm just trying to make sure that things go smoothly for you."

My wife Deanne was micro-managing our upcoming community garage sale. The HOA limits us to a spring event and a late summer event. We participate, more for the community involvement rather than the money made. It is nice to cull the herd, so to speak, and get rid of things that no longer matter in our life. This time Deanne won't be around. She's travelling to Cleveland to hopefully close some merger. I think this is her fourth trip there in three months. She's not an attorney but works in the legal department of her corporation.

I continued "There's gotta be six pages of instructions here. I'll have help. My parents and Beth said they'd be here. I think Mom is only doing it so she can spend time with Beth."

"I just wrote things down as I thought of them. I'm just trying to help you know. Give me the list. I just thought of another thing. Get rid of those ugly clothes."

"Whatever. I'm not some petulant child. Try as we might we won't get top dollar for some things, and yes some things will get pilfered. It happens every time we do one of these. I'll keep the good stuff under glass. You keep looking at your phone. What's up?"

"Simply checking the UBER and LYFT rates. They change constantly. There, see, I just saved ten dollars. They'll be here in fifteen minutes. Can I have a hug before I leave?"

"Or more if you'd like. I'll send you off to the home of the 1964 NFL champions with a smile on your face."

I was able to grope and fondle Deanne as she giggled to get away.

"Leave me alone you pervert."

"Have it your way. Safe travels."

Deanne was out the door in a flash as soon as the ride share arrived. We were acting more and more like work associates than a married couple.

+ + + +

What's that saying 'You can observe a lot just by looking'?

Deanne and I had been out to a party for someone's graduation. The stress of this merger was getting to Deanne and she probably should have stopped a few drinks ago. On the ride home she started rubbing my pants which my little head didn't ignore.

"Well well, looks like somebody's ready for action. Pedal to the metal Chad!" from my drunk wife.

I hurried and we arrived intact. Once inside we discarded clothes as we headed to the bedroom. Deanne pushed me onto my back and started giving me head. Very good head too. I relaxed and enjoyed. Suddenly she stopped, scooted up, and plopped down on my rigid member in one quick motion. She was all lubed up. At least I managed to hang on until she had an orgasm. Then I let loose and drained my balls.

With Deanne fast asleep before dismounting me I replayed the last twenty minutes. She never initiates sex. The only head I ever get is for my birthday and even then there's more hand action than mouth. After that she rushes to the bathroom and uses mouth wash a couple of times. Quite romantic. No sex after that. So what was tonight all about? She hadn't left my side all evening at the party. If it wasn't me that awoke this different sexual partner, then who? Something's rotten in Cleveland was my guess. So when the next trip to Cleveland was announced, I alerted my somewhat expensive investigator of her itinerary.

No public displays of affection. But my guy had put motion activated cameras in every hallway of the four story hotel Deanne was staying at. She actually did a good job of diversion. She'd come out of her room, get on the elevator, and go buy something in the lobby. She'd return to her floor, but then let herself in a different room. In the wee hours of the morning she'd return to her room. Ball game.

+ + + +

Noon Saturday:

Deanne's parents showed up. Hank kept them on the sidewalk so I came over to visit with them.

"Chad, what are you doing selling all of this stuff? Deanne said it was supposed to be only a few card tables of items."

"Guess she isn't very good with math."

"She said you're not answering her calls."

"Not true. I've spoken to her a few times already this morning."

"Well she says you hang up on her and then ignore her repeated attempts to call back."

"Why don't you call her and tell her to tell David he'd better watch his back."

"David? Who's David?"

"Apparently he's somebody she's been shagging on her road trips. Got pictures if you want proof. I know I wanted proof."

"What proof?" her father snapped at me.

"Here's a picture. Keep it as I have plenty to share. It's dated this morning at 4:21 Am. Notice how she's barefoot carrying her bra and heels with her blouse untucked. That's David's room she's coming out of."

Stutter, stutter, stutter as the words were slow to formulate.

"But you can't sell all of her stuff!"

"Hey I've got six pages of instructions on how to run a successful garage sale. Hold on, I think I need to resolve an issue Cathy seems to be having. Go ahead, give Deanne a call."

Somebody was haggling about the price on some of Deanne's grandmother's furniture. I wanted it gone but the stuff was Gustav Stickley circa 1910 so it was worth a bunch. We finally agreed on a thousand for the bookcase, table, and two side chairs. Based on the last time I checked, they got it for about twenty-five cents on the dollar. It was something I wanted gone as it meant so much to Deanne. If her hand-me-down jewelry sold it'd turn out to be a great day!

Returning to Deanne's parents, they had tears in their eyes and looked defeated. My phone buzzed but it was just Deanne.

"She says she loves you Chad. Can't you two work something out" her mother pleaded.

"I am working something out. We're getting rid of everything and I'm moving to my own apartment. She can play house here with David, if she can afford the mortgage payments."

They shuffled away wiping the tears as they leaked. I felt sorry for them as we always seemed to get along. Deanne called again so I answered.

"Hey cunt, how's things leaking?"

"I'm sorry. Please stop the garage sale."

"I wish you could see how the strangers are sorting through what's left of you and me."

"Oh gawd!"

"Well you said to get rid of ugly things and everything you wear makes you look like one ugly conniving bitch so I priced them to move. By the way, how is David?"

Deanne didn't immediately respond so I ended the call.

+ + + +

By 2 Pm, with an hour to go, the furniture and jewelry were gone. Most of the shoes were too! Apparently Brooks and Hoka brands are desired by the garage sale crowd. We still had a lot of things to sell but most of the front lawn was now clear of goods. I was walking around with over five grand in my pocket, which made me feel a little unsafe.

I wasn't surprised to read Deanne's texts begging me to stop selling her things. I texted back that her jewelry was gone. That got a 'YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE' response to which I responded 'No, you were fucking an asshole'.

Three o'clock rolled around but Beth and Cathy were still hawking the goods so we went another ninety minutes before the traffic disappeared. We weren't planning on selling again on Saturday so we just put stuff back in boxes and pushed them into the garage.

Deanne's plane wasn't supposed to depart until after dinner so she called several times from the airport. With a beer in my hand I took one of the calls.

"Hey slut-zilla, how'd the trip go?"

"I'm sorry" was said softly.

"I imagine you are. Doesn't change my plans though."

"What plans?"

"I've moved out. Got an apartment close to work."

"But how can we work things out if you move?"

"News flash! We're not working things out. You cheated. You got caught. Game over. Better luck next time."

I could tell that Deanne was all choked up, but my desire to care had disappeared.

"I'm sorry Chad. Will you be there when I get home?"

"Nope! Not planning on ever setting foot in that house again. Cathy has your half of the garage sale proceeds. She's looking forward to your call as I think she has a few choice words lined up to pound you with."

"Oh gawd! I've really made a mess of my life."

"No arguments from me. Guess what we had meant so little to you that it was easy to throw it away. Yours is not the only life messed up. I shared the picture I gave to your parents with David's wife. I'd run if you see her coming your way."

Just whimpers for about a minute. Feeling her suffer was soothing to my so-called frail male ego. Petty, I know, but still. My heart had been shredded when the first folder of incriminating pictures were delivered by the investigators. She was so arrogant and sure of herself, that I was clueless, that it only took two days for me to end the quite expensive intel-gathering.

Deanne broke the silence "Divorce?"

"Duh, of course. What did you expect would happen?"

"I didn't think it through. It was only ever on the road."

"Oh well, excuse me for over-reacting then."

"I deserved that. What's going to happen with the house?"

"You can buy me out or we can sell. That's how it normally goes. All of my memories are now tainted so I'm glad to be gone already."

"Can we still be friends?"

"Not likely. Maybe in fifty years at the old-folks home."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you've already said that."

"My plane is boarding. You're not planning on picking me up this time are you?"

"Nope! Hope your luggage doesn't get lost. Hate to see you lose all those special things you wore for David."

"I love you."

"Whatever" as I ended the call.

+ + + +

Epilogue:

By the following Tuesday the divorce papers were served on Deanne, at her office of course. David was served with the equivalent of an alienation of affection suit at the same time. I was wasting my money on that one, but it got the desired effect. All I had were pictures of them entering his room at night and not emerging until the following morning. Can't prove that they were having sex, but both were removed from the merger team. I think their chances of moving up in that company were for the most part toast.

Even though I had Deanne's garage sale instructions my attorney warned me that a judge might not see it my way. Hey, there's always a chance and even if I have to reimburse her, the originals were gone along with any fond memories near and dear to her.

As it turned out the judge would only require me to repay the things that Deanne could 'prove' were hers alone. No paper trail, so sorry. Didn't cost me that much after all.

It hurts. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I'll get by. I've got a lot of baggage and severe trust issues. However, life has dealt a lot of other good people worse hands than mine.