Gender Neutral

After the game she came over to the chain-link backstop.

"How's it going?" she panted.

"Not bad. How's your mother doing."

"Pfff. She's getting what she wants."

"And how about you?"

"Hanging in there. Catching up on my top forty. Makes me realize how good we had it in the dorm."

I wanted to touch her, just to put my hand on her arm, but the fence was in the way. "Well, I haven't rented out your bunk yet."

She snickered. "Good to know."

"Anyway, good luck with all your stuff. If there's anything I can do just let me know, OK?"

"Thanks." And then, almost as an afterthought, she took hold of the chain link, weaving her fingers through onto my side. "Take it easy."

I put my fingers over hers. "You too."

- - -

I woke half way up. I could smell Paula's scent on the pillow. But it was because I was sleeping on her bunk that night. She wasn't there.

A noise woke me up half way. Was she all right? I listened, but I couldn't even hear her breathing. She wasn't there.

I woke half way up. I edged toward her. But there was no warmth on her side. She wasn't here.

- - -

The very last thing we did in mechanics class was a section on the Laplace transform. For the life of me I couldn't wrap my head around it. I got the big picture, and I could do the problems, but it was monkey-see, monkey-do, like Paula with her logarithms. I just couldn't see how it worked. It was the first time in any of my classes that I'd come up against something I didn't understand as well as I thought I should. It was going to be on the final, though, so I stayed late at the Engineering library trying to pound it in.

When I got back to the room the light was on and Paula was sitting at her desk. I hadn't seen her in over a week. She looked as drained as I felt.

"Hey," I said. "What's up?"

She closed her textbook. "Econ. Eight AM. Didn't really make sense to go home."

"How's your mom doing?"

"Miracle recovery expected the day after tomorrow. She won't have my schoolwork to be jealous of any more. She'll start getting fed up seeing my ugly face around the house all the time."

I put down my backpack. It was nice to see her. I wanted to let her know that, but my neurotransmitters were pretty depleted after all those Laplace transforms. "I've got Mechanics at 10:30." It was the best I could come up with.

She stood up and started to unbuckle her pants. "God," she said. "I feel like one of those med students with their forty hour shifts."

I unbuttoned my shirt and went over to the sink to brush my teeth.

She draped her pants over the back of her chair. "You got a B-plus on your essay, by the way."

She'd asked me to write her final English essay for her. I thought I'd done a little better than that, though. "Sorry about that," I said, through the toothpaste.

She was pulling her bra out from under her tee shirt. "No, no. It was fine. It got me a solid B for the class. Thanks. It was a big help."

She was in her panties and tee shirt now, ready for bed. But she hesitated. The top bunk was free, but there was a bunch of stuff lying on the bottom one. I tried to remember if we were fighting about anything, but I couldn't really remember. I cleaned the stuff off the bottom bunk and brought her pillow down. She crawled in under the sheet. "Your tone is a bit too ironic, apparently," she said. "You should probably work on that."

I took off my pants. "Moi? Ironic?" I hit the light and climbed into bed beside her.

"Just saying," she said, scooting closer.

I put my hand on the curve of her hip. I could barely remember the last time we'd slept together, although it couldn't have been more than a couple of weeks ago. I felt my way down to the leg hole of her panties. I always loved slipping my fingers under the gentle tug of the elastic there to feel the cool softness of her skin underneath. She pulled her panties down and slipped them off for me.

Her hip and her bottom were completely naked now, which made it even more thrilling to feel my way over their intriguing contours. I felt along the soft, plunging rim of her butt crack. She was feeling her way along my hip, along my thigh. I shucked off my own underpants and tee shirt for her.

"Did you turn in your housing request?" I asked.

She winced. "Shoot!" Today had been the deadline. I should have reminded her.

My hand had roamed up to the small of her back. She still had her tee shirt on, but it was easy enough to sneak inside and glide over the expansive silkiness of her back. Naked skin feels even more naked when you have to sneak inside something to find it.

"Are you still planning to go in with Ivy?" I asked.

Her hand had found my penis. She was gently caressing it.

"That was the plan. But I haven't talked to her in a while. I forgot that today was the deadline."

My hand was surveying the luscious topography of her side: the cozy cul-de-sac of her armpit, the graceful saddle of her waist, the hidden, but palpable, prominence of her hip bone.

"Maybe she put in for both of you."

Her hand was wispily cupping my balls, gently stroking back up along my shaft.

"Yeah," she said. "Maybe."

My hand was fondling her breast now, marvelling at its perfect size and shape, its perfect supple heft. I rubbed my thumb lightly over her nipple, coaxing it into a more perfect firmness.

"If things don't work out with Ivy, maybe we can try to just stick together next year, you and me."

She gave a little snicker as if I'd been making a joke. But then, I guess, she saw my face and realized that I hadn't been been. Her expression softened.

"Come on," she said, in a tone of gentle chastisement.

Come on. You know there's some places we just don't go, some topics we don't bring up. You know that our being together this year was only a fluke. We made the most of it, but let's not be sentimental. You're headed one way, I'm headed another. You want your equations, I want my rich guy. It doesn't do either of us any good to think that we could ever make each other happy.

I had edged closer, nuzzling the tip of my cock up to the lips of her pussy, trapping her hand between us. I lifted my hip off the mattress and she flexed her leg under it. She guided my cock into her vagina, both of us making the little adjustments to slide it fully in. Then she brought her other leg up over my side. This was our own special position, the one we'd invented ourselves. Lazy, snuggley, side-by-side, neither of us really on top, neither of us really on bottom.

Come on. You know that our relationship has only ever been one of convenience. That's the only reason it worked. If we'd taken it seriously, it wouldn't have. You know that.

We started our rocking. Gently, unhurriedly, ever so sweetly.

Come on. We did pretty well this year. We couldn't even stand each other at first, remember? We didn't really either of us change so much, as we both just opened our hearts a little wider than we thought we could. I never thought I could ever love somebody like you, but I have come to love you, in a way. And don't you think that's the way we should leave it? While we're ahead? While we're both at the top of our game?

She quickened her pace, the way she did when she was getting close. I had one hand on the small of her back, one hand on her bottom, bracing her, holding her close. Each thrust brought her taut nipples against my chest. My cock was as firm as she could have wanted. I stopped trying to hold myself back. I lost myself in the closeness of our embrace, the mutuality of our thrusting, the tight slickness of her cunt.

- - -

We lay for a while, each in our own thoughts, she still astraddle, me still limply inside. It had been a long week, a long year. I still had a few exams to go, but I'd done well. I'd handled just about everything they'd been able to throw at me.

She drew back her arm. We disengaged, softly, just ignoring the wet spot between us.

I had to admit she was probably right. It wouldn't do either of us any good to be sentimental. But I did love her too, in a way. The way, I suppose, you love a roommate. For her own sake. Without judgement or expectation. Knowing that for a time, at least, your paths have intertwined, and that that is all that matters.

- - -

I woke half way up. She was beside me, breathing softly.

- - -

That was the last time we ever slept together. She had to rush off in the morning to take her final and then she had to rush home to take care of her mother. I had my own final that day, and then two more the next. She'd taken most of her stuff home already. I collected up a few of her things that still remained and left them with Ivy. Then I closed up shop in two fourteen and headed home myself.

Over the summer her mother apparently really did get sick. She ended up having to commute in from home the whole next year. We ran into each other every now and then, and we kept saying we ought to get together. But we never really did. Over the following summer her mother died, I think. Paula may have dropped out of school for a while. To tell you the truth I kind of lost track of her. The way you do sometimes with your first-year roommate. The way you do sometimes with an ex-lover once you've parted ways.

I've met my share of women since then. I've lived with some of them. Each one has been loving and infuriating in her own way. None was ever as infuriating as Paula, but few were ever as sweet.

Where is she now? I like to think that she's gotten her mood swings under better control. Sometimes I like to think that she's seen the light and become an engineer herself. She had the smarts for it, if she only corralled them in a more rectilinear direction.

But if there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that the way I think things ought to be isn't necessarily the way they ought to be.

So let me just tell you what I hope. And what I hope is this: That Paula has found success in her own chosen career path. That she's found someone who truly does find happiness in trying to make her happy. That he admires her graceful backhand, and chuckles every time she namedrops a famous mathematical equation, and takes great pleasure as she salsa walks her way across the dance floor. That he makes her laugh when they're together and hum to herself when they're apart. That the two of them make love as sweetly as the two of us once did. And that she's come to love him even more than she loves his money. That she's come to love him as much as he loves her.