All Comments on 'Genie Chronicles - Gemini Ch. 00'

Suggest you delete chapter 7 now, then the whole thing will follow, 00 - 06.

Yeah, since the preferred Prologue has been posted since 09/18/13, we readers can somehow make do without this redundant "Ch. 07 Prologue." The series has been fun!

is long, complicated, and only vaguely comprehensible.

Is that a foreshadowing of the whole story?

Re: the previous comment: I hope not but am not optimistic. I've read only this short opening chapter, but am about ready to bail because of the constant run-on sentences and other grammatical failings. There is only so much ugly clutter that a story can sustain.

Never the less-> Nevertheless

Do you think you could have made this sentence an even longer run-on?

"With all his stuff moved in he'd spent the past week organising and unpacking, although the perks of being a writer seemed to be the capacity to be at home all day his publishers were starting to ask him when he was going to finish his next book, so despite being at home he didn't feel as much let-up in the pressure, but having done plenty of work this morning he was taking the afternoon off to sort out the boxes and bags of stuff that still weren't organized from the move the previous week."

By now, the object of little value, that was a puzzle to be solved, purple smoke, losing consciousness, all are fairly standard intros to a genie tale: looking ahead, I see that this series has a concluding chapter which is a very nice surprise. There have been so many wonderful stories were just dropped by their authors, no time in their lives for this anymore I suppose,.. but sad that was only a partial very well told story,.. almost wish they hadn't tantalized us with their writings with such an abrupt end! This story looks to both safely complete and seems well written! Let's get it on,..

There are so many opportunities for a full stop where you just plonk down a comma and keep ploughing on regardless. It makes it hard to read sometimes, even the entire last paragraph is one whole sentence and it's 9 lines long. My advice would be to read through your work aloud and think about where you need to stop naturally when speaking.

I wondered how a Brit would handle a genie!!