All Comments on 'Gilded in Gold Ch. 02'

I was breathless as she tried to get away from Daniel. If I didn't know you had already submitted Chapter 3 I would accuse you of being a terrible tease. But I will be mightily distracted thinking about poor Tibby's plight until 3 posts.

Thanks again for sharing your talent.

I like your story, it is intriguing and interesting. However, the numerous grammatical errors constantly jerk me out of the world you are trying to create and kill the flow of the story. It would be so much better for your readers, the story and your writing if you would either take more time editing or get an editor to look the story over before you publish.

Firstly, please find an editor. I think there was a grammatical mistake in almost every paragraph.

Secondly, I love the story so far, but wouldn't mind a little bit more world building. What's the range range for psychic levels? Does it go to 11 (this is asked in my best spinal tap impression)? I know you mentioned some of the lowest and some of the highest, but why are they denoted by that? If 6.8 is the highest, explain why such an arbitrary level system exists.

I can tell you have a passion for design and art, considering about half of this chapter was devoted to descriptions on the cut of the dress and Tibby's makeup. That's great. Details are incredibly important in a story, but try not to focus too much on those topics and too little on others.

For instance, how was the boat ride? What style of ship was it? Was it a modern yacht or an old sail boat? In a world as extravagant as the one her brother lives in, why didn't they take a helicopter? Are there even flying vehicles anymore? When she got to the room, there was very little description of the room itself. Considering she sees her bedroom as her sanctuary back home, I would imagine that things like beds and living arrangements are important, but I don't know. We've not been given much in the way of personality for the main character other than she is utterly cowed by her brother.

I'm not trying to criticize too much, but I think this story has a lot of potential. I would love to see it continue.

Someone explain this to me...

I was never one to read book summaries, but man oh man, this is one of those books that you need it so badly...