Ginger or Marianne?

"I...I'm very flattered, Shawn. I really am. It's just that, we're, you know. I mean, you're...and I'm..."

"Enchanting?" he said with a smile. "Or were you going to say beautiful? Both are correct, but I don't want to put words in your mouth."

Farah opened her eyes widely then smiled and told him, "You kind of just did."

"Yeah. I guess I did, huh?" he replied. "But you are both of those things, Farah."

Just as she was getting ready to level her next objection, a pretty young girl came over and asked what they'd like to drink.

"Oh, no. I'm driving, and I really need to get going," Farah said.

"You could have a cranberry juice with me, couldn't you?" Shawn asked her, that amazing smile on his face. "It's on me."

Again, before she could answer for herself, he told the girl, "Two cranberries, please."

"They charge like...$5 for one of those here. How does a grad student afford that?"

Shawn laughed then explained.

"We actually do really well. The band, that is. We've been together for five years now, and we uh, we kind of have a reputation around town. I'm not saying we're rich, but we make decent money doing cover songs. In fact, were I not paying graduate-school tuition, I could just about get by on what I make playing with Carbon."

"That's really amazing," Farah told him, very surprised by his revelation. "So...why Carbon? What's the meaning?"

"Oh. That. Well, in addition to loving airplanes, I'm a science and chemistry nerd, and carbon is the basis of all life. Music sort of gave me my life back after my mom died, and..."

"Shawn. Oh, my goodness. I am so sorry," Farah told him before he could finish.

"Thank you. I was in junior high when she and my dad sat me down and told me she had cancer. It was a month before my 13th birthday, and when it rolled around, she insisted my dad spring for a set of drums and lessons. He was worried the noise would be a negative influence on her, but my mom wanted to watch me play every time I practiced. No matter how bad I was or how bad she felt, she was right there smiling—even when things got really bad—and that was my motivation to play better. After she died it kind of became my salvation. I'd always sang pretty well, and by my sophomore year of college, I met the other guys in our band and we started jamming together. And now...here we are."

"I've already said you guys were amazing and wonderful, so I'm not sure how else to express that, but Carbon is really, really good."

"Well, thank you for saying that. We all love performing, but all of us know the end is...nigh."

"As in...after you finish grad school?"

"Yes. I've got the rest of this semester left and then I'll be looking for full-time work in the aviation industry. And there's not much here in Indianapolis that's aviation related."

Their 'drinks' came, and the girl told Shawn they were on the house which made sense for him as a performer, but not so much for Farah. But she thanked her...and him...then asked about his future plans.

"Nice one," he replied before taking a sip. "You almost turned this back around on me."

"Oh. Right. You wanted to talk about me, huh?"

"Very much so."

"There really isn't all that much to tell," she began. "And what there is isn't very interesting."

But it was after midnight before she realized she hadn't stopped talking about herself or Ben or their life together since telling Shawn there wasn't much to say.

"He sounds like an incredible guy," Shawn said about her late husband.

"He was," Farah said rather wistfully. "And I'm sure your mother was just as incredible."

"That's true. She was really an amazing woman. She was so strong all the way to the end."

"You're strong, too, Shawn. Anyone who could go through that and still have such a positive outlook on life and not be bitter is...pretty amazing in my book."

Farah had no idea she was reaching over, even when she put her hand on his arm before saying, "I'm sure your mother would agree."

"I hope that's true," he told her as he went to put his hand on hers, causing her to quickly pull back.

For the first time since he sat down, there was a lengthy lull in the conversation.

Farah felt uneasy again, but not for the same reason. She started to say it was time to be getting home again when Shawn spoke before she could get the words out.

"Would you maybe like to dance?" he asked, surprising her so much her eyes popped wide open.

After the band's last song, the club started playing recorded music. It was much quieter but still clearly audible, and a few people had been dancing here and there the entire time they talked.

"That wasn't quite the reaction I was hoping for," Shawn said as his face indicated a little wince to the way she looked at him.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to do that. You...you surprised me," Farah told him.

"So I didn't just scare you away?" he asked, his eyebrows raised high in hopeful anticipation.

"No. Not at all," she told him in a rather sweet way.

"Oh, okay. It's me, isn't it?"

"Wait. What?" Farah asked with a slight shake of her head.

"Well, I'm clearly interested in you, but it's becoming equally clear that you don't feel quite the same way about me," he told her without sounding like he was complaining.

"It...it isn't that so much as it is..."

She saw him tilt his head a little indicating he was listening and waiting.

"I...I guess I just don't understand...why. I mean, if you like, you know, older women, I'd have thought you'd have been interested in Traci."

"No. No way," Shawn replied. "First of all, she's married."

"Oh, gee. Duh!" Farah replied with more than a little embarrassment.

"Second, she's not nearly as attractive to me as you are," he told her as he looked right at her. This time he wasn't smiling, and it was obvious he was very serious.

"That...that makes no sense at all," she said, forgetting the things Ben had told her.

"It doesn't?"

"Well, no. I mean, she's got long, gorgeous, blonde hair, a perfect figure, and her face is...amazing."

"She's attractive for sure. She's just not nearly as attractive as you are," Shawn told her so sincerely it scared her. "And just so you know, I've never dated anyone older than me before, so it's not like I 'have a thing' for older women."

He smiled at her then said, "Just...one...older woman."

Her eyes were rapidly moving between his and then she suddenly looked away.

"Oh, wow. It's after midnight already," she announced as though Shawn hadn't said a word.

"Do you...turn into a pumpkin or something?" he teased.

"What? No. I...it's...it's just really late. That's all," she managed to get out.

"One dance," he said, ignoring her protestations.

The current song ended, and before the next one started, she heard herself agreeing.

"If it's just one dance then, well, I...I suppose that would be okay."

"Yeah?"

Shawn's face brightened as he stood up and reached for her hand.

Farah felt both foolish and yet...happy...as she let him take it.

Just as they got to an empty spot on the floor, the next song began, and it hit both of them hard as Eric Clapton sang, "Would you know my name, if I saw you in heaven?"

"If this is too much..." Shawn said when he saw the look on her face after they realized what song it was.

It was an ode to Clapton's son who died when he was four years old, and anytime Farah heard it, the song reminded her of Ben, and without fail, it made her tear up.

"No. It's...fine," she told him without looking at him.

"You sure?"

Farah didn't answer him, she just moved in closer and kind of moved around in a circle as the song continued with the words, "Would you hold my hand, if I saw you in heaven? Would you help me stand, if I saw you in heaven?"

Shawn was concerned about her but couldn't see her face. But when he felt a warm tear fall on his neck, he knew.

"Hey. Are you sure you're okay? I promise I had no idea this song was going to play," he quietly asked as she pressed her body against his, her face next to his.

She nodded then held him a little tighter. He did the same but no other words were spoken until it ended.

When it finished, she slowly let go of him, and Shawn waited for her to look at him.

"Are you really okay?"

"Yes," she replied, a forced smile on her face.

She'd somehow managed not to cry more than a few tears and said, "I just wasn't expecting that particular song."

"No. Me, either. If I'd known..."

"No, it's okay. It was...it was actually...very nice," she said, as she blinked several times to clear away what was left of her having teared up.

When they got back to their table, Farah didn't sit down. She told him again it was getting very late and that she needed to go.

"Sure. I understand. May I at least walk you to you car?"

"You don't have to do that," she told him as she reached for her coat.

Shawn gently took it from her then went behind her and helped her put it on.

"Thank you," she said without turning around to look at him.

"I'd like to walk you out," he told her again. "But if you're um...tired of me..."

"Oh. No. It's just that..."

She gave up then told him, "That...that would be fine," still not looking his way.

He grabbed his jacket on the way out then opened the door for her and asked which way.

"I'm over there," she said, pointing to the larger lot on the left side of the building.

"It's already getting cold," he remarked as the early-morning air hit them.

"Yes, it is."

Farah pulled her keys out and hit the fob causing her taillights to blink.

"That's me," she told him, as though he might not know.

Shawn walked alongside her, and when they got to her car she finally looked at him.

"Thank you for inviting me. I had a really nice time tonight."

This time it was his eyes doing the darting as he looked to see if she was just saying that or really meant it. He felt confident she was being sincere, and he told her he did, too.

"Farah? I'd really like to see you again," he quietly told her.

She was looking at him until he said that, and when he did, she looked down.

"I...I don't think so, Shawn," she said unconvincingly.

"May I ask why?" he gently probed.

"Isn't it obvious?" was her surprise answer.

"No. Not at all," was his equally surprising reply.

"You're a really great guy. You're obviously extremely intelligent. You have this amazing voice. You're an excellent drummer, and..."

"Then what?" he asked just as quietly as before.

"I...we...had a nice time. And I'm grateful for that. I don't have very many of them."

"I'm glad you did," he said before she could finish.

"But people date because they think there's a chance they'll, you know, hit it off. But you and are...we're...I'm just..."

"Embarrassed to be seen with a busboy in public?" he teased.

She finally looked at him then said, "No! That has nothing to do with it. Not at all."

"Is it the band? Or rather...my lack of a real job?" he asked in the same way.

"Shawn, stop! You're making this very difficult for me."

"I'm certainly trying to," he quietly told her without smiling.

She'd looked away again, but when she looked back, he smiled. She didn't want to smile back, but she couldn't help it. When she gave in and smiled, Shawn went for it.

"One date? Just one. I promise."

She started to explain why that was a bad idea, but he kept talking.

"Unless, of course, you realize what a great catch I am and can't say 'no' to a second date when I ask you. Which I will."

"Gee. Full of yourself much?" she asked, trying to sound very serious and feeling much less...uptight about all this.

"No. Just eternally hopeful. And optimistic."

She looked into his eyes and said, "I...I don't know, Shawn. I mean, we're both just so..."

Farah had no idea he was kissing her until his lips had been on hers for nearly a full second. When she realized what he was doing, she flinched a little but didn't pull away. She didn't kiss him back, but she never tried to stop him, either, so when he ended the one-way kiss, he knew she'd say yes.

"Tomorrow night. Dinner. I'll stop by at seven and promise to have you home by ten."

"You're not going to take 'no' for an answer, are you?" Farah told him as she realized she actually wanted to see him again even though she had no idea why.

"So may I please have your number?" he asked, ignoring her rhetorical question.

She rattled it off very quickly, then asked if she needed to repeat it.

He laughed then said, "No need. I'm really good with numbers," as he entered it into his phone.

"Is there anything you're not good at?" she asked playfully but trying to sound serious.

Even more seriously he told her, "Um...yes. Log burling. I'm really awful at log burling."

Farah tried as hard as she could not to laugh, but she couldn't stop herself.

"Okay. Fine. I'll see you tomorrow. At seven."

"You mean...today, right?"

She gave him a puzzled look then remembered it was after midnight.

"I can't remember the last time I was out this late, but...touché," she said with a laugh.

Shawn reached around her and opened her door, again not paying any attention to her comment.

"Thank you," she said as she slid into the driver's seat.

"Be careful, okay?" he said as she looked up at him.

"You, too."

"I will. I promise."

He closed her door then said, "Goodnight, Farah."

"Good...morning," she said back before laughing and starting the car.

"Ohh! Nice. And...touché!" he called out as he tapped on the glass.

He stood there and waited until she was out of the parking lot, and once she was gone, he smiled. And in her car, Farah smiled, too. At least until it hit her that she'd just agreed to go out—on a date—with someone who had to be at least ten years younger than her; someone who'd not only sung to her but who'd also kissed her.

When those thoughts dawned on her, she panicked. It was too late to call Traci, so she fretted on her own, tossing and turning until she finally fell asleep around 3am.

It was well after ten when Farah woke up, and it took her a second or two to understand why the sun was up so high.

"Oh, no!" she moaned into her pillow when the reason why hit her. "What have I done?"

By noon, she was showered, dressed, and had had half a bagel and some coffee. She brushed her teeth then sat down and thought. Thirty minutes later she picked up her phone and dialed her version of 911.

"Traci? Hi. Yes. Fine," she said as her friend began peppering her with questions.

Farah finally got a word in and stopped her.

"We need to talk," she said in a way that scared her best friend.

"Farah? Did something...happen...last night?" Traci gingerly asked.

"Oh, yes. Yes, indeed. Something definitely happened."

"Wait. Not something...bad, right?"

"That...depends."

"Hmmm. Let me guess."

There was a pause before she heard Traci say, "Oh, wait! Did you...did he...kiss you?"

"I really, really need to talk to you!" Farah nearly begged.

"Okay. I'm on my way, and I'll be right there. But Farah? I want details!"

"Details? I just want someone to talk to before my head explodes!" Farah replied with desperation in her voice.

By the time Traci got there, Farah had calmed herself down a little by realizing she wasn't obligated to go out with anyone—including Shawn. What she hadn't yet addressed was why he in particular was causing her so much angst.

Traci insisted Farah sit down while she boiled water for some tea. When they were both ready to talk, Traci asked what was going on.

"I kind of agreed to go out with him. Tonight."

"Ah-hah. And you kissed him, didn't you?"

"No. Well, he kissed me, and I...I didn't move away."

Traci surprised her by not replying the way she normally did. She was actually serious for a change, and this was a side of her Farah loved as much as the fun-loving side.

"You know I flirt. A lot. But do you know why I flirt?" her friend asked.

"You're very attractive, and flirting is your way of warding off advances," Farah guessed based on years of friendship.

"Partly. But that's not the main reason."

Traci took a sip of the Earl Gray tea then set her cup down.

"I flirt because I'm lonely. Now please, please don't think that means I would ever be unfaithful, because that just isn't going to happen. Ever. I love my husband dearly, but he has a mistress."

Farah's eyes opened so wide it made Traci smile, but she remained serious.

"Not a human mistress. Cody's other love is medicine, and I'm extremely jealous of her. I know he loves me dearly, and I love him just as much. But work takes up a LOT of his time. I could sit around and complain, and he might scale back his hours, but then he'd resent me because he loves medicine as much as he loves me."

Farah wanted to ask what this had to do with her current situation, but she knew her friend was making a point. Plus, it was obvious she also needed to talk, so she took another sip of her tea and listened.

"What I'm saying is that no marriage is perfect. Yours was about as close as I've ever seen, but even you two had your issues, right?"

Farah hated admitting it, but Traci was correct. She and her late husband had problem areas, but since his death, she'd only ever thought back on the good times. There were a ton of them because, for the most part, they really did have a wonderful marriage. But it definitely wasn't perfect, and Traci was correct in saying that no marriage ever was.

"Of course. Several come to mind," Farah told her truthfully.

"Well, no relationship is, either."

"Okaaay..." Farah replied waiting for the rubber to hit the road—or something like that.

Traci leaned forward in her chair a bit then said, "Shawn seems like a very nice guy. He's obviously goal-oriented, he's willing to do pretty much anything to pay the bills, he's extremely talented where music is concerned, and once he gets his advanced degree in engineering, he'll have no trouble finding a good job. So while I'm not saying he's the one or anything even close to it, how could it be so bad to go out with him? You know, the age difference aside."

Farah was watching her friend closely, and when she finished speaking said, "Why is it that I came to the same conclusion but wouldn't believe it until I heard you say it?"

"Because...it's me," Traci said as she threw her arms out dramatically, the other side of her personality back. "I mean, who wouldn't be convinced by...all of this."

She batted her eyes and struck a dramatic pose causing Farah to laugh.

"You're exactly what the doctor ordered!" she told her funny friend.

Traci sighed then said in a more serious tone, "If only that were true."

"Is it really that bad?" Farah asked, the inference to her husband-doctor impossible to miss.

"No. No, it isn't. And whenever it does get to me, I remember why I married him and look around me and see everything his hard work has provided, and that makes me even more grateful. But most of all, the time we do have together is almost always wonderful. So how could I have all that and be ungrateful?"

"I'm glad you're my best friend, Trace."

"Back atcha, girlfriend," Traci told her before asking, "so...where are you guys going?"

"Ha! I was enjoying our talk so much I actually forgot all about that."

"May I ask a personal question?"

"Seriously? You know you can ask me anything about anything."

"I know. Just being polite," Traci told her with a smile. "Do you like him?"

"I...I don't know. We just met, and last night we talked for maybe an hour or so. Based on that, I'd say he's everything you pointed out."

"And gorgeous, right?" Traci said with a grin.

"He's...nice looking," Farah said as though there were qualifications to her statement.

"Nice looking? He's...Chris Evans nice looking. He's...Noah Mills attractive. He's a younger...George Clooney or Tom Cruise handsome. Shawn is..."