All Comments on 'Girl Asks Friend to take Virginity'

Kind of good for your first try, but..... He has a virgin and a box of condoms...Who in their right mind fucks her to orgasm, and then goes to the bathroom to finish?...NO ONE, that's who...After that, the story looses all credibility..

It is obvious this is a complete fantasy and, taking that into consideration, it isn't too badly written. However, like most people here you don't know how to use 'lie', 'lay', 'laid' etc. Every time you use one, you are wrong.

It isn't difficult.

Started with a condom and that magically disappeared, going to the bathroom to finish was not very believable, and anal sex does not happen with just a "thrust".

Good premise, just not very believable, with some rework could be a good story.

Went down hill after the first fuck, Anal? Had to fuck it up with anal and ATM to top it off.

Seriously, don't write anything. Avoid signing your name if possible.

.... But better than many of the stories on this site !

I'd say not bad for a first attempt and better than a lot of stuff on here. Work on the grammar a bit more. And keep writing. Everyone's got to start somewhere and it takes practice to get better. The only way you get there is by keeping on. Maybe try a couple of different versions of this story and try to improve it. Depends what you're aiming for but you can either go for realism or over the top fantasy (seems like that's what you're going for).

The characters were not very vivid, without any own will.

A good beginning effort. Much better than many of the beginners that have published. Keep at it. I look forward to more reading.