by samibby
My criticism would be the brevity of the story, as well as the lack of explanation. Why, exactly, were the two girls making the tape? Why was the guy filming them? Why aren't those question, for starters, being asked? And what are the answers? And why the hell would someone bitch and whine about "wrong category"? Aspergers Syndrome much?
Not the only detail missing. Who describes boob sizes as 'standard'? What is standard? I've seen literally hundreds with no two pair the same. And a D cup 'pink lacy bra'. I can only assume the author is 'standard' as once you get to D and beyond the lace gives way to major upholstery
Too short, no coherent plot, no characterisation, no build up, and to top it off the sex isn't written well enough to be even a vague turn on. Stick to your day job samibby, you ain't cut out to be an erotic writer.
There was no detail, no plot, and the tense for switched around more than once ("she's on top" vs "she straddled me"). I agree with previous commenters; stick to your day job.
I think you did great. You were straight to the point and structure the story perfectly. I think the lack of details gave the reader a way of adding their flavor to the story. But you should have made it longer b/c I enjoyed the story and would have wanted to know more about what happened when the camera guy got involved. Other than that, I loved this story and hope you write more. Byee😊
With the very first sentence I wondered why they were being filmed. I think you needed to give more background. A good start just needs a bit more.