All Comments on 'Girls at the Bar'

If you are gonna do it, do it right!

Overall, a good story but kind of choppy as it jumped from first person to third person.

The story was good, but a little confusing to read trying to figure out who was talking when. Also, check a dictionary - "shutter" is a window storm cover, "shudder" is a series of muscle contractions. Way to common an error on this site.

Sorry it seemed choppy! I was attempting to have both hers and his points of view but thought would it be too confusing if both were in 1st person... in my word document I had exaggerated spacing between view points but Literotica doesn’t show them unfortunately.

Use 3rd person POV. You can jump all you like provided you don't actually jump. Make sure the reader knows you are swapping.

Every body can't be wrong,it was choppy, for me I got mixed up at times. But I am an old romantic and I loved the nice story and the prospect of a loving future together. Part two please

I loved this five star story that I only gave four. Like previous commentors, it was difficult to keep up with who was telling the story. I'll read more of your stories and I'll save your profile so I can read your future writings. I hope you'll spend some time to edit this tale so that others may enjoy the full five star experience. I write on another site, apologies I'm only in anonymous mode here. You have created some nice characters who would certainly and thrive with a follow up story. Good luck and keep writing.

liked it, and them...not surprising she's tight, after 4 years diddling herself...like they both have a healthy appetite and make sure she gets off too

Very interesting supposed one night stand. Will they fall in love? Will he invite her to stay and move her and the kids in with him? Only another chapter will tell us. She needs to get out of new york state asap! Five stars.

Very interesting supposed one night stand. Will they fall in love? Will he invite her to stay and move her and the kids in with him? Only another chapter will tell us. She needs to get out of new york state asap! Five stars.