Give Me One Reason

The sun was bright and I was thankful for my polarized Oakley's. I seemed unable to break the silence by talking, like I was under the spell of the sea, and Landan must have felt the same. We swished along for maybe half an hour, and I was getting hot.

I pulled off my top and wiggled out of my shorts. I heard an intake of breath from him and looked back as I pulled sunscreen out of my bag.

"What?" I asked, spraying my legs and spreading it evenly.

"Good God, Carter," he said. "How much time do you spend in the gym?"

I laughed. "Way more than I want to think about. You work out?"

"Yes, and same," he said. "I'd be as big as a house if I didn't. You are in incredible shape."

I blushed, looking down at myself. I did look pretty good, I thought. Maybe too muscular, but I liked it. Being oiled up didn't hurt. I noticed movement and he was taking off his shirt. I was impressed.

He didn't exactly have my definition, but his muscles had muscles. He had a nice tan going on, and he was smooth. I liked smooth. I wondered if he shaved or was naturally smooth. It turned out to be both. He was naturally smooth above, and shaved... other places.

I leaned over and handed him my sunscreen, dug around in my cooler, getting out two bottles of Grolsch, popping the swing tops and handing him one. He looked a little surprised.

"You don't like beer?" I asked.

"No, I do, I just expected something... less," he said. "I don't know many women who drink lager."

"Well, I do," I said. "You thought I'd bring Bud Lite or some nasty shit?"

He laughed. "No, I've kind of learned not to have any expectations with you. You always surprise me."

We had a great afternoon, he taught me how to handle the boat and we got back in around six. We packed up our stuff and he asked if I was hungry. I was, starving, and we walked down to Billy's by the Bay. On the way, he reached down and took my hand, swallowing it in that huge mitt. I looked up at him.

"Is it okay?" he asked.

I nodded, thinking of nothing to say. He wanted to share a "bucket," and added a two-pound lobster. We shared the steamers, shrimp, little necks and corn and we took turns on the lobster. I was stuffed, and we drank more beer.

He walked me back to my car, and that was the first time he saw the Demon. "Oh, my God," he said. "I should have known. What is it?"

"It started life as a Challenger Demon," I said. "I've... modified it."

He peered inside. "I can tell. When are you taking me for a ride?"

"When I've had less food," I said. "I just wanna go home, take me a bubble bath and lie around like a big lizard. This was fun, Landan. See? 'One reason.'"

He gave me that rumbling chuckle. "It was. Thanks for going with me."

I could tell he was going to kiss me. I wanted him to, but it was kinda scary, too. I could feel him getting inside my fortress. I had excited feelings I hadn't felt in a long, long time. The problem was, those feelings had caused other, excruciatingly painful feelings before, and I was afraid.

That went away in a rush when he kissed me. It went on for years and left me breathless, my head spinning. I reached out and squeezed his arm. "Thanks for the great day, Landan."

He held my door, closed it for me and I pulled away. My thoughts were chaotic as I drove home. What was I doing? The age gap between us made me a little nervous. He was a mature guy, but still... He was also white. I'd dated white guys and enjoyed myself, but there was always a little awkwardness. I didn't feel that with him, for some reason. He had some big things going for him, too. Tai liked him. That was the one killer in any relationship I was ever going to have. If she didn't like them, they were done.

He didn't seem uncomfortable with me being 12 years older, that I made a lot more money than he did, or anything else, really. He was just himself, and he seemed completely at home in his own skin. I wondered if he would keep asking me out.

He did. Every weekend, he'd take me out, and he was very creative with his date ideas. It wasn't dinner and a movie. I rarely went to a movie, and almost never watched TV. He signed us up for a cooking class, once, took me hiking, to a blues club and something I really loved, got an artist buddy of his to do a portrait of me. We double dated with Cindy and Paul twice, and I still got the texts, every day. I was discovering Landan was a hugely romantic guy.

He also kept engaging with Tai, which I loved. We both were invited to go sailing with him, and I suddenly had a boat bum on my hands. Tai loved it and wanted a boat. Rentals kept her satisfied until I could figure out if this was going to stick.

She was turning 20 about three months after she caught the sailing fever, and it showed no signs of abating. She was renting little boats at least once a week, so I decided this was something she was going to be doing. I took Landan around with me and we looked at boats. After talking to a bunch of people at his marina, we settled on getting her a little Hobie Getaway. It was big enough so Landon and I could go out with her, but small enough for her to handle with no difficulties.

I got it with a trailer, and Paul was going to use his truck to bring it to her party. We had her party at the Hudson River Park off West 59th Street, and I had to lie my ass off to dodge her questions about why I wanted it there.

Landan and I spent the day baking her favorite cake, red velvet, we stopped and picked up dry ice and Toblerone ice cream bars and we had a blast. Melissa and Roy, her half-siblings were there, Landon, Paul and Cindy, a bunch of her friends and she opened her presents. I was standing in front of Landan, leaning back against him with his arms wrapped around me, watching Tai and having a great time, and I heard that voice.

"Nice of you to invite me to your birthday."

She turned. "Dan, how... thoughtful of you." She glared at Melissa, who mouthed, "Sorry."

He looked around and spotted me. "Carter, did you think I wouldn't want to be at my daughter's 21st birthday?"

"Dan, try not to be any more of an ass than God made you," I said. "You're so full of shit, dude. You don't even know how old she is. She's 20, just so you know."

There was a silence. Everyone there knew him, and no one liked him. He strutted over. The dick didn't even bring a present.

"Who's this with you?" he asked.

"It's really none of your business," I said. "Why don't you just leave, Dan. No one wants you here."

"It's a public park," he said. "I can be here if I want."

"Dan, just go," Roy said. "Don't start any shit." None of his kids called him anything but "Dan."

He reached out like he was going to grab Tai by the arm, and I felt Landan move behind me. I had thought he was slow, but he showed why he was good enough at football to be drafted into the NFL. Dude had a quick first step. Before Dan's hand could close on Tai's arm, his own forearm was seized in one of those huge hands, and I saw Dan visibly wince.

"Do you want to be touched, Tai?" Landan's voice was low and menacing, like I'd never heard before.

"No, I don't," she said. "I want him to leave."

"My name is Landan," he said. "One of my main jobs today, since this is Tai's birthday, is to make her wishes come true. She wants you gone. I suggest you get to stepping."

I saw Dan getting ready to bluster up, but he gave a little strangled cry and it was obvious that Landan was crushing his forearm with that monster hand. He tried to hit Landan with his free hand, but that one was seized, too, and he dropped to his knees.

"You need to leave now," Landan said. "Do you understand?"

"Yes!" It was a gasped cry.

"I'll walk you out," Landan said.

He released Dan, who scrambled backward and away, rising to his feet. He turned and started to walk away, Landan following along. There was a stunned silence. Landan followed him to the edge of the street, then came back.

I was staring at him. "Sorry, had to take out the trash," he said, shrugging those massive shoulders.

The entire group of us burst into laughter, everyone talking at once.

"Say, Tai," Roy said. "If you have any more wishes you want to come true, and they involve me, just give me a running start."

She came over and threw herself on Landan, snuggling her cheek against his chest. "Thanks, Landan," she said. "My very own wish fulfiller."

He laughed and spanked her butt. She squealed and the unpleasantness was forgotten.

We cleaned up, loaded up and I asked the group to walk down the way with me. We were parked in Icon, and we dropped down a floor. When we turned the corner, there was Paul's truck, the Getaway sitting on its little trailer. Tai noticed it and those huge brown eyes got even bigger.

She jumped in the air, pumped her fist and screamed. "Really? Oh, my God, Mom. I can't believe... I..."

She ran to me, laughing, crying, grabbed me and tried to squeeze me lifeless. "I love you so much, Mom. Thank you."

"Happy birthday, baby." Her reaction was everything I hoped it would be. "Landan rented you a slip at his marina," I told her. "It's like five down from his."

"I love it, I love it, I love it," she said. "I can't wait to take it out. You guys gotta go with."

Paul was dropping it at the marina, and Tai, Landan and I went back to our place. We'd finished carrying her presents up, and the doorbell rang. It was a flower delivery. I took them and looked at the card. They were beautiful lilies, and the card said, "For the amazing mother of the birthday girl."

Tai went to find a vase, and I kissed him.

"Damn, Landan. Why hasn't some girl snatched you up?"

He laughed. "I've been waiting for the right one."

Tai came back just then and caught us kissing. "Mom is mos def the right one," she said.

He grinned at her and squeezed the breath out of me. "That's what I think," he said. "Tai, what would you think about me taking your mom to Ohio to meet my parents over a weekend?"

She squealed. "Really? Dope, dude. Go for it."

"Noo," I complained. "I'm not doing that, Landan. I would feel awkward as fuck. What if they hate me? I'd be stuck there with them all weekend."

"We'll stay in a hotel," he said. "If you don't get along, I have a plan for that, too. You won't be 'stuck.'"

I liked the fact that he was serious enough about me to introduce me to his folks, but the idea also terrified me. "Why you wanna do that?" I asked. "We could do something else."

"I want to do it because I want to introduce the woman I love to my family," he said quietly.

Tai gave a little shriek, ran over and jumped on us, her arms around us both. "I knew it!" She looked at me expectantly.

"I dunno..." I said. "This seems like... I'll have to think about it."

"Jesus, Mom, what's to think about?" Tai asked.

"No, I understand," Landan told her. "No pressure. Don't be evil about this, Tai, and give your mom a hard time, okay?"

She looked at me, probably seeing the conflict in my eyes, and nodded. "Yeah. I won't. It's just fucking exciting, okay?"

I laughed and kissed her. "Everything is exciting to you."

We had dinner and Landan left after we played board games until midnight. Tai was helping me put away the games, and I could tell she was dying to ask me something.

"What are you thinking, baby?" I asked.

"Well, I know Landan is in love with you," she said. "He's told me other times, too. What are you feeling?"

"I don't know... I..." Suddenly I was sobbing. I scarcely ever cried, but I was feeling so upset, so emotional, so fucking insecure.

She was all over me, loving on me. "It's okay, Mom. I know. I won't bother you, I promise. When you figure it out, will you tell me?"

I blubbered into her shoulder for a while before I could get it together. "Yes, baby. I will, I promise."

We went to bed and I lay there, my thoughts swirling. I loved everything about Landan. His quick wit, his intelligence, his size, the humility he had, the way he loved my daughter, his ability to be intimate, think deeply and talk seriously, his sense of humor, the man was just everything you'd ever dream. Did I love him? Was my past a barrier I could overcome? I felt things I thought I'd never feel again with him. I trusted him. That was huge.

I looked forward to the times we were together, and I missed him when we weren't. He had filled a huge void in my life. Despite the fact that I was happy, and always had been, on my own, he made me happier.

There was another thing, too. I wanted to fuck him. I'd been as horny as a cat in heat after our dates lately. I had toys, skillful fingers and I used them often, but I wanted to be with him.

The realization flooded over me. I was in love with the man. Everything I'd just gone over in my mind added up, and I was shaken. I loved him, I was in love with him, and it was only my ideal I had built up of myself in my mind that was causing me to hide that from myself.

I sat up in bed and grabbed my phone. "You awake?" I texted.

He answered immediately. "Yes. Just got out of the shower."

"I love you," I sent.

The three little dots danced as my heart refused to beat. "Really? Oh my God. Thank you, Carter. Oh my God. I was so... Come over!"

I laughed to myself. "Now? It's 1AM!"

"I don't care," he sent. "Come!"

"KK."

I slipped on shorts and a t-shirt. Tai had her phone playing music, and I whispered, "You awake, baby?"

She opened her eyes. "Barely," she said. "Sup?"

"I love him. I told him. He wants me to come over."

She sat up. "I knew it," she said. "Go. Kiss me."

I hugged that slender form and kissed her all over her face. I almost cried again. She fluffed my hair. "Go," she said. "I'm so happy, Mom. I love you. Make him feed you breakfast."

I laughed, got up, got my keys and I was flying. I had the code to Landan's garage, parked and he was waiting for me at the elevator door. I stepped out and was instantly seized, scaring the fuck out me and making me give a little scream. He picked me up, squeezing me to his body while I beat ineffectively on his chest.

"Damn it, Landan, you scared me to death! Jesus, dude."

He was rumbling that deep laugh, kissing all over my face, neck, anywhere he could reach while I struggled. His arm went behind my knees and he carried me down the hall like a baby. I resigned myself to being the captive of a madman, and clung to his neck. He didn't have on a shirt, and I ran my hands over that massive chest, marveling again at how smooth he was.

His apartment door was open, and he carried me in, finally setting me down in front of his sofa. He sat down and pulled me onto his lap.

I had never liked being manhandled like that, and three months ago, I would have been furious. At that moment, I loved feeling small, being lifted around like I weighed nothing. With him, it was different.

He took my face between those huge hands, turned me to look in his eyes and kissed me. With our faces close together, he looked me in the eyes. "I love you, Carter Blackwell," he announced.

I opened my mouth, had to swallow and forced myself to say it: "I love you, too, Landan."

"I'm the luckiest man alive," he said.

"Yeah, but I'm the luckiest woman," I replied. "Landan, that night at the club, the first time we met, remember what I said while we were dancing?"

"I remember every word you've said to me," he said.

I melted a little. He had told me he was a charmer. He hadn't lied. "Give me one reason," I said. "Do you remember the rest of that chorus?"

"Remind me," he said.

"Give me one reason to stay here, and I'll turn right back around. Said I don't want to leave you lonely, you gotta make me change my mind."

"I remember now," he said.

"You've given me so many reasons, Landan," I said. "You made me change my mind. I was in a good place. I didn't need anyone. It's been me and Tai, and I had made up my mind. I'd had enough shattered dreams, enough heartache. I couldn't go through that again. You changed my mind, changed my life, moved me so far from where I was, made me feel like I need to change my lonely life. Love me, Landan. Show me what love is."

"I'll never hurt you," he said. "I'll never give you any reason to regret opening up to me, I swear."

He kissed me, and the emotions raged. I could feel it, physically, psychically, nothing like I'd ever felt before. He made slow, sweet, incredible love to me, and I was caught up in that flood, giving myself in a way I never had before. This man, this place, this time.

He carried me to his bed, and I hardly noticed. I was naked and he was loving me, all of me, every inch of my body was on fire with sensation. It became a haze of joy, pleasure, love, and I heard myself crying out as I came, over and over, ablaze with love and passion.

I had a moment of clarity when he entered me, a shock at the thickness, a brief moment of pain, but then we were joined, heart and body, and I knew I never wanted to be anywhere else. The early morning became a world of shadow, sensation, ecstasy, until there was only Landan, Carter, and an infinity of joy.

*****

When I woke, I was a little disoriented. Strange sights met my eyes, my head was lying on a bicep, with that arm across my chest, the huge hand on my tiddie, a heavy arm was across me, that hand cupping my pussy, a warm body against my back. I remembered, and I cried a little.

He must have felt me shaking, because I felt him pull me closer. "Shh," his deep whisper in my ear. "I love you, Carter." I drifted back into drowsing, held in safety by my lover. I got up after I was fully awake, took a shower and got a shirt to wear out of his closet.

"Come back," he said from the bed.

"No," I said. "I'm starving. Feed me."

He made that rumbling laugh. "Go out, or stay in?"

"In," I said. "If it's good, we can come back here and spend the day."

"I have some good sourdough bread," he said. "French toast?"

"Yum," I said. "Get up."

He lumbered off to shower, and I found filters and coffee while he was in there. The French toast was delicious, and I made him stand behind me, arms around me as I sat on his barstool in front of him. I snapped the picture to Tai.

I got the answer in a few minutes. "Now that's what I'm talking about. Bring him home so I can tell him I love him for loving my mom."

"This afternoon," I sent back.

That got me the heart eyes and the hugging emojis. "Have fun!"

I knew, finally, what love was. I was feeling it as he took me back to bed, kissing the sweetness of the syrup off my lips.