Going Native

Could you date a bargirl? I mean date her with the intent of seeing if you are compatible to be partners for life?

First, I use that word "bargirls" because that's what we call them in the Philippines, but let's be honest. They are prostitutes. Maybe not as hard-core as one that works in a brothel or walk the streets, but essentially they are the same.

Second, we need to address or ignore the psychological damage that is done working this type of job. For the sake of the discussion, let's say the subject of our hypothetical question is not damaged in a significant way, or not in a way that is objectionable.

Finally, let's assume the physical criteria are satisfactory. She's hot. Smoking hot and not haggard from years of living the party lifestyle most of these women live. Let's say she is only one year in, and still in peak condition.

Could you engage her in a meaningful relationship? Can you get past her job and compartmentalize it such that it does not affect the legitimate attempt at a relationship building?

Kind of by accident, I found myself faced with that question.

I met Jasmine at a wet market by Manila bay. She was arguing with a vendor that the red snapper she was selling weren't really red snappers but seabream.

I had come home to the Philippines for my cousin's wedding. I was in the wedding party, but it was still a week before we would get started with preparations so I was feasting on all the foods from home I had been missing.

Jasmine is intelligent. I could see it clearly. She was struggling to communicate her thoughts in a manner the fish monger would understand.

Something in my head just told me to help her. I probably should have minded my own business but maybe my time in the US had changed me. I was more outgoing than before.

Jasmine is a very beautiful woman. She was dressed very nicely and looked like she was very familiar with a shower scrubber, so I put my hand on her shoulder and told her I understood her frustration but she should let this injustice go. It was ok.

It was like I hit the "off" switch on her. She stopped, thought about it, and said I was right, and we just walked away from the stall she was at, just the easily.

"Jasmine." She told me. "You are from Batangas, right?"

"Yes. How did you know that?" I replied.

She basically ignored my question because I should already know the answer of course. My accent told her.

"You have been living abroad." She made more of a statement than a question.

"We moved to the US 8 years ago when I was 14." I told her that she was right.

"Would you like to get a coffee?" Jasmine asked.

I was flattered. Jasmine is really beautiful. Not just beautiful but pretty too. She has nice legs and was showing them off with a short white dress, and yes. I noticed. Nothing wrong with that, right? I am lesbian after all. I accepted her invitation.

In a word, our conversation was awkward. Jasmine is definitely smart and pleasant, but like a lot of smart people she is quirky. She didn't seem to have that filter in her mind to alert her if something was inappropriate or not.

For example, she found out I am lesbian and she asked if I had a girlfriend. I told her I didn't, and she asked when the last time I had sex. It wasn't malicious intent behind her question, she just didn't see it was inappropriate.

Her next question was about what I was studying at college. So she wasn't going down a perverted path to satisfy some weird kink. She just said what ever came into her mind apparently.

We talked until the coffee was gone, and then some. I told her I was in a wedding that week, but would enjoy communicating more with her, so we exchanged numbers and I figured I would look her up after the wedding.

The wedding went fine. You didn't read this story to hear about that. I did text her a few days after the wedding. She immediately invited me for coffee again the next day.

Our second meeting was very similar to the first. She was pleasant to talk to, and asked the occasional odd question, but I liked her. I assumed she was at least bi, if not lesbian. She dressed very feminine and stylish, in a skirt and a top that showed a hint of some rather impressive cleavage.

She did nothing but confirm my initial assessment that she was an intelligent person with lots of quirks that were somewhat endearing to me, but might be off-putting to others.

Inappropriate questions and an aversion to things on our table that she wasn't using, for example. She relocated the salt and pepper shaker to the next table while we were chatting. I could see by her expression that they were bugging her being on our table.

I saw it as an opportunity. If she had none of her quirks, she would be well out of my league, but if I was willing to work around them, she might be an excellent partner. For sure a 10 on the beauty scale, and obviously intelligent, I felt like I would be getting a discount on a great dress that was just too fancy for most people.

I decided to be bold. I asked her if she would like to go to dinner with me. She said she had to work, so she couldn't. I wasn't sure if it was a nice way to turn me down, or if she just answered questions too literally, so I asked about the next night.

"I would like to, but I work nights." She replied.

Ok, I thought to myself. She just isn't understanding that I'm trying to see if she is interested in a date. I need to ask differently.

"When are you off work?" I tried again.

"I get 3 or 4 days off per month." She replied. "When I get my period. So probably this coming Tuesday through Friday."

I chuckled at the inappropriateness of her telling me about her period, then I wondered why did that matter. Without thinking it through, I asked her what her job is.

"I'm a bargirl." She replied nonchalantly.

Now I was confused. In a million guesses, I would have never thought to guess that job. It didn't match her at all.

I have no problem with Filipinas doing what they have to for their families, but she could easily do a job that pays more money. Why would she work as a bargirl?

I can't help it. The words just jumped out of my mouth. "Are you serious?"

Luckily she didn't take offense at it. She just said yes like she didn't understand why it was a big deal.

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't get over that she really was a bargirl. It just made no sense.

"To answer your next two questions, yes and yes." She told me.

"What questions? I didn't ask anything." I was not keeping up with her.

"You are going to ask if I really work as a bargirl and go with customers." She explained. "Then you are going to think about it and decide that you still want a date with me and ask me if I will go with you next Tuesday or Wednesday."

Again, I was stunned and behind in the conversation she was having with me.

"And if you are still interested in me after that dinner, I will answer those next questions you come up with about my job, but do give me the courtesy of seeing if you are still interested in me before we have that talk."

Jesus Christ she was trying to help me along, but it's like she already had the whole conversation in her mind - both sides of it.

"So you are interested in me?" I tried to get some solid footing under myself.

"I thought that was a forgone conclusion." She smiled for me. "I mean you certainly are pretty enough and you seem intelligent despite my sporadic dialog making it confusing at times. Most of all, you don't seem to be disturbed by my habits, which makes me think you have been around other odd people before. Probably someone with very strong OCD. Those are all very favorable characteristics to me, so I am indeed interested in a dinner date if you are."

I could not get her off my mind while I waited for our date to occur. Even if she had a normal job, it would be a bit of a roller coaster as we encountered the challenges her unique personality presents.

Could I actually date a bargirl? If we got serious, would she quit and get a regular job? Maybe it would be better to address it one concern at a time. Her job doesn't matter if I don't see the potential of us being compatible as partners.

I had to be realistic. The distance would be a problem. It wouldn't be worth the effort if there wasn't long term potential. Don't kid yourself. Long distance relationships are extra work.

The job thing is tough, but more straightforward to assess. Either I can accept it or not. I don't know. Maybe I'm looking at it wrong. It's not like everyone else understands love any better than I do. Who's to say what the right way really is?

My instinct has always been to trust my gut. Trust my read on a person, even if I don't fully understand why I feel that way. Most times, I have been right. I did see a world of potential in Jasmine. I don't want an ordinary life, and if you pick an ordinary person for your partner, all you can get is ordinary.

There's no reward without risk. I will keep my wits about me, and keep evaluating every step of the way to make sure I'm still satisfied. But I need to take the first step before worrying about the 5^th.

Jasmine met me at the restaurant. She wore this spectacular dress. A metal-mesh type of material that hugged her in all the right places. It was sexy but classy. Very impressive to say the least.

I opted for a simple scoop neck dress in a dynamic blue color. I thought I looked good until I saw her.

She greeted me with the normal sniff-kiss thing we do.

"Jane, you look very nice. I like the color of your dress. You certainly are a beautiful woman." She praised me.

It was nice. Her compliment was genuine. It made me feel good and I liked getting it from her.

We chatted and ate a lovely meal together. She jumps around quit a bit in her topics, but still manages to be charming.

Then she stunned me. She spoke to me in Batangueno. My dialect.

"How did you know that?" I asked after making my surprised Pikachu face.

"I studied it after we had coffee." She replied.

"You learned my dialect in a week?" I didn't believe it.

"Yeah." She shrugged it off like it was normal.

Jasmine is full of surprises. She wasn't trying to show off her intelligence, but I couldn't help but be impressed.

I asked where she wanted to go after dinner, and she said she would prefer to just walk down by the ocean. We took a tricycle down to the new area around Manila bay with the well lit, wide sidewalk the city had built.

The ocean is relaxing. The sounds of the waves breaking against the shore is soothing. We just walked, then sat and talked some more.

Jasmine shared some details about her life. The youngest of 5 children. Her mother knew she was smart, but told her to hide it. She said she knew it would make her an outcast. It had caused a lot of resentment between them. Her entire family depends on her. She is supporting all of them by herself.

She wanted to know my story. My mother married an American and we went to the US when I was 14. I have two younger half brothers. I came back to the Philippines for my best friend from childhood's wedding.

I am a college student majoring in accounting. I had one more year to go in order to earn my master's degree and CPA.

I always liked girls. It's not that I hate guys, I just never had any attraction to them. I liked how women felt. How they smelled. How I connected emotionally with them.

My mother knows I am lesbian. She didn't like it, and probably would like nothing more than for me to marry a guy and give her grand babies to fuss over, but it just isn't in my future. The heart wants what the heart wants, right?

I never did get around to asking her about her job. Our night was going too good to be serious.

The only problem is I was going home in another week. Jasmine said we could meet for lunch as often as I wanted until then, but she would understand if I wasn't interested in pursuing it any further.

I told her we were new, and I wasn't going to deviate from my schooling plan, but we could keep in contact and keep getting to know each other if she was interested. The semester ends the first week of December, and I could always come for a visit then.

It wasn't certain, but I wanted her to know it wasn't a dead end if she was also interested. I think going slow is smart considering both our situations.

We parted in a good place and agreed to see what happens. Nothing about what I had learned of Jasmine so far changed my impression of her. She had the capacity to provide a life not ordinary. Delivering upon that potential remained to be seen.

Our online chats started slowly and awkward, but we eventually got a rhythm to them. Comparing our lives in the Philippines was always safe ground and a good way to get the conversation flowing. Her job pretty much stayed off limits. I didn't want to know either.

When December came around I did make plans to spend some time seeing Jasmine. She "suggested" that the 11^th through the 15^th were a good time to see her. It was their busy season, so she couldn't take any more time off other than when she was "unable" to work.

I would spend all 4 days with Jasmine, then a few with my family in the province before returning home for my last semester of school.

I wasn't sure what to expect when we met again in person. We had gotten to the point where we were chatting every day. Just a continuation of the "getting to know each other" phase, but not really advancing our relationship beyond that due to the distance.

She had offered to meet me at the airport, but the flight arrives late at night and after nearly 24 hours straight of traveling, I wanted to rest and clean up before greeting her.

So she offered to take me to lunch the next day instead, and I thought that was a good idea. She would meet me in the lobby of my hotel, and we would walk from there.

I got off the elevator and spotted her on the couch in the lobby. I walked up to her, and she met me halfway. Right before we came together, her arms opened up as if to hug me. I embraced her, and them she kissed me, full on the mouth.

That's not odd in the US, but generally kissing in public is uncommon in the Philippines. However Jasmine is an uncommon person, so I returned the kiss.

Jasmine looked fantastic, as usual. She wore a blue jean miniskirt and a tee-shirt blouse. I was thinking how being happy at seeing her is an indication of my subconscious feelings.

We had lunch, did some shopping and then had dinner together. The next day was similar except we went to a concert that night.

She walked me back to my hotel after the concert, and I asked if she wanted to go to my room so we could talk in private.

Of course, we both knew she had her period, so it wasn't for sex, but that didn't mean we couldn't spend some time physically expressing ourselves in other ways.

We didn't have to have sex to see if the attraction was still there. Affection has many forms, and it feels good to give and receive affection.

And it did feel good. We kissed and held each other, mixing in conversation more suited for private, intimate company in-between.

Jasmine asked more about my dating life. The type of girls I preferred and what physical characteristics I was attracted to. No, physical characteristics are not my primary focus, but you are fooling yourself if you don't think it is still important to attraction.

She was a little concerned that being in the US with it's more diverse population might make me a little skittish about dating someone who looked so much like myself.

After all, we were very similar. I am exactly 1 inch taller than Jasmine, but she is 2 kg heavier than me. I told her it was in her boobs. She is a full C cup while I am barely a B. Really before she brought it up, I hadn't realized how similar we look.

Otherwise we found out we are the same size in clothes. Even shoes. We both are medium dark tan with long black hair, although hers goes all the way to her butt and mine stops mid back.

Even though we look similar we are different people, so it wasn't a problem to me. An outside observer might think we look like two sisters kissing, but we are definitely not the same person. Just similar in appearance.

"Well, I guess it's time to have the talk." Jasmine said after breaking off our kiss.

I knew what she meant but didn't know how to start. It was probably an important conversation to have.

Jasmine offered to tell me some things and see if it answers my questions.

"The most important question you probably have is why. Why do I work this job? I've answered that question a few different ways, but I've found the more I think about it, it's basically two reasons." She explained.

"First, I like sex. Yes, I usually orgasm with my customers. Probably 60% or 70% of the time. Sex is fun, so why not enjoy it? What other job pays you to have fun? But let me be clear. Sex and love are not the same thing. I don't think enjoying sex is bad or wrong."

"Have you ever been in love?" I interrupted her.

"Yes, once." She answered. "The first month I started this job, I had an Aussie customer. He was young, handsome and charming. He saw me for a whole week straight. Then I started seeing him outside of work. I fell in love with him. I even took him to meet my family. When he returned home, he ghosted me. I guess he was only after free sex. I learned a hard lesson then. I will never mix love and work again."

"I'm sorry that happened to you." I genuinely told her.

Liking sex isn't bad. I enjoy sex also. Any normal adult should. Maybe not to the extent you make it your job, but I don't see her admission as a negative.

"Anyway, the second reason, and probably more important to me is that I'm in control. I decided who, what, where, when and how. I admit, I'm a bit obsessed about being in control. I don't like a boss telling me what to do. This job gives me all the control."

There were other reasons. They aren't important really. I had more questions, but I listened to her explanation and took a while to consider it before thinking about what to say next.

It was simple, yet a complex explanation. What I didn't hear was a red flag. No excuses or hints of dishonesty. Like it or not, that was the truth. I can tolerate a lot as long as somebody is honest with me. I felt Jasmine had been very honest with me.

Jasmine suggested it was a good stopping point. "You will have more questions after you think about it for a while, so let's get together tomorrow for lunch again."

It was a little different this time when we went out to eat. Jasmine asked if she could hold my hand as we walked. Not uncommon in the Philippines for friends to hold hands but I knew she was doing it as a sign of affection between us, not just friendship.

After lunch, I told her I would like to rest a bit in the air conditioning of my hotel room because it was very hot. She paused for a minute, and I asked if she was coming or not. I hadn't planned anything but just let my conscience guide me.

Back in my room, I used the heat as an excuse to take off my shorts and shirt. I just felt it and went with it. Jasmine laid down on the bed with me and we started kissing.

This time, she turned up the intensity, and after several minutes of making out, I was extremely horny for her. Her hand went to my breast, and I started to apologize because I knew she was still on her period.

"Ssssshhhhh." She quieted me. "Just let me."

And she unhooked my bra and put her mouth on my nipples. She sucked and nibbled on them until I was shifting uncomfortably on the bed. I was in need.

Her hand slowly slid down my belly into my panties. I gasped lightly as her fingers found my folds.

"Mmmmmm. I like it bare." She told me. Appreciating my shaved pussy. A habit I picked up in the US.