All Comments on 'Going to Vegas'

I hate writing bad reviews but so much with story is wrong. First there are too many errors in your grammer, second there is the fact that you rushed this story by not giving it a lot of detail, third there was just too many mistakes in the story to really keep ones focus and enjoy the story as it progressed.

A good hot storyline but it needs a bit of history to make the story work better.

If she was his steady fuck,and he was fucking her regularly, then it wouldn't be such a sudden move on his part to be able to fuck his mom while riding in the back seat of his friends car.

English is not your first language im guessing, either get better grammar or stick to writing in your own language.

When it comes to jack-off stories who cares about grammar and punctuation, that's totally stupid. This was incredibly hot, that's all that matters.

Get an editor please.

Just don't write anymore...it's not worth it

How do people have sex in the car and the other passengers do not smell it. I have never had sex with someone who came that did not carry a distinct smell.

who wants his mom to go on an overniighter to anywhere with him and his friends?

why would he think all of a sudden he could fuck her in front of his friends, did they have sex before? if they car was as small as you said how could the others not her them or as the others said smell them?

The basic premise of this story is fucked up. Nobody wants their mom to go on an overnighter with them, unless you're involved with her.

Reading this waste of bandwidth makes me want to pluck my eyeballs out.

Example of trash being posted.

Do us all a favour. Throw your crayons away, and crawl back into your puerile imagination.

I've never read such a load of childishly scribbled crap in my life.

This is the sort of rubbish a 12 yo dreams up the first time he glimpses his mother's knickers.

I agree with the other comments. The story line is not believable in the least. Why would a man home on leave want to take his mom to vegas with his friend. And why with no build up or history would the mother let him pull her panties off and do her in the car in front of his friend? It needs more back story to make this scenario plausible.

bad, bad, bad....

I almost got hard...then I actually had a thought...and lost it.

No spell check. No grammar check. No build up. No tease. No background. No reason for this happening. No justification. If he was military and tried to tell a story like this all his mates would IMMEDIATELY throw the BS flag.

The truth to this story is that the Mom would have smacked the son so hard that he'd be hospitalized.

Seriously if you are going to abuse an author's grammatical and spelling errors then be careful of how you express yourself and spell as well. As for the other 'Anonymous' comments if you are going to use big words, spell them correctly.

Yes the characters could have had some more background to explain why none of them thought it unusual for Mum to come along; realistically the author could have replaced his mother with a girlfriend and all would have been fine (different category of course too).

My recommendation is to get someone who is experienced at editing here onsite to give your story a review before submission.

The story could be a good one... if the author built the lead into the ride to Vegas to include the reasons they were open to the back seat action and told us about what they did in Vegas.

Throw me a message on the forum or email me.

And we can work something out.

Best of luck

Eos

Its a great literotica but it needs major editing like using the " sign plus it needs to be much longer a one page literotica is WAY to short plus you should add a sequel were they share a room in vegas and they do relentless fucking all night.

I have to say the potential for this is there. Issues I found were spelling, grammar, and length. You could've done a little more background and buildup to tell us why that was so easy for him to do. It just wasn't believable that his mother would let him strip down her panties after a few touches.

Like I said it has potential for a good series just needs to be a fuller story. Tease the readers more and do a good build-up. Also, the sex scene doesn't need to be as bland as you made it.

You really need to tell us more about your characters. What do they look like? What would want to motivate them to do this? The characters need to come to life more.

One last word in edge-wise. What about the 2 in the front seat? Yea there's camping gear packed to the brim in the trunk and baggage next to them but couldn't they hear and or see what was going on in the back seat? Do they know and just not care? You have to remember this is a taboo subject and it might not be immediately accepted by those in the front seat. Plus there's no background saying that this mother and son have already done this in the past. If so that's a big piece of information and would make the story at least a little more believable.

That's my two cents. I wish you luck and hope to see more.

I"m sorry, but I have to say that after only a few sentences, I couldn't follow this story at all. Spelling, grammar, syntax; do you know what they are?

Too densely packed. Seems to speed along with no rhythm. I did like the imagery when he took her panties down. But overall the whole thing is charmless.

This is a very nice vignette of spontaneous motherfucking. Yes, mom and son have fucked before; now in close quarters they decide to have another go at it. With mother wriggling her ass on her boy's lap, it's natural that he gets hard. Which makes mom wriggle even more. Like plenty of moms, this mother enjoys the feel of her boy's stiff prick on her motherly bottom. Of course the son's got to let his big prick breathe free and his mother's got to feel the sweet breezes on her fat and leaky puss. With the boy's hard young cock and his mommy's hot mature cunt in such close proximity, it's inevitable that the filial cock gets shoved up the maternal cunt. Mom cums real good, her son shoots his creamy load up where they both want it to go, and the boy's fat dick soaks in his mommy's warm wet twat for the rest of the trip.

WTF?!?!

I once fucked a girl in the back seat of my family car. It wasn't easy and we were parking. It was the wettest Myles's pussy ever got and we left a stain on the seat that never faded. I still like that his mom came on his cock, do women bust a nut?

The story line is an old one, and never fails to arouse . . . . BUT :

1. To much reliance on the "Spell-check" function (or just poor education); ie 'composer' (was it Beethoven or Mozart?) versus 'composure'.

2. No build up, or explanation, as to 'how' the attraction arose.

3. If it is worth doing, it's worth doing right.

The previous sentences run into the next one, which makes it hard for your readers to follow the story and they take it out on you. A decent editor would have made this story and your other one winners. (This one was cut short. He fucked his mother, she came all over him and then he buried his throbbing cock to the hilt in her tight, undulating pussy and shot a huge load of his cum into her. He hadn't been laid in so long that it felt like there were chunks of rust coming out of his dick, when he first started cumming in her. End of story.???)

Tender and loving story.

Love to see another chapter

"got your composer"? Ourselves is ONE word "she got a nut"?

It's difficult to read with so many errors.....