Gold Star Mom

Carson decided to test the waters and looked over at her as he said, "If I could meet someone as incredible as you, I'd feel like the lucky one."

Lori was on the verge of telling him she'd been unable to stop thinking about him since they spoke the first time, but she'd embarrassed herself enough and didn't want to end up being thought of as a fool. And as she'd been told, there really was no fool like an old fool, and at 45, she suddenly felt very old.

Again, he assumed she was put off by his comment and tried to change the subject.

"So...where to?"

"Honestly? I'm almost wishing I hadn't come," she said, confirming in his mind that he was the reason.

"Lori, I am so sorry. I haven't been as professional as I should have been, and all of my ham-handed hinting and commentary has mis-landed at every turn."

"Pardon?" she asked, wondering what he meant by that as she truly had no idea.

"My comments. About your looks and my...feelings for you and the way I...."

"Feelings?" she asked, not completely confused and now somewhat hopeful and slightly less embarrassed.

He ran his hand down in face and exhaled loudly.

"My job is to be your guide and your escort, and I've let my personal feelings show, and now you're regretting even coming here. Lori? All I can do is tell you how sorry I am and...."

"Carson? I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since we talked," she blurted out while looking at the glove compartment in front of her.

Confused, Carson shook his head, looked her way, then said, "You...I...I thought you were...disgusted. By me."

"Disgusted? Carson, no. I've had a wonderful time. I'm the one who's let herself and her imagination...run wild like some kind of junior high school girl with a crush. I'm the one who's disgusting! I'm a 45-year old widow who complains about everything and I...I had this notion that...."

She stopped talking and stared out the passenger window.

Sensing what was really going on, Carson slowly moved his right hand and gently touched her left.

"It's not just you, Lori," he said just loudly enough for her to hear.

She slowly turned toward him then said, "I don't understand."

"I'm the one with the...junior high crush. On you. I must have looked at your photos a hundred times and read every text you sent me at least that often. And having met you, well, my...crush is out of control."

She looked into his eyes and finally understood.

"You're...serious?"

"Yes. Very. Do you not believe me?"

"I...I don't know what to believe. If you're telling me the truth, then I'm at a loss to understand why. Carson, I told you my age, and it's understandable why I could get caught up in some...impossible fairy tale, but it makes no sense why you would or could do something so...illogical."

"And yet I am caught up in that same fairy tale, Lori. You said you haven't stopped thinking about me? Well, I haven't stopped thinking about you, either."

There was a long silence during which she looked at his hand on hers. She turned hers over and their fingers interlaced.

She finally looked over at him then asked, "Not to steal your line, but...what's next?"

He smiled at her then told her, "If I can't kiss you, I think I may explode. Or...implode or...."

He leaned over but Lori didn't move. At first. The hunger inside her was so great, and the surprise that he shared her feelings so strong that it took her a moment to realize this wasn't just a fantasy anymore.

When their lips met she kissed him as passionately as he kissed her, a long, slow kiss that lasted a good 10-15 seconds.

"I think I like fairy tales," Carson said as the kiss ended.

"And I believe I just kissed a prince."

The way she said it made Carson smile, and it was obvious he wanted to laugh. That made Lori smile, and when she did, he let it go. She laughed, too; a laugh that released a huge amount of pressure and anxiety for both of them.

"So, I ask you again, Carson Miller. What's next?"

"Lori. I don't want you staying in a motel. I'm not asking you to, you know...."

"Sleep with you?" she said without a smile.

"Right. I have an extra bedroom, and I'm more than happy to stay in a room at the base. I just don't want you...."

"I accept," she told him. "The spare room. And you don't need to move out."

They didn't say much as they drove back to his apartment until they got close.

"Carson, I need you to know I've never done anything like this before in my life. Ever."

"I believe you, but even if you had, it wouldn't change anything. I'd still want to spend time with you, but I'm glad you told me that."

It was only nine o'clock, and neither of them typically went to bed before eleven.

"Can I get you anything?" Carson asked once she got settled in her room.

"No. I'm fine," she told him as she looked around his apartment.

"Pretty spartan, huh?"

"It's nice."

He laughed then said, "You're just being nice."

She laughed, too, then told him, "I wouldn't try and change you."

He walked up to her and said, "Nor I you."

"Is this too...weird for you?"

"No, not at all. Why? Is it too weird for you?"

"I'm still trying to understand what's happening. My...fantasies. And you telling me you...often thought about me. And now...we're here. Together. In your home. That's kind of weird. Isn't it?"

"I suppose," he began as he moved even closer.

Lori had taken her heels off and was now about four inches shorter than him. He ran his fingers up and down the back of her upper arms for a moment then continued.

"Weird or not, I couldn't be happier as long as you're really okay being here. Together. With me. In my place."

She finally smiled then put her arms around him.

"It's a little...strange...but as they say 'stranger things have happened'. Please tell me they have."

Carson laughed quietly and assured her they had before leaning in to kiss her.

Lori responded with a hunger that had been building up for years. She not only hadn't felt this way about anyone since losing Dan, she hadn't been with anyone since him, and her body was on fire with need and desire.

The kiss deepened, and seconds later, Lori said in a raspy whisper, "I'd actually rather stay in your room tonight."

Cason picked up her so fast she laughed. As he carried her to his bedroom, they kissed and she flutter-kicked the air with her feet in happiness. The sexy knit dress came off as did the Dockers and his shirt, and for the next 90 minutes they did almost everything a man and a woman can do to, with, or for each other.

As she lay in his arms, Lori said, "How do I pretend not to know you tomorrow?"

"I don't know. Is that what you want?"

Carson sat up when he asked the question, and Lori did, too.

"I don't want to embarrass you. At work."

"You can't embarrass me. I'm fine with them knowing. I'm fine if the whole world knows."

"You know I'm going to cry tomorrow."

"Of course. How could you not?" he asked as he pulled her to him and stroked her hair.

"This may turn out to be the most bittersweet time of my life," she said almost wistfully.

"Lori? I'm here for you, and I'll be there for you tomorrow."

He waited for her to look up at him then said, "And I'll be here for you as long as you'll let me."

He saw tears in her eyes, but this time they weren't due to losing the two people she loved the most. She was happy beyond words, and not having any words to say, she pulled him down and back on top of her and begged him to make love to her again.

Carson was up at 5am and had to look to make sure it wasn't a dream. His 'dream' was still laying beside him and sound asleep. He quietly got up, used the bathroom, had a cup of coffee then ran four miles. Every step came with a smile that lasted throughout the run, and as he bounded up the stairs to his second-floor apartment, he didn't think he could be any happier.

"Good morning!" Lori said when he quietly opened the door. She was wearing one of his shirts and nothing else.

"Sweet mother of...."

She laughed as she walked over to kiss him.

"I didn't hear you wake up."

"I didn't want to bother you," he explained as she put her arms around his sweaty body.

"I'm kind of a mess," he told her as she pulled herself closer and kissed him.

"It's okay. I'm wearing my handsome boyfriend's shirt, and he won't mind."

"Does your boyfriend know you're here?" Carson asked as seriously as he could.

She kissed him and reached for him, and when he responded, she laughed and told him, "He does now."

She drug him into the shower where they laughed and washed and rinsed and loved before drying off and making breakfast. Lori suggested he get dressed first, and when he came out she gasped.

"Wow!" she said when she saw the uniform.

"It's a special day," he replied, standing there in the Blue Dress Delta uniform that consisted of a short-sleeved khaki shirt, dress blue trousers, a white barracks cover (saucer hat to Army types) and black dress shoes.

"How am I supposed to compete with that?" Lori asked rhetorically, causing Carson to laugh.

"It is a pretty snazzy uniform, isn't it?"

"I'll say!"

"Okay. Your turn. We don't wanna be late."

"I'll be right back," she promised after kissing him and admiring the uniform one more time.

'Right back' turned out to be nearly an hour, but when Carson saw her, he also said, "Wow."

Lori was wearing another knit dress. This one was winter white and had a crew neck. The hemline came to about three inches above her knee, and she was also wearing a pair of three-inch heels that matched the dress.

"I stepped outside this morning and it felt even colder than today. I hope this will be okay."

"Okay?" he said as he moved closer to admire her.

"You are so unbelievably beautiful. You look stunning. And...smokin' hot!"

Lori laughed and thanked him.

"Okay. I shouldn't have worn mascara, but there's this very handsome, younger man I'm trying to impress, and I wanted to look my best."

Carson put his arms around her and told her hat guy was a very lucky young man.

"I don't know about that, but I do know I'm the luckiest girl on earth."

She looked right at him then said, "I also know this has all happened very fast. I just want you to know that even if this is all we ever have, I will treasure this time for as long as I live."

"Hey, are you trying to get rid of me?" he asked her as he held her close.

"No. I'm just giving you a chance to escape if that's what you want."

"Lori. Look at me."

She'd rested her head on his shoulder being careful not get makeup on the uniform. She raised her head and looked into his eyes.

"I don't ever want to...escape. Or be without you."

He saw her tearing up and smiled.

"Don't do that. Save it for later, okay?"

"Sorry. I'm just so happy."

"Me, too."

He kissed then said, "Okay. Grab your stuff and let's get going!"

Except for the few moments that the regimental commander called him up to let everyone know who was responsible for the memorial, Carson never left Lori's side that day. He was there when Colton's name was read out loud and when they went to the 'Hall of Heroes' where his photo hung next to so many other Marines who'd made the ultimate sacrifice.

He kept a couple of tissues in a front pocket, and anytime Lori teared up, she didn't have to fish one out of her purse. She wasn't the only woman who cried in front of their son or daughter's memorial photo, and several of them sobbed uncontrollably as they touched the image of their little boy or girl. Two female Marines from Headquarters Battalion were among the fallen, both killed by IEDs.

Carson was powerless to comfort the woman he was falling in love with, but he was there to hold her or just hold her hand when she needed him.

Lori was duly impressed by the fast roping at one of the base's many LZ's or Landing Zones and asked if Carson ever did that.

"Many times. The first was when I was assigned to the 31st MEU."

"The...mew? That can't mean a cat," Lori asked.

Carson chuckled and told her it stood for Marine Expeditionary Unit.

"I was a 19-year old infantryman and having the time of my life."

He saw the slight change in her expression at the mention of being 19, and she knew he noticed.

"It's okay. I'll always be sad, but now I have a reason to be happy again."

"I'm glad, and I'm happy, too."

"I'd tell you what I'm really feeling, but I don't want you to run away," she told him as she fought back more tears that were tears of joy.

"I understand. I'm falling in love with you, too," he told her as he reached out for her hand.

"Please tell me this is real," Lori said she put her hand in his.

He squeezed her hand and said, "It's as real as the hands that are holding each other."

"Carson?"

He raised his eyebrows and waited.

"I...I have some vacation time saved up. Would you mind if...."

"Please stay, Lori. Stay with me."

Tears fell as she told him she would.

"And don't ever leave."

She promised him she wouldn't, and 40 years later she was still with him until the day she drew her final breath.

Neither of them really thought about children, but just after Lori turned 46, she told Carson she had something to share with him.

"Oh?"

"Carson? I...I'm pregnant."

The look on her face was one of apprehension, but when he jumped up and grabbed her and spun her around, she knew it was okay.

Seven months later the greatest joy of their lives together took place when Kylie Marie Miller entered the world at the base hospital where a new room was named in the little girl's honor. She was the first child to be placed in it after being born, and it was an honor they mentioned quite often over the years.

Lori held her breath every time her handsome husband left for a deployment, but when he hit the 20-year mark, Carson Miller retired from active duty to spend every day with the woman--and the girl--he loved more than anything on earth.

His still-beautiful wife often looked at Kylie and her father and realized what she'd had to lose to gain something so precious. It was something she'd have never wished for, but life had handed her two terrible losses, and that couldn't be undone. In return, it had also given her two of the most wonderful things any woman could ask for: a devoted, loving husband and a beautiful daughter for them to dote on.

Lori Miller would always be a Gold Star mom. But she was also now a wife and a mother again and as happy as anyone who'd gone through the trials she had could possibly be.