All Comments on 'Good to Go'

A very impressive first story. I look forward to reading more.

Great start. Please follow up.

Very impressive for a first-time story. I liked the characters and how Jake was fractured but still functional. He felt like someone who had gone through abuse and made it through. I don’t think you mentioned his birth name, though. I would have liked a mention of his adoptive parents changing his legal name, or him going only by Jake. That’s a character detail I’d have liked to see. But that’s so very minor to the overall story.

This story was really very nicely written and well put together and I look forward to reading a lot more from you. In my book you really are "Good to Go."

Thanks for sharing it here and I hope to read more from you in the future.

One thing I enjoy in some of the stories here is the fact that true locations are used. I'll "google" a town or place I read about in a story, just to see if it really exists. Glad to see that both the town and body of water mentioned are real in Texas! Good writing and I look forward to more from you.

Thank you.

What a wonderful start for a new author.

Nicely done.

Your editor did a nice job of bringing out your inate talent.

Will be waiting for your next story.

Cheers.

Whoa. That's one helluva first story. Glad you had a good editor!

Great first story. The pyramid bookcase was a really nice touch, gave a great setup for the toy car, and played well off the panties on the hat episode. For proofreading, my only comment is on the "its-it's" issue.

Consider a more consistent point of view: sympathetic third person, rather than omniscient. I would have enjoyed it even more if I'd learned what Dani was feeling & thinking as Jake did.

The Comma Monster.

LK, thank you very much for your kind words about my editing. If you think about it, though, all I had to do was polish the gem you brought to me. Excellent job, and you earned a score that proves it!

RandyD1369

A very good first run. The main feedback I want to give is to keep track of your character details. I got very confused by Dani starting off with vividly described green eyes, switching to blue eyes (inherited by her unseen Nordic mother), then ending the story with green eyes again. Also how she goes from tanned to Native American dark skinned, which isn't usually "tanned" but I get what you were aiming for. Other than that your scenery descriptions were good and your characters and situations were believable. All in all you knocked it out of the park for a first timer. Just keep polishing and you'll be a published author in no time.

Well done for your "first time".

Will be watching out for your next submission

Congratulations on your first story, LK!! It’s an excellent piece! Looking forward to reading your next :)

Great beginning!

5

An impressive debut. I look forward to your next story.

First story? It sounds like you've been doing this for years. Need a few more chapters, and it was unbelievably GOOD!! Keep it up!

Very noice, couldn’t be any better.

Thanks!

Please keep writing stories and maybe epilogs or another chapter or two.

This story reads like you've been writing for years! You do a great job of describing the setting, the events, the relationships. I would love to see more chapters of this story about Dani and Jake, as well as other stories from you!

I really enjoyed getting to know the characters before getting into the story. It was a great read.

Really enjoyed the story, couldn't tell by me that it's your first. There were still a couple of typos, like when her feet were 'in' the floor in his bed room. Nothing major and diffidently not a detraction.

Like others have suggested, this would be such a great story to expand on with the next part of their lives.

Now, I'm going to check out your other stories so thanks for writing and posting them.

Okay so, these are two people madly in love with eachother, have known eachother fpr almost their entire lives, and share a bond of mutual trust rare to come across the likes off even in fiction. It was perfect for me until the hot parts. There's simply way too much talking there. It's supposed to be more frantic, more RAW than this. Yes they are communicating but it lasted so long it seemed they were more interested in talking to eachother than to actually delve into their long awaited union. Like, for real, they've thirsted for one another for so long, it just can't be this vanilla you know?

Also, just read that part again and imagine them grindingband making out, while talking for that long, just try to imagine it. Feels weird right?

Great work though! You pulled off something great, and I genuinely wish I could write like that.

I loved this story of acceptance. Can you make more from them? Maybe a sequel where one of the foster parents are released from prison and Dani helps him get over the trauma and to forgive them. Maybe a baby or two by the end. Sorry, love this couple!!

Great story. loved the acceptance. The only problem I have is the ending was rushed. Otherwise great job.

Very good story. The gradual build up of the two characters was done well making the relationship and developing the understanding between them lead smoothly into the intimacy and the climax exciting for the reader as much as it was for the two close friends.

I liked the communication between Jake and Dani as it fit with your character development. Naturally Jake was hesitant, but his male instincts (and harmonies) took over.

Another chapter about this relationship? I’d join the queue to read it, for sure!

What a great love story with a slow and steady buildup until the very climax of the story. Well written and great character development. I sure this author starts publishing here on Lit again as it has been

months since the last story was published. Well done 6+++stars

I came here to say what Anonymous "A few tweaks needed tho" said. When it came time for the physical stuff the dialogue became unnatural and overdone. It was too formal and took the place of their raw, physical energy and desire. She started calling him baby, and that felt misplaced as well. Otherwise, not having a lot of typos and grammatical errors and great storytelling made this a nice read. Sweet characters. Lovely story. Well done.

Good story, but the way he declared his live seemed out if place for him, mechanical.

What a sweet story. I have a big smile right now after finishing it. It was a pleasure to read it. Thank you for writing it.

A well thought out and written story with good build up, angst, drama, love and of course sex! I look forward to reading more of your work. As this is my first foray into your writing and the first story you posted here I have added you to my favorites list. I appreciate your and your Muse's imagination and abilities to bring it to your story. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents.

You fell short about half of a point from getting added into my favorites list. It was a great love story, but some of the dialog was slightly off. For example, the conversation between Jake and Dani after he eats her but before they make love was so detailed and explicit that it came off really cheesy. The better version is short and sweet like this:

"I know that you are saving your first time for someone special," Jake spoke softly. "Why are you going to change your mind about it now?"

"I'm not changing anything," Dani replied. "I was saving it just for you, Jake. It's always been yours and no one else's. I've been waiting for you."

That right there completed everything you wrote about using fewer words in a more realistic conversation. 5/5

Well done!