Got to Choose

Sitting at a table with his arm around Sara was her ex Alex. They were there with Heather and her boyfriend.

Heather saw me first and said, "Oh shit!"

Sara then spun around and saw me.

I walked up to the table, grabbed their pitcher of Coke and poured it on Alex. He jumped up in shock and screamed, "What the fuck man?"

Sara stood in front of him and pleaded, "Jesse, it's not what it looks like."

I said, "It looks like you're on a double date with your ex."

Alex said, "Ex? What the fuck are you talking about? I've been going with her since high school, dumb ass."

Sara started crying and sat down. I told her, "It's over, you don't have to choose anymore."

I looked at Alex and said, "She played us both dude, and that bitch Heather obviously knew. Sara told me she dumped you three years ago. Sorry, I ruined your date."

I turned and left. By the time I got to my car, Sara was running out of the door. She was too late to catch me.

I turned my phone off as I was driving and when I got to my parent's house my mom was waiting for me.

"Jesse, Sara called in a panic. What happened?"

I grabbed my bag off of the bed and answered while I was walking, "I caught her with a guy. It was the guy she supposedly broke it off with to be with me. He said she never broke it off, and Sara didn't deny it. I'm done with her and I'm going back to school."

My mom hugged me and told me, "I'm sorry son."

I nodded and left. As I was leaving my subdivision, I saw Sara turning in. "There won't be an ambush this time," I thought.

I turned my phone back on, and as expected, it rang constantly. All of the calls were from Sara. Then one came from her dad.

I always liked him and was going to start working for him after school. "Damn, I'm gonna need to find another job" I thought.

I answered his call, "Hello."

"Jesse, what happened? She's a basket case over here. Something about a misunderstanding and you left her?"

I sighed and said, "Sir, she lied to me when she told me she broke up with that Alex guy and I caught her with him tonight. He said she never ended it with him. I've been lied to for three years."

"Jesse, if that's the case, then she lied to all of us. We were told the same thing. I'm sorry son, I understand you ending it after finding that out. Look, your job offer still stands. Please consider coming on board with us when you graduate."

"Thank you Sir. I'll let you know. I loved your family and I'll miss everyone. Goodbye."

I ignored the rest of the calls. A six hour drive through corn and soybean fields gives a man plenty of time to think, and that's what I needed to do.

How could she do this to me? We were in love and things felt so right. I was planning on proposing at Christmas.

Later, I got a text from her sister, Jessica.

"Can I call you? I promise that it's me not her."

I replied, "Yes."

A moment later the phone rang. "Jesse, I don't have all of the details yet," she started, "But I don't think it's as bad as you think it is. I can tell you that this was the first time Alex has been home since he left for school. I know this for a fact since I'm friends with his sister and I asked her."

"Jessica, I'm not sure why that matters. I'm still only her place holder boyfriend until they graduate and can be together again. He said she never ended it. It all makes perfect sense now. She didn't have to worry about me finding out because she never saw him. She could text or call him anytime we weren't together. The fact that he was home and I wasn't was perfect for her this time."

"Jesse, she loves you. Can you let her explain, at least?"

"No, Jessica, I need a clean break. I love her so much that I don't know what I'm gonna do from here. The hurt is too much."

Time went on, but wounds don't fully heal. She left hundreds of messages and texts. I ended up blocking her number. I never let her explain and I avoided her at all costs.

We graduated and I took the job with her father. I would only do it after finding out that she got a job as a freelance writer and was basing herself out of New York.

After working there for a year, I met and started dating a accountant named Kate.

Kate was girl next door beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was probably the sweetest girl I'd ever met.

Her family is very small and from a small town in Iowa. Her parents died when she was young and has no siblings.

On our first date she said, "Jesse, this is the part of the date where either you stay or go. Are you ready?"

I laughed and said, "Sure."

"Jesse, I want to be married and have kids, lots of them. For now, I want a long term relationship that will lead to that, if all goes well. I am not interested in a fuck buddy or wasting my time on someone who doesn't share my goals."

"Ok," I said. "Do you want coffee with dessert?"

She smiled and we started working on her plan.

I liked Kate from the start but it took some time to fall in love. It kind of snuck up on me after dating her for 2 months.

We were in my apartment and had just finished making love, when she fell asleep with her head nuzzled into my chest.

I felt it then. I realized that I loved her as much as i did Sara. I kissed the top of her head and she moaned in appreciation. I squeezed her in a hug and whispered, "I love you."

She kissed my chest and said, "It's about time, I was getting worried. I love you too."

By Thanksgiving she had moved in with me.

At Thanksgiving dinner, dad and I were watching the game with Frank. Frank said, "Bro, she's a keeper. Do you have a tree out back that has hot girls growing on it?"

Dad laughed and I said, "Nope, just really lucky."

They nodded in agreement and said in unison, "Don't mess it up."

Mom walked in at that moment to tell us dessert was ready and patted my head saying, "What's so funny boys?"

Frank said, "Just trying to figure out how Jesse fell off the ugly tree, but keeps hitting pretty girls on the way down."

Mom laughed with us and said, "Come and get some dessert, puddin' heads."

On Christmas Eve, I was sitting in my cubicle finishing up and getting ready for the office party, when Sara walked in.

She came right up to my cube and said, "Merry Christmas Jesse, can we talk for a minute?"

I said, "Nope," and grabbed my coat and walked out. I hadn't seen her since the split and was upset by how much hurt and love came back when I saw her. I thought I was finally over her, so much so that I was going to propose to Kate on Christmas.

I skipped the party and was at the bar across the street when I got a text from Kate.

"She left, please come back."

So, I did. I walked through the lobby and saw Kate talking with Sara's dad near my cubicle area.

I walked up and greeted Kate with a kiss and Mr. Armstrong with a handshake. He said, "Sorry son, I didn't know she was coming."

"Oh, no worries Sir. I just left so she wouldn't feel uncomfortable," I lied.

Kate frowned as he patted me on the back and said, "Thank you then. Please enjoy yourselves," and walked on.

Kate said, "We have to talk about this, Jess. If you still feel so strongly for her that you can't be in the same room, we may not be as strongly together as I thought."

I grabbed her hand and said, "My love for you is as strong as it ever was for her. That ship sailed, and crashed. I am 100% yours in mind, body and heart."

She smiled weakly and said, "You can't fool my eyes. I see that you still love her."

"Kate, Sara and I had almost 4 years together. The switch just doesn't shut off, but that doesn't mean I haven't traded up and moved on."

"Ok Jesse, let's head home and you show me some of that love."

We never spoke of my feelings for Sara again after that Christmas, but i always felt it was there on her mind.

We went to Christmas at my mom's. The usual suspects were there and my nieces were spoiled as usual. After the gifts were exchanged, I dropped down and asked Kate to marry me.

She said, "Yes, Jesse, yes!" and hugged me crying. After a minute, everyone wanted to give their congratulations and hugs.

My sister and mom were crying and my dad said, "Just stand back now, son. It's all about her now. Stay out of the way and write the checks when told to." Frank laughed and agreed.

We made love that night and it was different. It was slower and the kisses were more tender than they were passionate.

She fell asleep crying into my chest, happy knowing we were one step closer to her dreams.

The wedding was in June, on a bright and beautiful day. The ceremony was wonderful and I may have shed a tear when I saw her walk down the aisle to me

Her dress was amazing. It was strapless and mostly form fitting with a flare out at the knees. It was white with an ornate pattern sewn in, and it seemed to shimmer in the light like a pearl.

We said our vows and kissed. As we walked out of the church, I noticed in the back row, Sara, sitting with her family. She was crying and didn't make eye contact with me.

Her family was invited because I work for them, but I didn't invite Sara. Seeing her was a surprise, but at least she didn't come to the reception afterwards.

We honeymooned on a cruise. I don't think we saw any part of the boat for the first two days. Sara wanted to work on the second phase of her plan right away and I was all for it. I wanted kids too.

It didn't happen on the honeymoon but we announced at Thanksgiving that we were pregnant. She wanted to tell my folks before we did one of those cutesy announcements on social media.

My family was ecstatic. There was more crying and more of my dad telling me to, "Enjoy the ride, because you're not driving anymore."

Frank just laughed and said, "Welcome to the club."

We told the office on the following Monday. I received a warm congratulations from Mr. Armstrong and shortly after that I got a one word congratulations in text from a 212 area code, which is a New York phone number. I figured it was Sara, but didn't respond nor did I block the number.

The first ultra sound confirmed that twins run in my family, because damned if there weren't two heartbeats on the screen.

Kate was overjoyed, I felt dizzy.

We had already bought a house and were making one of the bedrooms a nursery, so now we just had to start getting doubles of almost everything.

The next ultrasound appointment I went to was the gender reveal. They were boys. Kate smiled and said, "We ain't stoppin' 'til you give me a girl, you know." I nodded and kissed her.

After months of prepping the house and buying all of the necessary baby crap, the big day came. I was at the office in a meeting when Mr. Armstrong burst in and said, "It's time Jesse."

My intelligent reply to my boss was, "Oh shit!" and I took off looking for my wife to get her to the hospital.

It seemed like every lady in the office was lined up to help. One had my coat and keys. Another handed me my wife's purse that she forgot, and another was pointing me to my wife sitting in the lobby doing breathing exercises.

I ran out to pull the car up and helped her in.

When we got to the hospital, we were set up in a room. It was confirmed that she was in labor and was pretty close. She was taken to another room. They asked me to wait and they would come get me when it was time. While waiting I made the call to my parents to let them know what was happening.

I put on the outfit that was left for me and had the mask ready to go. After a bit, a nurse came in and said, "Are you ready, daddy?"

Just hearing that brought a tear to my eye as I was led to the birthing room.

I held my wife's hand as she was given the instructions by the doctor, and within minutes the first bundle of joy came and the doctor said, "I hope you wanted a boy," and 5 minutes later came my other son.

I declined cutting the cords. I just felt squishy about it, and the nurse said not to worry about it. I kissed my wife and said, "Thank you for the greatest gifts I've ever received, I love you."

She answered softly, "I love you more."

They took them over to a side table to do what they do and wipe them up, while I heard the cries of the little angels being fussed with.

All of a sudden the doctor told the nurse to prepare for something, I hadn't been listening and I noticed my wife was asleep.

A nurse took my arm and said that I have to go so they can take care of the bleeding. The room was more rushed now and I noticed the boys were already gone.

As I was being ushered out, the nurse said, "Jesse, your wife is bleeding more than normal. They are going to give her some blood if needed and try to stop the bleeding. Your boys are fine and you'll be able to see them soon. Please wait here and we'll keep you updated."

It was then that I had the worst fear that I ever felt. I walked into the waiting room in a daze.

My parents saw me and rushed to me, knowing something wasn't right.

I said, "They told me the boys are fine, but Kate is bleeding more than normal. They took me out so they could stop it and give her blood if she needs it."

My mom gasped and hugged me. She said, "I'm sure she'll be fine. It's treatable when caught early like this." Dad agreed.

While I sat waiting, I called the office to let them know I wouldn't be in for a few days and to let them know that the boys are fine and to give them the weight info that all ladies seem to care about.

I answered some congratulatory texts, but the one from Mr. Armstrong was the hardest to answer. He was the first to ask how Kate was doing.

I typed back the truth. "I don't know yet. They kicked me out of the room because she was bleeding too much and I'm waiting for an update."

20 minutes later I was told by a nurse that we should hear something soon. I was getting frustrated and angry. Why was it taking so long?

A few minutes later Mr. and Mrs. Armstrong came into the waiting room.

I said, "Sir, you didn't have to come."

He said, "Nonsense, you've been part of our family for years now. We'll help you through this."

His wife agreed and they sat with my parents. Thankfully, my mom filled them in on what we knew so I could continue to pace around helplessly.

15 minutes later a doctor and a nurse came out. He asked for me and gave me the worst news of my life, "I'm sorry we couldn't stop the bleeding. Her blood pressure dropped too low and she passed on."

I collapsed into my father's arms. I lost it in denial. I cried out, "She can't be dead. No. Take me to her, now," and continued to cry as he held me back from rushing through the doors.

After a few minutes, I was taken to a room where she was laying. She looked like she was sleeping. I kissed her forehead and asked no one, "What am I going to do? I can't do this by myself?"

My mom hugged me and said, "You're not alone. We're here for you, always."

I was given the information on what to do for the arrangements that needed to be made and I walked out of the room. I couldn't be near her any more, it was too hard.

I was led into the waiting room, still crying and not understanding what was going on. My sister was there now and the Armstrongs were still there and were crying themselves. I gave my dad my keys to pull my car around to drive me home, when Sara burst into the room like a bat out of hell.

She looked around and saw me. I rose up and walked over to her, but before I could say anything she grabbed me in an embrace and said, "Don't say a word."

She continued to hold me while I cried and all of a sudden it hit me that I hadn't seen my boys yet.

I turned and walked up to the desk and asked if I could see my sons.

The desk clerk said, "Yes, we can take you to the nursery."

We got there and were watching them sleeping in their beds. I was asked if we had picked out names and I said, "Yes, Jonathon Andrew and Steven David."

I watched them for a few more minutes and asked my dad to take me home.

Everyone gave me a tearful hug goodbye.

The next few days were a blur. Somehow we managed to have a funeral. My mom and dad did most of those arrangements and I know I was there and the wake was more crowded than I could imagine since she had hardly any family and none local. It must have been mostly my side, friends and co-workers.

I had forgotten Sara was at the hospital, but she wasn't more than 10 feet from me at the wake and funeral. She never spoke to me, but I noticed that she was around.

It didn't upset me. I was kind of comforted by it, in a way.

The day after the funeral, I picked up the boys to bring them home. My sister was there with me to help, having raised twins herself, who were now in school during the day.

She was invaluable to me, showing me how to feed them, change them, and do all of the other things I never thought I would have to do. I could never have figured it all out on my own.

Once I got into a routine, she left me me to my devices and spoke to me by phone each night.

After my three month leave from work ended, I put the boys into daycare and got back into the swing of things at the office.

Most of my co-workers had attended the funeral so I didn't have to deal with too much dredging up of the bad things. They kept the talk mostly to the kids, since they already gave me condolences at the wake or funeral.

My days were busy with work and my nights were busy with the babies. The amount of poop that came out of their bodies was insane. I felt like I was always feeding or changing them.

When the boys were about a year old Mrs. Armstrong called me one evening and asked if she and Jessica could see the boys. I said, "You're always welcome."

I found myself hoping that Sara came too and. I struggled with that. i certainly didn't want to get back with her, I was absolutely not ready to date so soon after losing Kate, but I knew I still loved her and could feel that she loved me too based on her actions at the hospital and wake.

The Armstrong ladies each held a child and we idly chatted, simply catching up on each others lives, when out of nowhere Jessica said, "She'd like to see you and the boys Jesse."

I said, "She can. I'm over the hurt she caused me. I can deal with it now."

Mrs. Armstrong said, "Please let her explain what happened. You know, she hasn't dated since you split with her."

That surprised me. "Why not? She's a beautiful woman. She could've found someone to be happy with."

As Jessica put one baby into the crib, she smiled and said, "She did, it was you."

With that, they left and I was left with my thoughts of what could've been, if she would have chosen me over Alex.

It was a few weeks later when Mr. Armstrong called me into his office. He said, "Jesse, this isn't business it's personal. Would it be ok if Sara called on you tonight? It seems she needed a buffer to ask you, afraid of you're answer."

"Sir, like I told Jessica, I'll take her call and allow her to visit. I'm long over the hurt."

He smiled and said, "Thank you son. She will be happy to hear that."

Later, I was at home and too busy with the boys to think about Sara, when there was a knock on my door. I set Stevie in the play pen with his brother and went to answer it

Before I opened the door, I paused and took a deep breath and said to myself, "You can handle this."

As expected it was Sara. She apologized for not using the bell, but she wasn't sure if the boys would be napping.

I said, "No, that's fine. They are up and playing. Come on in."

"You have a beautiful home, Jesse. I love the big fenced in yard in front."

I said, "Thanks. We liked it too and there's even more room out back. Come on, I'll introduce you to the boys."

I walked her over to the playpen and said this is Johnnie, and this is Stevie."