Got to Choose

She smiled and asked, "How can you tell them apart?"

I laughed and said, "After a while I noticed little things like which one has more hair, but I dress them differently. Johnnie gets patterns and Stevie gets solid colors.

That was hard because everyone that buys them outfits, buys two of the same thinking twins should dress alike. I don't agree with that, but I'm just the dad. Go ahead and take one and sit on the rocker."

She did and I picked up the other one and placed him in her other arm. She was holding both and rocking them gently.

I said, "Look they like you. They aren't even trying to wiggle away."

She smiled and then I noticed a tear trickle down. I reached out and wiped it with my thumb. She turned her head from me.

She looked up at me and said, "Jesse, may I please explain what happened with Alex?"

I sighed and said, "Sure, but let's put them to bed first."

She helped me put their jammies on and I let her read them a bedtime story. She seemed to love doing it.

While she was using the bathroom, I opened a bottle of wine for us and set it in the living room. She came in, saw it and smiled.

She sat down, took a big gulp and said, "I did end it with Alex prior to getting back together with you. The problem was that I did it like a coward and wrote him a letter. You felt like I chose him over you, but that's not true.

I found out at Christmas that it was returned to sender at my parent's house. I took that as a sign that I should do it in person. The problem was that he never came home on breaks. He was working and took summer courses.

I spoke with him once a month, and it didn't even feel like we were still a couple. You and I did. I loved you more and more each day. That Thanksgiving, when you saw us, was when I was going to put an end to it, but didn't want to do it in a cruel way. So yes we went out, but I swear to you I was ending it that night and after you left it did end."

I said, "Yeah, I'm sure it did."

She continued, "My family was pissed. They felt I lied to them too. My sister called me a slut, right in front of my father. My mother was heartbroken. She loved you too and thank you, by the way, or taking the job with my father. He thinks of you like the son he never had, and even more so today.

When you blocked my messages and cut me off I was a basket case. I barely finished school and ran away to New York.

Jesse, I've lived like a nun. I haven't had even lunch with a man hoping that you came back to me. When you got married I went home and got drunk and stayed that way for 3 days until my dad intervened. He was talking about putting me in a rehab facility, thinking that i needed to dry out."

She started crying and I pulled her into a hug saying, "I'm sorry, but you have to see it from my side. The way it looked with his arm around you and then you not denying you were still together. I felt like a place holder for him and it was me that would be dumped after graduation."

She sobbed, "I know, I'm so sorry. I blew it with the best man I ever had. Even when I did choose you, I still lost you."

I held her for another minute or so, when she got up and said, "I'm sorry, I have to go," and she ran out.

I called her house and spoke to her mom. I let her know what happened and to let me know that she got home ok.

I sat in the rocker and finished the wine. I couldn't shake my feelings for her. I knew that they were always there, but I would never have let that show when Kate was still here.

I couldn't date this soon after Kate's death could I? The boys will need a mother eventually and it felt so good to hold her. Did I believe the story about the letter and non-break up? I guess I did. I had Jessica's confirmation that he never came home.

A short while later Mr. Armstrong was at my door. I invited him in and offered him a drink. I said, "This is a surprise Sir, what can I do for you?"

He said, "First, I wanted to let you know that Sara made it home ok. Thank you, for being concerned with that. Second, I brought you something.

When you broke up with Sara, Jessica called her a slut. Sara, went to her room and got this." He handed me the letter that was marked return to sender.

He went on, "I kept that as a reminder to not jump to conclusions, and now I'm glad that I did. I want you to have it. If for no other reason than to put your own mind at ease that while stupid in some ways, her story is true in this regard."

"Thank you Sir," I said as he was standing up to leave.

"Jesse, don't rush into anything son. Try being friends and see how that works for you kids."

I nodded and said, "Thanks again. See you tomorrow."

I opened the letter and read it.

Dear Alex,

I'm sorry to be a coward and do this by letter, but I've met someone at school and I've fallen in love with him. We didn't think our long distance relationship would work and I'm sorry to say it fell apart faster than I thought.

I really love Jesse, and I'm afraid I've lost him by not having an exclusive relationship. I have to try though and as a result, we can't see each other anymore.

I wish you the best,

Sara

I thought, "God that's cold." I almost felt bad for the guy. But, I guess me showing up at that pizza joint was probably worse for him.

A week went by and I was still undecided on what to do. Jessica texted me that Sara was going back to New York the next day.

That was it. My shit or get off of the pot moment. I picked the kids up from daycare and drove to the Armstrong's house. With arms full of kids and diaper bags, I trounced up their steps and rang the bell.

Mrs. Armstrong answered and smiled grabbing a baby immediately. I asked "Is Sara home," and she smiled wider.

"She's in her room packing. Go on up, I'll watch these two." I set Stevie down and went upstairs.

I knocked on her door and she answered. "Jesse?" She called out in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"You left before I could tell you that I never stopped loving you. Kate could tell, and it was always in the back of her mind.

I may not be in the best place for a relationship right now, but I'm asking you to please not go back to New York. You haven't even applied nor interviewed for the mother job opening that I have, yet."

She grabbed me and pulled me into such a tight hug that it hurt.

"Jesse, I've waited this long, I can wait as long as it takes."

We kissed and she asked, "Where are the babies?"

"With your mom," I said. "She said she would watch them while we talked."

"Good," she said with a smirk. "Wanna watch a movie?" Then closed and locked the door.