Greed Before Family

GREED BEFORE FAMILY

This tale is inspired by a true story of some acquaintances of mine. I changed the names and many other things so no one can connect my story with the actual events. How the real story ends is still up in the air. I hope you agree with the ending I have given. Enjoy

Decision making must be the most important variable in anyone's life. We make little decisions every day that affect us. Of course, we make big decisions throughout our life. They change the course of our journey. We decide who our friends are, what schools we go to, what we study, where we work, who we date and who we marry. These are just some of the big decisions that determine who we are. I hope most people are happy with their decisions. I know I look back and feel most of my decisions were good for me and that the ones that weren't, well, I can live with them. The problems come when other people make decisions that affect my life and the life of my family. You can't control those decisions ahead of time. You can only deal with them the best you can after the fact.

"Jimmy, what do you think you will do after we graduate?" I asked my best friend since grade school.

" I'm not sure right now. It seems weird going our separate ways, but I don't want to work at the same software company that's been after you."

"Just because we won't be working together, doesn't mean we'll lose touch."

"You're right, we'll never lose touch. I owe a lot to you and your family. After my dad died, your family help make my childhood as good as yours. Your dad was the one who made me take an interest in math and science like you. Without him, we could never have gotten our scholarships to MIT."

"Well, getting perfect scores on the ACTs didn't hurt, but you're right again. My mom and dad gave me a great childhood and they always included you in everything. "

"Tom, without you I would've had no social life either."

"You did fine with the girls Jimmy. What are you talking about?"

"Not like you. After the cheerleaders, who only wanted to date the jocks, you had the pick of the litter. We're both considered nerds, but you were much smoother than me."

"Look, all I did was let them do the talking and show an interest in them, and I tried to please them when it came time to be romantic. Girls love a guy that thinks of them during sex rather than just worrying about themselves."

"I know, I know. It didn't take long before lots of girls wanted to go out with you, I wish I had your reputation."

After high school I went to MIT on a scholarship with my best friend Jimmy. Like me, he was a whiz at math and his computer skills were fantastic. We made a lot of money at online poker. I don't mean that I could do anything with a computer; it just came easily to both of us. We never did anything illegal, like hacking in places we shouldn't. We didn't want that kind of trouble in our young lives. What we did do was develop some new gaming techniques. We were thinking of bringing out our own games, when we were approached by two big gaming companies. They had heard about us from a marketing firm we had talked with. They were hot to buy out our patents from us, so we decided to take their money. After the bidding was over, Jimmy and I split about three million after taxes. Not bad for two college juniors who barely had any cash in their pockets.

We graduated in four years with degrees in computer science. Jimmy went to work for the government doing stuff he couldn't talk about, while I worked for a software company developing personalized software for big companies that needed specific applications. I was involved in the development part, as well as the sales and service. The service was a huge moneymaker for us. We made more for maintaining and updating our software than we did on the original sale. I loved my job. It paid well, was always changing and interesting, and I met lots of new people all the time.

"Tom Sinclair, this is your mother calling. Remember me? I am the mom that doesn't hear from you often enough."

"I'm sorry, Mom. Work keeps me busy, and I do have a social life."

"You're 33 years old. When are you going to settle down?"

"I've dated a lot of girls, Mom. I find my relationships last about a year."

"What happened?"

"I'd really like the girls, but I wasn't sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her."

"Well, son, you're a good-looking guy, you have a lot of money, a nice home and an easy-going personality. I don't want you to settle for just anyone, but I know you want a family. There are plenty of nice girls out there to share your life with."

"I get what you're saying mom. I promise I'll keep an open mind."

I didn't travel much anymore because I was in management, but one week I found myself out of town installing some software one of our clients needed. I just happened to be there at the same time as a turnaround company they had brought in. The company was making money, just not what they thought they should be making. They had nothing to do with me, but one of the consultants asked my opinion about the IT part of the business. We had a sit-down for about 30 minutes and I was really impressed with the female consultant. Not only was she smart and articulate but she was drop-dead gorgeous to boot.

"You said your name was Tom, right? Would you like to join my team and me for dinner tonight?"

"Sounds like fun, who's all going?"

"Just a four-person team. My associates wanted to go to the steakhouse connected to our hotel. Is that all right with you?"

I said it was and you would have thought we were on a date all alone.

We hardly spoke to her associates the whole dinner, while we were in a world of our own. We talked, we laughed and connected on so many levels. After dinner they all went up to their rooms while we headed to the bar for a few more drinks. While I drank a little more than I usually do, Maggie was kind of drunk and got more amorous as the night went on. Well, as you've probably guessed, we ended up in bed together, and it was like no night I'd ever had. Not only was Maggie beautiful, but she was the best lover ever. She was uninhibited and very giving. She rocked my world and I hope I also gave a good accounting of myself. I must have, for the next morning she asked me to call her and come see her as soon as I could. She thought my office was nearby, but we found out we lived in the same city. From then on, we were a couple in every sense.

It was hard to get Maggie to open up about her early life. She did tell me one night about her education background.

"Maggie, what was your schooling like? Were you always so driven?"

"I've always been driven, Tom. Really, almost to a fault. I was top of my class in high school. I received a business degree from the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. After that, on to an MBA from Harvard. I had lots of offers after school, but I took a job at the turnaround company where I'm still working.

"Why there?"

"Simple, the work varies, never gets boring, and I made big money in only a few years."

Maggie was 37 when I met her and I was 33. We moved in together after three months and about a year after I met her, we were married. Neither of us wanted to wait for children, so five years after our wedding we had three kids. A baby girl, Abbie, a boy Charlie and our baby was another girl named Kate.

Life with Maggie was pretty wonderful those first years together. Both our lives revolved around the kids and each other. Raising babies was obviously new, but we worked together and tried to enjoy every minute we could. Against my wishes, Maggie went back to work six weeks after each child was born. I wanted her to take more time off to relax and enjoy the babies. At least there was no traveling during this time, and she was home in time for dinner together every evening. We really didn't need the money. My money from the video game sale in addition to what I saved from working was about $five million.

I don't know why, but I kept that money hidden from Maggie. I would use it if we ever needed it, but we didn't. Maggie was worth more than I was and she was now earning over one million a year. We lived in a beautiful four-bedroom home which was paid for and worth about $800,000. We both drove late model cars and had all the material junk we wanted. There was no need to make a lot more money at the sake of our family. I realized that is how Maggie competes. Money to her was the way she measured her worth compared to others. She had always been beautiful with a terrific figure. That was a given to her. What she really valued was how she did in business compared to others, especially other women.

I had heard while we were dating that she had been known to tie one on and party a little hard. I know the first night we were together she was drunk and partied with me, but since that night, I had never seen another occasion where she was drunk or out of control. I guess the first year together we always were together, and she limited her traveling to be with me. After that she was either pregnant or spending all her extra time with me and the children. I just took those rumors to be rumors, not based on fact, so I forgot about them.

When our third baby Kate was born, I felt it was time to change the family dynamic.

"Maggie, I'm not happy letting a nanny raise our children anymore. What I'd like to do is stay home and parent our children. I'll quit my job and be a full-time stay-at-home dad."

"Really, Tom? Are you sure that's what you want? I could never see myself doing that. It's a big change for you. Don't you think you'll miss your career?"

"Well, I do receive a lot of gratification from my job, that's true. But I think our kids are way too important to let someone else raise them. The kids would be my career now and I intend to put everything I have into this job. I've talked to a lot of homemakers. Aside from the odd day that really stresses them out, none of them would ever change jobs with their spouse for anything,"

That is how I felt. I continued to use an outside lawn service, but I took care of the house and the children. I got rid of the nanny, only use the cleaning service once or twice a month and took full responsibility for the children. I cooked, I cleaned and I ran all the errands that are needed including grocery shopping. It was wonderful. Little kids are wonderful, but they require a lot of work. Feeding, bathing, doctors' appointments and a myriad of other things took up all of my time. One thing I did for myself, is after I drop the two older ones at preschool, I would go to the health club. Kate would go to the nursery, and I would work out for ninety minutes every weekday. In no time I was in the best shape of my life. I put on 15 pounds of muscle and developed a six-pack with lots of stamina from my cardio training. Maggie liked it, I guess, but she never went on about it. I don't think she ever understood how I could quit the workforce and do what I was doing. Like a lot of working spouses, she didn't appreciate that I was maintaining the household, still kept in shape and was interested in sex at the end of the day. Sure, our sex life took a hit in those days, but whose doesn't with three small children?

Like I said, life was good and I thought Maggie was as happy with our life as I was, but I guess I was wrong.

"Tom, I have a terrific opportunity and I need to pursue it. I'm leaving Friday. I should be home Sunday afternoon. I'm not at liberty to say anything about where I'll be going or what I will be doing. I'll tell you when I can and I'm so sorry to be so secretive."

"You've never kept anything from me before, even work-related problems. This makes me very anxious and disappointed."

When she said goodbye Friday, I had a bad feeling about this trip and how it might affect my family.

Maggie got home early Sunday afternoon and told me we needed to sit down to talk after the kids were in bed. So, I barbecued, as I often did on Sundays and Maggie played with the kids. When they were down for bedtime, she asked me to pour a glass of wine for each of us, as she sat me down in our living room to tell me about her trip. She met with one of the largest sporting-goods companies in the world and they talked to her about heading up their company as President and COO. They are a multibillion-dollar firm and were making money but wanted to grow. They had their eye on her for a while and they believed she could help them. Even though the headquarters were local, they flew Maggie to meet with the Chairman and some other board members, along with the retiring COO and President. The money was fantastic, with incentives that were astronomical. I wanted to know how this would affect our family life.

"Maggie, how much traveling would be involved with this new job?" I asked.

"More than I'm doing now, Tom, but not too much I suppose."

"I'm sad and I can't imagine you not being home for dinner with us. Although the headquarters is local, it's much further than your present job, and being a multinational company, the hours could be long and exhausting. Have you considered any of this and asked questions about these things?"

"No, I didn't, Tom. I know it will be demanding, but I've studied and trained my whole life for an opportunity like this. I guess it wasn't fair to you, but I already accepted their offer. After all, you have the life you want. I need to maximize my potential to support my family. Besides this is a once in a lifetime opportunity."

I was beyond angry. I couldn't believe what just came out of her mouth.

"Are you out of your fucking mind! We can't spend all the money we have now. And who in this world accepts this kind of job without first talking to their spouse. I can't imagine what those guys think of me after the amount of disrespect you've shown me. What happened to the woman I married?"

Now Maggie was the one surprised or should I say frightened. I had never spoken like that to her. Probably no one had ever spoken to her like that.

I went on.

"I am really angry with you, Maggie. I don't want to speak to you until I decide what to do. That means what's best for our children and me. You put your things in the guest bedroom for now or go to a hotel if you want. That works too. I have some serious thinking to do."

I got up and left a shocked Maggie sitting by herself. I guess she got so carried away with herself, she thought she could call all the shots in our family. She just found out that wasn't true. I may be the homemaker in our family now, which I enjoy, but I'm still a partner in this marriage, and I won't be disrespected. So, things were pretty frosty around our house for the next few days. Maggie was walking on eggshells around me. Several times she tried to apologize but I told her we would wait to talk when I knew what I wanted.

The following Saturday I told Maggie I had gotten a babysitter and wanted to take her out to dinner. I said I would let her know my thoughts and feelings. Now I knew she was a nervous wreck.

We went to a very nice French restaurant which we both liked. I wanted to ease the tension a little, so I said why don't we order dinner before we talk.

Our waiter bought us drinks so I started,

"Maggie, you tried to talk to me several times this last week. Why don't you tell me what you want to say before I say my piece?"

"Tom, I wanted to say I'm sorry for not consulting you about the job. I thought only about how excited I was about this opportunity, and I thought you would feel the same way. I realize now your concerns with our family are important and I should've talked to you."

"Thank you, and I accept your apology but I want to give you my feelings about the whole situation. The reason I stay home with our children is because they need it. I'm not saying I don't enjoy my role, but that's not the reason I'm at home. Another thing is you've got to stop your obsession with the money. Money is not going to make you happy in the end, and it could end up costing you. Finally, don't disrespect me ever again. Now you've got your big important job, but remember with me, the family comes first. I hope you understand how I feel about things going forward."

She did and we moved forward together again she with lots of excitement and enthusiasm for a new job and me holding my breath considering the future of the family. I knew that things were going to change a lot.

Fast forward one year, and things had not really changed a lot for the kids and I. Andy was in first grade, Charlie was in kindergarten and Kate was just three, so sometimes she was in preschool, other times she hung around with me all day long. My days were spent getting the kids up, fed, off to school and then to the fitness club for a workout, I use the childcare facilities at the club for Katie when I need it. I still met friends and former colleagues for lunch. Sometimes I took Kate or the other kids with me. Afternoons were spent at the park or some other activity, and then running all the errands needed for any household. I then picked up the kids from school and went home. Everyone knows the drill. After school there are plenty of activities involving kids. Sports, dance, piano lessons and other stuff I can't remember. But it was all good and I treasured every minute.

Unbeknownst to everyone, once the kids were in bed I usually got on my computer. My skills were still as sharp as ever. One night I was online and I got a call from Jimmy.

"Hey, Tom, what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to keep an eye on my wife."

"What do you mean? Is she stepping out on you?"

"I don't think so. I'm worried in other ways. Maggie seems too self-important, I'm worried that she will do something stupid that could harm our family,so I'm going to have her phone and her computers, both here and at her workplace tapped."

"I'd ask if you needed any help, but I know that's not the case. You're still the best I've ever seen, Tom, and I've worked with all the government tech guys."

"Jimmy, I just don't get her. Her idea of competition is always who makes more money. We couldn't possibly spend all the money she has. And she doesn't know about all the money I've got stashed away."

"Talk to her Tom. I know you've tried before but keep trying. Hopefully she'll understand what's important before she messes up her life."

Maggie's life is a whole different story. Her days started at seven when her driver picked her up. She usually arrived home about eight o'clock. Sometimes the kids would still be up so she gave them a kiss and tucked them in. We would talk for a while before she went to sleep. Sometimes we made love but not too often because she was exhausted from her long days. She traveled on average two nights a week. Saturday she was usually at work until late afternoon. Saturday night we're always going to charitable events or some high Society gala. Sundays, after sleeping in, she made time for the kids and me. We sometimes went on a picnic, to the park or I just stayed home and barbecued by the pool. Sunday nights after dinner she would be on her laptop emailing and planning the week ahead. She really was doing a fabulous job. She re-organized the entire company, both structurally and financially. Under her leadership the company was growing very profitable, and was way more innovative with their designs and styles. Even though I was essentially raising our kids by myself, I didn't mind very much. I was sad sometimes that we spent so little time together, but my role was one that I chose. As long as Maggie treated me with respect and our children with love, I just went along.

About a year after she started the new job, Maggie approached me in a very cautious way.