Greed Before Family

"Tom, I want to talk to you about something that will impact our family. I feel I need a larger house to entertain at times. Part of my job is to have functions for work and charity at my home. I haven't done anything about this until I spoke to you first."

"Are you sure we need a larger house? This is four bedrooms, about 4000 ft.², with a pool and a nice yard. How big are you talking?"

"I'm not sure, Tom. I'm thinking a much larger living room, dining room area for sure. Then a bigger patio and yard where a tent could be put up for large outdoor functions."

"Maggie," I said, "I'm not opposed to your idea if you think you need to do it, and I do appreciate you coming to me first, but I do have a few stipulations. I don't want to sell this house. I love the home and it's in my name anyway. You can put the new house in your name only. You can make the house payments with insurance and taxes. If you put money in our checking account each month, I'll take care of the maintenance of the new home as well as the grounds. It will be a pittance of what you are making. Also, I don't want to move too far from here. The children like their school, I like the area and there are plenty of huge homes not too far away."

"Let's all agree, Tom. I like this area also and you're right. We should be able to find something closer. I'll keep you up to date on what I find."

So, six weeks later we moved to our new mansion. This place looked like the Playboy mansion in L.A. I'm exaggerating, but it was huge. I had to hire a guy full time to take care of the grounds. And every Friday a cleaning crew came in to clean the inside of the house. There was no way I could keep that up in this monstrosity. But I was still in charge of the children totally. The two older ones were in school and little Kate was in preschool. I was able to keep my daily rituals, but I'm not sure the kids liked it here. It didn't feel like a home.

Well, now our life was to change in so many ways. Mainly, ways that involved my wife. She started to travel even more. She was put on more boards, so now she had to attend even more events. Not just in our city, but sometimes in New York or L.A. also. I was always invited, but I chose to stay behind with my children. I say my children because the kids barely saw or spoke with their mother anymore. She even kept an apartment near her office for really late nights. I don't know how other marriages cope with the lifestyle of these big executives, but I can't imagine many were happy.

And then there were the parties at our house. At first Maggie wanted me involved in the planning and execution of her functions. But I knew right away I wanted no part of this job. I told her let the professionals take care of everything. Just give me the dates and times of all these events ahead of time. It did kind of irk me that she didn't want the children at any of her parties, but after the first one I realized she was right, they were not a place for children.

It was at the first party that I realized there was a problem in my marriage. I know she was working all the time and not home near enough for her kids. But she did phone multiple times every day. With these calls, she talked to me about her days, and she wanted to know everything about her children. At least she said she still cared and was very affectionate when she was home. For the time being I was just playing my role and hoped that Maggie would come back to us when she figured out what was important. But the first party was filled with her associates, board members, major customers and even some pro athletes that Maggie's company sponsored.

Again, it was at this first party that I noticed a change in Maggie, or should I say Maggie's acquaintances. They referred to me as Maggie's husband. Not Tom or some other sign of respect. I was just Maggie's husband. The board members sort of looked down at me and her work associates just tolerated me as they felt they had to. I didn't understand where this was all coming from as Maggie had never acted that way around me. I confronted her about it after the party.

"Maggie, what's with your business associates? Why do I get the feeling they look down on me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. You're imagining things. Just enjoy yourself at the parties and don't get involved with my business."

"What are you saying? Don't get involved in your business? You're my wife. This is our home. Are you saying I should just accept their attitude towards me?"

"No, Tom, I'm not saying that! These men are all captains of industry. They probably don't think they have anything in common with you. Just ignore them."

After that conversation I realized that what I thought might be quite different from the way things really were. When Maggie talked to me or was with our family, she was all about love and caring. I now had a feeling her attitude might be different with her life away from home. When she was at work, or traveling, could she really have no respect for me or interest in her family. I guess she never realized how easily I could hack her phone and emails. I was going to check on my wife and find out what she was thinking.

The first thing I did was see what she was doing at these business and charity events she supposedly had to attend. There are society web sites that report on all major events. There are reports on who escorted whom, any rumors about couples, and loads of pictures of people dancing and partying at tables. Things didn't look good. Maggie seemed to enjoy the company of the same men at every event. She also liked to dance all night with lots of guys and party very late into the night. The articles indicated she was quite the party girl everywhere she went. Her emails and texts were primarily for business, but a few seemed like she was interested in men to meet up at one party or another. Nothing really sexual, but she's probably smart enough not to put anything blatant in writing. These guys did all have a connection to her company, so it could still be innocent. But I was worried.

I wasn't going to obsess over my wife's other life. I still really enjoyed my life taking care of my children. The fact that Maggie grew more and more distant didn't really affect our life as a family. The kids were healthy and happy. If you rarely see one of your parents, you get used to life without them. Like I said, when she was home, she was all loving and interested in our lives. I now knew most of that was a lie, it might have been a way for her to keep in touch with some reality in her life. Maybe she knew deep down that working incredibly long hours with traveling and partying might not last forever. I had to decide what I was willing to put up with. I didn't know everything she was up to, because maybe I just didn't want to know. I did know if she stepped over a line, I wouldn't be able to live with it.

About a year and a half later, the situation hadn't changed too much. Maggie is traveling even more if possible. Her nights at her apartment by work have increased also. I'm keeping my eye on her activities via the internet and looking at her emails. The entire board at her job must be tolerating her jet-setting lifestyle because the company is making oodles of money under her leadership. It seems more and more like she's never coming back to us. It doesn't seem like this is the same woman I married almost ten years ago. We were so happy, and she seemed so content with her family life. I know it's a cliché, but I know now the money and power were too much for her.

I found out online that her company was having a huge bash the Friday before the Superbowl. The game was in Miami this year and they had rented or taken over a big nightclub for the evening. There were celebrities, athletes, corporate partners, politicians, models, and every other form of high roller you can imagine invited. The entertainment was provided by A-list bands and recording artists. In the meantime, I was never extended an invitation. My wife is the President and COO of this company, and her husband isn't even invited. Maggie never mentioned the party to me. She only said she would be out of town on business that weekend.

I was so angry I could strangle her. I didn't talk to her for weeks leading up to the event. I wonder if she even noticed. That's how caught up she was with herself by this time. The week before the event I pulled the kids from school and left a note saying we were going to visit my parents. Actually, I met my parents in Orlando and the six of us went to Disney World. My parents couldn't understand why Maggie would miss a vacation with her family. Even the children, who were used to Maggie never being around, asked why Mommy didn't want to come with us. I didn't want to tell any of them about her lifestyle and the choices she had been making.

Her stuff finally hit the fan the next weekend. On the night of her party, the Friday before the Superbowl, Maggie got crazy drunk and slept with one of the NBA players they invited. Unfortunately for her, one of his buddy's filmed their tryst and put it on the internet. By Saturday morning the sex show went viral and that's when I learned about it. I thought something like this would eventually happen, and I was prepared for it. By Saturday night the kids and I, as well as all our belongings were moved back into our old house. My old buddy Jimmy had been living in the house with his girlfriend. I had asked Jimmy to live in the house for free as long as he did all the upkeep. Now, Jimmy moved to a hotel, and we moved in the old house without missing a beat. The kids loved it as they never did like Maggie's mansion.

I learned later that Maggie came home on Sunday evening to an empty mansion. I left her a note, but I had my phone off so I wouldn't have to talk to her.

The note to Maggie went like this:

Maggie:

"I loved you once, but the kids and I were never enough. You forgot how I am with computers, so I know everything about your work and trips over the last year and a half. I prayed you would come back to us before things got out of control, but it never happened. This last cheating in Miami was way over the top. You will be served divorce papers this week. I don't want any of your precious money as I have enough of my own, Although I think you should contribute something for you children. Oh, yes, I do know about your hidden Cayman Island account with the thirty million in it. You see I know everything. And you can keep that money too and stick it up your ass for all I care. I'll call you when I want to talk to you, I'll let you see the children if you still want to, but all visits will be supervised."

I also found out that Maggie was called into headquarters Monday morning and fired with cause. They had her office cleared out, took her car, and made her take a taxi home. I guess you could say she had a bad weekend, but she got what she deserved.

As for me, my life goes on just as it did before. Now that all three kids were in school, I did have more free time to socialize. Remember that health club I mentioned earlier. Well, as soon as people learned I was single, I had women asking me out on dates. I had lived the last three years without any sort of social life, so I enjoyed going out as much as I could. As long as it didn't interfere with my responsibilities to my children, life was going to be fun again.

Maggie's side:

I'm trying to understand how I came to this point in my life. I had what most people believe was everything going my way. A fabulous job, a loving husband that tried to satisfy me in every way, three beautiful children and all the material things most could only hope for. But it wasn't enough. My entire life, in school and in my career, I was taught to always never sit still. If you have a good job, always keep looking for a better one. If you have lots of material things, keep pushing till you have more. If you make X number of dollars, try to make twice that or more than anyone else you know. My therapist is trying to make me see that most of that isn't of real importance. It's just so hard for me to understand because it's been ingrained in my head through school and career.

I am making some strides in changing through my therapy sessions. I've sold that ridiculously large house for a much smaller one in a quiet neighborhood. I now see my children every week. Sometimes it's a weeknight for dinner or one of their events. Other times it's a day at the park or somewhere else on a weekend. Tom was nice enough to tell me I could see the kids more since the experience has been so positive for them.

I haven't gone back to work yet. My old consultancy firm and others would like me to come back. I could never be an executive with a large company again after I became the laughingstock of corporate America. I don't think I want to go back to my old job anytime soon. My therapist says it could be bad for me and lead me right back where I came from. I don't want to get into the fire from that frying pan. I don't need any more money and going to work like that again could compromise the time I spend with my children. I won't do it.

So, I lost my job. I lost my husband. I lost my family. But I'm trying to change. I'm trying to reconnect with my kids. Finally, I'm trying to figure out how I let this happen and understand what's important for a satisfying life. I guess it's going to take a long time."