Green Rose of the Underground Ch. 09

"Sorry. Je suis désolé. 'Pardon' means - well it means 'sorry' - but also 'say again'."

"Oh. Bien."

He kept staring expectantly and Thix remembered her question.

"Have you thought about yesterday? About... us?"

"Ah."

"Oui. Ah."

Perhaps it was the poor sleep. Perhaps she was just anxious about whatever horrible and potentially strange things awaited them, or maybe didn't await them, amidst the trees. Or perhaps Thix had a very good reason to be as upset as she was. It was very hard to be sure. She felt hot in her chest and didn't know whether she wanted to leap across the distance and start slapping him, or start kissing and biting him. It shouldn't be so difficult! They'd already done the most daunting part, certainly for her!

What if that was it? That was all she got? One night. No! The thought was too terrible. Terrible enough that Thix had to relax her fists so her nails weren't digging into her palms.

"Sorry. I said I'd wait."

"No. It's alright."

Gerard smiled weakly.

"Still thinking. It's not so easy."

Why not? Thix bit back a groan of frustration. She wanted him. He did still want her, didn't he? Yes. She was sure he did. That had been very obvious while she'd been trying to sleep last night. Time, she had to give him time. That didn't mean they couldn't talk about it right?

"You could tell me what you're thinking. It is not only you here. Also, there is nothing else to do."

Gerard laughed. Immediately he held up that familiar hand to assure her that it wasn't against her.

"Tu es ennuyé."

"Quoi? What?"

"You are... I don't know the Ruvic word for it. How you feel, when there is nothing to do, and it's uncomfortable in your head."

"There is a word for that?"

"Oui. Your people don't have one?"

Thix thought about it for a moment.

"No. It's not natural to feel that way. When you want to do a thing, you do it. Want to eat? If there is food, you eat. Want to play, you play. Want to... want to fuck, you fuck. If you can't, you do another thing. Or work. Always work to be done. Or sleep if no work."

Gerard seemed surprised. Not unpleasantly so. She liked him more this way, when he was curious and happy to be learning new things. It was nice.

"You don't have trouble to find something to do?"

"I didn't at home. Now? Lots of trouble."

Gerard chuckled and nodded almost to himself.

"Fair. Me too, also why I want to be home."

"How long has it been?"

"Almost three months."

She wondered if that was a long time for him or not. Did he travel much? Why exactly had he left? That was getting a bit afield of the conversation she wanted to have however. Another time though, definitely.

"So..."

Gerard rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to say something, but shut it again. His expression softened. He took a slow breath before trying again.

"A part of me wants to be slow, feels I made a mistake, and should try to fix it. Begin again."

Why did his words do things to her insides? She'd never felt so many things going on inside her mind and body at the same time before. This feeling she very much didn't like. It was a painful stabbing in her guts and a tightness in her chest.

"No. No. There's nothing needs fix."

Her voice was tight, almost a croak. She could see the pain in Gerard as well when he looked at her.

"It is only one part. Another wants... well, to do many different things. To take control. To see what you are willing to do for me. Another part of me feels I am thinking too much both ways. That I should let you lead. It is not simple."

Thix sat silently, until words suddenly arrived in her mind. She was unable resist them.

"You have many parts."

Gerard snorted in laughter and covered his mouth as he tried to get himself under control.

"Ah, Thix! Merci. You know how to make me laugh. It helps."

He was smiling again, at least. Though his eyes were as intense as before, and it looked as if he was struggling with a puzzle of some kind.

"You are right, and I am unfamiliar being all of them with one person. With many people, I can't be. Often, I don't know how to be with you. Who to be. Do you understand?"

She did not. Not really. Were all humans this complicated? Maybe it was just Gerard. She did remember how he'd changed when in the company of the others. Became so composed and lordly. Around her he was relaxed, and modest, and generous. Then there were the moments in bed where he was so gentle and tender with her, and how that contrasted with the other times when his desires seemed almost brutal and untamed. They were all him though. Clearly. He did not seem to see it that simply, rather like they were separate pieces of him that were not meant to come together. It was troubling. Who was he with whom?

"I don't know. I am trying to understand. Why can't you be all you? All together as one?"

There was that hint of curiosity mixed in with his distress. Like when he'd told her about ways humans wanted to make love in ways not seen well by others. At long last he shrugged and sighed.

"It is... difficult."

It really must be. She thought that maybe, he was making things too complicated. Slow. Well, perhaps that would help. Thix still wanted more of him, wanted more of what he'd given her, even and especially the scary parts. Now though, perhaps she needed to grasp only one piece of Gerard at a time. She could be gentle too. If that was what he needed.

Thix climbed down, stumbling at the carriages unsteady lurching, and pulled herself up onto the seat beside him. She would always have to tilt her head back to look up at him, would it ever not feel odd?

"We can talk more later. Now, in this time, I want to kiss you. Want to hold you. Only that. Is it alright for you?"

So strange... she could see it in him clearly now. Different faces. Like a gem. You turned it, and the light shone a different way. His cheeks flushed and once more Thix was given a glimpse of his vulnerability. She was bringing an unusual and unknown world to him, just as she was wholly unfamiliar with his.

Were human women truly not like this? Perhaps humans in general were not. Perhaps Thix wasn't like a goblin, if she got right down to the core of the matter.

"Oui. C'est bon."

That was all she needed to hear. Thix crawled onto his lap, being careful where she placed her feet so wouldn't put them anywhere uncomfortable for him but still stand high enough to reach. She balanced herself with one hand on his shoulder, and the other in his soft golden hair. So bright against the dark green of her fingers. Her eyes shut to better appreciate the softness of his lips upon hers. It kindled the flame of wanting within her, but Thix forced herself to be patient and delicate. His arms came around to encircle her back, and she felt more comfortable resting her weight upon him. Her breasts squished firmly against his solid chest.

No hurry. No greater purpose or intention. Thix melted into the kiss as Gerard opened himself to her and their tongues entwined. She felt his hands over her little body with exploring caresses and moaned her approval. When she felt like catching her breath Thix buried her face against the nape of Gerard's neck, leaving restrained pecks and nibbles. Drawing the points of her teeth carefully across his skin. He drew back to return the favor, kissing her down the side of her face. Gerard's heavy breathing was loud so close to her ear, it gave her goosebumps.

His hands roamed lower, squeezing both sides of her waist, then venturing further down. Gerard stopped. So did Thix. His thumb plucked at the leather strap through the obscuring fabric.

"Thix. What is this?"

She took hold of both his shoulders and pushed herself back to look him in the face. At least he only seemed bemused.

"Theo gave it to me. To be safe. Wait, I show."

She reached down and raised the hem of the white dress for him. If he also got a nice and close view of her enticingly hidden sex beneath the thin human undergarments then that was fine too. Gerard's blue eyes fixed upon her and there was that familiar intensity that made her whole body feel too warm. His hand stroked up her naked thigh to where the sheathe sat against her green flesh, thumb tracing the shape. This was becoming dangerous, and not because of the weapon strapped to her leg.

"Bien."

Thix had a perfect view to follow his gaze as it traveled upward to the fine white fabric only faintly hiding the dark fur of her mound, and the tempting glimpse of the hairs upon her inner thigh. Her heartbeat quickened, and she longed guiltily for Gerard's self-control to break. Could she be blamed if it was him who took the lead? Took what he wanted from her? No. Not at all.

The carriage gave a sharp lurch, and in an instant Thix lost her footing.

"Gagh!"

Gerard caught her, pulling her body into him as she fell. She wound up sprawled half on her side, face and shoulder pressed tightly against his chest, her arms squeezing tightly around his midsection.

His laughter vibrated through her cheek, which flushed dark in embarrassment. Damn it! As more awareness of her body came to her though, Thix found the heat spreading down through her chest, and into her lower stomach. His hand had slipped, the warm grip of his palm and fingers upon her exposed bottom. She didn't move. Didn't dare. Gerard's laughter died away and became silence as he seemed to also be aware of where he was holding her. Then he took it away.

No! Thix managed to keep from smacking her fist against Gerard in frustration and rolled fully over to hide her face against him as he tugged down her dress to cover her again.

"Make yourself more comfortable. We can stay like this."

Wordlessly Thix adjusted herself until she was seated crossways on Gerard's lap and rested her ear against his chest the same as she had the night before. It helped. The swift drumming of his heart gave her something to focus on. Idly she stroked him, running her fingers along his side through the shirt.

So close. So nice. It was better when it was only them. Thix knew she was letting herself be consumed, that she was weak. How would she fare when they reached Lumis? Would she be able to control herself? Figure out what to do with her greedy desires? Thix knew she would not have the same time with him any longer... perhaps the moments they would have though would be less restrained. More comfortable. She could live with that. Until then... well, she would surrender to the Heart Hunger. Perhaps it would go with time.

Thix had actually dozed off again when the abrupt lurch and stopping of the carriage shook her back awake. Theo was shouting something out for Gerard, but she couldn't make out the words. It was enough witnessing the frown and the way Gerard looked at her.

"Let's get out and use our legs. We won't have many chances once we enter."

Thix nodded, stretching, and hopped off his lap so that he could pass her. She wrapped up once more in her cloak, tying the hem up around her neck with practice so it would not drag. She was glad she'd chosen to put the hood on before going outside. Gerard helped her down, allowing Thix to keep her gaze squarely at the ground. It must be midday now and thus suffering from the onslaught that the high sun brought. Ugh... damned sun. She longed for a life of nights. All the good things happened at night, in darkness.

She followed him at first, until Gerard and Theo once again began a conversation that did not include her, and then in agitation began walking a circle around the carriage. In-between quick peeks with squinted eyes Thix built a picture of their surroundings. Guy, his mate, and their child had just gotten out of their wagon. The mother speaking in chiding tones to her boy. Guy eyed past Thix and she hesitantly followed his gaze.

Claude's large wagon was stopped, and ahead of it... untamed forest. Something about the trees was different. Not right. Not tall and straight, or proud with good broad branches as she was used to from home. These were... twisted, and bent, and greedy. That was the best way to describe them. Overgrown. Fighting with each other for space and light. The leaves at least were pretty. A sea of green. Reaching up for the sunlight in a thick canopy and drinking it up. So thick that the dirt path so unsettlingly free of trees was quite dark. Almost like a tunnel.

Maybe Theo had been talking sense. She didn't even have a proper word for the feeling that came over her. It wasn't exactly fear. Rather, it wasn't only fear. Maybe she could understand Gerard having different parts. She felt at the same time an odd crawling wrongness over her skin, and a powerful longing to rush headlong into the shaded woods. To lose herself among the trees and join whatever it was that resided within.

This was a different sort of place indeed. Thix had never truly seen deep forest. She had never been allowed to wander that far. Only the little plots of tended woodland that the Svallanders hunted and foraged in. Where it was safe to catch rabbits, and bring wild herbs, roots, and mushrooms.

Just by appearance alone, this was not a tended place. How then was there a road? She decided to continue her slow lap around the carriage and tried not think about it. Twice more until she reached the front again and came to a stop beside Gerard. He was speaking with Claude, his three young men standing behind quietly as seemed to be their norm. Theo offered little in the way of words.

Thix swore she was being stared at. She could feel it, but couldn't bring herself to let the sunlight into her eyes to see who it was. All she could see were the different pairs of boots. The conversation came to a close and Thix swiftly took Gerard's hand in hers and pressed close.

"Thix?"

She didn't speak. Wasn't sure what she would say either if she did. They walked to the side of the carriage and then Gerard was lifting her up, sitting her up on the side of the entrance so they could look at each other properly. She almost wanted to reach out and squish his smooth pale face, to get rid of the anxious lines. His blue eyes delved deep into her own.

"I'm going to ride on top with Theo. You should stay inside."

"I don't want to. Can I ride with you? I have not yet. I'll be comfortable enough. It is darker in the forest."

"I do not think there is room."

"I can sit on you if there is not."

Gerard seemed as if he were trying very hard and failing not to smile.

"You make it difficult to say no."

"Good. Don't say it."

He sighed and shrugged.

"I'll ask. About this, Theo has the last word. Stay here for now. It should not take long."

She watched him walk off and once she was alone reached down to rest her fingers upon the handle of the blade beneath her skirt. It was even more concealed beneath the folds of the thick red cloak. With it's length and fullness she could have wrapped herself in it until she was only a green face.

Please. Let things be better in Lumis.

Gerard was good to his word. It hadn't been long.

"Go on. Theo will help you up. I'll grab some things and join you."

He helped her to the ground and climbed past her into the shade of the carriage, opening the compartment beneath his seat and searching through it. Thix did as he bid and came around to the front to find Theo feeding the horses little pieces of dried fruit. She found herself staring aimlessly, unsure how to begin, when he turned.

"Come."

It was much higher than the side of the carriage, and after a long moment of the two of them staring at the high steep steps, Theo made an odd coughing noise and spoke.

"I pick up. Oui? Bien?"

Thix nodded and lifted her arms out to the sides. There was a little flutter in her stomach as two firm hands grasped her waist and raised her body upwards until she was able to grasp the metal railing and had her foot upon the first step. It was still a steep climb. At the top she was surprised to find what appeared to be a thick folded blanket providing some softness to a hard wood seat.

Theo followed her up, and there was some confusion as he shuffled past her to the leftmost side and settled into place. He buckled his sword to a strap upon the side of the carriage where it would be within easy reach. He gathered the thin reins within his hands, holding them loosely. The horses swayed their heads and tapped at the dirt with their hooves.

Gerard had been right. Between the two of them, there wouldn't be room for her to sit down. In the meantime, Thix stood and marveled at how high-up they were. It had been a couple of weeks together, and this was the first time she'd be traveling this way. It was nice. Soon after she heard Gerard's footsteps from the right and leaned out to peer down at him. He was carrying several things. The canteen of water, the plain spun blanket that over the course of their journey had become hers, and in his other arm a short narrow sword.

Oh. Things were serious, weren't they? She'd never even known Gerard had one of his own stashed away. It was unfair how easily he ascended the steps up to her, even juggling everything in his arms.

Thix gripped the front of the carriage behind her and tried to make room for him. Gerard set his own sword on the side of the carriage in a similar way that Theo had, and unfurled the blanket. He beckoned her up into his lap, and Thix was quick to accept. Climbing up, resting her back against his solid body, and neatly resting her head beneath his chin. The blanket folded back down over her thighs.

His arms encircled her, taking one of her small green hands in both of his and squeezing reassuringly.

"Tu ferais mieux de garder tes mains là où je peux les voir."

Theo spoke rather flatly, and from a careful gaze beneath the shade of her hood Thix was able to make out the look of bemusement towards the both of them.

"What did he say?"

"Nothing important."

"Dit lui! Assez mauvais, je dois vous écouter tous les deux là-bas."

She felt the tension and discomfort in Gerard's body as he shifted beneath her. Eventually he let out a long exhale of breath and spoke, rather grumpily at that.

"Theo thinks he's being funny, he told us to keep our hands where he can see them."

Thix felt her whole body flush with heat and turned her head down to stare fixedly into the wood of the carriage between her shoes. Did he really think they couldn't control themselves?!

"Théo! C'était très grossier!"

"Excusez-moi si je ne veux pas m'asseoir à côté de vous pendant que vous vous caressez. La couverture me fait douter!"

Theo gestured wildly in accompaniment with his words. After settling down he added more gently.

"Dis-lui que je suis désolé. Je suis juste sur les nerfs. Peut-être pas cette partie."

She felt Gerard's chin as it brushed back and forth over her hair.

"He says he's sorry for being rude."

"Um... c'est bon."

Claude's wagon ahead of them began to roll forward. The creaking wheels accompanied by the soft hoofbeats, and soon after Theo gave the reins a snap and they too were moving ahead. Closer.

Closer to the mouth of the forest. The branches and trunks seeming more menacing as they approached. As they passed beneath, the harsh light of the sun dimmed considerably, turning the world into a dull shade of grey-green. Thix waited and then hesitantly removed her hood. It was still a bit uncomfortable, but not so bad that she couldn't look around at their surroundings.

It was... a little less frightening without the contrast of peaceful fields. The dirt road continued on ahead far past where she could see, and beside it grew flowering bushes, and untamed grass. Endlessly ahead of them were the trees, a winding maze of them. The bird song grew, and became a melody of strange croaks, caws, and whistles alongside the familiar twittering.