All Comments on 'Grounded'

Unbearable.

You need a better editor, and perhaps one who can teach you the finer points of writing.

Beyond that, it was clumsily structured and kind of hard to believe.

I think this isn't bad for a first work. I think the dialog is a little flat, but there is something to go on here. Practice and keep at it. This shows potential

....EM, frankly and ernestly, I thought you did pretty damn good, certainly better than many writers into English as a second language. I do not know if you have written any previous stories but you could probably post those here in the original language.

Since I do not know your age or life experience, then it behooves me as a reader, to approach this story as your concept of the First Time experience. And as an erotic amusement.

I think some readers have a problem with the concept of fiction. That they cannot separate imaginary from real. Since the subjects you raise in your story satirizes the Anglo-American Puritan ethos that they are only permitted to enjoy sex if they are abusing the other person.

EM, in English you wrote this story with a graceless awkward stylism that emphasizes the ignorant innocence of your protagonist. Since the characters of Heather and Harry are based upon your society, their POV will be quite different from that of many American readers.

My joke about my 'Fellow Americans' is: "They only like three flavors, sugar, salt and the inside of a refrigerator." They have real trouble handling complex thoughts that cannot be summed up in simplistic slogans.

Don't sweat the annoyingmousies. You write what you want to write, as you want to write i,t to try and tell the story you wanted to write in the style as you want it written.

"Tis better to try and fail, than to never try for fear of failing, as never trying is always an automatic failure."

Or to quote Sibelius "No one has ever built a monument to critics"

I am looking forward to see what interesting efforts you will post in the future.

Obviously a lot of effort went into this, and I appreciate it. But creating believeable dialog is difficult for any writer and I assume is much more so for someone for whom English is not their first language.

This was a lot of work for me to read. I kept pushing as the storyline was interesting but it was hard work and I gave up after the first page. People just don't talk that way.

I applaud your effort, but really an editor should have also helped you with the structure and also the dialogue which wasn't the best, I get it is fiction, but it came across unbelievable, even fiction needs some kind of realism.

I felt like the storyline took up way too much of the actual point of the story.

It was also slightly cringeworthy reading particular parts as they were very unbelievable to a point they were sort of confusing/off putting.

enjoued it very much

I couldn't get past page 2. It seems interesting but the grammar is awful.

I stopped after this long run-on sentence.

"So Bob Thomson, the man who came to de door to answer it, could never have guessed from the sound of it how nervous Harry Davis, the young man waiting outside, was, as he had not seen him walking up the path crossing the front yard five minutes before and hesitating and hesitating again between each attempt to find the courage to press the button."

If you used "de" for slang, it should have been in dialog.

Sorry, but I knew I'd never survive 6 pages of this.

Perhaps an editor could help. I understand that it may be hard to find one though. Please do try.

ttom

This is a good start on your writing career. I believe you can continue this story line by exploring the naturist side of the relationship with Harry's parents. I would definitely continue writing.

This was a good first outing, especially as you said English was not your first language. That said it was very long winded, and was overly formal, in the way that it seemed as if it was written for the kind of person who would be at home with nobles from 200 years ago. As good as the story was, the sheer stiffness of the language and the near emotionless dialogue made it exceptionally difficult to relate to the characters. In future try writing a bit more casually, most people won't take the time to speak, or think, in perfect grammar, and will often use slang over correct terms like genitals. If you can't get a word processor with a spell check, then Google any word you are unsure of, and ask an English speaking editor if the tone is too robotic or "Prim and proper."

Love it