Growth and Lust Ch. 05 - Hurt

He thought of his beloved back home, wondering if she was doing alright and sleeping well with him not there. 'She would hate it here.' He thought with a smile. Her knee always aches in the cold, and with her hands not being as good as they once were he was sure the climate would give them trouble as well. As he came down to land an image flashed in his head of his own daughter, making him pause and think of the stone-cold determination Ginrar showed.

Gresh imagined the smiling face of his daughter, he understood that she wasn't his by blood, but instead by tutelage and love over the past twelve years. This didn't make his bond to her any less than absolute, he had raised her, loved her, had been graced by the light of her mother that shown on him with resounding joy. She had given him a son in time, and no matter how hard he pushed, the fear of Ginrar continued to creep in. If he fell his song would end, but to bear the thought that his son might fall as well sent a piercing knife of sorrow through his heart. 'She wouldn't touch Litel or Sentren,' he thought as he imagined his beloved and his daughters face. 'But I or Grinary...' he couldn't bring himself to answer.

......

The stalemate had the forest fall silent as the entire mountain appeared to be set on watching the outcome. Ginrar coddling the woman she owed so much to, but her hands ready to move to the man who had envisioned Peter Hammersteads face.

Perta clenched his fist, "I'm sorry-"

Bakaree tried to silence her mind, to fight a Tallhee was to invite death, you couldn't win against an enemy that read your battle plan as if it was a children's picture book in front of them. Her mothers voice called to her once again, feeling a wave of calm wash over her, to let instinct and reflexes take over. To not tell her body what to do but to let it act on its own, it would drop slightly to lower her center of gravity and spread her stance. Shifting weight to the right foot and letting the left lighten and move apart, her upper arms going forward in a grappling pose to be ready to deflect or absorb attacks. Her lower hands going backwards and under her coat to retrieve her offensive weapons, the two blades that had been sharpened to fine edges. She absentmindedly let her lower hands palms turn to be directed behind her, ready to let the practiced dance begin again.

"But Peter is dead."

Ginrars head tilted, looking into the vacant eyes of the Mohreb woman, she grew to respect her even more as she was about to let her body take her on without her mind to guide it. A valiant attempt that would be the only way to fight a Tallhee with a chance of winning, a slight sliver of the smallest splinter of a chance. But still a chance nonetheless, Ginrar pinched her cheek and saw her flinch, her pupils coming back to focus on her. "You've picked a good man."

Bakaree flinched as she felt the Tallhees hands release her face, stepping back to turn and face Perta, a look of understanding on her face.

"I don't know who you are," Perta said while glaring up at her, "But if she sent you, tell her he's dead, he's been dead for a long time."

Ginrar thought of what he said and wondered if he would be happy to hear he was misinformed, he must have still thought of Roke as a friend. "The one you know as Peter," she said to Perta before turning her head to look at Bakaree, "Is the one you met as Roke."

Bakarees face showed how confused she was while she looked at Perta, seeing he was returning a perplexed look back to her.

"What?" Perta asked while stepping back and away from Ginrar.

"Roke stripped the name Peter away and left it behind in a snow covered-" Ginrar looked around, wondering if this was the planet she had seen in the vision. "He was able to make it to a transport hub, and while trying to get passage to Growth, he met you." She said while looking at the Mohreb. "Did you find him here?"

"N- No, I found him on station Gama six, and he was..." Bakaree stopped talking but understood Ginrar was still watching her thoughts play out. Giving her a quick replay of how she had found him, then seeing the red woman smile as she gave her the image of a knife sinking into a delicate part of flesh. "Then I took him to Growth, making sure his travel arrangements were in order at his bay and he got to the safety briefing and waiver signing."

"And from there I took him into my care." Ginrar said, a pained smile crossing her lips.

"I had completely forgotten about that." Bakaree said in aw, then wondering if he had gotten paired up with the Tallhee after showing signs he was able to work well with her. Bakaree understood her record wasn't the most respectable, but they might have seen his relaxed mental state and thought he would work well with a Tallhee coworker. 'God knows no other species does.' The thought slipped before Bakaree could stop it, seeing Ginrar smile as if it was a compliment. "But, where is he now?" she asked, seeing Ginrar gulp and anger in her eyes.

"I cannot say, she came back to take him." Ginrar said, seeing Perta grimace in understanding as he looked to the ground. "I was sent to find you, Bakaree, and in turn your-" Ginrar stopped, seeing a familiar reaction in the humans mind when he thought of the Mohreb. She smiled knowingly, leaning down and looking at him as he watched her with confusion again. "Peter is now Roke, and Roke is tied to me, I would chase him across the stars." She said while putting her hand on her chest. She could see Perta was still wanting more of an explanation, she saw more thoughts in his mind. Ginrar had respect for the human but he was not as mentally sealed as Roke. Seeing the man scroll through an array of definitions in his mind as he tried to keep up with what she was saying, then finding one that hit the mark she intended.

"He's my...husband." Ginrar said with a wavering smile and pain in her eyes.

Perta raised his eyebrows, thinking of the woman Peter Hammerstead was promised to before, then seeing the large red woman in front of him was being honest. He watched her take a knee in front of him, shaking she took his hand in both of hers. They were so much larger than his, her face was showing true pain that was mirroring loss he knew all to well.

"...But I don't know where she took him, and- I need a guide. I need someone-" Ginrar was trying to keep her composure but her shaking breaths were betraying her. "W-who can show me the way to, to the Blackstars, to Veronica." She felt the tears beginning to break free, she wanted to scowl and demand his compliance. But the man looked at her with so much understanding in his eyes, she didn't want to assume; but her hope began to rise.

Bakaree watched her plead with Perta, deciding to stay out of it and let him choose, she had found Roke in peril once before. On his knees and about to undergo something that no one should have to bear. She had saved him then, ensuring the man who had Roke in such a state could never act like that again. But she couldn't push Perta to align with an entity that was on par with war embodied in a feminine physique.

"I'll do it." Perta said.

Bakaree looked at him in surprise, seeing him answer so quickly and without begging on the Tallhees part.

Perta looked at Bakaree, "If you don't wan-"

"I'm going with you," Bakaree snapped at him, looking at Ginrar as the woman bowed her head and her shoulders trembled. "I've claimed you, remember."

Perta pursed his lips and tried not to read too much into the sentiment, "Right, do you have a ship?"

Ginrar pushed the joy down and reminded herself that the task was not complete yet, one stepping stone reached. But still far from done, "We do, it's at the port waiting for us to return."

'WE!?' Bakaree thought in her mind as she looked at Ginrar.

"We'll stop by my home, then we'll go to your ship." Perta said, squeezing Ginrars hand in affirmation.

Ginrar stood to her feet trying not to let her blood thirsty excitement raise to the forefront and scare the man, "Then please, we have to hurry." She said, then standing aside and holding her hand out to wave him in front of her.

Perta began to walk, "Keep your eyes down." He said with a head nod.

"Your mountain will not impede our departure." Ginrar said, looking back to Bakaree who was waiting for her to begin walking. Ginrar understood, speaking calmly, "I am not your enemy, do not fear turning your back to me."

Bakaree swallowed and turned her head slightly, weighing her words before taking a step and falling in line with Perta.

Ginrar looked back to the mountain one more time, thinking of the black beast and remembering its words. 'Teardrinker.' She thought to herself.

"I met Pe- um, Roke, just after I finished training with the Blackstar estate, they go to low budget human colonies and offer security positions. I took their arithmetic aptitude test and passed a hand I coordination skills checks with cognitive excellence and ability to problem solve well. They look for people who can take orders but not get too tied up on ethics, lower income planets usually provide people that just want out." Perta looked back to see if the Tallhee was able to hear him, seeing she was over ten feet behind Bakaree he didn't have much faith she could.

"I can hear you, please continue." Ginrar said in a raised voice.

Bakaree looked at him and nodded, "You don't need to yell, speak as if she was right behind you and she'll hear you easily." She huffed and pursed her lips, fighting the inkling itch to whip her head around and make sure the woman was still a few paces away from her.

Perta cocked an eyebrow and then turned around, continuing to walk and speak about his time before returning home.

*

Perta thought how the cold granite floors in the Blackstar estate sounded so different from the world he was used to. Looking down the hallway he assessed how quiet the entire manner seemed to be. He remembered how he grew up on that cruel and cold mountain. Compared to that place, the silence in this one was deafening. No sounds other than the rasping of his own breath as he drug it in through his nose.

"Perta, c'mon."

He looked up to the open doorway and saw Savanna waiting for him, her strawberry blonde curls bouncing as she nodded her head to the side. He returned an accepting nod of his own and followed, pursing his lips and stepping quickly. He had gone through the necessary security training and had completed his nondisclosure agreement. After a perceived mountain of paperwork, everything was done. He tried to grasp the documents he signed, but the rush to complete with the reaffirmation of being paid well above what he should be had pushed him through. Signing his name repeatedly and slashing his initials on every dash next to statements asking for his understanding.

He watched as Savanna marched down the hall in front of him, reassuring himself that if a woman like her was here, it couldn't be all bad. She had told him he would be in good hands, her kind smile and overall welcoming demeanor had made him feel comfortable enough to believe her. But now second thoughts swirled in his mind and he wondered if he should really be so laxed about this job.

Before too much thought could be wasted on worrying, he watched as Savanna led him into a set of double doors. Once through he felt the air was damper, feeling concrete below his boots now he began to wonder where they were going. The hallway started to descend and turn slightly, the once warm lights of the home were now gone and replaced with harsh florescent ones. Their buzzing tone seemed so oppressive compared to where he once was.

"When you meet her, don't make eye contact." Savanna said over her shoulder.

"Ok." Perta responded.

Savanna turned her upper body slightly now, her eyes turned back but not locking onto him, "Yes ma'am."

Perta corrected himself, "uh- Yes ma'am."

Savanna stopped, turning fully around, "No 'Uhs' or 'Ums', got it?"

Perta nodded, "Yes ma'am." He first thought she was reprimanding him for using improper language. But the way she said it made it seem like she was worried about something more, he could see she wasn't glaring at him. But assessing him like a teacher talking to her student, for a moment he thought it was like a mother looking at her child. Quickly pushing that thought out though as he was positive she wasn't and instead he was overthinking the guidance.

Savanna turned around and kept leading him down the corridor, deeper into the bowels of the estate. Hoping that Perta wouldn't be seen as an innocent thing for HER to twist like she loved to do. Opening one of the doors she saw the woman's long time play thing sitting quietly.

Peter blinked and raised his line of sight, not to look at anyone in particular, just moving from looking at his hands to looking at the floor in front of him.

Savanna noticed it, seeing the dull shine of what used to be a happier man.

Perta walked in behind her, seeing two people in the room, a man sitting quietly and staring at the floor. Along with a woman sitting at a desk and filling out paperwork, he knew this was the daughter of the Blackstar estate. An Heiress that was known for being cruel to anyone or anything, Perta began to grasp why Savanna may have been worried. Guessing if he misspoke the daughter known as Veronica would lash out on him.

"Peter, go with Savanna and clean up. I'll be with you again shortly."

Peter nodded his head, raising to his feet and turning away to walk towards Savanna.

Veronica raised her head and sighed; the silent room filled with the sound of her exhaling lungs.

Perta watched as Peter quickly turned around and went to Veronicas side, leaning down before seeing her hand come up to wave him away.

"No, just go clean up." She said while turning her face away from him, she went back to her paperwork.

Perta watched Peter turn around with gloom on his face, looking at the floor in remorse as he crossed the room and headed for the door. He took one last look at Veronica before turning to leave as well, seeing Savanna come up behind and silently rush him to exit the room quickly.

The walk through the concrete corridor was silent, reaching the double doors and exiting to the granite floored halls of the estate proper. Perta tried to remember the layout as Savanna walked next to him, both following Peter as he silently went to wherever it was Veronica expected him to clean up. They ended up at one of the rooms, it looked identical to all the other doors that Perta had passed but he guessed this was his room. He watched as Peter took the handle and turned it, entering with Savanna on his heels.

Perta was walking to the threshold as he felt the door connect with his face, the sturdy wood of it walloping his forehead. He was about to protest the abrupt hit to his head when he heard Savanna speak in a harsh tone inside.

"What did she do this time?"

There was no response as the air hung still, Perta realized Savanna had tried to shut the door on him but failed.

"Peter!"

Perta furrowed his brow, leaning forward he looked through the crack in the door, catching sight of the two inside the room.

"Peter," Savanna said softly, "show me how bad it is."

"You know it'll close up on its own." Peter said back.

Perta couldn't see Savannas face but the way her body went still made him think she was hurt by the statement. Her back towards Perta as she seemed to be staring at Peter until he complied, Perta watched as Peter lifted the hem of his shirt. Catching a sight of red for only a moment before Savanna stepped in front of him and blocked his view.

"Peter."

Perta felt the pain in her word, not chastising him with a harsh tone but instead a note of hurt in her voice. He didn't hear either speak for a long time before the man named Peter pulled his shirt down and walked away.

"Go Savanna, you know how bad it'll be if she comes back with you in here." Peter said.

*

Perta ducked under a tree branch and assessed where they were at, looking at the outcropping of rocks to his right and then stepping forward to see the descent down. He turned and started kneeling to the ground so he could begin climbing down, then feeling a strong arm wrap around his torso before a sudden jolt into his gut. He blinked and his eyes went wide as he watched the ground underneath him sail by for a moment. Then feeling his body being easily tossed to do a flip and orient himself with his feet below him. He didn't even have time to react as the hands caught him under his armpits and eased him to the landing, the snow crunching under their feet. He instantly stepped back and looked up, seeing the red woman looking down at him, "What the fuck!"

"As I said, we must hurry." Ginrar answered.

Bakaree made quick work of scaling the rocks, only touching down twice on the face of the cold stone before she was back on the snow and behind the Tallhee woman. She pursed her lips while looking at her back, then glancing to Perta. Bakaree shook her head slightly, then nodded upwards to signal for him to continue walking. If this Tallhee wasn't willing to spare five minutes for him to descend the rocks, she didn't think it would be wise to make her wait for a reprimanding talk.

Perta turned around and began his march again, sighing then saying, "That's when I first met Roke, he was beat and just...tired. You never spoke more than necessary around Veronica, you were advised to actually try and stay away from her. Roke didn't listen to that advice, no idea why he didn't. Being around Veronica was-" Perta stepped over a log as he tried to put it into words. "Have you ever pointed a loaded gun at your own head?"

The two women both raised eyebrows over the question, confused and not understanding.

"Like every bit of your senses screams at you to not do it," he heard the silence as their foot falls seemed to mimic his perfectly. Turning to look back, "but you do it still, and the whole time it's there, you have like this out of body fear and remorse. Like you just feel scared and detached, its like-" he lifted his hand and gestured to the top of his spine. "Like a ball of fear in you, in your whole spine. Like your bodies screaming at you, cause everything you ever learned and every natural instinct tells you you're going to die. The fact that YOU are causing it to yourself making it so much worse."

Ginrar scowled at the human as she listened, understanding the feeling all too well.

"That's what it was like just to stand in the same room as her." Perta shivered, "Veronica Blackstar." He scowled as the name itself left a bad taste in his mouth, thinking about how to get back on track with his past recollection.

Perta looked at Ginrar, sadly stating, "Roke used to be security as well." He looked forward again to ensure his footing was solid. "No one knows what he said, but he said something that made Veronica notice him, and once that happened. He wasn't part of us anymore, he was just hers, by the time I met him he'd been in that situation for a couple of years." Perta focused on the ground as he kept his pace moving forward, thinking of everything he saw in the short time he was there. He felt a shiver run up his spine as the mental pictures of what he had seen rose and he tried to sweep them away.

*

"Peter," the female voice came across with concern and hesitation.

Perta heard it and instantly knew who it was, he was now accustomed to the maze of hallways through the estate. But that didn't mean he didn't have to stop now and then to get his bearings, this time he was exceptionally happy he did. Hearing the daughter of the estate speaking just around the corner, if he didn't stop, Perta feared what she might have directed towards him.

"Are you trying to be this incompetent or are you just that stupid?"