All Comments on 'Gunny and the CEO'

And Libby's dad didn't have any problems with it either.

Thanks for the happy ending. Yeah, it is a bit different from your other stories.

I could have forgiven that quickly and jumped right back in the saddle

Almost predictable, except for Libby - you could have written her either way. Hey, I don't mind Hallmark endings - but watch out - you're teetering on Romance! Sweet ending. Thanks*****

The revenge against Brad seemed a bit impersonal. After what he did, I would have thought Bill would want his pound of flesh.

I didn't understand Libby's reaction to finding out her husband was alive either. A get well card? Then she just ignores Bill? Yeah, the bitch really loved him...

I think Bill would have been better off taking all that money and getting himself a fresh young trophy wife. Someone that hadn't been fucking the asshole that kidnapped him for 6 years.

It was alright.

but this one did

thanks

saddletramp1956

I have to say that although your plot was just a little over the top, damn it I found myself enjoying the tale. You told it well. And if I'm being totally honest, I needed a good reconciliation ending, as lately my real life had been at the shit end of the spectrum. Dude, keep writing!

. . . there would be no story otherwise, but why would Brad pay Islamists to keep Bill a prisoner when it would have been so much simpler to just have them kill him?

Why would Brad be involved with terrorists in the first place? He was wealthy, and obviously well connected to be chairman of the board — an awfully young one, don’t you think? — and that kind of connection was a wholly unnecessary risk. He was made out to be a cartoon caricature of a villain.

Bill was MIA for four years; it’s perfectly understandable that a woman in her thirties or forties would be ready to move on with another man. The story might have been better if Libby’s new man was legitimately waiting for a death declaration so they could get married without having made him into being Snidely Whiplash.

Oooorah!

Gave 5 🌟 for the story. But one thing, with all the money, resources and power why the father in law and wife did not try to find him and get him by paying privately. How Brad able to do what he did without the help of father in law, I have great doubt.

This is easily your best story So far. The character Development is excellent... there do not appear to be any big plot holes and the reconciliation seems Justified.

Good story

Harryin Va

You ruined it with them reuniting. She cheats on him with a man that had him kidnapped and tried to have him killed. She filed out paperwork to have him declared dead and was going to give his money to her lover when she was rich and could have supported her lover with her own money. She would not even see him when she got home and put him in a guest room. There should not have been any reconciliation. At least not until after several years of counseling for her and a few new girlfriends for him. Then she should have been begging him for forgiveness and chasing after him to make up to him.

A good start to my day. Thanks, Saddletramp

Great story but poor proof reading marred it.T6FJbb

Key points: The norm international time frame for missing people declared dead is 7 years, not 5. Why didn't Brad simply have idiot gunny killed? All that"being held for 5 years" is B/S. What were they going to do then? Let him go? Stay away from idolising Marines. They are known as what the British call "cannon fodder". Too stupid to be Special Forces. The "fixing bayonets and charging towards the enemy" is a prime example of stupidity except when they are just one of 20,000 charging. Like I said: Cannon fodder.

He was listed as POW, you said. Then went MIA. So the start date for the 7 years required is questionable. Again, why didn't they just kill him? His wife gets the POW then MIA message. After a few years of thinking he's dead, any normal person would seek solice with another man. What did he expect? That she turn into a nun and wait 5 or 10 or 15 years before having sex again? Then he screams that his wife is cheating when everyone thinks he is dead. Get real. Plus the whole $400,000 life insurance stuff is rubbish. Brad wouldn't get it. Plus, Brad would be on a good salary with his job. $400k is nothing and certainly wouldn't stop Brad from getting his own divorce. Once again, please keep things realistic. There endeth the rant. LOL

I enjoyed the read so thank you for writing. However it doesn't make too much sense in places. Brad in his position needs life insurance money for a divorce? He goes through all the trouble of getting folks to kidnap Bill just get to the wife and not because he wants the company or her millions?

She cheats because average guy Brad wines and dines her? If she loved Bill so much and knew of the prenup and she has their daughter you think she could wait until the USA tells her that her husband is declared dead legally not just because Brad says odds are he is dead.

And Bill so easily reconciles. No issues in visioning Brad having sex with Libby? Not that big tuff marine thinks Brad was a better lover but just the fact that for years she has been screwing that guy. I guess slap on a condom and fuck her, like a cheap whore, but not gently make love to her.

I would stay divorced a lot longer if not forever. She was too weak to keep trusting and even though she tried to kill herself I would like to keep her miserable for a long time.

Qwertttyyyu

Please keep your characters names straight. " Libby crept out of the room as they reconnected." It should have been Jenny.

Five stars for sure... another great story... good plot, good conclusion and I particularly like the use of correct USMC words... so many writers here and readers have no appreciation for the human spirit, especially when influenced by Espirit de Corps.

Gunny would have to be a dodo brain not to be able to find help between Ghana and Etheopia.

Convoluted plot to capture not kill makes no sense.

Semper fi Saddle Tramp.

"she wouldn't have sex with him as long as her husband was still alive and they were still married" - Oh, but it was okay while he was MIA? Given the bitch that Jenny said she's become, I'm surprised she's so concerned!

"Could it be that this Brad Jefferson was the one behind his captivity?" - Well, duh! What does he need, a signed confession?

I think with jenny being 16, with what the wife has done, he has an EXCELLENT chance at getting custody. As a CEO she probably isn't much more fir to parent than he is.

I don't see how Brad could have actually had him captured. He would have had to know EXACTLY where he would be, and be able to get sufficient forces there to capture him.

"She tells me you haven't heard her side in all of this" - What side? He was MIA, not KIA, and she was fucking another man.

Having an affair isn't a "mistake." A mistake is getting drunk and having a one-nighter.

Her initial shock is one thing, but her attitude at the function was VERY typical of cheaters. It also doesn't explain her not wearing her rings, even AFTER she knew he was alive.

This seems to borrow a bit from dtiverson's "We'll Go No More a Roving."

I truly enjoyed yet another tale from you but came up with some strange questions.

Page one, "Why the changes, if you don't mind my asking?" John said.

"Well, my family owns a good-sized ranch in west Texas and some of that land is leased to oil companies," Bill said. "The lawyer thought this would equalize things for when I inherit that from my folks."

Libby's parents went all out for the wedding and even paid for Bill's parents to fly out to Los Angeles from west Texas. Why would they need her parents to pay for a trip to their son’s wedding if they had land and oil money coming in?

Page three at the party, "Bill, please, think twice about doing anything. Brad is a very powerful man, and he can bury you," she said. Bill laughed in her face. This led me to the question on page four.

Page four at the hospital, “After you had been gone for nearly four years, he suggested I have you declared dead. He thought that with you gone, I would get your life insurance, and he could use that to divorce his wife."

"My God," Bill said. "That would have been about $400,000. So he was going to use that to divorce his wife?" Libby nodded her head. If he had money to pay a terrorist to keep Bill in captivity for four years and pay for a hit after he got back to LA, he couldn’t pay for a lousy divorce?

In two months, she moved from LA to La Jolla by San Diego and Jenny already has friends to go out with? Any friends in LA would be over 130 miles away.

Get your editor or Beta reader to do a better job to shore up these holes, if not give me a try.

Thanks ST for a really nice tale. I've enjoyed some of your work here in LW, and appreciate that you did this one a little different.

The only real nitpic I have is that Jenny and Libby traded names once or twice in the middle. Thank you for sharing.

I've read a very similar story before or perhaps parts of it. The missing in action, the wife with the other man, the other man wanted her for ulterior reasons.....Still, it was a good read.

Regarding the wife's behavior.....he was declared MIA for 4 or 5 years and then he shows up.....a good looking mid-thirties woman can only stay true for so long. Even if the Brad character hadn't hounded her, she would have started to go out sooner or later or end up insane. You can't ignore biological demands. So in this case, someone close, Brad, the Chairman, gradually works his way into her panties over a period of 2 years (isn't that how it usually happens?) and she gives in.

So why would she be a cheater? He was MIA and no further news. It was at least two years since he disappeared. She gave in to her biological needs (wouldn't a man do that too?). At least she hadn't yet married him and we do read that it was Brad who was gradually convincing her to declare him dead so that he could marry her.

Then when she finds out that he is alive and coming home, obviously she must have been horrified. She had reluctantly begun to accept that he was dead and was living with another man. Clearly, she knew it would be a very difficult meeting him and explaining. So she shows reluctance in meeting him....is that difficult to understand? She's trapped...and it wasn't intentional. Circumstances led to her being with Brad. Now that he is back her real feelings for her husband come back and she has to figure out how to get out of the mess.

How is that cheating? Yes, very difficult and painful for him and her but it was Brad who was the bad guy (why he was linked with terrorists seems like a good reason to put him away for a long time and end the story on a good note).

Is it really cheating if your husband is MIA and you think he’s probably dead? There are still MIAs from Vietnam; should their wives back in the US have to have stayed celibate for the past 46 years?

Libby lost faith and hope that her husband was still alive; most women would have.

More like a cartoon than a real story. Characters are too stupid to be real. Especially love how he bail on his daughter.

Having the privilege of service in an Army combat unit and married at the time, I've seen my share of wife cheating. Husbands as well. But its worse when women do it when their man is off fighting for her and their kids' freedom.

I know Bill was gone for years with no signs of life. But his wife's choice of bed mate would stop me from going back. There are ways for a woman to have a discreet liaison and not dirty her family name. But women these days seem entitled to "do anything they want."

I liked the story none the less. It kind of hit home. Glad you wrote it.

First class cruise tickets for a second honeymoon are somehow a huge surprise for someone who's been CEO for a major company, meaning she's likely been making seven figures, and he's just gotten $200k in back pay? The money aspects of this whole thing are rather suspect, as the wife's lover, who is also a top official in the company, somehow needs the protagonist's insurance policy in order to divorce, which not only makes no sense, but the assumption that Libby would just hand it over is also nuts. We're told this is California, and it's a no-fault state, and that means Bill can't file under adultery. That, without a prenup, means a split of community property, so how is it that Brad somehow can't manage a divorce? Again, that makes no sense. And again, a CEO worrying about putting her daughter through college, despite living in a "Gone With The Wind" mansion, is also out of whack.

The overall structure and unfolding of the story works, and there's decent character development, but these kind of things make for false notes that undercut the believability of the narrative.

It deals with an honorable man, international intrigue, loving wives, and a villian. It also plugs into the great anxiety inducing specter of the resource rich, powerful, and independent woman. But the logic holes and motivation issues are so wide and deep that I lost my suspension of disbelief early on. Her behavior avoiding him made zero sense after what we later found out. The villian’s behavior likewise. I would add to the constructive criticism that the way you portray rich people is a bit off. Do you really believe that this accomplished rich woman is going to a police interview without an high priced lawyer? I don’t. Also, is there a more creative way to get the characters off their oppositional path apart from the attempted suicide trope? This feels like a very cool three part story of roughly 12 pages in total—maybe more.

You write good stuff. Thanks..

Libby never set out to cheat and she was led to believe her husband was dead so a reconciliation was quite acceptable and saved 3 people from a great deal of pain.

What I didn't get was why she became a bitch as described by her daughter.

Because I really liked this 5 stars

Be careful how villainous you make a character you wish to redeem later.

You made the wife too much of a villain to make it easy to accept her redemption.

If she truly still loved Bill enough to try to kill herself, her behavior upon his return made no sense. If she loved him that much, when she first learned he was alive, she would have dropped EVERYTHING and flown to him and begged his forgiveness.

It felt like you changed your mind about how to end the story, and had been thinking BTB. The bit about her telling Brad she would not sleep with him any more seemed added on. Bill asks her about it later, but he already knew. You conveniently inserted it in earlier, so you were repeating it. The first time didn't seem to fit, because I thought you had already said they had been fucking recently. So, it felt like an oh shit... I need to go back and insert this so it is believable later.

For her not to come to him, not call, send a generic card, not pick him up, not be home when he arrived, not speak to him after returning when she knew he had been to the house, not to contact him after the butler's comments, to call him "William", to boss him around, being with Brad and NOT wearing her wedding rings SHOWED that she no longer loved him.

Simply saying "I was in shock" was not enough. She did not love him enough to treat him like a human being. That behavior was too much to believe she loved him. The beyrayal was one thing, and understandable... maybe forgivable. The second betray by deny him his place and role as her husband upon his return is worse and unforgivable. She knew what she was doing and chose to do it. It showed she loved Brad and her new life more than Bill and her past.

Only AFTER the shit blew up and Brad is facing life in prison does she suddenly feel the "love" for Bill come back.

KB

And you pissed off the BTB crowd, always a plus in my eyes.

An editor would help though.

5*

...she was groomed her whole life to be CEO, her Dad is still around, and she just rolls over for this chairman guy? They both knew of the pre-nup, and knew she'd lose big time, so why didn't Dad push for divorce? And she never even admits to liking or being attracted to the guy. At least some of that detail would have helped sell her betrayal.

Justice tempered with mercy. Semper Fi. 5*

Yep, a few holes in the story as others have pointed out, but overall a good read.

Good character development except for Brad. More time could have been devoted to making him into a more despicable villain.

I liked it! 5* (P. S. If readers want realism they can go watch the Discovery channel).

and others of course where the POW/MIA comes home to a cheating wife. Somewhat believable since those of us who have been there know that "Jodies" come in many different colors. Many wives fell into their lies while hubby was away God knows where.

I know he had the guy dead to rights but no Marine I ever knew would have let him off with a bone breaking handshake.

1. Stupidest prenup I've ever heard of. So if he cheats he gets 30% of their assets, which because of her wealth would be mostly her assets. If he doesn't then they divide it up 50-50 I assume? I'm still reading the story, but there is no mention that this would exclude her inheritance which would be the brokerage. The attorney who drew up that prenup should be hanged, not just disbarred. I have a prenup and the way it's set up is my wife gets a certain dollar amount for each year together, with some bonuses for each 5 year markers. There is a caveat that at the most it can add up to a certain percentage of my total assets, excluding my business at the time. A prenup is supposed to protect one of the parties, usually the one with the much larger assets. How is this prenup protecting her? She cheats she loses 70%, he cheats she loses 30%, no one cheats I'm assuming he gets 50%.

2. Afghanistan is not in the Middle East. In fact, none of the African countries mentioned are in the Middle East either. But he thought he was in Afghanistan, which you'd assume even a marine would know is not in the Middle East.

3. His captors let him keep his ID and dog tags? Why didn't he use the satellite phone they must have let him keep as well?

4. This is a big financial firm with offices all over the country, Brad is the Chairman and Libby is the CEO and he needs Bill's $400,000 life insurance to get by? What what? Plus paying the bad guys for all those years to keep him would have cost him more than that. Wife cleaning Brad out would mean taking half the assets. A Chairman of The Board should have plenty left over.

5. Last, and certainly not least, why hadn't Brad had Bill killed from the start? Certainly cheaper and less problematic.

Still gave it 4 stars because the story wasn't bad. Just your stories have so many illogical points that don't add up that it takes away from the story. I'm ok with suspending belief when reading a story, but don't tell me someone jumped from one building to another that had a 100 foot gap, without explaining logically how he did it. There is a difference between suspending beliefs and going brain dead.

My only real complaint or confusion is, he was back for 3 months in, Bethesda? Why didn't she visit then. 3 months is an awful long time to not visit your long missing POW husband...

An interesting story but not very sound for an "adult" story but more like a high school boy struggling with hormones.

Nice try, even with a happy ending but too many flaws and concepts.

T.T.

Yes you did end this story slightly different than your normal stories . But I ,a major BTB proponent, must say this ending the only way this story could end . 5 STARS !

And that is basically what your use of her suicide attempt amounted to. "I don't want to lose you like this." And that's before they talked about things. He came back over guilt, and her confession was just the icing on the cake, it completed the reconciliation you falsely created out of his guilt. It was little more than extortion.

<P>

Without it, it's apparent you had no other plan on how they were to talk it out. In the end, it's nothing but a RAAC and, even by those standard, a rather poor one.

It kept my attention, entertaining and well written. It was a work of fiction so I am not looking for reality (really doubt someone no matter how well trained could go that far without being seen - let alone survive). Overall was a good reading time. You created a very believable characters and the remorseful wife and smart daughter was well written.

Please do keep writing and I will keep reading.

Thank you for posting a d sharing.

That story dripped syrup from every word!

@breville1 Re: "Dejavu? But how is that cheating?" - The story you're thinking of is dtiverson's "We'll Go No More a Roving

@KingBandor Re: "I liked this one more than I expected." - Yes, while you can MAYBE cut her a LITTLE slack due to shock, for her to NOT run to his side when she hears he's alive and just send him a generic "Get Well" card, have a servant assign him to a guest room, and then be so cold at the function doesn't fir with a wife grieving at her husband divorcing her. Not to mention her removing all signs of him from their (her?) bedroom.

Definitely that's not cheating.

5 but u overlooked dealing with her never visiting him when he was found. Shock or not she would go see him. He still had his id card and dog tags?? Odd. Im not a US vet but I’m under the belief that injured military go to first treatment in Germany when in active theater operations?

But after what happened to him, and Her being a CEO who for all intents and purposes... fell off her high horse and cracked her skull.... anyway she had a split personality it seems... the end just seems to trivial.

A great read. Thank you. Please keep writing.5

Most reconciliation stories are b.s. Yours was just the cure for that. What a talent you have.

I thought a bit of ST madness to go home to...what a let down :D

Bit obvious where it was going, would have liked Brad to have arse ravaged by his 6' 4" 300lb prison wife.

Glad she only wanted a million orgasms.

Some odds n sods could do with tightening other than that, good read. Thanks

the wife was depicted as an actively cheating slut who told her daughter to fuck off every time she tried to warn her mother about Brad and actively ignored her husband for half a year once he popped back up

the daughter was depicted as hating her mother for openly and knowing betraying her husband

this does not mesh with the love and forgiveness fest

Also what kind of moron pays and extra at that to have his rival held in captivity? Why not just have him killed outright and tie up that loose end?

Dr Evil level planning there

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb428ySuFjA

What was the incentive for the Chairman to keep him alive and just declared dead? Why not just have them off him?

You touched on every cliche but winning the lottery (or being a total poker stud) and finished with a total RAAC. Seriously? The wife was too stupid to be a CEO. And the absurdity of the COB and ISIS or Boko Haram connection defied any attempt at believability. Yikes.

Hero never challenges wife on her imperious attitude towArd her staff, servants?

What possible reason did Brad have for having him kidnapped and kept alive? If he had been found dead at the scene it would have served Brad's purposes perfectly. That really made no sense to me.

A father away for 6 years, tells his 16 year old daughter the day after he get home, that theres nothing to keep me here! He hasn't seen her for 6 years.

Not what i think most loving dads would think or say.

Thanks for writing.

In a short paragraph, Bill goes out (in The Stan) and takes out a target, but then gets ambushed and captured! HTF does the CoBoard Brad know ... Where Bill was; When and Where Bill would have a target to take out; and, How to get a group of terrorists to capture him? GMAFBreak!

And why did/would Brad want Bill to survive the capture?

3* and generous at that.

Saddletramp, I always enjoy your stories for the sheer entertainment they offer. I usually prefer your great BTBs, but after the way Lib was duped by the evil Brad a reconciliation was in order here. I was into this story quickly and hated to see it end. It's been dissected pretty well, so I just have a couple of questions. First, and most important. Why didn't Bill ask for 15 minutes alone with Brad? Next, where was Mrs Brad during his time with Liz? Why wasn't she already divorcing him?

As an Army vet, I have always thought that the Marines get a little too much publicity. They do have the prettiest uniforms , and generally better training than the average soldier. But to call them "cannon fodder" and too stupid to be Special Ops is a little much. They are, in fact, some of the finest light infantry and the best amphibious troops in the world. Special Ops troops more intelligent? Look at some of the recent travails of our beloved Seals. They're not all smart are they?

So no, it’s not cheating if she was falling in love with another man because she thought her husband was dead.

And how would Brad have a soldier kidnapped and held for years? If he had those connections, why not just have him killed? And how was he made CEao at so young and she? And why would their daughter videotape the mother getting busy and then show it to her dad, that she hadn’t seen in 5 years? As far as everyone knew, he was dead.

Sorry but despite the “happy ending”, this is a 1 star story because it just didn’t make any fucking sense.

And I liked the reconciliation (including having 'Lee' ie Leroy Jethro Gibbs as the NCIS guy). The plotting needed some work though,it is hard to imagine that if Brad wanted to get Bill out of the way,he wouldn't just have him killed, Brad would be pretty stupid to think that the penalty for kidnapping Bill would be less than having him.kidnapped, so what gave?Did he want to torture Bill? Also,unless they flew him there,if he was captured in Afghanistan,how would he get to Africa?.Would be more realistic to get to Pakistan or one of the Stans south of Russia.

The other problem as people pointed out was Libby and her behavior. Why had she turned into a stuck up bitch? Why when he gets back she basically ignores him? To be honest the problem isn't so much she was screwing Brad, as others have pointed out he was MIA for a long time, but her behavior. Trying to have him declared dead so she can give Brad 400k of Bill's insurance rather than using it for Jenny? Not to mention that even if Brad divorces his wife he will have 50% of his family assets...and the list goes on. Then she treats him like shit,makes no attempt to see him,puts hom in a guest room, isn't wearing her rings, and the master has a picture of Brad and nothing of Bill? I know a couple of military spouses who lost their mates and they didn't pretend their spouse never existed....yet she acts basucally,not like a wife with an MIA husband but a cold hearted bitch in league with a bastard...but then she stops dleeping with Brad when Bill reurns....why? Why does she go to the event w Brad when he is home? It doesn't add up and it makes forgiveness hard.

The other problem is obvious, she takes up with a married man and is willing to help him end the marriage, doesn't make her look too good either. Another question,her parents obviously like Bill,would her father support her being with Brad,the chairman of the board of his company, a married man, and wouldn't he worry just a bit that Brad was using the wife?

I liked the story but I think that the wife would need to be less of a bitch but rathergo act like a wife who feels guilty about not remaining faithful,even though many would understand it given the circumstances, and also have her act like a wife who still loves her husband....that to me would make it a better story,to have her show real remorse when he is found to be alive,not the bitch whose only redeeming value is she stops sleeping with Brad. More importantly, if she really loves Bill she needs to explain why she cut any indication of him out of her life, why she would do that because Brad told her to, as written sounds like she threw Bill away like trash, rather than being the loving but conflicted wife.

As far as those of you ranting against those serving,while I am not exactly fond of some aspects of the way the military is being portrayed as being the only great thing about this country, and while not all soldiers are honorable or do the right thing, they are doing something that deserves respect. The Marines,for any faults they may have (being human), also tend to go places and do things no other soldiers will do,and in a sense they are special forces to a person,they aren't just cannon fodder, though their leadership has used them as that. Read sometime Manchester's 'Goodbye Darkness'& you will understand what I mean.

But typical over-the-top on the chastity for years stuff. If you truly love someone, love that's based on something more than genital ownership, you'd surely understand their finding solace in intimacy with another, especially if they thought you dead, after a couple of years. If you come back, everybody does the honorable thing. The lover steps aside with an apology and best wishes (Brad was a scum bag though, so that wouldn't apply to this story). Husband and wife get back together. If either doesn't like the other now (people change), they get a divorce, and go their separate ways with best wishes. People can go MIA for years and years. Hanging on in such cases may seem beautifully romantic, but in truth it's probably not terribly realistic or healthy.

Though this again was almost too blunt (and once again, 'feminist' was not really used correctly), overall it was kind of a fun read.

Pretty good....But as they say Your comments have to be Constructive not Destructive or something like that?....I liked it but not loved it...So that's my constructive comment....4 Stars★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

but it was kind of corny. This Brad guy was a regular magician when it came to deceiving people. All the adults fell under his spell, but the 16 year old child saw right through him. Brad was a murdering loathsome criminal monster, but somehow he hid his true self from all the people he worked with, who knew him in all sorts of work and personal issues, and his monstrous warped character never shown through? Hell, Libby was in love and going to marry him?

Actually less than corny. Just lame and ridiculous. Assholes like Brad are about as hard to spot as a rattle snake in a tub of night crawlers.

But thanks for the effort. Hope future work improves from this experiment.

How did brad ever get a marine captured in a foreign country? And keep him in captivity for years and pay foreign mercenaries to do this. Not plausible. Why being cCEO of a large company ,would he need funds to pay off his wife who he was also cheating on. And why did Libby have this affair with a married man. That alone would not be reconcilable. Who do you know would give up her position after not seeing her man for so many years. A daughter of 16 taping their mother sexual acts. To many parts just don’t work.

Ignoring all other circumstances and taking only what the character knows and does not know, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect a wife to ‘keep the faith’ when her husband has been MIA for multiple years. For every one who is vindicated and glad they remained ‘faithful’ (to what they should realistically consider a pipe dream) there have to be a thousand or more who it’s just an unhealthy delusion. By the same token, it’s not really ‘cheating’ if the most reasonable first, second, and third possibilities are that he’s dead. Especially also knowing that you my never ‘know for sure’. Now, if the wife mourns, moves on, isn’t as happy as she had hoped she would be with her true love but moves on with another man, maybe has kids with him, and the husband turns up alive... THEN you’ve got some dramatic tension.

I love adventure stories. Thanks for sharing.

I liked the different ending, a nice little twist - well done :)

Read first 2 pages and was shaking my head how was his wife meant to stay single and alone if she thought he was dead after 6 years seriously who is and would stay alone for 2 years never mind 6 she would never stop loving him but she would of met somebody new so very unreasonable and made me stop reading what had potential to be a decent story

Let me make it clear, I am NOT criticizing her having a lover when her husband has been missing for months if not years, though taking up with a married man is pretty low.

My issue is her reaction when she learns that he is alive. For a contrast, read dtiverson's "We'll Go No More a Roving," where the wife (actually "widow" at that point) moved Heaven and earth to get to him, even as she thought that HE had abandoned HER!

Her actions when she learned he was alive simply don't jibe with a woman so upset at their divorce that she tries to kill herself. The ONE thing that made sense was refusing to sleep with Brad, but everything else, the generic card, the not running to his side, the removal of any sign that he was a part of her life, having a SERVANT put him in a guest room, going to an affair with Brad, while not wearing her rings, and chastising him when he confronts her at the function all point to an uncaring wife, not a wife grieving over her divorce.

a bit schmaltzy and paint by the numbers construction.

Not sure about her cheating. He was gone years and considered MIA. The death papers were never filed, so only half a blot on her record. The not seeing him etc after being found, seeme silly. She would have arrived in Africa 3 days after told he was alive. A boyfriend would have had no say considering she was strong enough, supposedly, to run a big company. Obviously she wasn't that strong and they dodged a big bullet when she resigned.

Writing good, but felt the story lost impact as it progressed. Seems you had fun writing the action stuff, but the soap opera junk got you a bit bored.

Reconciliation was not impossible, but this was way too fast with too little done to address really big issues and questions.

It is clear that you have been working on your craft. It is difficult to tell a story with natural dialogue, and yours is better with each story. The structure of the story is good. There are artificial elements that diffuse the impact of the story:

Bill could have been a POW/MIA without Brad having been involved with terrorists to capture and keep him.

Once Bill was identified and receiving care in a military hospital, his next of kin would have been notified in person by a military detail. Libby would have been offered transportation and lodging to visit him ASAP, anywhere outside a combat zone. Bill would have been notified of she refused.

Brad could have simply been a guy who seduced Libby and wanted her for his own. Happens all the time. Penny's character is important, Brad is just a device to show the reader who Libby is and what she is going through.

You got the part about the picture Bill carried right. When a man lives in hell on Earth, with death constantly a moment away, the thought of the woman he loves, clean and fresh and loving, sustains him. The memory of her nurtures his soul. For a woman who remains faithful, that love also sustains her. After 2 years without any information from the military, it is understandable that Libby would have abandoned hope, and that would have hurt and changed her.

Brad has the wherewithal to have an active duty service man snatched in the middle of a military operation, yet he needs money for his divorce? Why was Bill kept alive? If he died in the line of duty there would be an immediate insurance payoff, no need to wait and have him declared dead.

He spends years in captivity, supposedly passed from group to group, yet he still has his military ID when he makes it to Addis Ababa? I could believe a long trek to freedom, but 2500 miles seems too large (way, way too large) to be credible. He occasionally found roads to follow, but none of them led to any kind of civilization until he gets to a major metropolis?

Then the poor bastard finally gets home, his wife can't be bothered to meet him at the airport. A U.S. marine escaping after years in captivity is a BIG story, there should have been enough media there to notice the obvious absence of his CEO wife. Pretty dumb move for the CEO of a major corporation, where are her PR people? When our hero arrives at his wife's new 'house' she's still a no-show. Instead, she has a servant show him to a guest bedroom while she hob-nobs with Brad at a social event. I could maybe buy this reaction from a wife that has moved on after years of believing her husband dead, but that makes it awful tough to swallow, "I was in shock" as any sort of justification for her behavior. She was possibly in shock when told about his arrival at the U.S. Embassy in Ethiopia, but by the time he finally got home any 'shock' would be well past. How do you reconcile with a wife like that?

So, as I said, mixed feelings. I liked your story overall, but my suspension of disbelief fell victim to too many WTF moments. Thanks for sharing with us, I look forward to your next story.

Rarely do I like reading a LW story that ends In a RAAC, but this is one of those rare stories. Nice read, nicely written and well thought out.

It's not the reconciliation itself that I object to, though I DO object to it!

It's her reaction to the divorce. No woman who was so cold and uncaring as she was would be so upset at the divorce!

"A father away for 6 years, tells his 16 year old daughter the day after he get home, that theres nothing to keep me here! He hasn't seen her for 6 years." - I think you missed he point. It wasn't his daughter that he had to get away from, it was his wife's house.

Maybe I missed something else, but this is the passage I noticed: "I'm sorry, Jenny, but there's no way I can stay here, not for a minute. I need to find a hotel room and think for a bit." He didn't say "there's nothing to keep me here." Obviously his daughter is something to keep him there!

A generic 'Get Well' card?

Not flying to his side while he was in the hospital?

Not meeting him when he returned?

Separate bedrooms?

All signs that she was married removed from the house?

Not wearing her rings, even after she knew he was alive and back in the US?

When he shows up she talks to him like a servant or an acquaintance?

She does not act like she considers herself his wife.

More women 'attempt' suicide than men, more men are successful at suicide than women.

Women rarely actually intend to die, it is usually an extreme method of manipulation for them.

Okay, you knocked that story right out of the park. Great outline for your story to start with and then you fleshed it out beautifully. Characters well defined and it even made the Marines look good. Yeah, sorry, I was in the Navy. I would love to see more from you in a similar vain. Certainly top marks from me.

Technically speaking i.e. grammar, structure it was a good effort.

However from a literary standpoint, it was way too obvious and simplistic. The plot and characters had no subtlety or shades of grey.

A rewrite could get 5 stars easily.

It's one thing to move on AFTER your missing spouse is declared dead. Turning to someone for emotional support, maybe forgivable. It's entirely not forgivable to start banging a married guy while your husband is just missing. She obviously has no respect for anyone's marriage vows.

As anon said, their are too many holes. Why did she not rush to Ethiopia? why never contact him? why did she not even bother to come to the airport when he came home? It shows she did NOT care, so I have to think the drinking, tears around her daughter, and the suicide attempt are manipulative.

But why try to get back together? it does not make sense either.

This character of the wife is murky, confusing.

It is like the author was uncertain where he was going.

Always a Marine...I'd have to say you served as one or are closely related to one. At any rate, a story well told. While I wasn't a Marine I knew several while on active duty and several more in my life post-Army. It's a common fear amongst those who serve that their families will find their replacement while they are deployed. In my case, she did and graced me with a child as a result of her affair and kept it hidden from me for 25 years. I've seen these situations go both ways, reconciliation and burn the bitch to the ground. From my observations, reconciliation is bad but burning her is worse. Of course, that depends on the situation, the serviceman and the wife. I enjoy reading your works, please continue to post.

The "Jack Pine Savage"

Not only too simplistic but also unrealistic. The ending sex and pregnancy is just a complete nonsense.

The story and the people changed too many times. Go back and read the daughter's description of the mother's behavior when your Marine first came home, then compare that to the way the daughter and the mother were behaving at the end. Totally different!!

keeps telling everyone it's her boyfriend who's made her say thing or that, do this or that ---- from getting her CEO promotion within her own father's company, to having sex with him, in her own home to a larger house... to about having her husband declared dead.... so she could marry that boyfriend who, in the mean time, was still waiting for her husband's insurance money so he/boyfriend could divorce... so they could then be married...... and one of those things the CEO WIFE did was ORDERING her husband, a Marine who's just returned from 4 plus years of captivity, into the home "so we could talk about it later... but right now you're embarrassing me".... when they met for the first time... in an outing she had organized and went to, with Brad/boyfriend, EVEN AFTER KNOWING HER HUSBAND HAD RETURNED and was likely on his way to that very event.... all that bullshit is just not credible...

in a BTB environment where 2nd chances prevail. TK U MLJ LV NV

Full marks! Did not think it will become an RAAC but it did and it worked out fine! So glad thy did!

It's pretty much middle of the road, not horrible not great either. The writing's good, the story, not so much. Started out with Marine being a battle tested hero, ends as a wussy puddle of spooge. The wife supposedly turns into a complete witch who doesn't bother to contact at all when she knows her husband is still alive. She removed her rings, removed all traces of her husband in her life, puts him into the guest bedroom. I fail to see where she still loved her husband. Suddenly, she pining for him to the point of suicide? Please.

Unfortunately, the husband and wife seemed to have multiple personalities disorder. So she's been screwing a married guy for three years without remorse. Who knows how many Brad women has been doing. At least what Bill should do is have her tested to protected himself from what she may give him besides a well used twat.

If they are going to act like they are getting remarried, how about they divorce first and have a real fresh start where they can go back to dating and seeing where they stand. As it stands now they got back together, but didn't work through the issues created by her actions. They're her actions whether duped or not. It could be argued that that she not unfaithful due to the belief her husband is dead; but not an excuse for being a knowing contributor for someone else being unfaithful. Not a lot good going for her ethics.

And naming the kid after her father? Really? Where was he when his daughter was acting like crap? Where was he when Bill was recouping? He didn't come to visit?

You really have a great concept with international intrigue, corporate malfeasance, missing/returning husband, cheating wife, etc but you failed to write a remotely believable story. But don't worry there's enough readers that apparently don't care about anything other than a Dudley Do-Right fault-free hero, a 100% evil villain, and a stupid woman and they will lap it up.

Unless of course maybe you intended for this to be a comedy? It really does read like a Monty Python skit. It "coulda been a contender" but it isn't. Others have pointed out the most glaring plot chasms so I won't beat that dead horse any more.

I'm guessing the original ending was pure BTB, but you decided to throw a twist at your fans and make it a RAAC for some reason? It sure reads like a slap-dash bad edit.

Enough. It's badly thought out unless you like cartoons. If you do like them it's a fun read, if you don't like cartoons it's a waste of time.

.

Thank you so much I truly enjoyed it.

It would have got 5 stars but for one little detail . Anyone with the name William Masterson in the American military would have the nickname “ Bat” .

Gaffer.

Please note: Even if our hero were dead, his wife still was an adulteress. Her paramour was married. Ugly.

I could understand her finding another good man, but, really, him? He certainly couldn't be the only guy out there.

She knew what he was up to, and still went along.

She treated her returned husband like dirt, no visit even! This was not adequately explained. Public pressure would make her visit.

So, she has an affair with a married man for 3 years or so, has him staying with her, in the same house as her teenager, wonderful example there.

So, for me, reconciliation made about the same amount of sense as holding him a prisoner. How did he get over all these issues? You built up his anger and then, hey, presto! reconciled. It should have taken many months, with small victories along the way. Yes, he might want to reconcile, but how did he handle all the hate?

Question, why didn't the terrorists take his ID?

Africa has roads, lots of them. He must have crossed hundreds of them, yet he keeps going east?

I asked my nephew, (recently discharged Navy Seal) how long he thought that journey would take. "Years, doing it the way he described." You cannot move swiftly while in stealth mode. Yet, he had to be averaging about 10 miles a day to cover 2500 miles in 9 or so months.

Parts of this story were excellent, but it raised too many unanswered problems for me. Thanks anyway, I gave it a 5* as it's still an excellent story; that may be why these issues bug me!

but you are getting better. Take you time. You don't have to produce 3 stories a week. Think them out better. Ask yourself questions. If you can't answer them logically then leave it out of the story.

You need some work on your dialogue. It's stiff. Talk to yourself. Record it then play it back. Good dialogue has a bounce to it.

Like I said though, you are getting much better.