All Comments on 'Gypsy'

Obviously Nick didn't use Love Potion #9 on the cheating bitch and her lovers. That was a fun story and different from anything that I've read in recent memory. I like taking what they valued most. Happy to see Aunt Nina reincarnated as Shadow. A *5 from me.

I stopped reading when we got to the fourth POV character. There were also issues with mixed narratives styles (first person to omniscient and back again). I also skipped over all of the flashbacks.

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I'd recommend a strong beta reader and to keep things as streamlined as possible.

This story reminds me of this movie - Thinner (1996), about an old gypsy putting a curse on a fat lawyer guy by touching his face (probably to smear a special concoction on his skin).

Good story. 5* Thanks.

As a man the main character was a simp who smartened way up. That usually happens about as often as your disposable flip phone morphs into the latest fully loaded 1000 dollar plus Iphone.Story sporadically lapsed into cliches, but took chances and was entertaining if not up to the usual standards set by Gumbo25

All I'm sure of is that this just is only fiction, just a story, but even so Nico better not cheat on Shadia.

I thank Gumbo25 for sharing

"on our way to my families Saturday night dinner." begin in the first paragraph and continue throughout the story. "My fathers family" begins the second paragraph. You get the idea. You use apostrophes to make plurals and do not use them for possessive. In short, you are in desperate need of an editor. For the love of God, find one!

You keep saying that. It’s the catch phrase of the story. But, in the immortal words of Inigo Montoya: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

In fact, I know it doesn’t. Perhaps you should have said: “take what they treasure”. Or cherish. Prize. Hold dear. Because you “covet” something you DO NOT HAVE but want. It’s literally one of the Ten Commandments so...

So what happens with the ring? Does it get ruined, did he take it in the rag, does it appear at his house...

The only thing I don't understand is why he let her keep the grandfathers ring, or for that matter, why she kept it after the "magik" obviously affected all three perps. Good story though.

I liked it, Entertaining and different, not the same old cuck bullshit that this page seems to embrace, Your story brings to this section what it should be, thanks for sharing

The constant switching between POV styles, and between present and past tense detracted from what was a marginal story to begin with. I wasn't impressed with an old, old theme -- a cheating spouse with personal trainer has been done a BUNCH of times... and done much, much better. Very disappointing...

This started off as a 3 car accident and ended up a train wreck. I was literally bored to tears.

It was creative and a fun read. Thanks. 5

Why is it that most of these guys writing this type of stories had to make the main protagonist a stupid moron, a simpleton, a clueless idiot that have to be led by the nose, so that a lightbulb shines inside their brains.

Can you create a story where the main protagonist realizes right away what's going on and takes immediate actions?

The ending was too abrupt and not clearly written.

What did he do to the ring?

A fun story, a bit jumbled and certainly overlong.

But the essential plot and subject matter were excellent. Gypsies are an interesting people.

I score this a 4/5

A bit of careful editing coupled with cutting out the superfluous padding would’ve seen this story being a 5/5

Well done Gumbo25.

and you should be ashamed for writing it.

I must say that your tale was a refreshing change in terms of theme and plot than most other submissions. Keep them coming, Gumbo!

Good story, but what did you do with the ring? You made a big deal out of it, so explain what happened. Maybe the solution would have been 5 minutes alone with Beth - a 1 time offer - trade the ring for a cure to her weight issue - and she has 5 minutes to decide.

Not a good ending,so who has the stone?

NO STAR!!!!!!!! can not rate something i can not follow. AS USUAL assnomeous. LOVE slap hapy papy #9

You spent a lot of time on the details in the beginning and middle. But the end just flew by and left out some details that would have been interesting. With the hocus pocus of the Gypsy stuff you may be in the wrong category.

3 stars

if you had the time and patience to follow it. I found it tedious, convoluted, and obnoxious. I think you tried too hard. It simply wasn't worth the effort.

He married a brainless soulless bitch, and he got what he married. Serves him right. Do the Gypsies have a potion that cures Stupid?

Yeah, didn't think so. Too bad.

Thanks for the shriveled effort.

... to read. Complicated story, why he did not take Dina to the doctor? What happened to the two other guys? The ex wife? How did Shadia got in to the story so unexpected? = -5 minus five starts.....

Shades of saddle tramp. Perhaps you were channeling Rhamnousia

Loved the characters and the plot.

The way it was laid out and written ... made for a less than great read. It really needs to be redone so it flows instead of jumping around and the sinkholes filled in.

Still I liked it enough to give it a 4.

This was a very good until the very end, taking a +5* to 3* due to the "rush to end" Epilogue. What did the special polish do to the ring or Beth? I thought maybe Niko slipped it off her fat finger since the special polish made it burn on unpure slut skin....

/

3*, Hooyah....

with an original story line. Yes, an editor would have improved it but i enjoyed it to the end.

The comments are classic. Just about every named commenter was positive. Almost every anon comment was negative. Why don't we all neuter these cowards by turning off anonymous comments?

You keep writing, I'll keep enjoying.

I thought this to be a good story. I didn't find it hard to follow as some of you commenters suggested. I guess I'm not as smart as some of you, that I would be able to follow a story. I suppose that I need to brush up on my story reading skills.

Any way I gave it 5*****. Thank you Gumbo 25

Don't think I have seen a Romany featured in a story here 5*.

The epilogue could be longer or could warrent another non-erotic story? I'd love that.

Not sure exactly what happened with the ring at the end? Did he snatch it back or did he curse it somehow using the oil?

The usual waste of what I thought could be a btb, as rare as those have become.

Then got bored with so much history I gave up. Some grass growing in the yard was faster.

Now that's getting even.

With at least one more run through the editors, this could have been a delightful story. I'll mark it as interesting and reasonably enjoyable in its present condition. Thanks Gumbo for both the story and your originality.

However, what DID happen to the ring? After ballooning up due to Gypsy magik, why would Beth allow herself in the same room with MC, much less be touched? How does the birth date of Shadia compare to our MC? Are they close in age? Was she Dina's "stillborn" baby or a reincarnation? I guess we must assume the divorce was completed... I don't have any further interest in the gym rats' future - they got theirs. Cheating bitch obviously "coveted" the large stone that went into her engagement ring - did she lose it? He boosted Shadia's tits - REALLY?

Keep 'em comin'.

Great BTB revenge!!!

The mention of a baby quickly dead seems pointless.

Would make a lot more sense if it was a story about Shadia being Dina's grand daughter.

And just destroying his grandfather's stone is no victory, it's just lost to both of them, Beth seems the greedy sort, he could always have paid her off, dangling a cure of her uggliness in sight.

Good story!!! Points for originality!

All the way this was funny little story but in the end you probably lost most of the readers with Dina's dead child and with obtuse ring nonsense.

Page 2

Dini didn’t need to be psychic to know his girlfriend was a cunt

The side story of the ring was the biggest weakness in my point of view. First if Beth had gone from a slim sexy body to a 200 pound walking fatty the ring would probably be cutting off the circulation in her finger but if I allowed her to keep wearing the ring then I would have the polishing cause Beth to begin having nightmares centering on the ring on her finger until she is begging Nico to get it off and take it back. Maybe a later summation of Nicolas' new life.

Well written, but the decision to tell the story from perspectives other than the cuckold's was a mistake. The story lost tension and a lot of the interest. Still a 4, because the descriptions were good and the writing was well done.

Lol loved the story loved the comments.

Would have been funny to have the herbs melt her finger so the ring falls off

Why in the unholy fuck did he marry Fat Beth in the first place? Just because she's fat now and has lost status makes him feel more equal? He meant NOTHING to Thin Hot Beth in HS, except a sucker to tutor/do her homework. Having taken an advanced course in female pleasure from the older women; he re-encounters Beth and embarks on 6+ months of 2nd base blue balls instead of plowing his way through the female student body. He only gets a tit fuck AFTER he shows her the BIG DIAMOND. When he takes over the family biusiness it will go bankrupt because he is a total fucking idiot.

Thanks for the wold ride! Your stories are very entertaining and very detailed.

NOOOOOOO!!!! ...sigh. ANOTHER Premature ejaculation. It was another very interesting story then... POP! no climax and way too soon.

What happened to the super cherished and loved family Heirloom? The beautiful 2 carat Diamond in the ring?

Good story, but you didn't explain what happened to the ring. You could have also made a trade with Beth - a potion to counter the first potion for the ring.

Far too much crap about how they met and married and I also get the impression from these stories that all men in America are simple as it was obvious from about the third paragraph what the outcome would be. Basically just a load of crap

You had me enthralled up until the very end, then you ruined it with "But with bigger boobs"

I was back and forth on this. I really enjoyed the beginning, then came the magic potion stuff. I don't like fantasy like that, I'm a realist and almost stopped reading at that point but I didn't find it that bad. I think the old aunt cushioned the blow. Then came the epilogue and I really like it again with the mention of the aunt's eyes. Then came the very end which stunk. I still gave it a conditional 5. I felt the good parts were worthy.

Not a fan of brown thieves or ROMNI LIARS ,CON ARTIST, TRASH.

Strange. 4 stars

4 pages too long and just a load of fucking rubbish

Meh.

FUN!! 5 STARS!!

This was an interesting diversion from the normal over used yarn on LIT. for those of you who were a bit overly

critical, I challenge you to try to write a story as uniquely different. I thought it was fun and entertaining..

lot's of people in the world believe in various types of hocus pocus like this...so be careful what you think

is real or not real..

Oh - and if this bores you that much, there are at least 70 or 80 different versions of 'February

Sucks' out there for you to lap up and several thousand miserable cuck tales...

thak you! you're a very talented and highly creative author. PLEASE WRITE MORE!

Really like this one!

To the critics below, stop reading his work. There are other writers.

Like this read! Thank-you

A unique and interesting tale but kinda left the reader hanging there at the end. 4 stars DMW aka

WTF happened with the ring at the end???

Other wise, a great story. A lot new to LW stories, which is getting harder to do.

Inquiring minds want to know... what the hell happened to the ring? Did he get it back or not? Other than that, I enjoyed the story and the revenge taken on the guilty parties. Seems that the MC is kind of shallow, making Shadia have bigger tits. Maybe she didn't want to be changed.

Great revenge fantasy. Wish it could be true...

Incomplete ending.

The ring.... what happened to the ring?

Pretty sure the ring is destroyed or something similar. Since she wouldn’t give it back he decided to napalm it. But I could be wrong