by cupde1
Just the first paragraph...
"Every year, dad invites [PRESENT TENSE] us to his school's annual Halloween Masquerade party. The college threw [PAST TENSE] it as a way for faculty and students to unwind after mid-terms. A lot of the faculty brings [PRESENT TENSE] their families [MISSING COMMA] because the party is festive, food is plentiful, and for faculty only[*], a separate area was always set aside for just the faculty [TAUTOLOGICAL REITERATION OF *] to kick back."
Sorry, wasn't prepared to read beyond that abortion of an opener!
Stories written in second person perspective are rare. There is a reason for this...it is hard to pull it off properly, and it often makes the story awkward or disjointed.
It is awkward, and really wasn't successful.