All Comments on 'Halloween Birthday'

Welcome Back. Great read, Liked the story. Truly takes a team effort to do. Looking forward to your next story

To see you writing again. Welcome back

This was a fun romp. Well done. You even got most of the car stuff right.

Pretty fun read, BUT on her 18th birthday, you have her thinking about all the cum she has tasted previously.

Isn't that going to get you in trubble with the cum cops?

I have missed your wonderful,crazy mind. I was so excited when I saw you posted a new story and as usual it did not disappoint. I look forward to many more from you.

I got dizzy a couple times with 1st/2nd person narrative, unusual for you, but what the hell - 5*

I do enjoy your stories. Thanks.

Missed your writing. Hope we don’t have to wait so long for your next story.

I have to echo a previous statement about missing your wonderful crazy mind. In some ways it wasn't as good as previous stories but in the majority it was still a amazing read. Glad to see your back safe and look forward to reading more from you.

Sex AND cars! What's not to like? What's next? Sex and airplanes? Sex and boats?

As usual, you never disappoint.

I need that car!!!

The characters are far too strong for the story to end here!!

Encore!

you did a great job on the sotry was sexy and funny some times at the same time and the best part is how much she loved him even though he didnt have a big dick just average and yet 2 women thought it was good and that he was the one for them. loved the story

Great story.

Probably the first story by this author that I have no complaints about.

Wonderful work.

Very hot.

Very sexy.

Very romantic.

Wow — that was so great a plot line and unique a story without the erotic literature part — yet so well done mixing the two elements : bravo!

10/10!!!!!

Damn I loved the humor in this story. Not dry but just right for every situation. 5 BIG FAT SPARKLING STARS!

God I just loved this one 5 stars

BigMadStork - This is some of your finest work! Nuff Said! ;-p

This would have been a lot better if you had just ended it after the parking lot car show at the very beginning. A short epilogue after they make love for the first time about how Gary comes along and hires Jim, Hanna, and Mom all three. Then a note at the end that the characters would be featured in a new story later. Then you could have done the whole Jay Leno/SEMA thing as a separate story without breaking any of the Halloween Contest rules.

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I didn't like the violent sex scene near the end when Jim slaps Hanna around. That was abuse, not love and it turned me off entirely.

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I also don't get the disconnect with Hannah's birth control. How is she still on birth control and gets knocked up during the trade show? It was like the pregnancy was just randomly thrown in as a gratuitous thing at the very end without thinking it through. That is what is known as a "continuity error" for those at home keeping score.

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It would have been nice to have had Richard Rawlins, Aaron Kaufman, and Dennis Collins make an appearance during the SEMA show too. But maybe you were already pushing your luck far enough by mentioning Jay Leno by name.

I gave you a one out of five...clean it up next time.

(10/18/2022) Very technical and very believable. I had to reread in a few spots because I couldn’t tell who was speaking or thinking in the dialogue. But that didn’t take anything away from the story and yup.., it was a bit violent for me in the end. But hey, it's a fantasy. Five stars anyway.

Getting passed the present tense (not a fan but I know some are), everything else was just...off. The dialogue didn't seem natural most of the time. Progression was wacky. Worst example of this is when they show up to the shop to talk about the job. They demand to audit their books lol. Then in no time it goes from talking about a job to Gary offering to find someone to claim to be the father of their incest baby if need be? There were several instances where it progressed like that. Characters had some strange personality shifts out of nowhere as well. I don't know...it just didn't read like a good story at all to me. 1/5.