All Comments on 'Halloween Girl'

Nice start, hope to see Josh dolled up again soon and going further.

I expected something more hot, to be honest, but it's not a very engaging story, it lacks intensity. Try to start your paragraphs with something else than "I":

"I kiss the boy. His mouth tastes fresh. He had brushed after the meal. So did I.

I eat his full lips and suck his tongue. Damn it. It's been such a long time!

I stand in front of him, caressing his facial features. So smooth, so soft.

I lean forward to kiss him.

I kneel to look at him from the same height."

Love it. I felt it.

Many guys have dressed up for Halloween and enjoyed it so much they continue

Looking forward to another part.

Pretty good start.

Nice one! Looking forward to reading your other stories.

You might want to try a different editor. Her/him, Josh/John, "Happy the shove the snow for you." "The living (room)receives plenty of light through several window panels." "He obeys without further protestations and fold(s) his clothes..." "when he's back I let(?) him in the middle of the living (room)." "It's the same living (room) with large windows."

Those are a lot of mistakes to miss on one short page. Aside from that, this story has no emotions and no heat. Josh/John is like a robot.

You might not be the best person to give writing advice.