All Comments on 'Hands on the Wheel Ch. 04'

"Looping her purse around her head and right shoulder and slinging the laptop case on her left, she left at a brisk walk without saying goodbye."

You're autistic, with a sprinkling of OCD, right? I'm so sorry if I said anything that disturbed or unsettled you in previous comments. You should keep writing and pursuing whatever other therapy helps you deal.

Really very generous of you to share your well thought out detailed stories, that are so compelling and riveting. I feel like I know all your characters personally and might meet anyone of them in a cafe' or a party, they all are just so conventional and warm. Really liked the badinage about Dr. Pepper versus Coke Zero, that was SO classic and had me ROFLMAO!!

I haven't really had a chance to read very far into this chapter yet, but I know its going to be just as good as your previous chapters. Just as good.

Later.

Your natural instincts probably prompted you to stop right before the Woodley confession. I probably would have cut it there. So I was wrong.

Having destroyed my credibility,

1). Be more mindful of the details. He was staying at the Oceanside Hilton then was at the Embassy suites or some such. You got the names twitched once between Em and Sarah. No big deal

2). You are a computer guy. You tend to focus on processes: servers, making bread, etc. That is okay since you also fill in so much OTHER stuff. I recall one story where we spent an entire Lit page learning about concrete pouring and 6 paragraphs learning about the cheating. Just something to keep an eye on.

3). Speaking only for myself, this Fumiko reticence is getting old. How hard is it to say 'I have a kid' or 'I am married'. We got to keep some sense of mystery, but this is getting drawn out.

All that being said: you are steadily improving as a writer and I am happy to see it. Too many think they can just splash words on the page like Pollack and that makes it writing.

Thank you for the story.

pls get to it. Well, its your story and obvi you can do what you want, but the whole Woodley had a "bad college party experience"-why do we need to know that? This is Ivan's story, or so it seemed. I dont need two pages on Woodley.

Woodley's story is sad. Will be interesting to find out the Japanese girl's story. Great series.

Kinda over the top, don't you think? I'm a big fan of yours, but the debauchery scene was just TOO MUCH!

It's more complex than the average story here. Some of the comments that will come up will be rooted in reader frustration because they have to wait for the next installment (nothing wrong with that, just sort out what's constructive and what isn't.)

A bit unusual stopping place with Sarah's being the last story told (usually the protagonist gets back in the tale somehow before the splice) but it's not bad. Fumiko has been more background than primary character so your continued reintroduction--and spending significant time on her--seems vital to the strength of this tale. Thank you--I've enjoyed this.

This whole story is GREAT! Don't mean to push, but please hurry with the next chapter.

Although, good for character backstory / development; this chapter seems to abruptly end and could use more to further the actual storyline.

I must say I dislike the use of promiscuity/potentially rape as a storyline/plot device.

Sort of wondering/thinking/hoping I know where this is leading (as drawn out as it may seem right now) but, I'm a hopeless romantic and will wait in anticipation for the continuation. And, if it doesn't progress as one may foresee; maybe post an alternate ending...

I have read all four chapters so far but I guess I need a little more guidance than most. I have four statements that time wise needs clearing up. It has been eight years since Ivan has seen Fumiko and then you write this.

"I'm sorry, Ivan, but that was unavoidable. I'm sure you want to talk; so do I, but I don't have much time. I have an important job interview at 7:00 and my plane to Tokyo leaves San Francisco at midnight. I must go to my room in the Hilton for a moment. Would you meet me in half an hour in the restaurant there? I'll make a reservation in your name."

"This is awful. I have to go right now. The vice president who is going to interview me has been called back to Vancouver for a family emergency and is leaving on a flight from San Jose in less than two hours. They have to interview me right now. I've got to go up to their suite." She picked up her phone and purse. "I'm so sorry, Ivan. I wish—" Her voice broke, she teared up, then turned and almost dashed from the restaurant.

For the second time in less than a week, Ivan found himself at a table in a hotel restaurant waiting for a woman to show up at 7:00. Last time Fumiko was 20 minutes late; it was already 7:02, and he was starting to think he had made yet another mistake. But before he could even think about leaving, Woodley walked in; she was wearing the same clothes, but she had put on a little more makeup and brushed her hair out. He stood up, but she didn't make a move to sit down.

One week later

Sarah was tired from the flight, the hassle of getting from the airport to her hotel in downtown Vancouver, then the Uber ride out to this suburb. She stopped at the door, took a deep breath, and pushed the doorbell button. She heard footsteps, then the door opened part way. She had seen the picture of Fumiko that Ivan found online, but it hadn't done her justice.

If Fumiko still lived in Japan how did she end up in Vancouver two weeks later? The person giving her an interview was from Vancouver and I assume (bad word) that is where the job would be, but to get the job and move in just two weeks seems a bit much.

I like this story a lot and I know what a great writer you are but if a lame ass like me can find a flaw like this then the wolves on this site are going to have a field day. The chapters have been coming about three days apart so it would be my guess that number five is all ready in. I look forward to reading it soon. A loyal follower.

Charlie

This is a long dragged out story. Fumiko ,Ivan could have looked her up back checking . Letting go he marries a whore, gets burnt, becomes a alcoholic is saved by Woodley or Sarah, who fucks him and skips town the minute he returns to the living. He comes across Fumiko who doesn't give him the time of day and in two weeks takes a job in America from Japan. So finding Sarah working in another company she says she meet this great guy. Makes no sense! But after hearing Ivan's story she finds Fumiko to try and see if she can get them together again. Says she is unworthy and goes into this long story about her early years and taking some drugs and getting gang raped. So what makes her unworthy. This is so rediculious that that one time mistake destroyed her so she became a recluse in herself. Bulshit

I've been following this one. I usually don't read them until they're finshed, but I've kept after this one.

I wonder what a chapter story would look like written by a progression of authors. People such as, say, Oshaw, Jezzaz, Girlinthemoon,Todd172, HDK, Stev2244 and Qhml1? I think I might read that one, too.

What you will have to explain is why Tim is worthy of Sarah/Woodley’s affection but Ivan is not. Perhaps her slut night made her barren but that is simply rude to put that off to the reader to find out later. You may think youself clever for creating cliffhangers but you are doing more damage than good. Many readers look forward to the next installment based on the quality of the writing rather than waiting for a resolution to an sudden and imposed break in the story. I am far more frustrated than anticipating the next chapter; which, by the way, will feature Ivan’s child by Fumiko who has been hidden by her disappointment in his profound lack of trying to return to her. I cannot blame her, he was more than lazy in working to connect with her. To be honest, he hasn’t shown anywhere in the story that he has ever truly been someone who makes good decisions or worth having a relationship with.

There’s so much effort put into technical details like the computer programming and the medical details, but characters fall in and out of relationships in the blink of an eye, That I have found myself wondering if the story is about the people or the technology surrounding them. I do like the story line though.

because Sarah/Woodley is basing her denial of her feelings for Ivan and her desire for Tim on a warped Stockholm syndrome foundation. Neither Fumiko nor Tim will get what they need if you keep swimming upstream with this.

Not sure that hijacking the thread is okay.

A tag team story? Never particularly liked them - masks the flavor of each author, the transitions tend to truly suck, and the resolution falls to a single author, which vitiates the who tag team ethos - all for one and one for all.

Can I appreciate getting those authors to write more? Sure, but...

Green-something

I love Q's work. Todd is a genius. Oshaw is simply the best! You could easily add two morons and a bimbo and still get a good story, but you already know that, obviously! The Green meanie thinks chain stories seldom work, but the thought of something from Q, Todd and Oshaw gives him an erection! If I were a man, I would have one, too! Luckily, chain stories are in a separate category thus allowing readers that do not care for collaborative efforts to skip the whole dismal affair. This will be in the chain story category, correct? That would seem obvious, but Literotica works in mysterious ways. I thank this writer for allowing the hijacking-off perpetrated on his story, "Asleep at the Wheel"! (WTF does " vitiates the who tag team ethos " mean, anyway, Mr. Green?)

Nonetheless, bravo.

And it’s covering my home territories of Northern and Southern California, so it feels familiar. I know the landmarks, and how far away each location is to the next. I know the exact traffic problems being mentioned. Yup, feels like home. All yous other out there feel the same when the stories are based in Illinois, Ohio, New York, or North & South Carolinas I suppose.

I could not agree more !

Author , I like many here have been bitten before by the dreaded unfinished series , so i will definitely read this when completed , scores and comments seem to show some good work .

P.S. Does your username derived from the author Ambrose Bierce , who wrote one of my favorite short stories ever , ' An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge ' ? Major kudos if it is .

It means autocorrect sucks (should be " vitiates the whole tag team ethos")

It also means that google is your friend - type vitiates (or something close - I misspelled it the first time) and see what it says... and if you are on something with google as the default browser, you can do it by opening a new tab and pasting in the word.... cheap erudition! Such a deal!!

Green-something

(I got erudition right the first time - also such a deal! Words are fun! You can play too!)

Turning into a very entertaining, emotional, rollercoaster story!

Now if you can keep it going for another 20 chapters or so, you will have a huge hit 🤩🥉. Just like that other guy,lol.

Gave you 4*s. Keep them coming baby😁.

AMerryman

So, him blowing Fumiko off for *years* because of his focus on being a good company man is okay, but her having one busy evening (when he pretty much just dropped into her life again without any warning) is grounds for him to throw a temper tantrum?

He's still a spoiled petulant child. The story has failed in making me believe that Fumiko (and her kid) are better off with Ivan in their lives than without.

This makes for a good story as long as you do not get tangled up in moral jungles.

Crazy convoluted haracters, but I think and hope you are heading to a good ending