All Comments on 'Happy Birthday Ch. 01'

So far so good...can't wait to read more

Damn don't authors now ever proof read their material before submitting it?? This story proves it as numerous mistakes a decent proof reading would have been found and fixed.

I'm glad you guys have liked the hell out of this story! Just remember, if you want to support my writing, and get some extra goodies like early access, check out my patreon page!

https://www.patreon.com/AdmiralSquish

There'll definitely be more of this rather soon, don't worry! As long as the commissioner keeps paying, I'll keep delivering.

As to the proof-reading, I do my best, but I am, unfortunately, only human. And since I wrote it, I tend to skip over words since I already know the meaning of the sentence. If you see an error, let me know, I'll make sure to fix it on the sites that let me edit after submitting.

Read this years ago on another site under another author name. FS

I find it very, very difficult to believe this was posted somewhere else years ago, considering I just finished writing it last week. I mean, it's entirely possible there's a similar work out there, but I have the chat logs where I worked with the commissioner to come up with this one. If I'd stolen it, I would have gotten paid a lot earlier in the month.

by a gifted writer in his early 20s. I trust that the Admiral understands the facts of life. The Guest of Honor is himself a young male. So naturally he will indulge his urges with any and every suitable cunt on offer. But down deep, as an experienced cocksman, he must know that the best cunt of all is the one he came out of. Nothing can ever feel as comfy and cosy, as warm and loving, just so damn right to a boy's cock as his own mother's cunt. Ask any groups of young males lucky enough to be real-life motherfuckers and everyone of them'll tell you the same thing. Like "Sure, fucking some random young slit is fine. But, man, nothing in life can compare with blowing your balls up your own damn birth canal. Oh, fuck!" Maybe AS's young hero will discover the same fact of life in a sequel to this excellent story.

While the proportions on each of the women is just ludicrous, the story is a good bit of fun to read. Keep it up.

1) mother, Ava

"One could hardly imagine a body like hers could have even had one child, let alone three"

2) Sister, Eve

3) Sister, Vickie

and John, the son and brother

"the foursome guided him through the double doors and into the ballroom"

Either

the threesome guided him guided him through . . .

or

the foursome entered through the double doors . . .

And yes, I am still laughing at the image of a petite young lady, 5' tall, slender waist, with two breasts the size of volleyballs as she "bounced" with glee. When you introduced watermelons and Basketballs, it became too absurd to even picture. So it came as no surprise that John had a 12" bulge in his trousers.

Why don't you get lost, man. Seriously. It's people like you that make the lit community so toxic. No one cares or asked for your opinions.

The first bit is a legitimate typo. Unfortunately, I can't fix it on this site, though I might go do so elsewhere.

The last bit sounds rather impolite, but that could just be text taking away tone. I appreciate the defense, anon, but I can take it.

As to rightbank, the characters are rather absurd in terms of anatomy, that much is true. But that's what I like, that's what the commissioner wants, and that's why I put those content warnings at the top. If you don't like unrealistically endowed characters, well, this story's not for you. Hence the warning.

The dress drew in at the waist, squeezing around her slender waist and tight stomach, before it struggled to cover her mountainous breasts, each massive wobbling orb the size of a beach ball, and unmistakably all-natural. Her strapless gown's tightness pushed her mounds up and together, mashing the massive milk-tanks into a bottomless valley of tan line free bronze cleavage. She stepped forward, pressing those mouth-watering melons against her son's strong body as she reached for him.

@@@ Ugh, I'm sorry, there is nothing mouth watering about tits the size of beach balls!, hell, that's not even fucking realistic!! They would have to be mounted on Andre the Giant to even have a back capable of holding them up, much less a back wide enough of fitting them on side to side!

Hell, even tits the size of basketballs are unappealing!! :(

....I just skimmed, hell even the asian chick had volleyball sized tits. (Rolling eyes) not my cup of tea, i'm off to read something else. @@@

Yes, the proportions of the characters are a bit ludicrous, but you did post the warning up front, so if I'm upset it's my own damn fault. My literary criticism regards your looong description of the attributes of sooo many women. It got old quick. Please limit both. Keep writing (and warning).

All I can say is, a fool and his money are soon parted. You have seriously no talent as a writer, and even less imagination, all the raspberries you're getting are well deserved, listen to them, they're telling you the truth; you suck as a writer.

"...There were no bras to be found among the gathered crowd, even the smallest among them requiring an impossible to find 30F, and no implants, either, every melon in the bunch all natural. It wasn't like they needed them, though, every heaving, jiggling breast sat high and proud, even without support, with barely a hint of sag, even on the biggest bra-busters among them..."

No sag? No sag on natural tits? Natural tits that were at least 30F even on petite girls with skinny thighs but no sag? Soft and wobbly natural tits that stay up high? You depict women moving around and their boobs jiggling in their dresses but none of them with any sag? It sounds like someone not knowing the difference between fake tits and natural tits. Sure you can have a large set of tits that are perky and pert but eventually they will drop with age, it's only 'natural'. Even fake tits will sag after a while, usually sooner rather than later due to the weight. You're describing a gathering of women that just don't exist, I know this is fantasy but seriously, I just can't imagine them. They'd either be natural big tits, which I could conjure up in my mind but outside of your stipulations, or they'd be big fake titted Barbie bimbo's that just don't do it for me.

Then there was the footlong that the MC was hiding in his pants and the reveal that he's going to be boning all of his relatives at the party and we already know how the subsequent chapters are going to proceed. I see you talked about a 'commissioner' in the comments and I'm assuming that this refers to someone who commissioned the story because it seems you tailored the story to some very exact specifications. Well I hope he was pleased with his fantasy.

What ever happened to Charlotte?

Descriptions of big tits got old really quick. I hated it.

As you told one negative comment: “ As to rightbank, the characters are rather absurd in terms of anatomy, that much is true. But that's what I like, that's what the commissioner wants, and that's why I put those content warnings at the top. If you don't like unrealistically endowed characters, well, this story's not for you.” AMEN FROM ME. THAT’S WHAT I LIKE TOO. I DID NOT GET TIRED OF READING THE DESCRIPTIONS OF ALL 15 AMAZING WOMEN. I WILL HURRY ON TO CHAPTER 2 HOPEFULLY FOR MORE AND SOME GREAT “UNWRAPPING” OF JOHN’S LUSCIOUS, DELICIOUS PRESENTS!

Good story.